Day Three

James' head throbbed and his stomach churned. He wished that there was something in his stomach so that he could at least empty it back up and find some relief. The combined lack of food and overwhelming circumstances were taking a painful toll on him.


Sirius' blood still streaked his glasses. Since being thrown back into his cell, he hadn't been coherent long enough to even attempt to clean them. No fewer than three Dementors had been standing just outside his door for most of the night—or what James assumed was most of the night. He was losing track of time. All he knew was that he couldn't stop shaking and his head wouldn't stop spinning. He curled into a ball, trying to ignore the pain stabbing into his stomach from lack of food.


A fourth Dementor joined the group. Try as he might, he couldn't fight it off as the world around him faded and he was once more tossed into the past.


The one thing that people always said about James' mother was that she had spine. Real backbone. Most people would have believed this statement without needing actual proof, but no, not Bellatrix Lestrange. She had needed to see it to believe it.


It had been an awful day. One of the worst of his life. Of course, it hadn't started out that way. They never did. He had just returned to the flat he shared with his three best friends when a call came in through the fire.

"Nice game, Jimmy. Too bad you lost."  James jumped when he saw the Death Eater's head bobbing in his fireplace. She spoke, as always, in a mocking and singsongy voice; if he hadn't been quite so curious as to why she was there, he probably would have hexed her on the spot.  But James regained his composure quickly, and kept his wand in hand.  There was no use taking chances.

 
"You must have been listening to the wrong game, Bellatrix. My team won," James replied coolly, not taking his eyes off his best friend's cousin. How many times had he told her not to call him Jimmy? He had lost count by now. Even though she did it just to spite him, every time she used the name, it sent shivers down his spine.


"Au contraire. As I recall, the home team lost. They put up a good fight, but took a real beating in the end." Bellatrix did not bother to hide the cruel laughter in her voice. The malice in her eyes was clear; a sinking feeling started in the pit of James' stomach. Something was wrong, more wrong then having a Lestrange in his fire. Bellatrix let out an amused chuckle, and then in a blaze of sparks, disappeared.


His mind raced, trying to put the pieces together. What had she meant, 'the home team lost'? It made no sense. His team, Puddlemere United, had been the home team. They had won the game, 350-100, and if anyone had taken a beating, it had been the Chudley Cannons. James sat down on the couch, still trying to figure out what she could have meant. It wasn't until Sirius walked in the door that it hit him like a Bludger.


"Hey, I'm home. I heard you guys won."  Sirius casually flopped down on the couch next to James, grinning. Feeling cold, James leapt to his feet.


"Home?" He let out a low moan as everything clicked into place. "Oh gods... I have to get to Godric's Hollow—something isn't right."


"What's wrong, James?" Sirius jumped up to face James, placing a firm hand on his friend's shoulder. "You look like you've seen a ghost."


"No, worse than a ghost. Bellatrix called here." The words came out in an almost incoherent rush, but Sirius understood.  James turned away, hurriedly grabbing a piece of parchment and a quill.


"Bellatrix? As in, Bellatrix Lestrange? As in, my evil Death Eater cousin?" Sirius asked incredulously. "What did she want?"


"That's what I wanted to know, but I think I understand now. Sirius, I think something might have happened to my parents." It was hard to breathe, impossible to sound calm. "We have to get to Godric's Hollow, now!"

He knew that he sounded half crazed, but did not care.  Sirius shook him as James ran a nervous hand through his hair.


"Calm down, James. Tell me what happened. For all you know, this might be a trap," Sirius replied in a no-nonsense tone. Years of training made him calm, but James could see the effort that it took to do so.  He took a deep breath and sat down on the couch again, resting his head in his hands.  The words came out in a rush.


"I came back from my Quidditch match, and all of a sudden Bellatrix was there in the fire. She kept saying 'the home team lost'. It didn't make any sense. But then you came in, and said 'I'm home' and things just came together.... Something is wrong, Sirius, I know it! We have to go make sure my parents are okay."


Even through the haze of memory, James could hear Sirius screaming in the background, almost with the quality of ambient music during a play. His voice was raw; overuse during endless torture sessions was wearing it out. The screaming mixed into his Dementor induced vision, adding a heightened sense of tension.


They Apparated just outside of Godric's Hollow. James blanched as he saw the vile green mark hanging in the sky, the serpent writhing out of the mouth of the skull. All the windows of the house were shattered, and the front gate was bent in on itself. He couldn't move. His mind was whirling. Sirius again placed a hand on his shoulder and gently pulled him forward.


Slowly, they made their way for the front door.  It lay in splinters around the entranceway, destroyed and useless. Both men dreaded finding the bodies of David and Diana Potter. They had been parents to Sirius just as much as they had been to James.


