Disclaimer: Aren't you tired of these disclaimer things? lol XD I don't own DBZ for the freggin' umpteenth time! ...But writing stories about the characters is another thing... hehehe
A.N.- Yes, another chapter (and it's kinda long...)! And so much sooner than the last... well, even though the last took two years to finally finish it... .. Sorry again for that! I hope you'll enjoy this one though! And, by the way, thank you sooooooo much for your awesome-blossom reviews on this thing. They really give me inspiration and help me to go on. It makes me want to do even more for you all, so thank you very much (again):D I'm planning on ending this story soon... maybe not this chapter, but most likely, in the next... or the next after the next, maybe...lol ... I'll see! XD Love yas! And thanks for reading it, in advance! You guys should give me an e-mail so I can actually thank you personally! It's hard to thank anonymous readers! lol
Hopefully I didn't make it... too long ; A lotta stuff happens...
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From the forest, to the hills, to the unwavering sky...
Anticipation is another monster of mine that I've been dying to control over my lifetime. This particular emotion does wonders to damage your being, not because of what it is, but because it encompasses so much of your daily life... not just with fighting, with women, or with just wanting a feast to eat... this particular monster of a mental state is one that you carry along with you, changing every second, depending on your varying levels of excitement and fear within that day.
But, why is it that we always want to know what lies ahead of us? What's so wrong with being surprised of an event? I wish someone would tell me what is so difficult about waiting until the moment unfolds...? Because after that, once living in the moment, the world around you would be served upon an open platter, where you can finally see and touch and taste and feel everything that is tangible in this world; where all possibilities are open for experimentation with its existence being everlasting. ...It is a lot easier than you fail to realize.
All of these thoughts entered and raped my mind as I gazed as this wondrous beauty before me. Draped in the classics of nothing but a simple bed sheet, I could do nothing but stare and allow my heart to react in the ways most natural. ...But, my anticipation was forcing me to get ahead of myself... I apologize, but I have to commence this from the beginning.
If you need a little advice as to not skip ahead... Just ask me; I am the self-proclaimed master of knowing how to wait.
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"So, these dreams have been happening ever since we've gotten together?" Videl asked a simple question. We were flying home together, side by side, attempting to make conversation about my recent predicament... I really, honestly still didn't want to talk about it... but... after all of this...I knew... I should.
"Well... to tell you the truth, it began before we had gotten together, too..." I uneasily admitted to her. "Just... not as equally intensified, as the ones are now... I suppose."
"Hmm..." she then replied a simple reply. She began drifting closer to me, unaware of it or not. I couldn't distinguish her feelings from just her face; she just continued looking forward into the early morning, cloudy horizon. "And what did they consist of?" She continued her wonders, finally turning her head to me.
"Ah... um..." I looked at her for a while, but eventually, my gaze gave up the act and looked toward the city below us... "Not all of them were as risque as the others... a lot have been pretty decently PG-rated... it's just the ones lately that have not..." I looked up at her again, in fear that she would get angry about the purpose misdirections of my eye contact. "I think it's just my sexual tension." I grinned a little. "I am a man, after all."
"That isn't what makes it okay, Gohan..." She commented on my words with a calming expression. "You don't have to make excuses for it. You dream about it just because you do... just because your subconscious mind is usually your outlet for your emotions. No matter how contorted they are from what you'd actually do in real life... your emotions and mind work together still, to form the infrastructure for them. Besides..." She smiled, "As I've said before, you aren't the only one. And, I am definitely not 'a man.'" A quick grin floated to my face.
"I sure hope not..." I added, jokingly, smiling back. "I mean, you never know... I haven't exactly seen you naked yet..." Videl immediately shot in toward me.
"HEY! Hahahaha!" and gave me a quick, playful shove. "With comments like that, I don't know how willing I'll be when it comes down to getting undressed in front of you. You should say things more positive! Like... 'Ohh, my baby, you are such a hunk of beautiful goddess-ness. To touch is to tease! Let me love you, for my appetite is almost insatiable. Meeooww!'" ...Uh... I was blank with any words, in my voice or on my face.
