A/N: I am shameless, so shameless. Also, not the owner.
-----
Voiceover: Luffy and his friends were just seven ordinary super-powered pirates sailing the Grand Line, but today, they are going to wake up not feeling like themselves...
(Shot of the Going Merry Go from above. It's a nice day; clear skies, blue seas, etc. Suddenly, however, the air is rent by a deafening scream. Cut to the deck of the ship. A figure--the screamer--comes running out. Strangely, this figure looks exactly like Nami would, if she were male.)
Nami:
What's going on? (Another
figure emerges from inside, coming up beside her. This one looks just
like a male Robin.)
Robin:
What's the matter, Miss Navigator? (She--he
pauses, blinking.) ... Master... Navigator.
Nami:
That's what I'd like to know! (There
are several significantly more feminine screams from inside, and
Luffy,
Zoro,
Usopp,
Sanji,
and Chopper
all burst onto the deck, but they, too, have all been
gender-switched.)
Sanji:
(He--she spies Nami
and Robin
and immediately bursts into tears.) Why! Why! Why! Why,
God, why!
Zoro:
(She sighs, thoroughly
exasperated.) Stupidest plot device ever.
Usopp:
Why aren't you
more upset, Zoro? How can you become the greatest swordsman
if you're a woman?
Zoro:
(She backhands her;
Usopp
goes flying.) Don't ever say that! It doesn't matter if
you're a man or a woman! All that matters is skill!
Sanji:
How can you say that it doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman?
And the fangirls think you're sexy! You have the sexuality of a
sponge!
Usopp:
(She jumps back up and
backhands Zoro
before Zoro
can respond to Sanji.)
Hey! This is slapstick, not angst! Save that for the teen melodrama!
Luffy:
Ooh! That sounds like fun! Can we do that one next?
Robin:
I think we have to finish this one first.
Zoro:
What's there to finish? There's not really that much for us to do
besides stand around talking about how wacky this is. "Oh my
god, I have boobs! This certainly is an intriguing dilemma!"
Nami:
I can't wear any of my clothes! They won't make me look stylish, just
perverted!
Zoro:
See? Can this joke really sustain itself for the length of an
episode?
Luffy:
(She is too busy
twisting herself into interesting shapes.) This is so
cool! I'm way more flexible like this!
Robin:
Ma--er... Miss... Doctor, is there anything you think you might be
able to do to fix this?
Chopper:
Well, I could try, but we should try to figure out what caused it
first.
Usopp:
Maybe it's something in the water. (Sage
nod. Robin
and Chopper
look out at the ocean uncertainly.)
Zoro:
I mean, seriously. We could try some of these cliché jokes on
dry land: Sanji wants to hit on girls, but they don't want to hear it
from him-her! They just want Nami to pay attention to them! Oh, the
hilarity!
Usopp:
Well, yes, but the network's too cheap to pay for extras. I can only
imagine what it must have taken for them to get Vivi to come for that
one episode.
Ace:
(Suddenly, so that
Usopp
will have to eat crow, Ace
appears at the side of the boat.) Yo.
Luffy:
(Twisted into a
pretzel.) Ace!
Ace:
(He looks around in
confusion.) Uh... sorry. I think I got the wrong boat.
Luffy:
(She snaps back to her
normal shape.) Wait! Ace! It's me!
Ace:
(He blinks, then
notices the straw hat.) ... Luffy?
Luffy:
Hm. About that. "Luffy" doesn't really suit me anymore, do
you think? I think I'll be Luffie from now on.
Zoro:
... That's the same thing.
Luffie:
No, no. Luff-I-E, not Luff-Y. It's totally different.
Chopper:
Ooh! Luffy--I mean, Luffie's so smart! What about the rest of us?
Luffie:
Let's see... Zora, Nam, Usoppe, Sanjine, Choppelle, and Robin.
Robin:
Oh, thank goodness.
Zora:
... How did you come up with those so fast?
Choppelle:
Cool!
Nam:
Don't talk like this is
going to permanent!
Usoppe:
How boring, my name is almost exactly the same.
Nam:
That should be the least of your concerns right now!
Ace:
Uhh...
Luffie:
Oh, right. Hi, Ace! What's up?
Ace:
I was passing by and I saw the ship... what happened?
Nam:
That's what we'd like to know.
