Disclaimer, featuring PG2, the Second Propaganda Guy, generously contributed by Erulasse.
PG2: Hey people, she doesn't own it!
BASH!
PG2: Archie, if you break my bones, and kill my body, you will have my dead body. You STILL won't own it!
Archie: fine. I don't own it. I'll deal with you later. I may transform you into Orlando Bloom. (cue evil laughter) Okay, by the way, this chapter contains material directly transcripted from the movie. I DO NOT OWN the movie script, and these portions of the chapter ARE BORROWED WITHOUT PERMISSION but not for money or anything (well, duh…).
CHAPTER….(cheesy drumroll)…ELEVEN!
The next morning, a sort of spontaneous council was held in the Throne Room of Meduseld.
Gandalf sighed. He seemed to do a lot of that.
"There was no lie in Pippin's eyes. A fool, but an honest fool he remains. He told Sauron nothing of Frodo and the Ring. We've been strangely fortunate."
Here Gandalf was interrupted by Merry's protest of "Nuh-uh! I saved him with my mushroom cure! That wasn't 'fortunate'!"
Gandalf gave him The Look, and continued, "Pippin saw in the Palantir Coughdrop a glimpse of the Enemy's plan. Sauron moves to strike the Super 8 Motel." Here, several "Well, duh's" were heard from the assembled people.
But he continued, undeterred: "His defeat at Helm's Depp showed our enemy one thing. He knows the Heir of Elendil has come forth. Men are not as weak as he supposed. There is courage still…strength perhaps to challenge him. Sauron fears this. He will not risk the peoples of Middle-earth uniting under one banner. He will raze the Super 8 to the ground before he sees a king return to the throne of Men. If the beacons of Gondor are lit, Rohan must be ready for war."
It was then that Theoden had yet another Idiot Attack. "Tell me," he said, in a dangerously calm voice, "Why should we ride to the aid of those who did not come to ours? What do we owe Super 8?"
Aragorn, once again seeing a perfect chance to demonstrate his courage and authority, said stupidly, "I will go."
"No." This new Gandalf was more grumpy than the old one.
"They must be warned," the King-to-be protested.
"They will be," Gandalf shot back, then lowered his voice so Aragorn could barely hear him and everyone else could. "You must come to the Gondor Super 8 by another road. Follow the swimming pool. Look to the black ships." He then resumed talking to everyone else, "Understand this: things are now in motion that cannot be undone. I drive for Super 8. And I won't be going alone," he finished, directing his gaze pointedly at Pippin.
Pippin, it turned out, had to be attached to a bungee cord and dragged towards the parking lot.
"Where are we going?" asked the poor Took confuzzledly.
Merry just answered him annoyingly with another question: "Why did you look? Why do you always have to look?"
"I don't know; I can't help it!" Pippin was looking kind of hysterical.
"You never can," said Merry coldly.
Pippin brightened slightly at this. "Well now, that's not always been such a bad thing, has it? I mean, after all, you can't have the privelege of seeing if you don't look! Take the time when-" he was abruptly cut off by Merry's hand over his mouth, closely followed by a loud "PEREGRIN!" coming from the parking lot.
"Come on!" Merry dragged him forward.
When they finally got over to the myriad of cars parked on the asphalt, they found that yet another wait awaited them: Shadowfax and the resident parking meter had struck up a conversation, but had apparently had a misunderstanding and now were refusing to communicate, so the parking meter insisted on charging Gandalf twice the regular fee for parking Shadowfax for 24 hours, and if he refused to pay, the parking meter would call PG2 the Second Propaganda Guy on him, and Pippin and Gandalf would have to listen to his cheesy sales pitches all the way to Super 8.
Gandalf didn't have any money though, and he REALLY didn't want to be stuck with PG2, so he went the easy road and took neither, and rather spitefully covered the parking meter with an empty feed sack to shut him up.
As Gandalf threw Pippin into Shadowfax and got in to start the Porsche, Merry came to Pippin's window.
"Here," he said quietly, "something for the road."
Pippin took it, then said confusedly, "A frying pan! But," he paused, "we'll see each other soon, won't we? Won't we?" Gandalf looked across the top of the car at Merry.
"I don't know, Pip, I don't know what's going to happen. There could be a shortage in frying pans before we see each other again. I don't know, Pip," the Brandybuck said, seemingly on the verge of tears.
As Gandalf revved up the engine and drove out of the parking lot at about 60 mph, Pippin stuck his head out the window and called desperately, "MERRY!" before abruptly sticking his head back inside for fear of getting it caught on a stop sign.
Because of the rough terrain, Gandalf had to ease Shadowfax along very slowly and carefully, so Pippin slept most of the way out of boredom, and because of his loss of sleep from the night before. They had just crossed into Gondor before he woke up again.
"We have just passed into the realm of Gondor," Gandalf hollered over the sputter of Shadowfax's engine. But, as they started to go up the next hill, the one that would give them a spectacular vista of the Gondor Super 8 when they got to the top, Shadowfax's engine stopped sputtering and abruptly died.
"Humph," the wizard humphed, before getting out and slamming his fist on the hood of the poor car. Pippin got out too, but his attention was focused entirely on something else.
"Gandalf! Gandalf! Look, look over there! What is it?"
Gandalf looked, and promptly had to restrain himself from strangling Pippin. "That," he stated matter-of-factly, "is a capybara."
"Ooooh, nice capybara! Gandalf, can we take him with us? Why not? He's fuzzy!"
Gandalf humphed again, and then said cynically, "Well, Peregrin Took, if you want to carry him, then you can most definitely take him with us."
To his utter un-relief, Pippin said brightly, "Okay! I'll name him Capi! Come on, Capi the Capybara!"
So, they started up the hill, only to be joined a moment later by a completely refurbished and accessory-laden Shadowfax, including backseat TV and satellite dish, which of course pleased Pippin and Capi the Capybara immensely.
After only about 5 minutes, however, Capi the Capybara made a discreet and hurried exit out of an open window. "Say hi to Merry for me," were his last words to the distraught Pippin. And with that, he hurtled towards Mordor to tell Sauron of best and most innovative new torture device: Spongebob Squarepants.
Legolas' Girl 9: Just wondering, are you always monosyllabic? Thanx for your review.
RedDevil15: Actually, I don't know all that much Monty Python stuff except Holy Grail. I did see Life of Brian, and some of the Flying Circus, but that's been awhile. I'll have to refresh my memory so I can include more in my stories.
fetch-thranduilion: You're too kind! I mean, 'wow' is not something I would directly associate with my story, but hey whateva floats ya boat… I'm glad you could use the 'random words' thing!
word junky: thanx for your review! Sorry if I embarrass the characters, but that's the fun of it, see!
Alex Hemming: thanx, and kudos to you too!
Killer Fuzzy Bunny from Hell: I'd like to say I have a secret idea bar always stocked with beer, but actually… every chapter, I get my mum to give me 7 random words. I base the storyline of the chapter on those 7 words. And I just have a deranged mind ;-
Erulasse the Cheesy Salesperson Reviewer: Thank you, thank you, thank you! PG2 has so far been very helpful in derangement of my normal brain functions. WHY? Because you sent him in only his underwear, that's why. HA! See, I told you… You know, maybe you wouldn't have sent him if only you knew how good he is at picking mushrooms… munchmunch
Author's Note: I'm Baaaaaaack! Sorry this took so long, but I…um…don't even have a good excuse…anyway, hope you enjoyed this, and I'll try to get another one out within the next…year…nah, I'll get it out...well, sometime sooner that that. And, all hail plumbing that actually works!
Archie