"You are such a weird girlfriend..." I smiled, tauntingly, embracing her in a hug.
"What!" she retorted. "You can't talk! You are a dorky boyfriend, yourself...!"
"Well, I never argued against that..." I held her closer to myself. "If you didn't like my dorkiness, I don't think you'd be with me after all this time..." Videl quieted down her tone as I gently kissed the top of her hair.
"Well... I never argued against that, either..." she replied softly, allowing me to hold her underneath myself as her flying started slowing down its pace... I continued my embrace upon her, and sustained the both of us with my ki only. "I think, maybe you should fly just a little faster home..." she noted.
"That's why I'm holding you..." I replied. "If I can even make it home at all." She waited for a while, and then peeped up at me.
"Huh...?" she asked the obvious question. I hesitated responding myself a little.
"My heart is beating so out of control..." I acknowledged. "I shouldn't anticipate this so much though... knowing myself, I'll probably get nervous and back out of this at the last minute out of apprehension."
"You think your problems are always so unequalled, don't you? How many times do I have to tell you: you're not the only scared one, you know..." my fiancé answered. We both were quiet for a while, just to enjoy the scenery overlooking the trees... or just searching for something to say. Her little hands made their way to her stomach, where mine were holding fast unto her.
"But..." I began, "Although I do feel this way... it feels like I can't even wait long enough to get us home... that I could just make love to you in the forest right now, right below us." ...I felt the grip on my hands get ever so slightly tighter after hearing my last statement.
"Then..." she began, "Maybe you should fly a little more faster."
I grinned momentarily and said, "Let's see if I can break my record."
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I am claiming to be no all-knowing saint here... but I've had quite a few experiences in my lifetime that've dealt with fear and doubt. I've learned that it's okay to have reasonably acceptable fears; everyone has had experience with at least one in their lifetime, whether they choose to admit it or not. It is always the easy road out to either avoid, or choose to ignore your fears. But, the warrior should always face them. You can never experience life if you continue to hide from them. Fears, troubles, problems... in order to mature, you must grow and experience these things as individuals.
Unfortunately, I've had to learn this the hard way. Who knew that facing your fears could be so... revealing of your character? I don't know if I should be, but... I'm... unusually excited. Not the excitement that a kid gets, waiting to go to their favorite theme park; but the kind that's so fathomless... so overpowering... so overclouding... that if you tried to possibly think of something else, you would only be lying to yourself about your emotions. This... is what I was feeling. The feeling that people would get if they knew a meteor was about to hit their planet and there wasn't a thing they could do. The spectacle would be so frightening... yet so rare and miraculous at the same time.
This was my internal conflict of interests.
Once we had arrived at our designated location, we dusted ourselves off a bit and put our winter coats back on (that we had left at home), since the weather was absolutely blood-suspending. We'd entered our home, only to discover that it was almost the same temperature in there, as it were outdoors. I wasn't that surprised that we were cold in the first place... all that time, and we were still dressed in our pajamas.
"Holy crap!" Videl exclaimed, rubbing her arms together. "Is the heat not working again? What is it this time?"
"..." I walked up behind her, and increased my ki 1,000 folds. I wrapped my arms around her tummy as passively as I could (but still enough to feel my passions), and held her against my chest to inflame her with my heat... bodily and emotionally. Inside this frigid vessel, to me, it was burning inside... it was just so hot... everything relating to my feelings felt like it was increased 1,000 folds. Videl kind of looked to the floor, and covered my folded hands with hers on her stomach.
"You know..." she began, making a sly smile to match her words, "No matter how much I like this feeling, you can't possibly think to make love to me in your Mystic form, do you? You'll blow me out... literally. There's a limit to 'liking it rough,'" she chuckled a little. But... I didn't understand her humor; I only blinked.
