Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ or the characters in them; I just like to write stories about them.

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I felt horrible that entire night. When I got back from work that evening, Videl was nowhere to be found. I felt awful yelling with her and hurting her like that; this is what was causing my depression… all because I just didn't tell her the truth about what I was feeling. I hated this, I hated being the cause of Videl's anguish. But, how was I going to tell her about my dreams now, about what I had been so afraid of…? The most selfish thing for me to do then was to think of myself; I had a fiancé upstairs to worry about (as if I wasn't already worried enough about her).

I didn't even feel like eating that day, because I'd felt so bad… So, I just gathered up my things and headed for the stairs. I felt too oppressed to get in the shower, so I'd just brush my teeth and go to bed… maybe then, I'd forget about what dreadful events had occurred that afternoon. I loved her so much… I loved her with all my heart… There wasn't any tiny bit contained inside my soul that had ever wanted to inflict any sort of pain or damage to her. All I could ask myself was… what had I done? I couldn't believe what I had done… Such simple, foolish, natural desires had been my ruin of the day; not because I were having them… but just because I felt like I shouldn't tell Videl about this… She knew that I trusted her, it wasn't that.

Actually, now that I think about it... this has been the problem all throughout my life... never letting things out. ... It seemed that it'd be so much more simple if I kept it in, and unknowingly so, I went along with that precept. But, what had really happened was just the antithesis; it had been the hardest thing in my life to carry out. But, after what'd happened just now, there was no possible way I could've told her about it. I had been too embarrassed. My heart was aching and hurting so bad now, and I felt it loudly pound from inside my chest, walking closer to the stairs... then, I paused. ...How could I possibly face her now, knowing that she was so angry with me? I held in my breath, and continued my trial up the stairs. Into the connecting bathroom, I immediately went, to brush my teeth and to hopefully avoid the woman in the other room...at least for a little while. I needed more time to think about this.

As I lathered my mouth with toothpaste, I could only think about how I hurt her... why was I being so idiotic and unyielding ? So selfish, I had considered myself to be, since I decided to keep my thoughts for myself, letting me have the easier way out, keeping my fears in secret, but forcing Videl to suffer for it... I hated myself for it. I... actually hated myself. I rinsed my mouth out, and masked my face with my hands. Why...This woman... my Videl... I only wanted the best for her as I said before, I only wanted to make her happy. But, already in those four years, compared to the rest of our lives we're supposedly suspected to live together, I've already made her revulsion for me more than it would probably ever be. Just because of this self-centered decision I had made... Why couldn't I just tell her about it? What was wrong with me...?

I couldn't believe what had been happening... I'm not talking about not just telling her... I mean, that was Videl thinking? If I were her, I would've left myself for being so weak... so pitiful... Stupid Son Gohan, afraid to tell his fiancé of some nonsensical fantasy, some stupid, fucking fantasy that everyone deals with. But, this poor pathetic soul, this idiot, Son Gohan, is the only one who's having a problem with expressing his feelings about it... and to whom! His own fiancé! Not only his fiancé, but she was also his best friend, and maybe his soon-to-be lover. Why was she still with me...? Videl... with your unbelievable quintessence, compared to the worthless, weak core myself occupies ... how did I deserve her; how did I deserve to lie next to her... what had I ever done... ? I felt hot tears beginning to escape from beneath my eyelids. I looked to the mirror, touching it as a precaution to assure myself that it had really been me there in that reflection.

...I was crying.

And, pitiable, still. Embarrassed to walk back into his own room, just because he thinks she might catch a glance at him. And, now blubbering like an idiot, like a stupid little child, he was crying about this. Too many things had all been his fault in the past... if only he had been a little bit stronger... just a little bit more expressive with his feelings. Even his own father dying because of him. Too scared to do anything... to scared to show his true self. Everyone thinks he is so happy on the outside, but when something so dumb, something so minuet like this happens, is when his true feelings show to the world... but, not the entire world as you may think; only his psyche had been his company. The mentality that held the knowledge of the world inside... but not any of the answers he had been so desperately looking for.

