A/N: ... Reading this over after I wrote it, it has a LOT of author's notes :X Oops. I am longwinded, what can I say? (Ha. Unintentional oxymoron.)

First things first: Bevin! Ah! You truly are a talented artist (I especially loved your Miss Valentine; no wonder she's got her own fan club XD). Also, the sketch is fantastic; much to his consternation, I'm sure, my favorite is femme!Sanji--and I think I'm actually kind of terrified of femme!Zoro. For the rest of you, the sketch in question is at deviantart, deviation 13239395; curse you, ff.n! (You don't mind me pointing people to that, do you? GOOD.) It was, as you can see, done long before I wrote that chapter, but still works as a very nice visual aid. THANK YOU AGAIN :D

Anyway, onto business:

My best friend is a fan of Degrassi, but I love her anyway. Sometimes she watches episodes when I'm at her place, but only since she acquired TiVo in the last couple of months. TiVo, you've done many great things for me and mine over the past few years, but that does not excuse this.

I'm kidding, sort of. There are things in this world that are much worse. Like... land mines, for example.

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Voiceover: High school is a trying time for even the most well-adjusted of teenagers. But today, in this Saturday morning detention session, six troubled kids are about to learn a lesson they'll never forget. An all-new episode of Demerry: The Straw Hat Generation, next.

(Shot of an average high school classroom in Anytown, USA. The desks are arranged in neat rows of five by five. The six desks front and center are the only ones that are occupied. In the front row, from left to right, are Zoro, Luffy, and Usopp; behind them are Sanji, Nami, and Chopper (who is in "scary man-beast" form). I only mention this because if I don't get it straight now, I'll get all confused later--don't judge me. Sanji has moved his desk a few inches closer to Nami. All six of them are wearing normal teenage garb, though both Luffy and Chopper have their trademark hats on still. An older woman, dressed professionally, enters.)