"Well... this isn't exactly the Mystic form yet..." a reply escaped my mouth. I felt Videl's expression change... from a joyful to a surprised one. "It... would have to get a million times more greater than this... without exaggerations..." I uneasily said. "But no, I wasn't planning to... Videl..."
"I...I see..." she said to the floor, not saying much of anything afterward for a good ten seconds. Maybe I'd released too much... She then, changed her view and turned her body toward me. "I was just surprised, is all... Not even at your fullest power... and already, you could still destroy me so easily... as like an insignificant speck of dust. You... are truly amazing." And, she reached around to adhere to me. I wasn't so sure of that statement...
"... To you, it may seem that way, " I vocalized, timidly, putting a chin on her head of hair. "For me... it's no miracle... my power's almost a curse... I have to be incredibly careful not to destroy any and everything that I touch. Even in standard, everyday activities... I have to be as gentle... as light... and as careful as I can... But, even sometimes, that is still never enough, and I end up harming things that are the dearest to me." I said this next sentence while glimpsing down at her. "And, I don't want you being part of that list, Videl..." I were feeling the emptiness welling up inside of me again; but this is my normal reaction whenever thinking about this subject. This was likely not a pleasant sign that I had gotten used to this feeling... "Even in my 'normal' form, I'm like a walking demolisher. Sure, all that strength is good for fighting, but... there's always not going to be some huge adversary to beat. I'm going to spend the majority of my life as a normal individual, living outside of a life of being forced to fight." And, I looked up to the ceiling. "...If I had it my way, I would've rather been born a normal human, than to be cursed with this power." I scoffed, "Hah! 'What a waste of power,' people tell me. You could've been the strongest in the universe, you know.' 'How could you not want to fight? It's in your blood.'"
Videl crept her head up to eventually gaze up at me; a soft, piteous sigh evaded her lips. I continued on... "But they just don't understand...They're not me. I've already told them before... I don't like to fight... I'll fight when I'm left with no other ultimatum... but that's it. It's mostly because I don't like to cause conflict with people... I don't like to argue, I don't like to hurt... especially the innocents. Yet, what can I do? What else can I say to make them understand? Fighting is not my sole purpose for living... I'm looking for something greater than just strength. Is it so utterly wrong of me to have... other ways of becoming happy?"
"Of course not, Gohan," Videl replied to me. I didn't feel at ease at all though...
"And, don't merely say that because you are my fiancé," I said, holding a hand to my forehead.
"Heh... I'm not, don't worry, " she reassured me. "But... I think I see more clearly where your fear comes from. ...At least I can tell you that much." Hmm...
"So..." I started, "If you were in my situation, you would choose the normal life over the extensive amount of power...?"
"HELL no, are you crazy? To be the strongest in the universe, let alone, being a female! That would be just too kick-ass of an opportunity for me to pass up!" Ha ha ha... my Videl is too silly. I smiled out of the humor she brought. "Though... that opinion is solely my own," she continued, "I don't think you should worry yourself about what others think is best for you. You know yourself better than anyone else ever could."
"Except for you..." I'd spoken to her. "Sometimes you read my mind like an open book."
"Only because I'm hella smart," she announced, then dove into my arms for another hug. "Or, maybe I've just been around your crazy butt for so long."
"Heh...Not long enough though..." I replied. "Never..." My time with you will never be long enough... even when we're at our dying old age, I know I'll still be begging for an extra five minutes of your life here with me... Vast images from scenes of the past snaked into my mind then. Guh... stop it... don't think of such depressing things... this will only deter you more from what you two came here to do together... Get your psyche together, self.
Videl had been staring up at myself, as if she had known what'd been going through my head just then... I really need to learn how to make my facial expressions not so conspicuous. "Don't... talk about that... Gohan..." Videl had countered indeed, matching the words I were commanding to myself. "Let us go upstairs, okay? If you are still feeling your doubts, then we can still wait, all right? No pressure." And, she lightly nudged me. "So...?"
