Hello everyone. I have finally been able to finish chapter fifteen and post it. I apologize profusely for the delay in my posting. I will try to post the next chapter soon; I have already begun to write it. I must thank all of you who are continuing to read and review my story; it's very encouraging to see. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Please continue to read and review this story, and let me know if there is anything that you would like to see happen. I'm always open for suggestions, so please don't be afraid to talk to me. Thanks.
"And then he brought her back here to County and paraded her around like she was the best thing that had ever happened to him. She was pregnant and they were happy." I stop talking and look over at Ray. He rubs my arm and smiles weakly.
"I had to work so hard to act as if everything was okay. Inside, I was screaming. I mean, how could he just show up with that, that woman and act like nothing happened between us? He dumped me through a letter and expected me to be overjoyed that he got her knocked up… Am I the only one who sees a problem with that?" I pause for a moment. I feel so guilty right now; I'm saying such mean, hurtful things about Carter and I shouldn't be. He's been hurt so many times in his life; he doesn't need me to do it behind his back.
"Their son was stillborn, Carter never got the chance to be a father." Ray doesn't say anything; he just stares at me with big puppy dog eyes. I snuggle into his arms and sigh. "And that's the end of my story," I whisper, "Well almost… a new chapter began when you came into my life."
It's funny how lying in Ray's arms feels so natural, so right. When I told him about Maggie and Richard and Carter, it felt right. I just poured myself out right in front of him; I'm not a closed book anymore. What's even better is that he still likes who I am. Me… he likes me, not the mask that I had put on to keep him from knowing who I really am, to keep him from getting too close to me. I think things are looking up for me.
I roll over in Ray's arms and he nuzzles his nose into the back of my neck. His warm breath brushes against my neck and through my hair. I can't help but smile; this is what I have wanted all along. Why has finding this sense of happiness been so hard to find? I feel Ray wrap his arms around me tighter.
"Ray?" I whisper. I get some sort of mumbled reply along with a few clumsy kisses on my neck. I run my finger along his arm. "Do you know how much I've missed you? This bed is so empty when you're not here." I can feel him smile against my neck. He slowly rolls me over and catches my lips in his. He pulls away and I slowly open my eyes to look at him; he's smiling at me.
"I missed you too," he says, "More than anything. Well… missing the sex was right up there with missing you, but you had a bit of an edge on it." A smile dances across his eyes and he ruffles my hair. Ah yes, I almost forgot about his cockiness.
Ray and I tiptoe past a sleeping Neela on our way to the bathroom.
"So," Ray says, pulling his shirt over his head in his sexy way, "I don't smell like puke and the shirt I was wearing yesterdayhas mysteriously disappeared, did you give me a bath last night?"
"Well if you consider a bath to be throwing your fully clothed body into a running shower, then yes," I answer. I turn to him, and he's completely naked. Why is it that seeing his naked body renders me speechless every time? One would think that I'd have gotten over that by now. He takes my hands into his and steps into the shower, carefully guiding me to the edge. I am apparently at a loss for any motor skills at this present time.
"Ray," I murmur, "I'm not getting in there with you." He gives me a bewildered look and then grins.
"Well, you obviously have to get naked first," he laughs while reaching for my shirt. I stop his hands. Once again, the bewildered look from Ray. He steps out of the shower and looks at me, expecting an explanation.
"It's one of those rules, you know? We just made up; we don't just jump in and start having sex right away. We have to ease into it." Apparently Ray likes my little theory. He grins and me, preparing me for a cocky rebuttal.
"Abby, why do they call it make up sex?" he asks leaning in to kiss me. He moves down to my neck. The man has a point. "This would be a good time for that," he murmurs against my neck, "Let me show you how sorry I am and how much I've missed you." He gently brushes his fingers on the bottom of my tank top, pulling it up slightly to reveal my naked flesh.
"You're very persuasive," I say smiling, "Very charismatic." He chuckles.
"Yeah, I'm the Hitler of getting you to have sex with me," he answers, catching my lips in his. For some reason, I think Ray comparing himself to Hitler is a bad thing; it doesn't give him a real good image.
"So, you have an evil plan behind this?" I ask kissing him along his collarbone, "You're not going to kill Neela are you? You can't, I won't let you do it!"
