My first ficcy! Yay! I don't own anything Star Wars. And you have to review bc this is my first and I will cry with out knowing what you all think! So please tell me what you think.
She sits alone, she is always alone. She has always chosen to be alone. Her life was made for politics. She was on the Senate at such a young age. Had finished her higher learning even earlier. And then, in the dreadful climax, she watched Alderaan be destroyed. Watched the planet that she called her home be blown to pieces. She was now the Last Princess of Alderaan, the Princess without a world.
At nineteen most girls were worrying about things like what to wear to the next party. Or if they were smart and wanted to go to school, to college, then they were worrying about the next exam. They all were not worrying about supply lists, Intel on the Imperials, or how to get rid of stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy looking, nerfherders. No most, if not all, girls would be delighted with the attention that the Caption expended onto her. Even if it was teasing her relentlessly, calling her stupid names, or making her blush just by catching her eye and upon realizing that he had; flashing her that lopsided grin and a wink.
She wondered if it was proper for everyone to trust to Leia all the responsibilities that she had. Because she questioned her sanity. Was she sane? 'No,' she concluded 'I am never going to be...human. I will always be seen as the Ice Princess.' She pulls out a journal that she has kept for some time now. She writes in it all her thoughts, hoping that if they are down on paper...they are no longer threatening to make her explode. In here she writes all her anger, frustration, fascination, and confusion about life...and about...people. Certain people...Okay fine. HAN. That thought bounces around her head as her thoughts race by at faster than light speed. They all have one common thread. Han. How does he always seem to bother her even when he's not around. Then she suddenly stops her thoughts with a final determined shake of her head. She could never be with Han. It wouldn't be right.
'Yes it would' her mind says as if it knows everything. 'No it wouldn't!' she argues back. She stops realizing one of the reasons that she had never felt that she missed out on anything in her "love life". She was arguing with herself over a guy. She let her shoulders slump as confusion overtakes her. She wishes that she could just have someone that she would be able to turn on and off. When she wanted to have him there than she could...turn him on like he was coin operated.
That thought, that idea bounces around and sparks ideas the way Han did only moments before.
"coin operated boy"
She writes in her journal. A small grin over takes her face as she continues off of that idea, writing what she wants for once, for she is so sure of this. So sure that here in this solitude it is alright to act her age. For once
"Coin operated boy
sitting on the shelf he is just a toy
but I turn him on and he comes to life
automatic joy
that is why I want a coin operated boy
made of plastic and elastic
he is rugged and long-lasting
who could ever ever ask for more
love without complications galore."
Yes, that is what she wants, love without complications galore.
"Many shapes and weights to choose from
I will never leave my bedroom
I will never cry at night again
wrap my arms around him and pretend..."
She sits in the "Falcon". She has just been taken off of Hoth by Han and Chewie. And as they pull out of the atmosphere, she finds a remote spot and sits with her journal. To continue the idea that she has had.
"Coin operated boy
all the other real ones that I destroy
cannot hold a candle to my new boy and I'll
never let him go and I'll never be alone
not with my coin operated boy..."
He kissed her. He actually did it. She doesn't know how he did it, but he did. And it was amazing. She finds that she wishes he would do it again. But somehow she doesn't very much like the idea of having been tricked into giving away her first kiss to a scoundrel. But according to him she likes him BECAUSE he's a scoundrel. And so with the ever present confusion in full force she writes.
"this bridge was written to make you feel smitten
with my sad picture of girl getting bitterer
can you extract me from my plastic fantasy
I didn't think so but I'm still convincible
will you persist even after I bet you
a billion dollars that I'll never love you
will you persist even after I kiss you
goodbye for the last time
will you keep on trying to prove it?"
And somehow she hopes that she's wrong and he'll keep trying to prove in his own weird way that he loves her.
"I'm dying to lose it...
I want it
I want you
I want a coin operated boy."
They are on Bespin now. And she is somewhat mad at Han again, they had an argument and then they resolved it. But she doesn't agree with him that they should trust Lando the way that they are. And as she sits with her writings in front of her yet again, she is still fascinated with the idea of a Coin Operated Boy.
"And if I had a star to wish on
for my life I cant imagine
any flesh and blood could be his match
I can even take him in the bath
coin operated boy"
Han is gone. After all that had happened, she was right, Lando had betrayed them all, given them all over to Vader. And freezing Han in carbonate. 'He is really gone' she thinks while the tears roll slowly down her cheeks, falling to their doom.
"And if I had a star to wish on
for my life I cant imagine
any flesh and blood could be his match
I can even take him in the bath
coin operated boy he may not be real experienced with girls
but I know he feels like a boy should feel
isn't that the point that is why I want a
coin operated boy
with his pretty coin operated voice
saying that he loves me that he's thinking of me
straight and to the point
that is why I want
a coin operated boy."
But now that she had finished her thought, over the course of many events, which was better? Han, or her coin operated boy?