Notes from the Authors: Sorry for the delay. Well, about as sorry as usual. We usually try to be one chapter ahead, which we no longer are. The next chapter is still being written, so when it shall be posted, Lord only knows. We'll be sorry for the delay then, too.

Day Ten

James huddled in the darkness, trying to stay warm. He'd felt so cold since leaving the room with the Dementors, felt so alone and so traitorous. He had begged Bellatrix to let him leave, had given in and begged. For the first time in ten days—ten days that felt like forever—James had stopped fighting. But that wasn't the worst of what he had done.

He hadn't just begged Bellatrix to let him out of there. James had abandoned Sirius.

Swallowing back tears, James let his head drop onto his upraised knees. He would have wrapped his arms around himself if he could, but they were still shackled behind his back—and he really didn't care. He felt so damn cold, so horrible… What kind of man abandons his best friend to a hundred Dementors? What kind of friend leaves a brother to suffer like that? His miserable tears spilled over again. I left him. Begged her to let me go, and I went. James shuddered. Happily, too. He'd never even thought about Sirius. Only about himself.

It felt so childish to cry, so weak. He'd spent years training himself how to fight against anything, spent a lifetime believing that he was strong. But one moment, not even an hour in length, had proved how wrong he had been. How very wrong. I left him.

The hot tears on his face were the only warm part of his body. I left him. Again. Ten years ago, James had abandoned his best friend to hell, and had consoled his conscience by saying that he hadn't known. But now he'd done it again, and he did know. He had seen Sirius suffering, tortured before his eyes, and he had left him.

At the moment, James didn't know who he hated more. Voldemort, or himself.

He almost wished that the door would open. There was no way to keep track of time in Azkaban—yet another battle he had stopped fighting—so James had no idea how many hours had passed since Bellatrix had led him back to his cell, but surely it had to be long enough. It had to be. Soon, they would come, and they would bring him back and make him watch Sirius hurt more, but at least then he could be there for his friend. At least he would know, couldn't run away…

James bit his lip, and tasted dried blood. Waiting in silence was even worse than listening to Sirius scream, because all he could hear was his own jumbled thoughts, his own fears and weaknesses. For days, James had tried to think of ways out, ways to escape…but he'd tried his best and only option, and he had failed. Again. He couldn't think of any other way to escape, and that was the only way to save Sirius.

Except…

No.

With an effort, he forced the tears back. He wasn't beaten, and he was not about to start acting like he was. There had to be a way, and he would find it. He would.

Death, a traitorous voice in his head pointed out, startling him. If Sirius dies, this will end. James tensed, then swallowed hard, feeling like a monster for even thinking of it. But it had been preying on his mind more and more lately, every time he watched his best friend fade and suffer… Sirius was so hurt, and had been for so long. He didn't deserve this, shouldn't have to go through that day after day after day. Death, to Sirius, would be merciful. It would give him peace, give him the freedom that James could not provide.

It was awful to think that his best friend would be better off dead, but it was true… And James had almost convinced himself of that until he thought of Sirius.

Sirius. Fighting every step of the way, no matter what they did—he had lived for ten years in that hell, and James would abandon him after ten days.

It had been ten days, hadn't it?

He was no longer sure. All he knew was that he had almost betrayed Sirius. Again.

Had there been any food in his stomach, James would undoubtedly have thrown up. He'd been doing that a lot lately, maybe because he didn't want to feel human. Didn't want to live, either. But that wasn't his choice to make—fortunately. Every choice he'd made in the past ten days had turned out to be the wrong one. Just like asking Sirius to be the Secret Keeper. For someone who is supposed to be so smart, I am a fool. A pathetic fool. It all came back to the same thing. It was his fault.

He shivered again, and wanted to scream out loud. But it wouldn't help, and he knew it, and he sure as hell wouldn't give Voldemort that pleasure. A part of him still cared about that. Mostly. Even when he had nothing more, he still had his pride, and that (if nothing else) would not let him admit defeat. He might grieve, but he would not give in.

The only problem was that as the days, the moments, ticked past, it grew harder and harder to believe that lie.