Neither was prepared for what they found inside. Furniture was upturned, shattered glass was everywhere, paintings were torn, and there was a trail of blood.... They followed it into the kitchen where, much to their disgust, they found the remains of David Potter spattering the walls, ceiling, and floor. Flies had found their way into the house and had started collecting in the pools of bodily fluids.


The stench was horrendous. James had to turn away from the haphazard bits that were left of his father. He could no longer bear to look.  Unfortunately, he turned towards the dining room. Helplessly, James vomited up what little food he had eaten that afternoon, trying to look away but unable to. He heard Sirius let out a growl of disgust as he too saw the room off to the side.


There, lying on the oak table, was Diana Potter's spine. It sat in a pool of blood, and the white bones gleamed in the candlelight of the lit candelabras. James knew for a fact that those candles were only ornamental. His parents never lit them. And there, sitting at the head of the table, her head lolled back and the flames flicking off her impeccably clean glasses, was James' mother.


The white seat cushions were stained crimson where Bellatrix had peeled away the skin on Diana's back in order to pull out the spine. The thick, antique Persian rug on the floor was also covered in blood, and at its center was the strip of flesh that had once protected the central nervous system of James' mother. Her face had been mutilated as well, almost to the point where James couldn't recognize her. Piercing blue eyes stared out of her face in fear and agony, as if...


"Oh gods... She was still alive when they did this to her!" James choked out, dry-heaving once more.  There was nothing left in his stomach; he wanted to vomit but could not. Squeezing his eyes shut, James tried to block out the images, but they wouldn't go away. He felt so horribly powerless.


"There's a note," Sirius said, his voice hardening. James opened his eyes to see an athame embedded in the table, pinning a note down. He went over and tore the parchment free of the blood stained dagger. It took his eyes a moment to adjust on the red writing.


"Dear Jimmy-

We stopped by to visit you and my dear cousin, but you weren't home. Hope you don't mind us taking the liberty of doing a bit of redecorating. The decorum was just atrocious before. We left some dinner on the table if you get hungry. You know how Aunt Aurelia worries about your health, Cousin. Do behave, boys.

Lots of love,

Bellatrix and Rodolphus Lestrange."


James' voice cracked as he read the letter out loud. He could feel the tears forming in his eyes, but he didn't care. Crumbling the note into a ball and threw it across the room, then turned and walked out the door. Sitting outside on the old stone bench, he cried. Sirius sat down next to him wordlessly, and the two friends grieved over their lost parents.


James struggled free of the Dementor memory. Remembering how he had found his mother's body made him gag again, even all these years later. That was what had driven him to become an Auror. If only I had been there, I could have helped. I could have done something, anything! It's all my fault! His thoughts were bitter as he cursed himself once more. Just like what happened to Sirius was my fault...


His world started to fade again, but he wasn't sure if this was being caused by the Dementors or if his body had finally reached its limit and was starting to shut down, trying to find some way to restore itself.


It was dinner time. Lily had made pasta. Harry sat in his high chair, smiling happily, spaghetti smeared sauce all over his face. Lily smiled as she passed the sauce to James. But when he took the bowl, it tipped slightly, spilling the red substance all down the front of his robes and spattering spaghetti sauce on the ground.


"I'm such a klutz," James chuckled. But Lily was no longer laughing. Confused, James looked up from his futile attempt to clean up the mess to see what was wrong. Lily had always laughed at James' antics.


His stomach gave a painful lurch when, instead of seeing his wife, the mangled form of his mother stared back at him with her fear-filled eyes. Looking down again, James realized it wasn't spaghetti sauce covering him.  It was blood.


His stomach lurched once more as smears of blood appeared on his glasses. When he licked his lips nervously, however, the twinge of copper reminded James of the blood Bellatrix had put there. Sirius' blood, he thought painfully.


Just as he thought this nightmare (for surely, it couldn't be anything else) was as bad as it could get, an evil sounding chuckle reached his ears. He knew that laugh. He hated that laugh. The laugh belonged to one of the people he wanted most to kill.


"Wakey, wakey, Jimmy boy. I've got a present for you," Bellatrix's voice broke into his subconscious. James wasn't sure if he were still dreaming, or if Bellatrix really was attempting to wake him up. He decided on the latter when he felt the Dementors' cold hands on his shoulders.


The blood continued to drip down his robes. The floor was covered in it. After all his years as an Auror, James could not recall ever having seen this much blood at once. A person just couldn't lose the amount he was seeing. It made his heart ache to think that all this blood had come from his mother.


But wait… That wasn't his mother sitting in the chair. It was Sirius! James was jolted back to reality once more. Sirius was strapped to a chair; just a plain wooden chair, tied there with ordinary ropes. Not at all like the chair James was in, with its burning bonds and metal rigidness. He wanted to scream out, find some way to stop the torture before it started, but a piece of dirty cloth had been shoved in his mouth. It seemed as if the concept of a simple Silencing Charm had slipped Bellatrix's mind.