"Well with Neela out of the way, we could have sex on the kitchen table and not have to worry about her walking in on us," Ray says with a huge grin. I roll my eyes at him. Since when has he cared about being walked in on? I can think of countless times when Neela has caught us in the act and Ray doesn't want to stop.
"Okay, okay," he says, "I know what you're thinking and you're right. I'm just saying that it would be nice to have some privacy once in a while." I smile because I know exactly what he means. I enjoy living with Neela, but I think we both need our space every now and then. She needs her own bedroom; I need my living room back.
Ray brings me back to earth with a soft, passionate kiss. I feel his hands wander down to the bottom of my shirt again. He slowly pulls my tank top up over my head. I don't think this can get any better. The bathroom door swings open. Well, I was right, it can't get better, but it sure as hell can get worse.
"Oh sorry." I turn to see Neela turn three shades of red. "I… um… coffee," she stutters as she turns and walks out of the bathroom. I laugh and look over at Ray who is hiding behind the shower curtain, which makes me laugh even harder. He shoots me a look and I try to stifle my laughter. Ray leans into the shower and turns on the water and glances back at me. I smile and push my pajama bottoms down to the floor and step out of them. Ray walks over to me and brushes his lips against mine. He takes my hands again and this time pulls me into the shower.
Ray has me backed up against the shower wall and I'm loving it. Ray places his lips against my right temple and slowly kisses me down to my jaw line where he places small kisses for a while. Soon he's moving farther down, kissing the spot where my jaw meets my neck. Kisses are planted down my neck and along my collarbone where Ray decides to linger for a little bit longer. He's driving me crazy and he knows it. He's just trying to build me up for a climactic finish I guess. The kisses move farther down between my breasts. Ray hears the moan emerging from deep within my throat and decides to play with my breasts a little more. I plunge into a deeper state of euphoria, forgetting the reason why I wanted to take a shower in the first place… Ray is so good at what he does. I look down at him, his soft lips are gently caressing my skin, and his tongue… oh God does he know how to use it.
"Hey how about we wash up and get out of here," he mumbles into my chest, "We can finish this in bed." I smile, it sounds like a good idea to me.
We're lying in my bed, tangled up in the sheets, and out of breath. My head is resting against Ray's chest, and I rise and fall with each breath he takes. He's running his fingers through my still wet hair and leans down to kiss the top of my head.
"Mmm… you're so warm," I say, nuzzling myself into his chest, "We are never leaving this bed… ever."
"That's going to be hard seeing as you have to be at work in an hour," Ray says, resting his chin on my head.
"You just had to go and ruin it didn't you?" I ask, trying to sound pissed off, "I was happy and you just had to crush me. You're a real nice guy." I say the last sentence with all the sarcasm I can muster.
"You don't mean that," he says, "You really do think that I'm a swell guy."
"Swell?" I ask, sarcasm still playing on my voice.
"Yeah swell," he says, "You know, a cool dude, a real nice fellow." I laugh. How could I ever live without this man? "I know you want to lie in bed for the rest of your life," Ray says, "And believe me, it would be a wonderful thing, but you really have to get ready for work. I'm pretty sure you'd be upset about losing your job."
I sigh and climb out of bed. I wrap my robe around my body, and pull my brush through my damp hair. I go through my daily routine of drawing my hair into a braid and applying my makeup and searching for something decent to wear. Ray watches the entire time and says something about wanting me to wear my lingerie. I just ignore him and slide into a pair of dress pants.
"Just go like that!" Ray exclaims. I first look at the boyish grin stretched across his face and then look down at my outfit: pants and a black bra. For some reason I think the patients would get a real kick out of it.
"I'm serious," Ray says, "Wear the black bra and button one or two of the buttons of your lab coat. That would be sexy. Seriously, I will break my arm or something just to go to the ER to be treated by you." I roll my eyes, but can't help but smile. I lean in and kiss him.
"How about I save that little outfit for when you and are alone?" I offer against his lips. I feel the corners of his lips curl up into a smile.
"Promise?" he mumbles. I nod.
I step out of my bedroom, closing the door behind me. Ray has decided to call in sick and stay in bed for the rest of the day. Lucky. I walk into the kitchen carrying my jacket and bag.
"Morning Neela," I say smiling. She looks up from her coffee and toast and wipes some crumbs from her lips.
