Part 10 - Move On !

Nick,

I'm writing this letter to say sorry for all the things I've done to you and our family. Wish I could talk to you face to face, but I dont have enough courage to do that after all those happened.. I know you'll never forgive me and nothing will be the same again. I'm so sorry but I cant change anything.. I know I screwed everything up, and that I dont deserve you. But you should know that I love you so much, I always have. And I love my children with all my being, more than anything.

But I had to make a decision which made my heart tear apart. I have to go away from here, and I dont plan to come back. It's the best thing I can do now. I want my children with me, but I cant do this to you. I know Lewis loves being here, being with his daddy, that he's more like you. It was too hard but I've decided to take only Louise with me Nick. She's so little and needs her mummy. And her mummy needs her too.. But her mummy needs you most actually. I know.. I know you hate me.. I dont blame you for feeling like this. I deserve it! I understand because I hate myself too.. I hate being in this house, I hate looking at people's faces, I hate thinking about what I've done to Claire, I hate living with this sin… I cant stand if I keep staying here.

How could I do this? I dont know. I can only plead insanity. Only a truly insane person would ever risk throwing away the great relationship that I've been lucky enough to share with you. I know you wont believe this, Nick. But I was drunk. I was so bloody drunk, and wasnt aware of what I was doing! I though it was you… This is stupid, and you dont have to belive this, but it's the truth… And Alex was drunk too. He didnt mean to do it. It was just a terrible mistake. So please dont hate him Nick. He is your brother, and he's suffering enough! We just realized what had we done in the morning, and it was too late. I swear to god I hate my body, and I hate my mind for letting me do this.

I know whatever I say, it just wont change your mind. And now you dont want to see me again. Wish we could talk to say goodbye, but I'm not worth your time…

I just want you to know how I feel about you. Nick, you have given me a love I never imagined possible. You're truly the most loving and compassionate person I've ever known. My life was so enriched by knowing you. You're such a special person that you've been there for me in good times and bad. How sad that we'll never grow old together or have more children like we planned.

I dont want to leave you or my family. I need you and love you desperately. I wish I could put my arms around you and feel your passionate kisses always. I never knew I was capable of such love until I met you. It's breaking my heart to know that I have to leave and there is nothing anyone can do to reverse it.

Just know that in the very short time we've been together, I've loved you with all my heart. And now I want you to have a great life, full of love and happiness. No one deserves it more.

Please tell Lewis that I love him so much, and that I dont want to leave him like this but I have to. That I'm doing such a thing that I will be suffering about all my life, but there is no other way. Please dont let him hate me Nick! I love both of you more than anything.

All my love forever and ever

Tess

"Poor Nick and Lewis" Mark said with a low voice.

"Yeah yeah.." I agreed, taking the letter from him, "You know what Mark, you should give this letter to Lewis!"

"Ah, I dont know" he looked at me questioning.

"It's obvious that Nick didnt know anything about this letter Mark. At least Lewis should see it"

He didnt speak, just took the letter from my hands and put it in his pocket.

"It's so sad" he whispered a few minues later, "I mean look at these words, they are all full of sorrow and regret. How could she leave his son?"

"I dont know" I replied. "But I dont think it's somebody's fault. It just happened.. and ruined their lifes for ever, that's all.. It's a sin but no one was guilty"

"So you say that it was the best thing to do.. to leave"

"Yes. At her situation, yes!"

"She was a btch!" he exploded all fo a sudden.

"Maybe you should leave now Mark" I demanded, I was so tired and just wanted to sit in a quite place and think… I didnt have enough energy to argue with him.. about anything…

"Yeah you're right, sorry" he said, "Are you okay?"

"Yes I'm fine, Mark. Thanks for everything" I smiled.

"No worries.." he smiled back, kissing me on the cheek, "See you later"

"See you…" I mouthed, closing the door behind him.

I turned around and headed towards dining room, took a seat and set to think of all those things.. Poor Claire.. It was so hard for her. I knew that because I had felt it. But It must had been horrible for everyone. Just one little mistake, and a family just falls apart.. That was cruel.. How could god let this happen? I hadnt met any of them, but I knew all of them in a way. They were great people, and seemed so happy together in photos.. I felt so sorry for them but unfortunately I was powerles to change what happened.

"I never wanted to be back in here" she said from the far corner of dining room, standing near the door, "They brought me back and put on this table.. I didnt want it.."

I wanted to stand up and get near to her, but I couldnt find the enough power to do that. So I kept sitting there and staring at her with teary eyes.

"You know what, you were right, no one was guilty. It just happened" she forced a fake smile, "I didnt blame anyone. Maybe it was my fault, I shouldnt have gone to Wilgul that night maybe.."

I was speechless, just looking at her, she was amazing.

"Wish Tess didnt leave.. She was finally happy with Nick.." she sighed, "But you know what, she had a good life after moving back to city. I had been so happy for her. And Alex had been happy too, with Stevie. I was so proud of seeing them together"

What kind of person could say such things about people who had betrayed her?

"Grandma was right!" I managed to say in amazement.

"About what?" she asked.

"You're an angel…"

"Oh yeah!" she burst out laughing.. Then stopped laughing suddenly and looked at me serious, "Why on earth are you crying Anita!"

"Oh it's just nothing.. I was.. I am really tired, that's all"

"You're crying because you're tired?" she roled her eyes, took some steps towards me, reached her hand to touch my shoulder, but then she backed, "Are you shivering?"

"Of course I am" I spoke, "I'm talking with a ghost! What do you expect me to do?"

"Sorry for everything" she whispered with a sweet voice, finally putting her hand on my shoulder, her hand was pretty warm, and it made me feel safe. "You should leave this house" then she said, "Just sell it!"

"Are you serious?" I asked surprised.

"Yes I'm serious. You should go on with you life.. You have one right?" she smiled again.

"Well actually I have screwed it…" I grumbled, thinking of Tyler.

"You still have a chance, go for it" she said.. "I have to go now.. Stop feeling sorry for us.. It was so many years ago.. We all are over it now.."

"Hey wait! Tell me, it was an accident, isnt it?" I asked. I lifted my head to see where she was, but she was nowhere to be seen.

"Claire?"

She was already gone… Now it was my turn to move on.

THE END

Hooray! It's over!

Well i wanna thank everyone who read this story.. It's been a great pleasure writing this, and it wouldnt mean anything if you guys didnt read it )

hope you didnt find the end a little soapy.. but as a matter of fact i did... LMAO

anyway, stay safe

LET