A/N: If they were mine, I wouldn't be here. I would be in Japan, and my name would be Eiichiro Oda, and I would be rich. (Note: this is not the case. Woe.)

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Voiceover: We've taken seven average, ordinary teenagers, put them together on one boat, and had cameras record them at all times! This is it: The Real World: Going Merry Go!

Luffy: (Caption: Luffy, the "goofy troublemaker") I love meat and straw hats and kicking ass!
Zoro: (Caption: Zoro, the "lazy tough guy") Zzzzz...
Nami: (Caption: Nami, the "bitchy diva") Wait, "ordinary"? Have you been paying attention? -- Wait! Bitchy diva! I resent that!
Usopp: (Caption: Usopp, the "loud obnoxious one") Hey!
Sanji: (Caption: Sanji, the "obsessive-compulsive gay one") I'm--wait, GAY? That doesn't even make any sense!
Chopper: (Caption: Chopper, the "cuddly mascot") Why am I always the mascot? I'm more educated than almost all these other guys!
Robin: (Caption: Robin, the "mysterious, distant one") I hardly think I'm a teenager...

(Cut to the kitchen--er, galley. Kitchen. WTFever. Sanji is making breakfast.)

Sanji: Here you go, my beloved, my buttercup, my beautiful ray of sunshine!
Luffy: Thanks, Sanji! This looks great! (Digs in.)
Zoro: Zzzzz...
Usopp: (From the other room; shouting.) Saaaaaaaanji! Is breakfast ready?
Sanji: Yes, my long-nosed cabbage! I'm in here with Luffy-swan and Zoro-swan!
Usopp: (Coming in, still shouting.) Hey, you better watch what you say! You know how Zoro gets when you hit on him! He's tough! But can't speak for himself, as he is also lazy and currently taking a nap!
Sanji: Shh. Don't wake my precious little Marimo!
Usopp: Oh, don't worry! I doubt even Hurricane Nami could wake him! Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha I'm so funny!

(Cut to Nami camera-talking in private.)

Nami: So this morning, I come downstairs, and the guys are having breakfast or whatever, but then I hear Usopp make this crack at me. And I'm just like... what the hell. I mean, seriously. What the hell did I ever do to him? God. He just pisses me off so much, you know! Sometimes I can't even stand it. It's like... he can't even say it to my face. He's always gotta be going behind my back. (She sighs in frustration, shaking her head.)

(Cut back to the kitchen.)

Nami: (Running in, she nails him in the back of the head with her fist.) I heard that! Why do you have to be talking crap, Usopp? Huh? Why?
Usopp: Listen, it was just a joke, okay?
Nami: God. You always do this, you know? I just... I just can't take it anymore! You need to learn when to shut your mouth!

(Cut to Sanji camera-talking in private.)

Sanji: Oh, my god, I am so going to strangle Nami. We're all having breakfast, nice as you please, and then Usopp-swan makes this harmless little joke, and she comes in and starts freaking out! I swear. Women! (Rolls his eyes.) I don't mind Robin so much because, I swear, I hardly see her, but I wish Nami would just go away already.

(Cut back to the kitchen.)

Chopper: (Stumbling in. He is wearing Care Bear pajamas with a little nightcap on his head, clutching a fuzzy blanket. He rubs his eyes and yawns. It is the most adorable thing ever seen by mankind.) Hey. What's all the noise?
Others: Aww.
Sanji: Did we wake you, Chopper-swan? Here, let me fix you something!
Chopper: Can I have a chocolate shake?
Sanji: Of course! I will make it with all the love and care that I have in my heart, just for you!
Usopp: Hey, where's Robin?
Nami: God. Why do you always have to pry into other people's business, Usopp? Seriously. Just shut up, okay? Just shut up!
Sanji: Robin doesn't cause as much drama as the rest of us, so she gets less screen time.

(Cut to Robin camera-talking in private.)