And there was nothing to do but weep, so weep James did. He lowered his head and sobbed like a child, wishing futilely that things might have been different, that he'd done something else, chosen someone different…someone who would have had the good sense to die instead of suffer for ten years. The words rang hollowly in his own mind. Ten years. Ten days.

Ten years.

By the time the door opened, James had no tears left to cry.

By the time he realized who the door admitted, he wished that he did.

It was Bellatrix, of course, but not her usual laughing self. Instead, she was somber, quiet, reserved even—and almost dignified. She lifted him without a word, dragging James to his feet by his bound arms and making him suck in a gasp of pain. A shove propelled him forward, and James had no choice but to walk in front of her, else end up face down on the dirty floor. Fighting, he had learned the hard way, was of no use. You have to choose your battles. He shuddered involuntarily as Sirius' words came back to him as his own thoughts.

James stumbled out of the cell in front of Bellatrix, forcing his wooden limbs to function. He was numb after so long of not moving, and it almost felt like someone else's body walking, someone else's legs obeying. He was distant from it, detached…and simply going. A part of him no longer even cared where they were headed, and his imagination did not dare contemplate what would come next.

One rebellious corner of his mind wanted to scream, When will this stop? When will they run out of things to do? Ten days ago, he would have said the words. Now, he simply thought them and shuffled along.

Twist. Turn. Around one corner and back again—James easily lost his way this time, despite the fact that he'd rushed through these same corridors only days before on his way towards escape. But now he was lost. In more ways than one.

Dark corridors, light corridors, they were all the same. In and out of high security gates, absent-mindedly realizing that he should take notice of how Bellatrix was making each one open but unable to care.His mind was so fuzzy; James felt like he was watching someone else wander aimlessly through Azkaban, guided by their worst enemy—Yes, she is now. I think I hate her more than I hate Voldemort, even if he does hold her leash. He stumbled a few times, causing Bellatrix to catch him by his bound arms. She was far from gentle, wrenching his shoulders around and almost pulling them out of joint, but James hardly felt the pain. One foot fell in front of the other in an uneven rhythm, and he walked.

Sooner or later, they reached their destination. It could have been either for all he cared, and James did not even recognize the cell next to his own until he was let inside. Immediately, he braced himself against the horrors he was sure to face…but there was nothing. Nothing? Sirius' cell was empty, save for the stained floor and the stench of rotten blood.

Too late, he twisted to look at Bellatrix, but she was gone. And so was Sirius, though James soon realized that he was not recently gone; he hadn't been there for a long while.

James knew what that meant.

Somehow, he ended up in the corner with his knees drawn up against his chest, wondering where this would end. He shivered every now and again, more from memory than from the presence of Dementors. If they were nearby, he did not notice, could not notice; they were the least of his concerns. It seemed that even his concerns were the least of his concerns. There was simply nothing but the emptiness, the waiting. Seconds ticked by. Minutes, hours, days, James didn't know.

Time ticked by.

Time ticked slowly by.

His head came up when she seemed to float back into the cell; it took James a rather uncomfortable moment to realize that something was floating behind her. Someone.

He cringed upon seeing Sirius' limp form, and could not help but memorize every line of it…again. The shaking, the harsh breathing, the way every broken bone showed through broken skin—he had seen them all before, but somehow they had never hurt so much, seemed so awful. James could see blood trickling out of the side of Sirius' mouth, could hear the whimper hidden within each wheeze for air. He could see Sirius' half-open eyes struggling to focus on something, anything, through the pain, could see his friend's lips fluttering ever so slightly…and a Dementor's hand hovering just over his face. James shivered, but somehow remained glued to the floor. To his corner.

The door slid shut with a click, and the Dementors were gone. Yet all he could do was stare sickly at a man he could no longer recognize as someone he once knew. He was too numb, James knew. Too distant. Why do I not care? Heartbreak. Too long, too much. All James wanted to do was sit in the corner and hide.

"Aren't you going to rise to greet your friend, James?" Bellatrix asked quietly. Her blue eyes focused uncannily on James, frighteningly sane for the first time that he could remember. She almost seemed human for a moment, so like Sirius had once been… But then she giggled, breaking the surreal spell.

It wasn't right. But then again, none of this was.

