A/N: Once again, not the owner, not making money, etc.

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Voiceover: In a galaxy far, far away, boldly going where no pirates have gone before... it's... Straw Hats: A Space Odyssey!

(Roll credits.)

Luffy: (Striking an appropriately heroic pose. He looks much the same as always, but with a spiffy uniform, similar to what everyone else is wearing, to compliment his straw hat. Caption reads: Captain Monkey D. Luffy) All right! Let's go!
Zoro: (Also with the pose. The only difference in his appearance is that his skin is roughly the same color as his hair. Caption reads: First Mate Roronoa Zoro) You just do these to eat up space, don't you? Wait, why am I green?
Nami: (She blows a flirtatious kiss. Her uniform is slightly different from Luffy's and Zoro's in that it reveals an inappropriate amount of cleavage. Caption reads: Navigator Nami) You can fly with me any time! ... Wait. What?
Usopp: (The producers decided his appearance was alien enough, all though they did add an eyepatch to up the awesome factor. Caption reads: Chief of Security Usopp) Ooh, Chief of Security? I am awesome.
Sanji: (He said he'd kick anybody's ass who tried to change his appearance (Zoro was asleep when they got him). Caption reads: Head Chef Sanji) That's right. Shitty bastards.
Chopper: (He looks roughly the same. However, the caption reads: Doctorbot Tony Tony Chopper) I'm a robot? COOL!
Robin: (She is the only one not wearing the uniform, but she does have a spiffy cowboy hat. Caption reads: Mysterious Ally Nice Robin) You people... haven't gotten very far in the story, have you?
Zoro: (Suddenly appearing in the frame beside her.) You better be careful; this is only the third line I've had since I pissed them off.
Robin: I didn't know you cared, Master Swordsman.

(Cut to the deck of the starship Going Merry Go. Luffy is at center, looking very commanding, in the way that a captain should. Zoro stands behind him to his right, looking authoritative but not overbearing, in the way that a first mate should. Navigator Nami stands behind a large panel, frowning at it. Robin sits beside her, observing, in the way that a mysterious ally should.)

