Winds Not Seen

Prologue

Lily was dreaming again.

Logically, she knew she was lying on the crisp sheets of the dormitory room, surrounded by four others who never noticed her. But her mind didn't care, transporting through time to her memories that replayed over and over again, taunting and jeering at her. She didn't dream often but when she did, they were always haunted with ghosts of the past that fought and clashed with each other, swords rebounding together and echoing through the recesses of her mind. The dreams brought back the memories of the shock, the anger, and then the breaking of the dam. The sobs, the pleads, the barks of sharp commands – they were all there, and more that her mind had come up with in its spare time.

What was it that Marianna had said last week in the Common Room? Ah yes, Lily remembered now. She remembered with clarity every single word of the conversation, even in her sleep.

"Honestly, Sirius, it isn't very healthy to be cooped up in front of the fire on a gorgeous spring day like this! Plus, it's the first time it's stopped raining for months. You should come take a walk with me." That would be Marianna. She had herself draped over the back of the loveseat that Sirius Black was occupying, long legs crossed and luscious brown curls falling around her face sexily.

It was common knowledge that Black and Marianna were shagging partners, and the two never denied it anyways. Why should they, when they were both so popular and beautiful? It didn't matter that they were dating other people – they both needed that rush of adrenaline that only fucking could bring.

Lily would've loved to hate Marianna, but she couldn't. It wasn't fair of her. Her mother had always told her to "love thy enemy". But this dream wasn't about her mother, no matter how her heart bled for her.

Marianna wasn't very smart, but one couldn't really hold that against her. If you were one of the most popular and gorgeous girls in the school, you wouldn't want to spend all your time on schoolwork either. She was proportioned like a model and tried to be nice to Lily, even if it was only to get on her good side and get some make-up charms out of her. Lily never bothered telling her that she would never spend time learning charms for make-up.

But she wasn't the only beautiful half of the twisted relationship – Black could certainly hold his own. Those large, adoring, puppy-dog eyes had willed more than one girl into his bed during the week. Long, sleek hair fell onto his face and partly obscured his sharp profile; the strong nose and the defined jaw certainly helped him woo all women, no matter the age. But what really lured one into him was his smile – a slow, half-smirk that would reveal his blinding teeth slowly, one by one.

"Honestly, Marianna, it isn't very healthy to completely disregard your homework every day," mimicked Black.

James Potter snorted. "What's this I hear? Padfoot preaching about homework? Get me a basin, Moony; I think I'm going to be sick."

But Black was doing actually doing work today. Amazingly, he was smart when he applied himself to the correct aspects of education, but that rarely occurred. However, with O.W.L.'s coming up, no fifth year could afford to take time out of their studying to take a walk around the lake.

"What about you, Marianna? It doesn't look like you've taken time to do any studying. How do you expect to pass the O.W.L.'s?" Peter Pettigrew sniffed, fingers stained black from copying notes from his friends. A fairly short and pudgy student with watery blue eyes, he seemed to fade into the group if one wasn't thinking clearly enough about the Marauders. He gave the appearance of both a young and helpless boy and an old man that's been through too much already from the pre-mature wrinkles of his forehead and the balding of his thin, blonde hair.

Marianna threw back her head and laughed, exposing the wonderful cream-colored column of her slim throat. Chortling, she managed, "Oh Peter, don't be so naïve. When you're beautiful like I am, you don't need to study to get things done." Oh yes, Marianna knew she was beautiful and flaunted it left and right.

Peter moved uncomfortably in his high-backed armchair, as if suddenly realizing he was in the same room as her and became very worried in her presence.

Perhaps Marianna was right – if you were beautiful, you didn't need to study. But you also didn't need to go after all those trivial things if you were James Potter. He was constantly surrounded by girls; his supply of women never seemed to run out. All he needed to do was lift one eyebrow and run a hand through his tousled hair, and schoolgirls would come chasing after him. Currently, he seemed to be enjoying the lap actions of a blonde seated on his thighs, moving around with clear intent.

"She's right, Pete," he agreed. "Keep studying like that and you'll turn into Remus – or worse, Evans."

His surrounding friends and girls all gave shouts of laughter, because what else would be expected when James Potter made a joke – even if it wasn't funny?

"She's such a stuffy bitch, isn't she? I mean, I'm always trying to talk to her, but all she does is stand around with a stupid day-dreaming expression on her ugly mug!" Marianna screeched.

"It's a wonder she has any friends!" Peter joined in.

James raised his eyebrows in surprise. "What are you talking about, mate? Evans hasn't got any friends at all! It's a wonder Dumbledore hasn't kicked her out yet. She's made absolutely no contributions in anyway whatsoever to anything that goes on in this school. Seriously, Wormtail, you actually thought that there were people who could stand her, much less be her friends?"

And there was more laughter – cruel, cold and calculating snickers that reverberated through her body as she sat on the stairs, listening to the taunts.

Remus Lupin stood up. Lily had always admired him. Although they were never really officially "friends", they were certainly acquaintances and had spoken to each other more than once. She had developed a habit of keeping a hand next to his elbow when they walked together; he always so pale and fragile that it was only natural that she supply a helping hand in case he collapsed suddenly in the corridors, which he looked quite capable of doing. It was a good thing that he didn't have the dark hair that his two other friends had, or else he'd look even more insipid than he did already with his own light brown tresses.

"She has better grades than you do, James, so I wouldn't be insulting her. Especially because she's a prefect and might actually have feelings." He said this softly with no sense of annoyance at James – it was spoken instead with a tone that he'd honed over the years to use with James Potter when his ego got way too out of line. He swept past his friends, with their eyes cast downwards and trying to hide the smirks on their faces, and made his way to the boy's dorms.

Lily sighed and the dream changed, discomfort and fear mixed in one through one little action. Hands fisted at white sheets and small feet shifted restlessly, tangling the horror into a continuous running through her mind. Eyes moved underneath tightly shut lids, trying to escape from….from…..who?

It had been so long since she had last seen him that there were no more features to place on a blank face and nothing except the rough feeling of callused hands from gripping the beer bottle too long slapping against flesh and trapping her among the brutal assaults. That, and the snarls and swears that tumbled out of a drunken mouth and hit her just as hard. What was that nursery saying? Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me.

Bullshit. That was before one grew up and started living in a world where simple words could penetrate deep within and maliciously twisted your soul and punched your buttons. She had done her best to block out the feelings and shards of abuse…but the effects would remain forever.

"Whore."

"Bitch."

"Fucking Alan now, eh? Little girls like you shouldn't be doing that with the neighbor's son. You need to be punished, Lily."

And always, always the one that would stay with her even after she died and went to…heaven? Or hell? Was there even anywhere else after life? Well, they'd remain with her even after she was six feet under as a corpse sitting alone in a lonely box.

"It's your fault, you know. You're fault that she's not here anymore."