Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ or the characters in them; I just like to write stories about them.
Author's note: Finally! ; lol

Wait a minute... I'm sure you've realized what had happened the last time I've tried to speak with you. I thought I had lost my life and everything around it. I thought I had lost everything worth living for. Do you know that feeling that you get when you see a beggar on the street? Pity, right? Or... "he really should've done something with his life?" Instead, he can only endlessly try to evoke this sort of emotion towards you, hoping that maybe, one day, he will finally become an applicant for your pity, to get him through his daily courtships. Well... that's exactly how I felt.

I almost felt dead. ...Maybe it would have been a lot easier. Oh, well... I think I'm the one responsible for telling you this ominous tale.

That blood... my sweat... and her tears... were all that I could think about at that moment. I couldn't believe it, I just simply couldn't comprehend and follow it. I didn't even want to think about it... I didn't even want it to cross my mind... but it were there. Burning into my heart, deep inside my core, branding it's horrible face across my memories in a rancid, burning scar upon my flesh... it definitely was alive.

Why...? I thought for sure that I could control myself... I believed in myself that I could hold it all in without any problems... I deemed it wouldn't restrain me down any longer. But, you'd never know how wrong I had been all along. I thought I could wait, linger, and never feel the aftershocks of my deep, heart-felt, hidden emotions. But, like an earthquake, these problems had been held deep inside of me for way too long. Somehow... from the calm, polite, gentleman of a person... it slowly transformed me into some beast; like a possessed monster who had no control, even over his own body and thoughts... all because of the demon. That damned demon that just pleasured out of tearing up my life... ripping me limb from limb, merrily slaying away at my heart and torturing the hub of my spirit.

But... I really couldn't blame the demon any longer... for it had been me, and me alone, who couldn't handle these surges of passions. Though I wasn't alone in this aching for my love, I had been the only one having such an issue with these new emotions. Me, Son Gohan, the only weak one out there. He was too afraid to even make love to his own fiancé. Not because she told him to wait, but because...

I...I just didn't want to hurt her.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

My entire body was shaking; I felt cold sweat dripping down my back... I gagged, choked, coughed and cried... all the while Videl just sat there, staring down at the sheets. I couldn't see her face (or hardly anything for that matter) through all of my blurriness, nor did I desire to. But, I knew she had been there. The more I tried not to think about it, the more it shadowed its constant cast over my head. I had no direction, I had no idea where to go from here... I felt like I should have just gotten lynched right there, just to get it over with. (But, I couldn't do that to Videl; she'd kill me for even thinking it.) But, I just felt like I had to get out of there... although it felt my body had been cemented and nailed down to the bed. I just had to get out of that room... this situation.

I remembered when I first thought of Videl in this way... back when I had never even kissed her; back when we could tell each other everything... back when... we were only best friends. I remember walking back to school one day. And for the first time, her face was imprinted in my thoughts and my love for her spirit had lingered throughout my mind. Back when I wouldn't have dared to tell her any of my private fantasies, no matter how mild or natural they'd seemed to be. Back when I was so afraid... because of what she might say and how she might react if she knew the truth about me (which strangely seems like the situation now). What would she do if she knew the real Son Gohan?

I remember the first time with myself. I felt dirty. I felt my hands slowly traveling and groping myself down my abdomen, tracing my muscles and under my boxers while thoughts of her circled and entered my mind, since I couldn't do the same to her. The warm smile, her heavenly body, and her unbelievable personality. I wanted to love her through and through. I'd deliberately begun thrusting myself... and groaned softly for her. Videl, if this is how you really felt, and I know you feel a million times better than this...please relieve my pain for you now. Imagining you is not enough for me. I need to feel you... Me...The one that would dream of her almost every night (well, he tried to) to wonder what her skin felt like. The one who could only imagine what it'd be like to kiss her lips one day, to wonder what she tasted like. The one that could hardly think of anything else and thought he had gone so crazy and absurd... because he always knew she would never love him back. The one that would even give up his own life to be with her... What about that Son Gohan? ...The one who had fallen in love with his best friend? What would she do if she really knew?