"Good morning." She's got a slight smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. "I'm guessing that things will be going back to normal soon?" I nod. "Abby, there's something I need to talk to you about," she says, a look of concern growing on her face. I glance down at my watch.
"Uh… can it wait until tonight?" I ask, throwing my coat on, "I've got to catch the El." Neela nods and mumbles a goodbye.
The El ride to the hospital is surprisingly calm and empty. I think the whole world died and forgot to give me the memo. I walk into the ER and figure out exactly where everyone in the world is today. Triage is overflowing with bloody appendages, vomiting children, and screaming babies.
"Good morning Frank," I say as I walk past admit.
"Hey Abby, I'd hurry up if I were you. Dr. Lewis is hounding the staff about clearing triage," Frank calls behind me.
"Thanks!" I shout, entering the lounge. I open my locker and put my jacket and boots away. I pull my white lab coat out of the locker and gingerly run my fingers over the blue embroidered "A. Lockhart". A slight smile creeps onto my face.
"You obviously got some last night." Even though the voice is more than familiar, I still jump. Susan… Leave it to her to ruin a tender moment. She laughs after seeing my scowl.
"Sorry, I didn't realize that you two were bonding," she says with a grin, "I can leave you guys alone if you need a couple of minutes." I roll my eyes and slide my arms into the sleeves of the lab coat. "Sorry," she says again, "Hey I know it's busy out there, but would like to grab some lunch later?" I smile and nod.
"Yeah, that would be nice."
"How's Cosmo?" I ask, settling into the booth across from Susan.
"Oh, you know," she says, "Happy, energetic… He seems especially energetic when I want to sleep." I smile.
"If you ever need someone to baby sit, I'm always around," I offer. I've never told Susan, but I've always been a little bit jealous of her. She's got such a beautiful little boy and I don't have any kids… well there is Ray, but I don't think he counts. "Ray would have a blast watching him too," I add.
"For some reason I don't exactly trust Ray with my baby," Susan says, "By the way, how are things going between you two?"
"Fine," I answer, "I'm talking to him again." I pause. What else is there to say? Oh yeah, this morning we had really hot, mind blowing make up sex? "He puked on my shoes last night," I say.
"Ah it's beautiful, isn't it?" Susan asks, "Nice, crusty shoes that you will never be able to wear again all thanks to your significant other. It's so romantic. He's a real keeper, Abby." I smile. "So how did the making up go?" she asks.
"I don't know," I say shrugging, "Alright, I guess. After he puked on my shoes, I took him back to my place and threw him in the shower. Once he was capable of walking, which was basically two hours later, I escorted him to my room where I helped him get dressed and we went to sleep."
"You left one thing out," Susan says. When I answer with a confused expression, she laughs and rolls her eyes. "The sex," she says.
"Oh, that was this morning," I say, "And why do you always want to know about that? It's creepy." Susan smirks.
"I was just confirming my suspicions," she answers, "And it's nice to know that at least one of us is getting some." I chuckle. "I knew that you would cave in sooner or later," she continues. I just roll my eyes at her. "Abby, you're crazy about him," she says in a singsong way, "You know that you can't live without him." She may be right, but I'm not going to let her live with the satisfaction of knowing it.
Our waitress comes to our table and Susan and I order.
"I'm thinking about getting a new place," I say when our waitress walks away.
"So your sleepovers with Ray are more private?" Susan offers with a grin. I smile and nod. "That'll be a good thing," she says, "Do you have any idea how many times Neela has come in to work completely exhausted because you and Ray kept her up all night?" I laugh.
"I never realized that we're that loud," I say. I guess I've been really inconsiderate toward Neela; maybe that's what she wanted to talk about this morning. The waitress returns to our table with our coffees. I murmur a thank you and turn back to Susan.
"So, what are you up to tonight?" I ask, stirring a packet of sugar into my coffee.
"Well, it will probably start out with me attempting to take a shower with little success because Cosmo will be screaming outside the tub. Then my night will really start to pick up; Cosmo will want to eat, but there will be more food on him and on the floor than in his stomach. I'll clean up the kitchen, give Cosmo a bath and get soaked in the process, and finally, I'll try to get him to lie down in the crib. He'll refuse to go down in the crib, but will lie in bed with me. Don't let that deceive you though, just because he's lying down does not mean he's going to sleep. Oh no, he likes to poke mommy's face, pull her hair and roll around. Basically, his goal is to drive me nuts as fast as he can." She sighs loudly. "And now I'm going to be alone with him for three days. Chuck's going on a vacation with some friends. If I'm not dead by the end of these three days, I'll be a very lucky woman."