And, I still wept.

Hearing footsteps from outside the door, and hearing that wonderful girl's voice didn't stop the sobbing either. Videl knocked on the door, and asked a question. "Gohan, can you open the door, I need to go use the bathroom...!" she beckoned me, turning the door knob. Remembering that I hadn't locked the door, I rushed over and slammed the door closed again before she saw me.

"I-Iie, Vi-videl... I'm almost done, okay? I-ah... I'm sorry..." I stuttered violently , desperately trying to cover up my shaky voice, full proof that I had been crying. I wiped the salty water from out of my red eyes with my shirt, and tried to gather up some tissues.

"...What?" she wondered out loud. " ...Gohan, what's wrong?" she asked, placing a hand on the door. She just stood there for a few moments, taking in my horrible-sounding articulations. "...Gohan, your voice sounds terrible..." she resumed, "Is something the matter...?" She at least sounded concerned..

"Ah, n-no... I probably have a cold or something. I-I'm sorry... just a minute, okay?"

"Gohan, open the door..." she directed, trying the knob again. "Gohan!" she yelled at me, "Open the door!" she struggled. But, it didn't matter how hard she tried, she wasn't going to get in if I were here."I told you, I-I'm almost done- -"I restated, leaning against the door."Gohan, something's wrong with you! Open the door!" she called again, banging on the wooden face.

"Nothing's wrong, Videl!" I bellowed through the door.

"Then, open it!" she commanded loudly. So, I did what she demanded. She stood there, glaring at my face, as I tried to not keep too much eye contact with her. I grinned a little, brushed past her, and headed for the bed.

"See... I told you nothing's wrong, Videl..." I retorted, opening up the covers. She could only continue to stare at me, in disbelief that everything was fine with me. Especially, since when she saw the used up tissues as she glanced back to the bathroom floor.
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It was 2:13 a.m. now. Ever since I had gotten home, I hadn't gained an ounce of sleep; I was too scared to dream about Videl again... But, I'd have to fall asleep sometime... I just wanted to forget our argument ever happened. ...Or at least to resolve it. I wanted her to understand me, but what could I do...? I was too ashamed and embarrassed to confess the creations of my imagination with her... and I didn't want to weigh her down with my feelings all at once... so what else was there to do? I had just lied there, for 4 hours straight, thinking about what I could do to transform Videl's despondency to happiness once again.

First it was about how I could control my passions, then it was about why I couldn't make love to Videl... and now it's this: What could I do to make her happy ...?

Or, maybe that had been the case all along.

I glanced over my right shoulder at my sleeping Videl. I'm a little startled at the fact that she still decided to sleep with me after what we'd been through. She was turned slightly to her side at that moment, and with the moonlight gleaming its glowing rays across her body, she seemed more heavenly than ever. I swiftly turned my neck back around, for fear that if had gazed at her any longer, that pessimistic demon would've crept its way back into my life again. Even though it was still plainly obvious that I still had these perversions in my thoughts, at least I had known of ways to control them more nicely. All I ever wanted to do was to please her... in all of the many ways I could think of. But, with this box I was shut in, there was no way out of my situation. I wanted to love Videl more than I could ever imagine, I wanted to hold her in my arms and finally know that she was entirely mine, I just wanted to be with her forever... until our eternity was decided as the end. But, there was no way I could ever hope of fulfilling my destiny with her if I wasn't even ready to talk with her and share with her my erotic reveries. I'd have to overcome this faceless fear that has jumped in front of me and my Videl's perfect ecstacy.
...What was I so afraid of exactly...?
I looked over to her once more, and continued staring at the virtue embodying itself inside my fiancé's cast. I gaped at her face, as if I were seeing through her soul, to remember every detail of her beauty, every little corner of her mouth, every little wrinkle, and every little piece of skin, like I were painting a picture in my head of her; to carry with me a perfect image of her face, and to satisfy my hunger for her luscious taste. And, I'd just remembered something unearthly that'd happened... I hadn't even kissed Videl that whole day...
How could I have done that...?

