It's taken forever to update, sorry

Part 9 - Personally Experienced

I was sitting in a car, not knowing how I got there: What's happening? Looking around I saw it was the backside of Wilgul homestead. It was an early hour of morning.. I realized my hands placed on steering wheel. Looking surprised at them, I was trying to figure out: These are not mine! I didnt feel like me also, and I didnt know what the hell was happening. I was totally confused.. and scared! Where is Mark? I was in a sweat and smelling like a horse. My hair was scattered and wasnt seemed so blonde to me.I reached my head and looked at the mirror of the car. And at that moment I met her in the mirror. I couldnt realized what was that first but then I recognised her. Oh god! I'm Claire! Suddenly I heard a pat on the car window, turning my head, I saw a blond tall man, looking at me strangely.

"Are you okay?" he asked, opening my door.

"Yes, I'm fine" I lied. I grabbed the door and closed it again, kept sitting in there. His expression grew worried, and he gently knocked the glass. I slid the window and looked at him, "WHAT?" I shouted. It wasnt something I'd do so often. What's happening to me?

"Ah.. just.. I wanted to say that our work is finished here. We can go back!" he smiled, and walked limpingly to the other side of the car, opened the door and got in.

"You look tired" he smiled, "Sorry for asking you to help. It was a long night, eh?"

"Yeah yeah it was.." I replied, totally unaware of what he was talking about.

"But you know I needed a woman's point of view, and I couldnt ask Tess.. Thank you" he continued.

"No worries Nick" I replied, and started the engine to go home. Nick! How come I know who he is?

All the way he just talked about the surprise that 'we' had been arranging for Tess… That I didnt have any idea about… When we arrived Drovers, I was fed up with listening to him. Finally he opened the door and jumped out of the car leaving me by my side. What am I supposed to do now? I did the same and got out and walked towards the back enterance of the house.

I was in my house again, but it seemed so different and so alive. But the smell of the house… hadnt changed a bit.. it was the same, I felt good.. Approaching the kitchen door a blonde middle-aged woman appeared.

"Claire! Glad you're back!" she smiled at me. "I was about to go insane.. I dont understand how you can deal with these kids…"

I saw three little kids walking after her, two boys and a girl.. Grandma! "Good mornig mummy" the little girl spoke.. It took a few seconds to realized that she was talking with me, but then I answered her: "Morning honey"

"Where were you mummy?" one of the boys asked smiling.

"Oh I've been helping uncle Nick over Wilgul" I smiled back. I was searching my foggy mind to find something more to say, but the woman kept talking:

"Tess's still in her room. Can you please wake her up?"

"Sure" I said and headed upstairs. Why am I here?

I knew it was a vision again, but this time it was so different. I was seeing with somebody else's eyes and it was scaring me to death. Breathe Anita.. or Claire.. whoever you are!

I got close to the door and put my hand up to knock it. At the time my hand touched it, the door opened out a little bit, leaving a space for me to see Tess sleeping on the left side of the bed. I smield to myslef, to the situation that I was in.. I am totally insane… I pushed the door open completely and I just froze at the spot I was standing. I could feel my blood rushing to my head, my face falling, my eyes filling with tears… Oh my fcking god! I couldnt move, couldnt think, couldnt even cry…

The door hit the wall behind it and the noise woke him up. He couldnt remember where he was for a while, then he saw me. Sitting in the bed, he looked at me and smiled, "Claire!" Then he realized my expression and turned to his left to see who was sleeping beside him. His eyes widened. He looked back at my eyes, opened his mouth to speak but he couldnt find something to say. "Claire… I… I…"

I put my hand on the wall, or I would faint. My body was completely out of my control. It was like someone else got the remote control of me. All I could feel at that moment was the deep deep sorrow she had felt when she saw her husband in her sister's bed. I stepped back. He got up shaking, willing to come near me. But he was so scared and totally in shock. I could see his situation but I didnt think that Claire had realized it then.

"Claire.. I was… we were… oh Claire I didnt mean to do it!" he cried, standing there.

Tess opened her eyes and saw Alex near her bed, naked. She put one hand on he head and closed her eyes, trying to figure it out. Then she looked at me with tears in her eyes, "Claire.." she whispered.

"You dont have to say something" I talked, and without hearing their replies I ran dowstairs with all my strenght. I could feel him running after me. Finally he grabbed my arm in dining room, "Claire, listen!"

"DONT TOUCH ME!" I shouted.

"Claire, I'm sorry… I'm sorry Claire!" he was crying.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" I pushed him on his chest. He ended up hitting the wall. He kneeled down and kept crazy sobbing.

My body was shaking, I couldnt control the tears rolling down on my face. I was full of anger. I suddenly found myself throwing all the china through the walls. With every plate hit the wall, he kept being startled, and kept saying "I love you" between his sobs.

When there was nothing to throw away, I turned my back and ran out of the house without looking at him. Aproaching to the ute I heard my daughter.

"Mum!" she was standing behind me, looking worried, "What happened mum?" she asked.

I turned to look at her, she was so beautiful. I wiped my tears with my shaky hand and smiled at her.

"Why are you crying mummy? What happened?" she asked again.

I said nothing, opened the door, got in the ute and sped away...

I didnt know where I was going.. I just kept crying and sobbing. Sometimes I couldnt see the road because of the tears.. It was so cold, my whole body was shaking. It was like I was seeing everything from the outside. I could see Tess cring in her bed, Alex kicking the walls as I was driving. I could also see Claire from the outside, see her crying. But I was her at the same time.. It was weird.. I wanted to cry, feeling her sorrow.. She was crying.. And I was her, and I was me.. Was I crying? Who was driving, her or me? Oh I'm losing it! I kept driving until my teras blurred my eyes…

"Anita? Are you alright?" I felt a hand on my shoulder, shaking me lightly. I opened my eyes, expecting to find myself in the ute. But I saw Mark, staring at me worried. We were in my house. I was holding Charlotte's letter, and Mark was holding the other letter.

"What happened to her?" I asked crying.

"What happened to who, Anita? Why are you crying?"

"Was it an accident?" I asked again, shaking my head, "I wanna know!"

"Anita?" he said still looking at me, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Mark!" I cried, and began to sob in his arms. He held me tight.

A few minutes later, he put his hands on my shoulders and looked at me, "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine.." I smiled.

"Good!" he smiled back, "We have another letter to read…"