Robin: I'm... not going to appear in this episode at all, am I.

(Cut back to the kitchen.)

Usopp: I SEE!
Chopper: Stop yelling! (Sips on his shake, which is very thick, thus making it difficult and somehow even more adorable.)
Usopp: Aww. Of course. (Pets Chopper, goes to his happy place.)
Sanji: Hey, you, hands off my Chopper-swan! (To Chopper.) Hands off my Usopp-swan! (Focus on Nami, looking hurt.)

(Cut to Usopp camera-talking in private.)

Usopp: Sanji is so greedy. He just wants to keep everyone to himself. It gets really irritating, you know? It's not like I'm jealous or whatever, but... it's obvious Nami totally has the hots for him. I know he's gay, but if they would just go off into the sunset together or whatever, I wouldn't have a problem with that.

(Cut back to the kitchen.)

Sanji: Luffy-swan, how is the bacon?
Luffy: (In-between mouthfuls.) Great!

(Cut to Luffy camera-talking in private.)

Luffy: God, Sanji makes the best bacon. Seriously. I've never had better bacon in my life. In fact, I want some more right now! (Gets up, wanders off.) Saaaaaaaanji!

(Cut back to the kitchen.)

Nami: Where's my breakfast?
Sanji: Make it yourself.
Nami: (Looks even more hurt.) Asshole! (Runs from the room, crying.)
Zoro: Zzzzz...

(Cut to Nami camera-talking in private.)

Nami: (Wiping away tears.) It's just like... I just want him to notice me, you know? In a positive way! I understand that he's gay, but that doesn't make it hurt any less! I feel like no matter what I do, I'm never going to be good enough! He's the only one that's even worth anything around this place, anyway. Especially compared to Zoro; all that guy ever does is sleep!

(Cut to Zoro camera-talking in private.)

Zoro: Zzzzz...

(Cut back to the kitchen.)

Sanji: What the hell's her problem?
Usopp: You have to be less insensitive to women, Sanji.
Sanji: What? What do I care about being sensitive to women?

(Cut to the front door. Yes, the front door of the ship. The doorbell rings. Yes, the doorbell on the ship. Nami, wiping away her tears of WOE, answers it. Vivi is standing on the other side. Both of them shriek and hug.)

Nami: Ohmygod! What are you doing here!
Vivi: We're going to go shopping, okay!
Nami: Ohmygod! Okay!

(Cut to Usopp camera-talking in private.)

Usopp: So Nami's best friend or whatever, Vivi, came to visit, which was cool, mainly because it got her out of the house for a little while. My head still hurts from where she hit me...

(Montage of Vivi and Nami going around town shopping. They docked at an island, okay? There are no plot holes in this story whatsoever.)

Vivi: Why is so much of this show devoted to you?
Nami: Because I'm the hottest, the bitchiest, and the most stylish. I am the poster child for the MTV generation.
Vivi: I see!
Nami: Ohmygod!
Vivi: Ohmygod!

(Cut back to the Going Merry Go.)

Usopp: ... Reality television sucks.

Voiceover: Next time, on The Real World: Going Merry Go, Nami says a tearful goodbye to Vivi. Luffy and Usopp have a confrontation over bacon. Chopper is adorable. Zoro has a nap.

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A/N: Oh! First, a million points to Bevin, who totally called it XD Am I that obvious?

Second, as a general rule, I never include Japanese in my writing, not even Japanese honorifics, but I 100-percent consider "-swan" as "not counting."

Also, I was going to include another "guest" besides Vivi, but Luffy got too caught up in Sanji's bacon (hm, that sounds vaguely euphemistic).

Also also, it's sort of become a thing for Usopp to get the last line. I'm not sure how that developed.

Music rec! OK Go. They have a new album coming out at the end of August, but until then, their self-titled is awesome, plus they have a three-song CDS for "Do What You Want."

Thank for reading, and stay tuned! ♥