She let Sirius hit the ground with a thump, a sickening squish that James was sure Bella did not care about hearing. But he did, and somehow it registered through the emptiness. Sirius coughed upon landing, then let out a high-pitched whimper of agony as the brank bit into his tongue.

"Oh, dear." Bellatrix glanced downwards dismissively. "You didn't like that, did you?"

Without warning, she reached down and scooped up two ropes that James had not noticed before. One was attached to either side of the brank, and Bellatrix grinned slyly as she gripped one in each hand. Sirius screamed weakly as she pulled first one and then the other, back and forth, back and forth, spraying blood all over the hem of her expensive robes. James lumbered to his feet almost before he realized that he was in motion, hoping that it might satisfy her, make her stop, or at the very least distract the witch…but Bellatrix kept sawing, laughing merrily. She paused only to swing her arm back, sending James hurtling back to the floor, but otherwise not acknowledging his presence at all.

"Poor cousin," she said mockingly. "Hurts, doesn't it?" Sirius' screams faded after the first few seconds, trailing off into coughing spasms as his body convulsed on the floor.

Then, in a desperate show of strength, Sirius' head started to come up, and James could see him trying to decrease the pressure, trying to lessen the pain. For a moment, it seemed to work; right up until Bellatrix noticed and slammed a booted foot right down on his face.

"Oh, no you don't!" Her face split into a savage smile, her eyes glittering and dancing with unbridled delight.

Sirius sputtered and screamed until it cut off into a cough. His body jerked in response to the sudden pressure on the brank, lifting up off of the concrete floor and slamming back down again with enough force to break bones—James heard something crack but could not tell what, and Sirius seemed to lack the strength to scream again. Suddenly, James realized why.

"He can't breathe!" he shouted at Bellatrix desperately, making her twist to look at him.

"He can't, can't he?"

Her heel ground down into Sirius' jaw once, then withdrew, kicking Sirius' face once for good measure. Blood spurted out of his nose and painted a strange shape on the far wall.

Long moments passed before Sirius managed to suck in a pained gasp of air, but Bellatrix kept sawing at the brank. Overcome, Sirius started to choke, but sharp whimpers were interspaced between his struggles. Just once, his head started to inch upwards again, but Bellatrix planted her foot on his sternum and shoved him back down. Finally he lay still, trying to breathe and whimper at the same time.

She kept at it until one tear, and then two, slipped down Sirius' face. James opened his mouth to speak, but no sounds came out. Sirius was just trying to breathe.

Finally, Bellatrix stopped and turned to smile at James. But he could only stare at his friend as Sirius lay limply, exhausted. The lower half of his face was covered in fresh blood, and every time he coughed more came out of his torn mouth.

"Do you think he's had enough, Jimmy? Do you think he wants a chance to rest?"

James could not answer. He could form no words through the sick feeling in his gut. He wanted to nod his head, to shake his head, anything, but he couldn't make it move. He could only stare at Sirius, incorporating the newest wounds and injuries into his mental picture of his friend.

His friend. He was letting this happen to his friend. His friend who had endured this expressly for him.

"No answer? For shame. You're not breaking on me, are you? I'd hate for that to happen. I'd lose my favorite toy, wouldn't I?"

James again tried to form words, but his voice wouldn't work. He tried to force the air past his vocal chords, but they wouldn't obey him. All he could do was watch with growing horror as Bellatrix rolled Sirius to his side and unbound his arms, knowing that the small measure of freedom would come at a terrible price.

Sirius tried to protest, but Bellatrix wrenched his leaden arms out from behind him, causing his entire body to shudder with the pain. James heard broken shoulders squeak, then crunch, and Sirius let out a strangled gasp. Slowly, enjoying every moment, Bellatrix pushed Sirius flat again, pulling his misshapen arms to his sides. Sirius' body jerked hard, but Bellatrix held his wrists down against the floor, making him whimper again. He tried to convulse as she studied him curiously, and then a grin split Bellatrix's face.

Without warning, she dropped down onto his chest, straddling Sirius with a knee on each arm. The sudden impact made Sirius choke again, and James knew that he was trying to scream in pain as weight landed on his battered ribcage but was unable to find the air to do so. Sirius was fighting to breathe, gasping and struggling, and managed to wheeze in a breath every few seconds…but it was not enough. She giggled.