I felt a sigh be released from deep within the pit of my lungs. "I'll see how far I can get."
"Without hiding the fear– but confronting and getting through it, right...?"
"Yeah... I was getting pretty tired of my secret self, anyway..." She smiled... and opened a hand for me to hold. Videl offered me an encouraging air of hope in that one right arm... although at this point, it felt like even if I had all of her courage... it wouldn't have been enough to dissuade my subconscious mind into the mix.
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This... was not going to be easy. I knew it from the sound of things from the beginning. If I were already having these doubts, and we hadn't even begun to undress, how would I eventually feel when brought face-to-face with this terrible dread? I will trust Videl... I will attempt to trust my own self. But, if I continue hurting her this way... if it could never change, then I'll be content with being forever untouched. I've only wished for you happiness, Videl... but I don't know how happy sterile married couples could be.
"Ah, I forgot... the sheets are ready for the other bed," Videl announced. "I'll go get them. In the meantime, you can just... get ready for bed, okay?"
"Sure, Videl," I answered. The mirthful woman smiled a gleeful smile and headed in the basement to get the bedroom sheets. ..Leaving me with my thoughts to prison me until she got back. ...I should've went to help her... at least I would've been bothered by other things in that present situation, than to keep my brain busy with these delaying insecurities. Suddenly, I began hearing this weird classical music in my head... I was unsure of whether or not I had been conjuring it up, but... it was deathly calming. The notes danced up and down the scale in their own fashionable design, almost as if it were a symbol of my up and down struggles with my confidence, recently. Please, self, discontinue this courtship in nervous waters. Allow my heart to trust in what I know and accept those that I am unaware of... give me the courage to not lose control of my feelings...
Suddenly, I felt a weird surge of heat coming from all around me; it couldn't have just been me, could it? She sure was taking her time down there; or maybe it's just my patience ridiculing my psyche. Maybe Videl somehow found the problem with the heater... or, maybe I'm going berserk.
"Gohan... I'm back..." I heard a voice call behind me. "I've been calling you for a while, now. Were you in one of your dream lands again?" She began walking toward me with the covers in both hands.
"Yeah... sorry..." I emitted from my mouth. "Need some help with that?" I asked, turning to face her. As soon as I caught a glimpse of her in the parched moonlight, a wave of energy suddenly swept over me. What the... I saw nothing that resembled a shirt, or even a bra upon her shoulders where they once were placed beforehand. All that covered her form was a simple bed sheet and the soul that she protected the rest of her emotions with. This brings us to the present. "V-VIDEL!" a voice bursted out from within me. I immediately turned my body around and shouted, "P-put some clothes on, Videl! Why are you so suddenly like this!" More than a blush swept over my face as my mind tried to catch up its pace with my heart. It was a wonder that my parents couldn't hear my ranting from the next house over...
"Gohan..." the mystifying woman roused out to me. "Would you please turn around...?" A shock rose from my nerves. I most definitely wanted to, Videl... but...
"But..." I repeated the inner me. "But, I..." I couldn't go on... It was just impossible for me to find the words to respond to my setting. Videl was probably getting upset with my decision to not do as she said, and I don't blame her. Would I ever discover a way to act upon my feelings? Why... why do I always let my mind be the decision-maker in these seemingly automatic options? I thought I had accepted myself, after all.
This was almost as nerve wreaking and tiresome as those few seconds you endure before swallowing a large pill. Doing so was supposed to make you feel better, but at the same time, you're afraid you won't be able to sip it down correctly and would choke on it instead. But to get it just right in your mouth... letting your tongue be the sensor saying 'it's okay'... is the feeling that I'm having now. Except, unfortunately for me, I was afraid of swallowing my tongue as well. I think I spend too much time analogizing, and much less time putting them to any use.