"Let me take him," I say, "I'm off at eight, so I can swing by your place and pick him up. I have tomorrow off, so I can watch him then too." Susan looks skeptical for a moment. "Come on Susan," I say, "You need a break."
"I know," she says, "I just don't think he'll behave for you." She considers my offer again and then nods. "Okay sure," she says, "It would be nice to have some peace and quiet."
I push the door to my apartment open and walk in holding Cosmo.
"Anyone home?" I yell. When I get no answer, I walk to my bedroom to change. I balance Cosmo on my hip and push the door open. A soft glow escapes the room and the sweet smell of flowers surrounds me.
"Ray?" I ask poking my head into the room. A trail of rose petals leads the way to the bed where Ray is lying. I can only smile at him.
"So, how do you feel about a night of unbelievable sex?" he asks. I chuckle and step into the room so he can see Cosmo. "Abby, who is that?" Ray asks.
"This is little Cosmo, Susan's son," I say in my best baby voice as I jiggle Cosmo in my arms, "I told Susan that we would watch him tonight and tomorrow so she could get some sleep."
"Ab-by," Ray whines, "I wanted to spend time alone with you tonight." I smile wistfully and then turn my attention toward Cosmo who is busy chewing on my shoulder.
"Not tonight," I say, almost whispering. Ray nods and pulls a shirt on. I leave the bedroom, sparing Cosmo from seeing Ray's naked body.
Ray comes out of the bedroom minutes later, joining Cosmo and me on the living room floor. It's almost time for Cosmo to go down, so I'm reading him his bedtime story. Ray loves it and ends up taking over. It's kind of strange, I've always viewed him as a child, not as a parental figure. He's using a low, husky voice for the big, bad wolf that is making Cosmo laugh and me smile. I hear the lock of the apartment door turn, and seconds later Neela enters the apartment. We exchange smiles and she sits down and tickles Cosmo.
"So Abby," she says, "Can we talk now?" I nod and pass Cosmo to Ray.
Neela paces back and forth in the kitchen and finally turns to talk to me. The look on her face tells me that she's having a hard time coming up with the right words to say.
"I've put a lot of thought into this," she says, "And I don't want you to feel offended at all. It's really hard to say what's on my mind and-,"
"Neela," I say interrupting her, "Don't worry about it, just get to the point." She smiles and sits down across from me.
"I've been thinking about the apartment a lot… and well, it was cramped with just the two of us and now with Ray… you know. It just feels like I don't have any privacy and I've seen the two of you naked more than I ever should or want to. I don't think Ray appreciates it when I walk in on you guys. What I'm trying to say, Abby, is that I think it's time that I move out."
"Ray and I were just talking about the apartment this morning," I say, "What if you don't move out and we just find a bigger place with two bedrooms?" She smiles weakly.
"No Abby," she says. I'm about to object, but she doesn't let me. "Abby, I've overstayed my welcome. This was only supposed to be a temporary thing. It's really time that I move on. You and Ray are serious and need privacy. Someday you two will be married and will want to start a family of your own. You won't want to have me around; I'll only be in the way." She gives me a warm smile. "Don't worry, I've already got a place to go to." I just sit at the table with my mouth hanging open.
"I've got to get ready," she says, "I start work at twelve." Neela stands up and walks out of the kitchen, leaving me to sit there and think. Am I trading in one of my best friends for my boyfriend? And what did she mean about family?
Cosmo is lying in the middle of my bed, chewing on his fingers. I'm watching him while simultaneously pulling my pajama pants on and sliding into my tank top. Ray was called into work earlier; I guess someone leaked information that he really wasn't sick. Tonight, it's just the baby and me. I climb into bed and Cosmo crawls on top of me. He smells of bubble bath and baby powder; it's intoxicating. I close my eyes, waiting for sleep to find me. As Cosmo's breathing becomes heavy against my chest, I feel myself slip into unconsciousness.