"Having problems, cousin?"

His only answer was strangled attempts to keep breathing, which made her smile grow. Slowly, and with her eyes never leaving Sirius' face, Bellatrix reached inside her robes to pull her wand out, making sure to let her arm drift over Sirius' face so that he could see her do so. She rocked forward slightly, leaning over his face and whispering, "Brace yourself, Sirius. It's time to try something new."

He tensed as her wand touched down next to his left eye, trailing downwards until it rested on his chin. She lifted it a few inches, and then brought it down—almost gently, but James heard the soft crack when the wand landed. Sirius' body bucked off the floor in pain, and he tried to scream. A strangled cry emerged. The wand moved left an inch, and tapped again. Another crack.

Sirius tried to jerk his head away, but Bellatrix's wand moved one inch to the right of his chin, and there was another crack. Finally, he managed to screech in agony, and Bellatrix almost went flying when his body convulsed again. Laughing merrily, she simply dropped her weight harder onto his chest. Sirius choked out a whimper, just as Bellatrix's eyes found James.

"Hairline fractures, Jimmy," she explained helpfully. "Just enough to hurt, unless someone touches—" Bellatrix grabbed Sirius' jaw in her left hand and squeezed. Sirius screamed.

James swallowed hard, tried to find words to object. He felt hollow, and before he could speak, she released Sirius' jaw and continued, alternating sides and moving up his cheeks with each touch.

Tap. Crack. Tap. Crack. Tap—something seemed to snap within Sirius, and he tried to fight back, wrenching his head aside when she tried to bring the wand down once more. His sudden movement seemed to throw Bellatrix off balance again, and for a moment, James dared to hope she'd go tumbling off to one side or the other, but there was no such luck. She anchored herself back down by digging her knees into Sirius' broken elbows. He gasped in pain, and then screeched as Bellatrix grabbed the brank.

"Are you trying to run away from me, cousin?" she demanded. "Don't you appreciate the gentle touch of a woman?" The words were punctuated with a jerk on the brank, and Sirius cried out in muffled and pained protest.

Hauling his head upwards off of the floor, Bellatrix pushed on. Sirius was whimpering with every breath, flinching as the wand tapped down. He seemed unable to even cry out through the pain, but James could see the agony in his eyes as he stood helplessly by. Sirius was blinking rapidly—was he holding tears back? James felt his eyes widen, and he stumbled to his feet again, not daring to move any closer but needing to see.

Bellatrix was three quarters of the way up Sirius' cheeks when the wand came down a little differently than it had before. Crack! Sirius wailed in pain.

Switch sides. Again. Crack! Tears flooded down Sirius face as he screamed, and Bellatrix laughed. A careless flick of her wrist sent her wand sailing off to the side, and she let go of the brank so that she could cup Sirius' face in both hands.

She started rubbing his cheeks, and Sirius began to convulse. James watched in horror as blood sprayed out of his friend's mouth, splashing Bellatrix on the face. Strangely enough, she did not seem to care; she just kept caressing Sirius' face as he tried desperately to pull away from her, gasping and screaming. There were still tears running down his face, and had James not seen them himself, he would not have believed that they were there. There had been so few times that he had seen Sirius let tears fall that it was hard to believe, but Sirius was clearly in too much pain to stop them.

Again, James scrambled to his feet, trying to think of something, of anything that would distract Bellatrix. He'd always banked on being smart, where was all his vaunted intelligence now? He couldn't even outthink a woman whose mental capacity was questionable at best. He systematically came up with and shot down half a dozen different ideas, all while cursing himself for taking so much time.

Finally throwing reason to the wind, he jumped forward and landed a kick in the small of Bellatrix's back. The blow pitched her forward slightly, but she twisted and kept her balance, not moving away from Sirius at all. Immediately, James knew that had been a mistake. The playful air dropped away instantaneously as the woman looked up from her prey. Her once laughing eyes darkened ominously.

"That was not wise, James."

