What Fools We Women Can Be Part 2

JAG: Mac/Harm…Shipper…not really Webb Friendly

Summary: This is set to take place in the days that follow the whole Sadik debacle and all that not so fun stuff. Yeaper…

Disclaimer: I don't own 'em…are you happy!

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Mac's POV

Union Station

0316

I turn the shower off and stand there in the blanket of steam trying to understand what is going on at this point. I take a deep breath and slowly let it out. I open the shower door and notice a navy blue fluffy towel, some boxers, and a t-shirt have been placed on the bathroom counter. I dry off, get dressed, and make my way towards the living room.

"I didn't know if you wanted to wash your clothes tonight or take them home to wash. You are more than welcome to wear those clothes home."

His voice is gentle and dripping with concern. I look down and really take in the outfit he has chosen for me. I am wearing a pair of navy blue boxers and an old Naval Academy shirt. Both items are soft and well worn. And for the first time in a long time, I feel totally at home in my own skin.

"Mac?"

I look up and realize he is waiting for an answer.

"Ummm…You can throw them away."

I can feel him looking at me. He looks confused, but he doesn't push me for any further explanation. Instead he guides me to the couch. He sits me in the corner of the couch, wraps me in a blanket and hands me a cup of tea. I expected him to move to the other end of the couch, but he didn't. Instead, he sits right next to me and turns to face me and gives me a look that says 'The ball is in your court'.

"I don't deserve you." I whisper. I still haven't found my voice.

"Well, that makes two of us because I don't deserve you either. But here we are, together, one of us is obviously hurting and the other wants to stop the hurting. So what are we going to do about it?"

His tone is soft--his voice never rising above a whisper. I watch as he reaches for a mug on the coffee table. He is nervous and is trying not to show it. This is it. He is finally letting go. He has stated his intentions. He wants to stop my pain. He knows what I need without me telling him. I place my mug on the coffee table. I take his mug from him and place it next to mine. I look at his face to gage his reaction. I come face to face with those eyes I have become so fond of. What I find in those eyes makes me want to cry. I see concern, passion, a little bit of confusion, but more importantly, I see unconditional love.

"Harm?"

"Yea?"

"Can I have…"

My question goes unfinished. Come on Marine. You can do this. You want this. He wants to give it to you. What's so hard about letting him take care of you? It's what you have always wanted and here he is offering it to you with no strings attached.

"Sarah, please tell me what you need. Tell me what you want. I know you want me to help you and you know I want to help you. I just don't want to do it wrong and cause a major set back in our relationship. Please, tell me."

I decided to take a page from "Rabb's Rules of Communication" and let my actions speak for me. I take a deep breath and launch myself into his arms. I must have surprised him because he falls back onto the couch. His arms come up and around my waist and I am lying on top of him with my arms around his neck.

"Breathe, Marine."

I can feel his breath on my neck. I then realize I have not released the breath I took before launching myself at him. I slowly let out the breath when I feel him wiggle beneath me. He is trying to get both of us comfortable. It works because I somehow end up in a tighter hug…I am not going to complain. I am enjoying every minute of this. I love being here in his arms and wrapped up in his love. I feel a rumble in his chest and realize he is laughing.

"Well, Marine, if you wanted a hug all you had to do was ask."

He gives me that flyboy grin that is reserved just for me. I, for the first time in a long time, smile back at him. It's that special smile that only he can invoke and he knows it. He pushes my hair off my face and I position myself so I am lying on my side, eye to eye with him.

"There she is."

"Who?"

"My best friend, my partner, Mac, my Ninja Girl, and more importantly, Sarah. It's been a while since I've see her around these parts. She should come around more often."

I can't help it. I am crying. I can feel him wiping the tears away. I reach out and press his hand to my cheek and he leaves it there.

"Well, she kind of lost her way, but she seems to have found her way back."

"Mac, if you want to talk, I'll listen. I promise."

As he is saying this, I can feel him lightly press his palm to my face.

"Ok, but on one condition."

He nods his head.

"We stay here, like this, until I am done. I can't explain it, but it helps me. And I really want to tell you what's wrong and how you can help, and by being here with you like this…well, it helps. Ok?"

I am so scared he is going to say no and kick me out. That he is going to make me put those dirty clothes back on and tell me to leave and never come back. But he doesn't.

"Whatever you want. I am here, ready to listen and you are here, ready to talk. And all that matters is that we are on the same page at the same time."

I take a deep breath and look into his eyes. His hand is still on my cheek. I still haven't let the breath out and I think he is getting worried so he presses his palm to my cheek again. I slowly let out the breath and give him a small smile.

"I don't love him. He thinks I do, but there is no way I could love him. I can't love him because I love you and I didn't want to deal with that after all that happened with your murder trial and then getting stuck down in Paraguay. I ran and I shouldn't have and I am so sorry. Instead of cleaning up one mess, I managed to make another one. And this one seems to be bigger than the first. I have acted like the old Mac that I used to be when I was young, drunk, and didn't know what love was. I am not proud of this and I understand if you see me differently now, but just know that I don't love him--that I never have and I never will simply because I love you."