Sanjine:
And you're going to fix it right away, right, Chopper? (There
are tears in her eyes.)
Choppelle:
It's Choppelle!
Nam:
Stop that!
Zora:
Anyway, Sanjine,
you're not playing this to its fullest slapstick potential. You're
supposed to rush off to go look at yourself naked, or something.
Sanjine:
(It is clear that the
shock of Nam's
and Robin's
appearances was enough to keep her from realizing this exciting
possibility sooner.) Um. Excuse me... (She
turns to run off.)
Nam:
(He grabs her shirt
collar and holds her back.) You're not going anywhere. And
you (To Zora)
don't put ideas into his head!
Luffie:
Don't you mean "her"?
Nam:
No I don't!
Ace:
Uhh...
Luffie:
Oh, right. Hi, Ace! What's up?
Ace:
Didn't you ask me that all ready?
Luffie:
Did I?
Usoppe:
You did.
Luffie:
So I did.
Zora:
See? They can't come up with anything to say, so they're wasting time
on this crap.
Ace:
Who's "they"?
Zora:
It's best if you don't get involved.
Ace:
Okay. (He falls
asleep.)
Choppelle:
WAH! He's dead! Somebody get a doctor! Help! Doctor!
Zora:
You are the
doctor.
Choppelle:
What? Oh yeah!
Luffie:
Anyway, he's not dead, just asleep.
Choppelle:
Really? That's a relief!
Luffie:
And he does that all time, remember?
Usoppe:
Is that normal, by the way?
Choppelle:
Narcolepsy? Not at all.
Robin:
Anyway, Miss Doctor, I think we should get to work on figuring out
how to make ourselves go back to normal.
Zora:
Now why on earth would we want to do that? Then we wouldn't be able
to spend episodes and episodes on new and fun problems! There would
be no "underwear" episode! No "tampons" episode!
No "bathroom" episode!
Luffie:
(He gasps, suddenly.)
What if I can't eat as much like this?
Nam:
That's not a valid concern at all!
Zora: And how you'll look in your clothes is...?
Luffie:
Sanjine! Get in the kitchen and make us a ten-course meal!
Sanjine:
It's politically incorrect to tell a woman to get in the kitchen, you
cad!
Luffie:
But I'm a woman too!
Sanjine:
In body only.
Usoppe:
That is a double standard, Sanjine. It's people like you that make it
very hard for people like Luffie and me to break through the glass
ceiling.
Nam:
That doesn't even make any sense!
Usoppe:
You couldn't possibly understand a woman's point of view. (Nam
backhands her.) Ow! That hurts even more like this!
Sanjine:
I can't watch this anymore.
Zora:
Yeah, it is pretty idiotic.
Sanjine:
That's not it. I... can't figure out whose side I'm supposed to take!
(Zora
backhands him.)
Choppelle:
Stop the violence!
Luffie:
Slapstick! It's slapstick!
Ace:
(Awake now.)
Um. Hello? I'm still here, guys...
Luffie:
I want chocolate!
Zora:
I was wrong! You did make it last for an episode. Congratulations.
Ace:
Hello...?
Usoppe:
Ooh, Nam, can I try on that pink skirt of yours? No, wait! Don't hit
me! (He does.)
OW!
Voiceover: Oh the humanity! Next time, Ace is already gone before the beginning of the episode. Luffie tries to unravel the mysteries of women's underwear. Robin tries to think of the best way to explain tampons. Usoppe has trouble in the bathroom. The high-brow hilarity continues! Don't miss it!
-----
A/N: I would seriously offer up my firstborn (with some fava beans and a nice chianti) to anybody with any degree of talent to see this illustrated into drawing form. I have a pretty good picture (in my head, that is) of what at least some of the guys would look like as girls (especially, for some bizarre reason, Zoro), but every time I try to picture Nami, I just get Miss Monday, and it freaks me out too much to think about Robin.
This time it almost got too meta for even me. No, Zoro (Zora?), you were right all along: that joke couldn't sustain itself for long XD
-- Oh. I almost forgot music. If you aren't listening to Eels already, you should be. The newest release is a great two-disc album called Blinking Lights and Other Revelations, but everything else is worth checking out, too ("PS You Rock My World," from Electro-Shock Blues, still gets me even after a million plays).
♥!