James. Driven by instinct, he backed up a step both glad that he had her attention but at the same time terrified of what that meant, especially when she reverted to his proper name. Bellatrix stood up, and her arm shot out to catch James by the shoulder. Amazed that he had succeeded at distracting her at all, James faltered, and let her drag him towards the door. He did not fight; he only prayed that Bellatrix would be angry enough to concentrate on him instead of Sirius. However, she did not open the door as he expected, only threw him against it and held him there, knocking the air out of his chest. James coughed once and then tried to refocus, his mind still reeling over the fact that he'd been able to distract her at all. It worked! Surprise kept him from noticing right away, but the pain registered soon enough. The bars were hot, hotter than the chains of the Interrogation Chair, hotter than anything James had ever willingly touched. It burned, and he knew that if he didn't get off of it, it would sear straight into his flesh.

"That was to show you," Bellatrix snarled. "It wouldn't do if you didn't understand." She dropped him and turned her attention back to Sirius.

"Leave him alone!" The words he'd said so often in the last ten days had exactly the same effect as they always did: nothing.

"No. Watch and learn, Jimmy. Watch and learn what your stubbornness buys him. What your defiance buys him. Watch, learn, and know that were it not for your silence, he would not be suffering."

Hauling Sirius up by the brank, she lifted him straight into the air. "He's so light, you know. Hardly any weight to him. Like a feather, or a doll. Did you ever play with dolls, Jimmy? They're ever so much fun. Though this one is far better than your average doll. It comes with real blood and tears and it even screams, if you play with it just right." To illustrate her point, she ran a finger through the blood and tears that were still streaming down Sirius' face. Her finger dragged over his cheeks, and he let out a strangled sound that would have been a scream had he the strength.

Slamming his frail body against the door of the cell and making Sirius wheeze for air, the Dark Lord's golden child suspended Sirius in the air while she set to work elaborately binding him to the bars. No limb escaped her notice. His arms were bound where they fell at awkward angles, his legs secured from hip to ankles, his chest and waist tight against the bars, and even his neck was bound tightly enough that Sirius could hardly breathe. A long moment passed before James realized exactly what she was using to bind his best friend.

The material looked much the same as it always had before, except it was entirely different. It was more of a thick and twisted wire than it was a chain, and there were sharp spikes studding the entire length of wire. Everywhere that the spikes dug into Sirius' skin, blood started to well up and drip until there was an intricate web of it flowing down his body. The flow only grew heavier as Bellatrix yanked the barbed wire tighter. Sirius moaned weakly.

"When will you stop this?" she asked, half-turning to face James. "When will you take him away from me? You have the power to do it. It doesn't take very much. You have it in you, you know. You think you don't, but you do. And I think you're starting to realize that." She sniffed the air and wrinkled her nose.

"Burning flesh. What a horrid stench." She opened the door, clearly amused when Sirius swung with it. Walking through, taking one last chance to stroke her cousin's face, and the last thing James heard as she vanished down the corridor was her laughter at Sirius' desperate attempt at a screech.

James was on his feet even before the echoes of laughter died down.

"Sirius. Oh, Sirius. I'm so sorry. So sorry." But it was no use. Sirius couldn't hear him. Didn't know he was there. James wanted to reach out a hand to touch his friend, to reassure him, but his hands were still locked behind him. Besides, he didn't know where he could touch anymore. Clearly, his friend's face was now off limits, and Lord only knew what else had been done in his absence.

Slowly, James backed up, hating himself for every step, but he needed to put distance between Sirius and himself. He didn't register that he'd hit the wall until his steps no longer carried him back. Falling into a corner, James stared at Sirius, wishing he could help, and knowing he could and wouldn't.

Sirius would tell him not to do it. Sirius had told him not to do it ten days ago. And he'd listened. And he'd watched as Sirius drew closer and closer to death. He knew he could not go back on the promise he'd made all those days ago, knew he could not betray those he protected. But Sirius. If only there were a way to save him that did not involve becoming a traitor, did not involve breaking despite his oath not to break.

Sirius moaned softly, the first noise he'd made since his cousin had left. The bars were searing his back, his arms, his legs, his head. The wire conducted heat all too well, and was beginning to glow from it. James closed his eyes. He couldn't watch. He just couldn't do it. Not any more.