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Chapter 2: Fangorn Forest

After the glacial meeting with Eomer and his 105-miraculously-multiplied-to-2,000 riders, Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli were left with 2 horses. This situation proved a bit of a dilemma, as Gimli would not accept the fact that he had to ride a horse for the first time in his life. He stood stiff as a letter opener and said,

"I would sooner walk than sit on the back of any beast so great, free or begrudged."

Aragorn however knew that Gimli would have to ride and said so, earning him a kicked shin from one of Gimli's heavy boots.

Legolas finally cleared the whole matter up by saying, "Come, you shall sit behind me, friend Gimli. Then all will be well, and you need neither borrow a horse nor be troubled by one."

In doing this he also broke the ECC, or Elves Code of Cleanliness, by agreeing to be in close proximity to a dwarf for a long period of time.

They galloped to the pile of burning orc bodies, and started sifting through the top layer of ash to see if they could find any familiar token of their friends. All this was done while trying to ignore the grisly orc head stuck on a pole with ketchup squirted all over it to look like blood.

At length, Gimli gasped and said sadly, "It's one of their wee belts."

The Three Hunters looked at the familiar piece of silver-inlaid leather.

Gimli simply stood there.

Legolas said a quiet prayer in Elvish, then pulled out his handkerchief and discreetly plugged his nose. Elven senses are very delicate, and burning orc bodies don't smell all that nice.

Aragorn had the most spectacular reaction of all. He let out a yell that would have scared Sauron from 50 leagues away, kicked an orc helmet down the hill, and fell to his knees. He stared at his hands in his lap, as if they had been responsible for all that had gone amiss. Gimli apparently was thinking the same thing, and looking up, said, "We failed them."

Aragorn recovered and started searching the ground for any sign of the Hobbits' fate. He went into psychopath mode and even identified where Drain-O had dissolved the Hobbits' bonds. Gimli and Legolas looked at each other, but didn't say anything. An annoyed Aragorn could be dangerous. Eventually he brought them to the eaves of Fangorn Forest.

"We are supposed to camp at the edge of the forest tonight, and Saruman comes and scares the horses away, but I'm going to change the story," he said.

"Good beasts," he addressed the horses, "you have served us well, but Fangorn is no place for horses. Go back to your master in Meduseld."

2 HOURS LATER:

"Aragorn!" Legolas hissed. "Something draws near."

"What? What do you see?" Aragorn questioned.

"The White Wizard approaches," came the answer.

The companions readied their weapons

" We must be quick. Do not let him speak, he will put a spell on us." Aragorn really was paranoid.

Suddenly, the cracklingly tense air broke as they burst into action.

They weren't sure exactly where they were aiming, they just knew he was somewhere in the white light.

Legolas shot an arrow, Gimli threw one of his battle axes, and Aragorn threw a stapler. The others looked on bemusedly as he sighted, took aim, and threw. It sailed about three feet, then hit the ground with a thud.

"Oops," said Aragorn, with a very sheepish look on his face.

The White-light-containing-a-wizard spoke.

"You are tracking the footsteps of two young Hobbits. They passed this way, the day before yesterday."

"Who are you? Show yourself!" Aragorn demanded.

The Three gasped as the light dimmed to reveal Gandalf, dressed all in white. There followed a joyful reunion, after which they started walking towards the edge of Fangorn.

During a lull in the conversation, Gandalf commented, "Treebeard seriously needs to get a dust mop. This forest is starting to look a bit scruffy."

No one asked.

Eventually they reached the edge of the forest.

Gandalf pressed a button on an odd-looking piece of some type of rock, and almost instantly a brand spankin' new white Porsche came into view. Gandalf stroked the bumper lovingly.

"This is a Shadowfax, a new model, and lord of all Porsches. I do not have time to walk the distance to Meduseld, and neither do you. Get in."

He flipped the throttle switch, and they zoomed off across the plains of Rohan.

After about 3 hours of being smashed in the back seat next to Gimli, Legolas realized that maybe the ECC (Elves' Code of Cleanliness) had been written for a purpose. Gimli smelled, strangely and very strongly, of garlic. When Legolas risked an inquiry into the matter, he simply chuckled and said, "It keeps away the smell."

Legolas didn't ask what smell. Elves, after all, have very delicate senses.

Author's Note: Mmmm, garlic... Anyway! I don't actually have much to say. The "odd-looking piece of some type of rock" is one of those car remote thingys that unlocks it (I call it a "beeper"). So 'til next week, ArchimedesFactotum