Navigator Nami: What--the heck. You people don't even need me! The computer does all the work! (Nobody even looks at her. She jumps up to get their attention.) Hello... are you even listening to me? Oh! Hey! Look at how... bouncy I am in this uniform! (She jumps some more.)
Head Chef Sanji: (Appearing suddenly beside her.) I'm looking, Miss Nami!
Navigator Nami: (She giggles flirtatiously.) -- Wait a minute, what's going on?
Captain Monkey D. Luffy: (Still not looking at her.) Hot space babes. Gotta please the nerds somehow, right?
Navigator Nami: What's wrong with Robin?
Captain Monkey D. Luffy: She's too mysterious and therefore unattainable.
Head Chef Sanji: Don't stop bouncing!
Navigator Nami: Oh. Right. Sorry. (She resumes her, ahem. Activities.)
Head Chef Sanji: Mellorine! (He tries very hard not to pass out and miss any of the fun.)
Doctorbot Tony Tony Chopper: (Also appearing randomly.) Be careful. Too much bouncing can cause space cancer! (Nami stops, blinking confusedly.)
Head Chef Sanji: Don't tell her that, Chopperbot!
Doctorbot Tony Tony Chopper: I'm the doctor! It's in my programming to be concerned with everybody's health at all times.
Head Chef Sanji: I won't give you any dessert, then.
Doctorbot Tony Tony Chopper: ... I'm also a robot, Head Chef Sanji. "Dessert" directive: nonexistent. (Suddenly, red lights start flashing and alarms go off.)
Chief of Security Usopp: (He appears on deck to stand on Luffy's other side.) Captain! Trouble!
Captain Monkey D. Luffy: Thanks for telling me, Chief of Security Usopp! I may be the captain, but I can't make heads or tails of this complicated security system!
Mysterious Ally Nico Robin: ... It's just an alarm and some flashing lights.
Captain Monkey D. Luffy: That may be what it looks like to you, Mysterious Ally Nico Robin, but you are an outsider; I logically can't expect you to understand our "strange" ways.
Mysterious Ally Nico Robin: Anyway, what's the source of the trouble?
Chief of Security Usopp: A big-ass ship firing on us, ma'am! (Suddenly, they all go flying wildly about as the camera shakes all crazy-like; the lights blink and there is a loud boom. This is supposed to simulate an explosion. If you don't find it convincing, well, I'm sorry we don't have ILM to help us out, okay! Why do you always have to judge?)
Captain Monkey D. Luffy: I have evaluated your assessment, Chief of Security Usopp, and have deemed it valid! Navigator, take us to warp two!
Navigator Nami: (She has resumed her bouncing, much to the delight of Sanji, who watches intently.) Tee-hee!
Captain Monkey D. Luffy: Navigator! (No response.) NAMI!
Navigator Nami: (She stops abruptly; Sanji looks severely put-out.) Yes, Mister Captain Sir?
Captain Monkey D. Luffy: Take us to warp two!
Navigator Nami: Warp two, aye aye sir! (She blindly stabs at the control panel, hitting a button at random. Miraculously, it turns out to be the right one! Because I say so, is why. They all jerk backwards and the edges of the frame become hazy. This is supposed to simulate a sudden increase in speed. Stop judging!)
Captain Monkey D. Luffy: (He speaks with difficulty.) Okay! That's far enough!
Navigator Nami: (She stabs at a completely different button; suddenly, everyone is able to stand up straight and the haze disappears. Nami leans forward, holding her head.) My brain hurts. (Sexy space babe pout.)
Doctorbot Tony Tony Chopper: It could be a symptom of the space cancer!
Head Chef Sanji: Didn't we already do random cancer once? I should know; I had it.
Doctorbot Tony Tony Chopper: "Repeat themes" directive: nonexistent.
Navigator Nami: I don't want to have cancer...
Head Chef Sanji: You don't have cancer. Robin, does she have cancer?
Mysterious Ally Nico Robin: I find it highly doubtful, Master Cook. Space cancer is merely an invention by the writers who tried and failed to come up with a genuinely exotic space disease.
Doctorbot Tony Tony Chopper: Hey, hey! I'm the doctorbot, not you! How'd you like it if I sat there looking mysterious, Mysterious Ally Nico Robin? Or if I took over the kitchen, Head Chef Sanji?
Navigator Nami: Ooh. (To Chopper.) My name is Nami. Bake me a cake!
Doctorbot Tony Tony Chopper: "Inside joke" directive: nonexistent.
Navigator Nami: I don't care. Bake me a cake!
Doctorbot Tony Tony Chopper: Dammit, Nami, I'm a doctorbot, not a cake-baker!
Head Chef Sanji: I'll bake you a cake, Miss Nami!
Navigator Nami: (She claps her hands together. Much to the delight of Sanji and fanboys the world over, this manages to increase her cleavage even more.) Really?
Head Chef Sanji: (His heart-eyes take up half his face.) Anything for them! I mean you! (He toddles off to the kitchen, not taking his eyes off of Nami the whole time.)
Navigator Nami: (She waves.) Tee-hee!
Captain Monkey D. Luffy: Why is it that I'm the captain and not the focus of the show?
Mysterious Ally Nico Robin: Don't be a diva, Master Captain.
First Mate Roronoa Zoro: Don't question them or you'll never speak again!
Captain Monkey D. Luffy: What was that, First Mate Roronoa Zoro? (But Zoro seems to have forgotten where he was going with that, and he simply shrugs.) Anyway. My point still stands.
Chief of Security Usopp: Face it, Captain. You just don't have the shelf.
Doctorbot Tony Tony Chopper: Can you say that on network television?
Navigator Nami: Shelf! Yay! (She giggles, bouncing.)
Captain Monkey D. Luffy: (Zoro taps him on the shoulder to get his attention.) What is it, First Mate Roronoa Zoro? (Zoro points at something.) Ah! A new island--er. Planet. And you know what that means!
Doctorbot Tony Tony Chopper: New frontiers of knowledge to be discovered?
Chief of Security Usopp: New cultures and modes of thought to be explored?
Mysterious Ally Nico Robin: New civilizations to analyze?
Navigator Nami: Shelf! (Zoro shrugs, wordlessly, by way of response.)
Captain Monkey D. Luffy: (He shakes his head.) New kinds of meat to try!
Chief of Security Usopp: (He plants his fist in his palm.) Of course!

Voiceover: Next time, on Straw Hats: A Space Odyssey: the Straw Hats find out what kind of meat this new planet has. Sanji bakes a cake (a yellow one). Nami has the shelf.

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A/N: I'm not going to lie. I've secretly wanted to do "Straw Hats in Space" for some time now.

Anyway, this is why I'm not actually a writer for television: because my characters would stand around arguing (and/or bouncing), and they would never actually get anywhere. Possibly I could have a career as a writer for Jerry Springer? Don't try to tell me that isn't scripted.

Aaaand... Anna Nalick! I got her album after seeing the video for "Breathe (2 AM)." It is seriously great. I've listened to it a bijillion times (totally a number).

These aren't even notes anymore; I just like to hear myself talk. How was your day!

♥