Videl's arms unexpectedly captured my waist and she slowly pressed her body against my back. From sensing her heat, her soft mounds of flesh, and the way her curves outlined my posterior, my mind created an image of how she really would've looked if only I could've just turned around... "Gohan," she called, "Please understand..." she started, "I'm not doing this to make you even more fearful. I just didn't believe you would've taken any initiative unless I made it clear that this was what I wanted..."
"Y-You...You are indeed, v-very direct, Videl," I shakily commented behind me.
"Gohan..." a sigh left her, "...Just relax."
"Easy for you to say!" I replied in haste. My breathing became heavily doused with the pressure from my heart, "H-How am I supposed to calm down like this? I-I mean, n-no one has ever told me how to deal with this! I don't know what to do! I don't..." I felt her hands easily graze across my belly, "I don't know..." I wasn't yelling for the purpose of upsetting my fiancé; I was just incredibly angry with myself. Stop being so stupid, will you? Take her in your arms and release all this tension! Just go have sex with her, already! What the hell are you waiting for, idiot! Just fuck her, just fuck her, just fuck her; you know you want to. Isn't that the reason you're getting married to her? Weren't you just counting down the fucking days until your wedding date, next year! (No...) Aren't you happy that you now get this chance to break your promise? You didn't want to control your lusting any longer, so instead, you force Videl to sleep with you anyway, and now you act like this crybaby selfish bastard? (Shut-up!) What the hell do you want anyway? No one wants an indecisive fucker like you! Get out of your shell and just do it already! (Enough!)
"Gohan!" Videl snapped at me. "I'm seriously getting tired of the way you're acting! What the hell is the problem with you? Haven't we gone over this already?" She took her arms from around me, and stepped back three steps. "If you want to just wait, then, we can still wait, but if you want to continue, then act like you want to continue! Do you know what it feels like to constantly be denied?" I peeked around my shoulder a bit, just enough to see Videl's actions. "Seriously... " and she spoke more slowly now, "I've done everything I could to help you... you said you wanted to wait with me, so I waited; you said then that you couldn't hold it in, so I told you to let me help you deal with it; then you say that you want to have sex after all, and I offer myself to you, in the most direct fashion, and yet... nothing continues to work! What... am I supposed to do? Tell me, what is it that you want from me? Just speak the words and I'll gladly follow... but you need to know it yourself, Gohan." She stepped back a little further... "Figure it out for yourself... Because without you knowing it beforetime, I couldn't please you even if I wanted to."
While Videl was still talking, my cursed mind continued to blurt out words to me as well.
She continued, "Maybe you just need some time alone on this..." Maybe I just need some screwing time with you. "I can always go back to sleep in my room, so that you won't feel so pressured, Gohan..." I can always sneak into your room late at night and fuck you, too. "If you're still worried about hurting me while having sex, I told you that you'd just have to trust me... Just be gentle and careful... I'll tell you if and when it does, okay?" It will surely hurt, Videl... I will definitely see to that. (...I give up.)
"I... I don't..." I briskly replied. The anger with myself had reached it's boiling point. "I don't want to..."
"You... 'don't want to'...?" She asked, "You... don't want to trust me?" I balled two fists in both of my hands; so hard, I could've sworn that they were bleeding.
"I..." then I raised my voice, "I don't want to be gentle!" I roared at the top of my lungs, feverishly startling Videl. "I-I want to be able to show you everything I have! I want to be able to love you with all of my heart! It's impossible for me to make love to you with only a fraction of my power!" My ki rose to the point of even shaking the floor beneath us a little. No matter how hard I tried to suppress it... my anger... my rage... my helplessness... makes it so impossible. "Why can't I be free in my emotions? Why do I always have to be the 'careful' one? Why can't I make love to you like a normal man...!" I sat on the floor in my helplessness... self-pity is the other emotional trap I'd tried to be rid of since last night. I can't feel sorry for myself... I won't allow it. I held my forehead in my hands and sighed out of my emotional drain. My ki level went back to normal as I waited for a response, which I knew Videl had been conjuring up.