Well, there was nothing that I could do about that now. That was in the past and this was now. I looked over to the right and thought about reaching out to touch Videl's arm... until I heard a sticky sound when the covers moved as a dreadful reminder of what I had just done. Oh... how dare I even think to do that over that dream...? Even if it were about Videl, I never wanted to dream of her in that form. How could I have done this to her? I must have ejaculated about 5 times that night to give out this much...

But, you see how this worthless piece of shit can't even say what he did? Oh, yeah, he's so ashamed of it now; but of course he didn't think twice about what would happen if he'd continue to think of her this way. All I could do now was imagine about how badly she must've hated me then. I imagine too much. I wanted to get rid of that forsaken demon, just to rip it apart from my heart, anything to have my Videl back. I cried some more...

I felt the bed rock from side to side as she moved out of her sitting position. She stood apart from the mess and seemed to drift across the floor, as the moonlight had did before in the room. I caught a glimpse of her expression and I noted it looked terribly disgusted with the matter. I saw her open up her arms slightly as she stared down at her wrinkled, over-sized, semen-stained night-wear shirt. I turned my head down in shame. I couldn't see her face anymore, but... that's all I could stand to see. I dropped my head farther down into my arms and continued to keen my tattered, wretched heart out. I wanted to do it until I felt the hurt in my Videl's body transferring into mine; until I felt my soul pouring out along with the tears; and until I had slashed my internal lusts apart, hoping that maybe in a dim shade of light, in the smallest amount of chance, it'd never happen to me again. I saw Videl lower her head and fall to the floor.

So... that was the end... Videl would have to hate me forever then. Since my helpless acts of regression always seemed to hurt her so. And, no matter what kinds of romantic ideas played out in my mind, it had always found some way to eventually stab at me in the back. I was weak and I knew it. What else could I have called it? Out of the year, I couldn't even wait one whole week till I had lost it. In one week, I had fallen off of that bridge, that unstable pathway to our heaven. And, not only had I fallen off, but clumsily, I brought Videl along with me. I'm sorry, Videl. It was my fault that we lost our balance and hurled out of our road to happiness. As we plunged deeper into the realms of the fiery darkness, one could only hope to be granted a soft landing as they swallowed their fear aside and were led into the justice counts, to receive their final sentence.

I looked to my fiancé, who laid dismantled on the rugged ground, masking her face away from me; and I wiped away some of the burning water from inside my eyelids, just to see if she if she was all right. Throughout this whole ordeal, I was unsure as to why she hadn't left yet, as to why she just remained -just subsided- on the carpeted floor. And, she were covering her face with her hands too; I don't know if it was from shame or from shock... but... she had been there for minutes now. Although I was so distraught and encompassed with such overwhelming, convincing feelings to run, I felt the equally intense need to stay. Even though I had been the cause of her pulling away from me, I only wanted to hug her, to hold her tightly in my arms and tell her that I was so sorry for what had happened. Then, I could confess to her all of the sins of my past; then the burden that had held me down these past four years could finally be lifted from atop my shoulders.

"Videl," I tried to mutter out, but to no avail. My broken heart would not allow any words to escape from the cracks. I felt another tear dibble by, down my cheeks and into the wet covers, as I reached out my hand for Videl. It felt like I was reaching into eternity. She didn't even look up... As I realized the love of my life had just drifted away from me.

I swallowed down some phlegm and tried to call her again. No... I couldn't even try anymore. This was useless. It seemed she had already cast her decision. ''I'm so sorry,'' was all I wanted to say. Just this one time, maybe I could've been a little braver. Just this once, maybe I would not be so afraid of my feelings. She hated me so much already, that there were no use in trying to change her heart's rationale... at least for the time being. I sighed in retreat and lowered my head down into my lap. There was nothing I could do. I lost hope of everything...
So, I just sat there... for about 10 minutes I just sat there. I was sorry, I was so sorry, but I couldn't find any why to apologize to her. I had done so many shameful and disturbing deeds in the past, I still didn't know how someone could've ever forgiven me for those vicious acts. And, to fall in love with me? Even worse! Videl... what was the difference in this case? She wouldn't forgive me either... and, I really could not blame her for deciding to.