...Without saying a speakable word, I gently shook my soon-to-be, trying to awaken her. I really had no desire to take her out of her dreamworld... but, I wanted to do this before I...

I heard her sigh first, and she took her good time opening up her eyes, and just looked at me, kind of annoyed... I guess because I had woken her. Before finally speaking, I had relaxed completely on my right side to face her. I swallowed nervously, knowing that my hands had been shaking.

"V-videl..." I begun, "..." and never finished. She looked at me a little confused, probably wondering what the hell I was trying to say. I even really didn't know what the hell I was trying to say... so I just continued staring at her after calling her name. I had a goal in mind, but I were just befuddled on how to accomplish it... Like traveling through a maze without owning a map; even though the map had oftentimes been confusing, at least it had given you, even if it was small, a sense of direction. She just paused. ...And stared.

"...What, Gohan?" she ultimately questioned me. As I lied there, shaking like mad, I carried my hands up to her face, resting them on her soft cheeks; also catching her by surprise while she watched me bringing them up to her. I felt her shiver a little under them... probably meaning that she was nervous, too... I saw her lips separate slightly into two as she breathed in.

My mind unknowingly mouthed out her name. At that moment, my heart rate climbed as I thought about which road I should take this decision. I thought about just giving her a good-night smile and saying it 'twere nothing... I thought about telling her my rigid, sanguinary, barbaric fantasies... And, I thought about taking her clothes off, slowly revealing to me what she had held most precious... I'd thought about touching her body all over, the places I'd never thought she would allot my treading... I thought about entering and feeding into her soul, sending her into such fierce raptures beyond this plain; making her body tingle with such passion and satisfaction... I thought about how much I wished to appease her so much; meeting her every desire, indulging on her many offers. All I thought about was how all I wanted was to tenderly hold her in my arms and make love to her all through the night. And, I wouldn't abruptly discontinue, unless she'd tell me that she possibly couldn't accept any more. I wanted to give her everything... everything I had and owned... If only she'd let me.

"Videl..." my mouth silently called her again, closing my eyes. She watched me as I neared in closer to her range. A few strands of her ebony, gleaming hair fell across her face...And, as desperate act to lull myself of these thoughts... I kissed her lips. Softly , smoothly, surprisingly... she widened her eyes and watched me the whole time as I continued.
I felt my heart dancing inside and around my chest, like it was about to spring up from my throat; I couldn't even feel myself able to speak at that moment. I really didn't want to. But, this kiss was different somehow in my delivery...it felt unlike any other feeling ever felt before. Her gaze pierced into my spirit as I endured kissing her; I only looked to her once, and looking down, I robbed my attention away from her face... I slowly and delicately licked her bottom lip with the range of my tongue, making sure I'd captured the profound way she felt against my mouth, while she took control of me. Her hot, inducing skin felt like fire against my mouth... Then leisurely kissing them, I did again...and sucked on her soft wet lips with such passion (but not too hard), only imagining if her other pair had tasted just this incredible. I couldn't wait till a year, Videl... You send my heart into fanatical amounts of bliss ... I even see tiny bits of Heaven every time you touch me... and, you do it without even trying.

I slowly removed my mouth from her face, savoring her sweet taste upon my lips, and I backed away, staring at her features. She looked astounded with my action, and brought those little, thin fingers to her face. "Gohan..." she said in a hushed inflection, with her face reddening, "...What was that for...?"

"I... I..." trembled that poor, frightened, rueful Saiyan. That accursed kiss hadn't changed anything. I still wanted more of her... But, what did I really expect? "...I-... I'm... sorry. Videl..." That's all my mouth would allow out of my heart.
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She jumped right on top of me, ripping my clothes off any which way she felt like. And, I let her... I let her undress me till I felt tied by my throat. I pushed her off with such vigor... I wanted her so much, I really didn't care what'd happened then. She fell right onto the bed and sprawled her naked body atop the mattresses. She sporadically licked her lips, and eagerly approached me with her eyes, taunting me with her finger.