Then he realized what it was. A piece of cloth had been torn from the bottom of Sirius' robes. The dirt was mixed with dried blood and other things—things that James didn't even want to think about.


Sirius' head sagged, touching his chest; his entire body was limp. James could see where the bindings had dug into his flesh as his body convulsed. His heart broke once more; this was all his fault.


"Well, well, well, look who's finally decided to wake up," Bellatrix's voice pierced through James' daze. "It's rude to sleep in, you know. Especially when you're a guest in someone else's home."


If there hadn't been a gag in his mouth, James would have spit at her. Instead, he could only glare, trying to fill his eyes with his hatred for the woman who had killed his mother. But his mother was irrelevant now.  Gone.  This was something different.  He tensed, seeing a flash of metal in her hands. The dim light reflected off of the sparkling gems set in the hilt of the seven-inch long blade.


She carefully brought the blade to Sirius' side, slicing through the ropes restraining him. His limp body crumbled to the floor, and he let out a soft moan. James shuddered as imaginary memories of Bellatrix slicing through his mother's skin flashed before his eyes.


"Verberovox." Rabastan Lestrange's voice was rough. James' eyes widened as he saw the thick stream of energy flow out of his wand. Not again! his mind screamed. Bellatrix and Rodolphus followed suit.


"It's time for a little game. Rodolphus likes to call it Sound Off. I don't particularly care for the title, but it keeps him amused," Bellatrix laughingly said as she drew back her arm and allowed the whip to fall on Sirius' already battered back. James watched as his friend's body seized in agony. It was too much for him to watch, but he felt compelled to.  It was his fault.  He caused Sirius this pain; he as well have held the whips himself. Each of the Lestranges would take their turn whipping Sirius until he made some sort of sound. Dark blood had started to pool on the ground.


Blood was everywhere. On the table, on the chairs, on the floor, on the walls. James looked down and found blood covering himself. He tried to wipe it off, but it didn't help. He looked at his hands; they were covered in crimson blood. How ironic. Their blood is on my hands. Just as it should be.  The voice in his head was appropriate, accusatory. All your fault. All your fault. The same three words repeated over and over again in his mind.


He was jolted back to reality by a sharp slap across his face. Bellatrix's eyes were dark with anger. "Pay attention, Jimmy. You can't afford not to."  Her voice was not nearly as carefree as it had been a moment ago; it cut like ice. She turned her back on James and raised her arm, letting another hit fall upon Sirius's back.  Yet James' best friend made no sound, and the silence was frightening.  Sirius hardly reacted, yet the puddle of blood had increased dramatically during the few moments James hadn't been coherent.


It was taking longer and longer for Sirius to make a sound every time the whip fell, but James didn't think it was his friend being stubborn. Sirius was fading. He didn't have the energy to make noise any more. The blood loss was starting to affect him severely. If he didn't still have the gag in his mouth, James would have said something, anything, to try and help Sirius.


"Did you have something to say, Jimmy?" Bellatrix asked abruptly.  Smiling coldly, she turned back to face James, probably curious to see what the muffled sounds were about. James nodded as much as the burning restraints on his body would allow, not caring about the pain.  Whatever he felt had become unimportant.  His feelings did not matter.  Sirius did. She walked to his side slowly, then removed the wad of cloth, making James cough.  "Speak, then."


"He's in shock, can't you see? People can't loose that much blood!" James said, begging—but he did not care about weakness. Bellatrix smirked, running a pale finger down his cheek.


"How right you are. Rodolphus, if you would," she said, waving her hand in the direction of her husband. He leaned over Sirius' body and spoke a spell James had never heard of.


"Restituosanguim," Rodolphus said, his wand pointed at Sirius' prone form. The word alone must have made James tense, because Bellatrix answered the unspoken question with a smirk on her face. 


"Blood replacement spell. It should hold him for a little while." A bit of color returned to Sirius' cheeks so that his flesh was no longer a sick shade of gray. Unlike the day before, though, Bellatrix had not used the spell to stem the bleeding; only to give him more blood to lose.


She stepped away from James' side for a moment, his gag still in her hands. She bent down next to Sirius and gently, almost lovingly, wiped the gag in the blood on his face. Then she returned and stuffed the fabric back in James' mouth once more.


He tried not to think about the warm liquid against his tongue, or the coppery taste making its way down his throat. He tried to ignore the pain etched on Sirius' face, but could not. He tried not to look at Bellatrix, her teeth flashing in the dim light as she started laughing once more, bringing her whip down on Sirius again and again.


It must have been hours (or was it merely a few minutes?) before Bellatrix motioned for two Dementors to drag James back to his cell. He could see that she had no intention of stopping the torture; merely, he would no longer be a spectator. After he was thrown back into his cell, he pulled the bit of robe out of his mouth, and then proceeded to have a coughing fit. He couldn't catch his breath, and soon the world faded around him once more.