I heard Videl wrap the sheets around her a bit more as she silently watched my predicament. Her light footsteps eventually crept closer to where I was sitting, and soon, the new sunrise hid from behind her bosom. "Because..." Videl began speaking, "You are NOT a normal man." I took my hands from my head a portion. "That's why." I raised my head a little more to set my back straight once again.
"I don't want to be 'not normal'..." I remarked to the carpeted floor.
"That is 'a little impossibility' within itself. You cannot change who you are." She knelt down to be at my level. "Not even for a second." I sighed again... too damn bad. "I don't know why you are so dissatisfied with the way you are. I... I fell in love with you because of who you are. Don't focus on what you're not... be glad and appreciate what you have. It's a gift, Gohan... A gift from your parents, from your Saiyan race, from your heritage... you can't just want to throw all of that away, just for a silly session of sex that wouldn't even be half as significant."
"..." I didn't know what else to say... I was left completely speechless.
"At least... I applaud you for being so forward with me... for once, heh... Thanks for not lying about how you felt... and thanks for not bottling it up."
"But, you kind of already knew parts of that..." I replied, as a matter of factly.
"Well, I... didn't know how angry you were about it... I thought you were angry at yourself because you couldn't hold it in, not because you didn't want to..."
I chuckled a little. "There's barely a difference..."
"It's enough of a difference for me," she said back. She turned me around to face her. "Look..." and she opened the sheets that covered her torso... revealing another outfit underneath it.
I laughed at the stupidness of it all. "I'm such an idiot, Videl! Hahaha!"
"Heheh... it's okay..." she said, and covered her shoulders back up. "So... what is it that you want...? From me... from this relationship...?" I ceased my smiling face and thought hard about this for a minute. "Oh, and..."my fiancé reminded me, "Don't think about it too much. You tend to over think and pick apart everything to the point of making meanings seem meaningless."
"You're right..." I responded. I lent over and gave her a... 'gentle' hug. "Can I say sorry now?"
"Hm..." She smirked, and gave me a receiving hug back. "If it will make you feel better." My eyebrows came up together in an arch...
"I'm... really sorry... for putting you through this, Videl."
"Hm..." she said again, "I don't accept your apology."Uhh...
"...Say what?" I asked, still hugging her. Although this was an awkward moment to be hugging...
"I'll only accept it..." and she pulled back from my hold a little, "...if you make out with me today." My eyes widened. "Then I will forgive you. Right here; right now."
I beamed a smile, trying to keep it in as much as I could, but it ultimately stretched out into a huge grin. "I think I've decided on what I want, Videl..." Her ears almost seemed to literally perk up as she heard my words. "I want... to wait again. I want to learn to deal with my power during these situations so that I'll know exactly what to do at that given time... I want to give our relationship, and our first time together... significance." She couldn't help but to share the same dopey grin as I had.
"Okay," she simply said running a few fingers through her hair. "Can't say I'm not a little disappointed though. ...I wanted to make out with you."
"We can still make out..." I answered. "And stop that pouty face."
"Booooo... I don't wanna wait another year," she pouted some more.
"Too bad, you already agreed..." This made the woman in front of me fake a whine, while tugging at my pajama's collar.
"Hey..." Videl said, breaking out of her 'depression,' "Can I at least see you naked today then?"
"Maybe tomorrow... I'm too sleepy for all that excitement now... didn't get an ounce of rest last night you know..."
"Promise me for later tonight then?"
"Um... you really want to see it that badly, don't you?" I teased her. I didn't expect her next answer though...
"Of course I do! I wanted to see you naked ever since we got together!" I bursted out in laughter once again. "Or, maybe it was even before then, hehe..."