I finally stood up from the boundaries withholding me in, and I looked over myself. A low timid laugh suddenly jumped out of my throat, just by glancing down at myself. Ha ha ha ha... this was kind of silly. All of this shit happened because some bastard just didn't want to tell his own fiancé that he wanted to fuck her. And all this happening right now because he had no clue as to how to control himself. He even had a fucking wet dream over it. Ha ha ha... and on his fiancé, too. Ha ha ha ha... what a riot. This was pretty funny. But, the tears from my eyes still continued to pour down from my face.

I had become delirious. I was so delusional... after my emotions now took control of my actions. My brain had completely shut down from that point..I didn't even know what the hell I was doing anymore. This stupid, worthless fuck. I hated myself so much... I hate you... I hate you... I hate you, you son of a bitch.

God, just let me die...please... Hell or Heaven, I don't care. Just let me get away from here; just let me go home.

"Gohan..." a woman's voice called to me. But, being as delusional as I was, I thought it had been an angel from above speaking to my heart, leading me to eternal happiness that awaited my soul. I looked up to the ceiling.

"Where are you...?" I called. "...Am I ready now?" She looked at me rather oddly, I could tell. Well, how ever you put it, I wasn't completely wrong. For there was an angel speaking to me... my ethereal angel -named Videl.

"Gohan, sit down," she said sternly again. I turned and stared. She had such a grave, angered expression on her face; she was being so deathly serious with me... But, what could I do? I had to get out of there. I cautiously took a few steps toward the door until I heard Videl's voice call for me the third time. "Gohan..." she restated, infuriated, while standing, "I said... sit down," she voiced again. "Don't make me repeat myself, dammit." ... She said it... only this time she had such a blaze in her eyes, her breathing rate increased so heavily, and oh my God... it looked like she was looking to kill me herself.

I tried to bravely stand my ground as I noticed my fiancé steadily approaching me. I couldn't move even if I wanted to; my body was frozen in horror... in pure, deathly horror. She came closer to me. I could feel my heart skipping complete beats at a time while a few more tears drizzled down my cheek. I don't think I even had a heart anymore... She took her last two steps toward the shadow I shaped over her. And, she looked up. Up at the face which had held her in bondage all of this time. Well, Videl... this face won't hold you down anymore... I won't keep you away from the world. I'll set you free just like you wanted. ...And that's what I told her."Videl..." I said, feeling another sparkling tear drop down my drowning face. At the very sight of her... what beauty my eyes did not deserve to see. I began to sob loudly and covered my face. Hardly audible, but in a grand enough voice, I cried, "I won't... hold you back anymore! I can't!" My crackling voice spoke. She stopped dead in her tracks in front of my feet, with the anger still beaming in her eyes. "If you want to go, you're free to go," I continued. "No matter how much I love you... you have to leave me. Before I hurt you any longer..." She blinked slowly and started. "Videl...!" I sobbed, and dropped to the floor. I couldn't face her... so I went to her feet. "A-a...a...hn..." ... But, she still kneeled down to my level, and touched the top of my shoulder with her right hand.

I heard her teeth let out a soft sigh, a piteous soft sigh... Her face was so close to mine that I could feel her breath following with it. I paused and tried to halt my sobbing for the moment... I felt her skin against me. Her hand followed the trace of my neck muscles and went to my cheek. She began to caress it slowly... and, I almost died. "Because of this, Gohan...?" she'd asked me, and looked down over myself. ...She actually spoke to me...and she still touched me... after that. Suddenly, from the untold emotions that she retained in her heart, her arms flung around me, and embraced me, in a hug that I will never forget from this day forth.

Was I shaking, I wondered? Was I even breathing anymore? I didn't know; I couldn't tell. All my life... was focused on that moment in time... with my Videl... my precious angel. I really loved her.

What was she doing? Didn't she hate me? And, even if I weren't the most vile element put on this Earth, after what I had just done... it were enough to have all of the women in this world escape from this room, with this body, that this soul rested in. But, no... not Videl... and not only did she refuse to leave the room, and not only did she detest to leaving me alone... but she was sitting here, just hugging me, in those sticky, dirty, semen-stained night-ware garments.