"Please do this for me, Sirius, I don't trust anyone else," James asked his best friend, their eyes meeting.


"I don't know if I trust myself," Sirius replied quietly, looking away.


"You can do this Sirius. I know you can. Please. If you don't do this for yourself, if you can't do it for me, at least try for Lily and Harry," James pleaded. Sirius was quiet for a moment.


"Okay..." he replied slowly. A feeling of dread settled over the two friends. Their eyes met once more as both felt they had doomed their best friend to a horrible fate.


You made him do it! James' mind screamed once more. He didn't want to. He knew something was wrong. You forced it upon him. You could have saved him from this, but you were selfish. You've doomed him to his death, then spent ten years pretending like it had never happened! What kind of friend are you? But that wasn't what had happened. Sirius had wanted to do it, had offered to do it, had begged to do it. Was it a memory? A nightmare? An illusion?  James could hardly tell anymore. He wished it would stop. He couldn't take these thoughts any more. A Dementor passed his cell, making him shiver.


Lily was decked out in dress robes. James had teased her because it was Slytherin green, but she insisted that it went with her hair and especially her eyes. In his deep red robes, the pair made the perfect couple on the Christmas dance floor. They had learned to waltz just for this particular occasion, and nothing was going to spoil it for them. Arabella laughed at the sight of the two of them so fancily dressed, but what could you do but laugh back?


The Aurors didn't usually let their hair down, so to speak, but this year they knew that if they didn't hold some festivities, they would all burn out. As the music played, the finest protectors danced across the floor. They should have known. They should have seen it coming. Alastor had tried to tell them that it would happen.


The attack hadn't been direct, not at first. The very first thing had been the smoke. Flames licked at the doors, at the windows, overtaking the walls and the decorations. Slightly inebriated, Mundungus said, "Lookit. Fireworks." He reached out to look at the "pretty" decorations, and was instantaneously engulfed in flames. That was the last playful comment that any of them made. Within minutes, the flames were put out and the battle was on. People were lost on both sides, and Lily went down. Hard. She seemed to fall in slow motion, her charred robes swirling around her—and James could only watch. There wasn't time for anything more. 


He ran to catch her, but she hit the floor before he could reach. Cradling her in his arms, he cried. His tears fell onto her face, but she lay still...


He shuddered. His body felt like it had been dunked in ice water. Not again! Two Dementors opened the door to his cell.  James wished there was some way to resist, but Sirius had said it the first day, back before James understood.  But he did now. He couldn't fight it all the time. Resistance had to be kept inside. Battles had to be chosen. Losing didn't cost him; it cost his best friend.


Sirius looked dead when James was dragged back into the room and strapped to the interrogation chair. His face was terribly pale, contrasting against the dark liquid all around him. The only reason James could tell he was still alive was because Sirius' entire body was shaking.


"We're just not getting around to you, are we Jimmy?" Bellatrix's voice was cold and hard, laced with her own brand of humor. James didn't reply. What was there to say to something like that?


"That's alright, though. It wouldn't be any fun if you broke now. And you are a fun one."  Her eyes glinted maniacally.  They matched the cruel mirth in her voice.


"Listen to the way he rasps for air. He struggles for every breath, you know. His heart will likely give out soon."  Her voice was casual. She was just stating facts. That's all this was to her. That, and enjoyable.  James tried not to think about what she was describing. He couldn't bear to think about Sirius dying. She cast her spell without preamble, making James to jump.


"Offenvox."  Her words were nonchalant, and she did not flinch as a jolt of raw electricity flowed into Sirius' body. Sirius' body arched in pain; Bellatrix seemed not to care. Even after James cried out for her to stop, she would not. The smell of burning flesh—Sirius' flesh—started to fill the room.


"You're killing him! Stop it!" James pleaded. She barely glanced in his direction, and kept her wand pointed at Sirius' still convulsing body. Five more minutes must have passed before she finally lifted the spell, a smirk on her face.


She signaled Rabastan and Rodolphus to begin whipping Sirius once more.  Then Bellatrix walked over to James' side and sat down on his lap, with one leg on either side of his body and her face directly in front of his.  Slowly, she ran a finger down the side of his face.


"He would die for you, you know."  Her voice was soft, almost as if she really cared what happened. James glared; she smirked. "Oh Jimmy. When are you going to understand? Just a few small words, and all his pain will go away."


"You don't understand. I made a promise. I'm not going to break. Sirius trusts me not to."  James tried to sound strong; he failed.


"You are mistaken, James. Everyone breaks."  She smiled hungrily. "You will too."

Her sudden use of his proper name frightened him, but he did not have time to understand why.  Abruptly, she stood up, leaving James to sit in the chair, and listen to his best friend's agonizing moans.