"Pervert!" exclaimed this worn out half-Saiyan. "I take back what I said earlier... you are no angel! You devil woman! You evil, evil, conniving, sex-crazed, devilish, devily woman! Hahahaha!" I let my joyfulness linger on a bit to ease this once tense situation. It felt as it all of the world were in my hands. Even only about an hour ago... when I thought I was so ready for this ordeal, I only lucklessly discovered the opposite. With these new thoughts in my mind... how I was going to wait; what I was going to do with my power... I couldn't help but to be slightly perplexed. I sighed out another gust of air. "...I... have to figure out how to get used to this... I don't know how I'm supposed to learn to balance my passion with my compassion..."
"That's what I'm here for," Videl gave me a quick answer. "We'll take things one step at a time, rather than all at once like we attempted to do today... and what'd probably happen on our wedding night."
"Yes..." I complied with her, and flashed another grin. "We start tomorrow on our journey... but one step at a time, as you said– with little microscopic baby steps. We have a whole year to stretch out this period of 'practice,' after all."
"Hmm... a whole year, huh?" Videl replied, placing an arm around my neck.
"It will go by fast, I'm sure." I at least wanted to sound a little reasonable before this night was through. Videl was silent for a moment to think.
She blurted out, "So... can we elope...?"
"Absolutely not! Hahaha!" I leaned my head back against the bed and relished in my blitheness some more. My Videl... I could write an entire novel on what she meant to me– also, on this worry, this passion, this playfulness, these hellish thoughts, this power, these enigmatic actions, this lust and this love, all in the same story.
"I think I'm going to bed, Gohan. You should too. It's damn near 7am." Videl would play the lead of course, and I, the narrator. The one cursed to belie the story to everyone; the one who was forced to tell the truth in order to get an honest reaction from the audience.
"I'm going, also..." I spoke, "Are we still sleeping together, or would that mess up our practicing?"
"I'll sleep with you if you want me to."
"Then, that is a 'yes,' " I replied. One would think that forcing yourself to wait for another is just ridiculous... especially to the point of where I brought this to. But, I'm not just waiting for her anymore... I'm waiting for me. My brain had to catch up with my heart's set course of planned actions. This sex before or after marriage thing will only bring you as much significance as you put into it. The amount of time spent with or without sex doesn't make your relationship any more significant. It's the time... the energy... the passion, and the work that you put into building that relationship and purely loving that person for who they are... that is what beings relationships significance. ...I know that now.
So, what if you've waited ten years before having sex? Or maybe you've waited only five years, or one year, or even two months. Sex does not define a romantic relationship... I don't want to marry to look forward to sex... I want to marry Videl because I love her with all of my heart, my soul and my being. Making love is a wonderful, extra pleasure that two people can share... but it is not a necessity. It's an activity to do together, like all others. I'm not afraid of waiting. I'm not afraid of losing the virgin race with a bunch of hormones. What I'm most afraid of is never speaking to Videl again... never seeing her, touching her, tasting her, or listening to her. She is what makes my world a valid place to live in. She is what brings the joy to my life. You want to know what brings me significance--? ...Listening to her gentle breathing at night while she's falling asleep. She brings my horrid, crazy, wondrous, atypical, cautious, gentle, awkward, special, troubling, tension-filled, joyous, unpredictable, pretentious, stressful, fulfilling, and loving life... A whole new meaning.
As we lied on the mattress together, in that dusk to dawn transition, I could only imagine what this new day had in store for us. What new transitions did our fate have in mind? What would become of our still-blossoming, romantic red rose? These questions... Having an overactive mind, such as myself, is very difficult to sleep at times; all you do is stay up to think of new ideas, solutions, questions and theories, along with whatever completely random topic your subconscious decides to throw in, also. But, somehow, it seemed that knowing the answers to them really didn't matter much... because I knew whatever trials destiny threw at us, I could still find my inner peace just knowing that Videl would be by my side, cheering me on without a doubt in mind. It's okay to not know your future.
Anticipation... a bitter enemy of mine... but also the cause and center of my excitement. ...I can hardly wait until forever grants me my wish.