"Son Gohan..." she said, in no less a torturing tone of voice, "Why don't you lie here next to me...?" she had asked. Never wanting to waste another second, I dived on top of her, feverishly removing the rest of my clothes before I progressed any further. She watched me as I struggled... softly biting her bottom lip, and holding my head between her chest as I got through. I knew my face had turned red in this pool of passion; it was so hard to breathe... as I raised my neck to see my would-be lover's face. "Gohan..." she requested, whispering harshly into my ear, "I want you to go deep..." I exhaled. I felt a sharp pain, beginning from my upper spine and piercing through to my crotch.

"Ah... Videl..." I could hardly get out a moan, "I promise...I will make you scream for me... I'll go deeper inside..." I replied briskly. "I will taste every bit of you... Make no mistake, Videl... I will give you pleasure that you've never dreamed."
"Ahh..." she let out, "That's what I was hoping for..." Dammit... Was I dreaming of her again? Of course I were; I had to be. This felt too good to be real. Where I could set out my feelings so freely, without any worries or perchances that something heart-breaking could occur (where I would be the initiator). Here, was where I could let out my crazes and release my perverse fantasies, without the danger that I'd harm my Videl.

"Ohh... Gohan..." she groaned, whether out of pleasure or of pain, "...you're hurting me..." she finished as I saw a tear escape from her eye. But, I couldn't stop myself. I was already too powered and locomoted to quit my passion suite. She clutched onto the sheets in agony, shutting her eyes and mouth tight together...

'What was I doing?' I asked my dream-self. I'd never hurt my Videl...! Especially like that... He had to stop, stop yourself for her! But, of course he didn't listen. He just kept digging in deeper, constraining himself inside more forcefully, despite my pleads. Videl was then crying out in pain for me to stop; it was hurting her so much... she wanted him to continue, but she was being torn between satisfying that sick, son of a bitch, Gohan, over living herself. She wanted to give him everything of hers because she loved him so much... but... no, not like this. I yelled for that dream-self to get off of her, I were riving inside, knowing that I could do nothing about it. No matter how much my mind had ached for myself to quit, my body just wouldn't listen... even in my dreams. "Ngh... Gohan...!" she screamed now, banging her fists against his chest, "I said you're hurting me!" She continued to pound the living shit out of his mid-section, but he was too strong for her... it didn't matter. She had begun full blown crying now and she gave up trying to stop him as her body fell limp to the bed.

About 15 minutes later of this torture, I began to speak again... "Videl..." my dream-self moaned, " I love you..." he said, wiping his lubricated brow, thinking he'd appeased her. He finally removed himself from within her temple and lied down next to her to examine the riven, worn body. Her face was stained with dried tears, and even hardened splotches of blood; she had almost stopped breathing altogether as she weakly turned to her dream-lover with a painful frown. She gave him a anguished look, and coughed up material a few times. It sounded like she was trying to even audit a couple of words from low inside her throat, but... she couldn't get them out. She only exhaled at least twice... but only inhaled once.

Before... I had killed her. I swallowed in disgust, watching my dream-self as he kissed the top of her forehead, like nothing had happened. Hot tears burned across my face as I continued to stare in horror... how could I have gotten so out of control... I blinked slowly... why did I hurt her..? "G... Gohan... " I called myself, letting my head fall down to my chest, "Y-you idiot..." I cried in shame. And, then, screamed to the top of my lungs, "You fucking idiot...!"

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"Videl!" I yelled, as I awoke from that horrible nightmare, looking frantically for my fiance. But, she was there, sitting next to me, and awake in astonishment... for I had exerted my semen all over the mattress. Sudden shock arose in me, and I didn't know which set of emotions to feel first... I was so glad that my Videl had been alive... I just wanted to kiss and hug her soul throughout, but I also was so embarrassed... for my current position I was in now, and for even thinking of having that dream... how dare I do that!

I hated myself so much at that point and I couldn't hold it in any longer; I set my face in my hands and wailed uncontrollably. What was I going to do?

And, what had I done...?