"I... I-I... V-videl..." I stuttered once more, as she placed a single finger to my mouth. Another droplet of salted water trickled down my face in this massive ocean of emotions. She tightened her grip around my shoulders more as I felt her face turn towards my left ear.

And, she whispered into it, "...Stop it, Gohan..." she said, "Stop this fear." I listened. "It's eating you up inside; it''s destroying your heart. If you let it go... all of your problems... would have drifted away." Then, she reached her left hand up to my saturated face, wiping the falling water with her little fingers. And, the tone in her voice completely turned upside-down. From anger, to temperamental, to pity, and now to soft and endearing. "Son Gohan... remember back when we could tell each other everything? When nothing could keep us apart from one another? Not even life and death..." She paused and swallowed. In her hesitation, I turned my face and opened my burning, crying eyes to look at her... "Back when none of this mattered, when no matter how weird we sounded to each other, we still told each other every lasting drop of our feelings? ...What's happened Gohan?" And, she took my right cheek in her careful palm. "What's happened to us...?" ...Quite a question, indeed."I want to... " she voiced, "...I want to make love to you so badly, but... being here right now, in this situation here... it's making me start to hold off things even more. If you really wanted to do this with me... "she said, soothingly moving her right fingers at the small of my neck. That slowly set me off. "...Son Gohan... all you had to do was kindly ask me... and I wouldn't have hesitated a minute to adhere your wishes," she said in a sultry tone. "I want to taste you just as much as you want to act on me... I want to love you in every single way you can think of, too..." She looked into my eyes so deeply... "And, I want to lick you... and I want to ride you... and not a minute goes by where I don't want to feel that body of yours inside of mine..." Videl...Wait a minute... no, stop it, please... "Gohan, I don't want you feeling bad for having these feelings. Like I told you before, you are not the only one. You'll never know how much I love you. I would do anything for you, and you know that. I'm here if you need to talk. Or, if you need someone to touch, or to placate your desires... for anything. I will always be here for you... and it hurts me inside to know that you are keeping your thoughts to yourself, while I am the one giving my heart out to you.

"If you want to touch me, then for God's sake, touch me! If you want to kiss me, you had better kiss me deeply, with everything you have. If you want me to help you in any way, I will do the best I can..." ...Videl... still I am astonished by your overpowering soul... "And... if you don't think you can wait until our marriage to make love to me, then... you don't have to wait. But, you have to understand where I'm coming from too, Gohan. This isn't exactly easy for me either. In fact, it's one of the worst kinds of acts to ever have to go through. It is so truly hard, to watch you fall asleep, see you everyday next to me, feeling those safe, warm arms around me, holding me while I drift off myself ... and to know that I can't really have you yet. I've ran out of ideas...-and I commend the couples who stay pure till their wedding night- because it is so hard to do this..." she kissed the sides of my left cheek, and lingered there for a good 5 seconds before lifting her lips from it. "If you want to stop this pain... then we'll do it. We will make love to each other. Just like we always wanted, okay...? I don't want you suffering any longer. ...But, you're going to have to tell me every single one of your dreams." And, she ended it with an simple, yet captivating smile. "Think that could be arranged...?"

A grin escaped my lips. Videl... oh, my God...I am so sorry. I really should've told you about this earlier... But, I thought you wanted it this way? To wait until we were married to do this? ...Don't you know what you are doing to me...? Being this awfully close to you, smelling your sweet smell, is giving me such an itch, such an awful craving for you... that I simply cannot control it any longer. My now heavy breathing quickly paced higher... I can't stand feeling this way... even after what just happened, I still got erected from hearing her words. I tried to stop myself, but that never works anyway ... I knew myself too well to be fooled by it. I tried to wipe my face with my idle hand as we both joined in kneeling down on the carpet. I noticed my libido building up more as I felt her warm body press against my own. But, that wasn't going to stop me. Nothing was going to stop me from holding my Videl... nothing right now could tear me away from this moment. ...At all. I will shut all of my fears away. I promise I'll unite with you.
Now, God, please... Just let me make love to her.