Rodneylocks was a snarky little scientist who lived once upon a time in a far-off galaxy.
One day, Rodneylocks (who much preferred to be called Rodney, by his friends, or Dr. McKay by his subordinates), was sitting in his lab, playing with all sorts of Ancient technology. While most people would have been content to stay in the lab and play with the all of technology there, Rodney wasn't. Rodney was always in search of bigger, more powerful Ancient technology.
Rodney was rather a mischievous little scientist. He could not resist pushing the Ancient technology to the limit, so when a piece of it would break – and eventually most of them did – he would throw it over on Zelenka's desk and move on to the next new thing.
When Rodney got bored he would head out to wander around Atlantis in search of new technology. This day was a particularly warm and sunny day in Atlantis and Rodney wandered on and on until he wandered into a part of Atlantis he had only heard stories about but never been in before: the Marines' sleeping quarters.
Now, in this particular area of Atlantis there lived a group of three Marines. The first was a big powerful Marine, the head of security, a sergeant named Bates. The next, a pilot, and somewhat powerful man, was a sergeant named Stackhouse. And the third, while actually the 2IC of the base, was an affable man and really too cheerful to be powerful, a lieutenant named Ford.
These three Marines lived together in an odd-shaped apartment of rooms and were very happy there.
Rodney, being curious about the Marines and their living quarters, and about any different technology that might be in them, decided to just go in and have a look-see. Rodney went in but there was no one there, as all of the Marines were on duty in the Gate-room.
Rodney was rather hungry after his walk – he's hypoglycemic, you know – and when he walked in he saw three different PowerBars sitting on the table. A Tabasco PowerBar for Bates, an Enchilada PowerBar for Stackhouse, and a Coffee PowerBar for Ford. Rodney, having a deadly allergy to citrus, carefully checked all the bars ingredients before digging in.
Rodney helped himself to a bite of the Tabasco PowerBar. Ugh! It was too hot and gross. Rodney loved PowerBars but this was vile.
He was still hungry and feeling faint, so he tried a bite of the Enchilada PowerBar. Ugh! It was too spicy and tasted like the bad Mexican food he was forced to eat in Siberia, so he set the bar down.
He moved on to the Coffee PowerBar. It was just what Rodney liked, so he ate it all up.
When Rodney had finished the PowerBar he noticed a set of three chairs in the corner of the room. He had never seen chairs like these and he wanted try them out. One was a great big chair; Rodney walked over and sat in it. Ouch! No wonder Bates is such a hard ass if he sits in a chair this hard on his down time Rodney thought as he got up and moved to the next chair, which was a little bit smaller. Rodney sat down and immediately got right back up. That chair was much too soft. Must belong to Stackhouse he thought. Finally Rodney went and sat in the last chair, which was a little smaller still, and that chair suited him perfectly.
It was so comfortable that he fell asleep. While he was asleep he accidentally leaned back so far in the chair, it fell over and broke. The chair breaking startled Rodney into waking up. He was still tired, though, so he headed into the bedroom too see if their beds had any neat technologies that his didn't.
Rodney saw three beds in the bedroom. He laid down on the first bed but it was way too hard, even harder than the chair. No wonder Bates is so cranky all the time – those gross PowerBars, that awful chair, and this bed. That would put anyone in a bad mood. Rodney laid down on the second bed and once again it was too soft, so he got up. The third bed however was just perfect, and just as Rodney fell asleep he thought to himself, I'll have to take this bed back to my room for more research, must have some type of technology making it this comfortable .
While Rodney was sleeping, the three Marines came home from duty, tired, looking to eat their PowerBars and relax in their beds and chairs. Bates walked over to the table and saw that his PowerBar had been opened and a bite taken out.
"HEY! Someone took a bite out of my PowerBar!" he shouted.
Stackhouse and Ford came over to look at the table with him. Stackhouse saw his had also been opened. "Uh, someone tried to eat mine, as well. I wonder who would do that?"
Ford looked at his PowerBar, and saw that it was all gone. "Someone tasted my PowerBar and ate it all up." Ford looked so upset at the thought; he had really been looking forward to his Coffee PowerBar. It was one of the few McKay hadn't hoarded.
Bates, convinced someone had broken into their quarters, went to look at the sensor array he had installed to protect his stuff.
"Hey guys, whoever ate our PowerBars also sat in our chairs Look at these readings." Bates pointed to the sensor display.
Ford looked at his broken chair. "I don't need a sensor to tell me someone sat in my chair, because they broke it. And I had just named it thing-that-is-comfortable-to-sit-on." Once again, Ford appeared really upset over his ruined chair.
Bates pulled out his gun. "Looks like whoever did this is still here." He pointed to the life signs detector showing one sign in the bedroom. Ford and Stackhouse also drew their weapons and they all went stealthily into the bedroom.
Upon seeing Rodney sleeping in his bed, Ford shouted. "What the hell, MCKAY! First, you eat my PowerBar, then you break my chair, and now you're SLEEPING IN MY BED? I don't know what kind of relationship you have with Sheppard but WE do not have that kind of relationship!"
Ford's shouting startled Rodney out of his sleep. Rodney never woke up in a good mood so his first reaction was to be annoyed with whatever disturbed his sleep. "Oh yes, that's really nice, disturb the sleeping scientist. It's not like sleep is something I get a lot of." And then he opened his eyes, remembered where he was, and saw the three armed Marines standing over him.
Rodney hopped out of Ford's bed, ducked between him and Stackhouse, and ran into the hallway, not bothering to check to see if the Marines were following him. Rodney had run about 20 feet when he ran into Major Sheppard.
"Where's the fire, McKay?" John looked around Rodney for signs of danger.
Rodney stopped and looked around and realized that the Marines had not followed him out of their quarters. iHuh, he thought, They must be saving their revenge for later. "Fire? No fire? Just decided to take a quick jog around Atlantis."
John looked at Rodney skeptically.
"I do occasionally exercise you know. What? Don't look at me like that. I do! So, I was thinking about the support staff we should send with Kavanaugh to the mainland for that month-long water irrigation project that we have planned. I think Bates, Stackhouse and Ford would be perfect for the job . . ." And Rodney walked off into Atlantis with Major Sheppard plotting ways to keep the three Marines away from Atlantis for as long as he could.