Woman: Hats off, boys. (Chopper and Luffy reluctantly remove their hats; Chopper slumps down even further in his desk, as if hoping to disappear.) I'm Robin Smith. You will call me Ms. Smith. I will now call roll to make sure all of you who are supposed to be here are, in fact, here. Anthony, Charles. (There is no response.) Is there no Charles Anthony here?
Nami: (To Chopper, whispering.) That's you, Charlie.
Chopper: Huh? No it's not.
Nami: We've all received common English names. "Getting back to basics," remember?
Chopper: ... Why? "Chopper" is a word in the English language. What's more basic than that?
Nami: Just go with it, okay?
Ms. Smith: Ahem. Last call for Charles Anthony?
Chopper, who is, in fact, Charlie: ... Here.
Ms. Smith: Ah. There we go. Moving on. Brown, Spencer.
Sanji, who is, in fact, Spencer: (Enthusiastically. He is, note, wearing Abercrombie and Fitch.) Here! I'm right here, Ms. Smith! May I call you Robin?
Ms. Smith: No. (Spencer looks very put-out, but Ms. Smith keeps going.) Mitchell, Lewis D.
Luffy, who is, in fact, Lewis: Heeeeeeeeere!
Charlie: (Whispering under his breath.) "Monkey" is a word in the English language, too...
Ms. Smith: Moore, Nina.
Nami, who is, in fact, Nina: (Waving her hand.) Here!
Ms. Smith: Richards, Zachary. (Zoro, who, yes, is, in fact, Zack, is snoring away already.) Zachary Richards? (She notices that everyone is looking expectantly at the sleeping boy in the front row. She grabs a ruler off the desk behind her and slams it down on his. He wakes up with a start.)
Zoro, who is, in fact, Zack: Who's interrupting my nap?
Charlie: (Still speaking under his breath.) Also, Zorro is a character well-known throughout America. The character was even portrayed by Antonio Banderas in a well-received film version not ten years ago...
Ms. Smith: There will be no sleeping on my watch, Master Richards.
Zack: (He, by the way, is looking decidedly Goth today.) You know, I've killed better people than you for doing that.
Ms. Smith: (She pointedly ignores him.) Turner, Donald.
Usopp, who is, in fact, Donald: Here!
Charlie: Donald? (He looks at Nina questioningly. Nina shrugs, at a loss.)
Ms. Smith: Good. I'm glad to see you all decided to show up. Now, let's first of all discuss the reasons why you're here today. Let's start with you. (She points at Lewis.)
Lewis: I was caught eating in class.
Ms. Smith: That doesn't sound so bad.
Donald: Maybe not to you! Tell her what it was that you were eating, Lewis.
Lewis: ... Donald's science project. Oh, and then I also hit a classmate.
Ms. Smith: ... Oh. (At a loss.) Why are you here, then, Master Turner?
Donald: I blew up part of the chem lab. Oh, and I tried to beat the crap out of Lewis for eating my science project.
Ms. Smith: You... were the classmate he hit, weren't you?
Donald: You can't even see the black eye, can you!
Ms. Smith: No... wait... yes. You. (She points at Zack.) Let me guess. You were sleeping in class.
Zack: (He ticks the items off on his fingers.) Mouthing off to the teacher, repeated tardiness, attempting to use a paperclip as a weapon, and... sleeping in class.
Lewis: Ooh, Zack! You're a badass!
Zack: That's what they say, just because I won't conform to their status quo.
Donald: How subversive of you.
Zack: I was going for "edgy," too.
Donald: Also achieved.
Ms. Smith: (To Spencer.) You--hey, wait; is that a cigarette?
Spencer: What, this? (Pulls the object in question out of his mouth.) Oh, no, it's just a lollipop.
Ms. Smith: Throw it out; it's bad for your teeth.
Spencer: (He gets up to throw it away.) Only because you asked me too. I go through at least a pack or two a day of these, and they're expensive. (He returns to his seat.)
Ms. Smith: Why are you here with us today?
Spencer: (He leans forward, gazing at her intently.) Do you really, truly want to know?
Ms. Smith: Not if it's something unimaginative, like hitting on a teacher. (Spencer sits back in his seat, looking disappointed, and does not offer another word. Ms. Smith sighs, then turns to Nina.) What about you?
Nina: It was a negligible offense. All I did was harass my teachers over and over again to give me monetary compensation for my work.
Zack: Conveniently forget to mention the course of action you took when they refused.
Nina: I was planning on it, actually.
Ms. Smith: You stole from them, didn't you? (She sighs.) No imagination. (To Charlie.) And you?
Charlie: I brought a gun to school.
Ms. Smith: And all you got was detention?
Nina: Let me guess. It was because you couldn't make your lamp for shop class work, right? (Charlie nods.) And the gun was really just a flare gun? (Charlie nods again.) Yeah, I saw that movie too.
Ms. Smith: None of you even pulled a fire alarm or went streaking or anything?
Spencer: (Sitting up suddenly.) You could do that second one for us, if you wanted. I bet Nina would go with you!
Nina: Shut up. (Clocks him on the head.)
Ms. Smith: The violence present in schools today!
Donald: Hey, the voiceover at the beginning promised we would learn a lesson that we'll never forget. There hasn't been anything even remotely resembling a lesson in this entire episode.
Zack: Except that I get lines when I wear makeup, which, what the hell?
Nina: You're a pretty princess, Zack.
Spencer: Am I a pretty princess, Miss Nina?
Nina: ... I think it would be best for all of us if I pretended you didn't just ask me that.
Donald: First-rate plan. Now, about that lesson...?
Nina: Hey, not to mention that this episode has been devoid of not only a lesson, but angst. Where is the teenage melodrama?
Spencer: Miss Nina, will you go to the prom with me?
Nina: No.
Spencer: ANGST!
Zack: I write dark, angsty poetry. (Beat.) Did I just say that out loud? I think I'd rather go back to having no lines at all.
Charlie: I often angst about my man-beastliness. Look, I'm obviously not even an average American high schooler. And there was that whole lamp-gun thing. That's pretty angsty.
Nina: Maybe so, but it was taken directly from another film.
Lewis: I ran out of beef jerky last night. That was sad. I angsted.
Nina: That's not valid angst at all.
Lewis: Nobody understands me. (Sinks lower in his chair, pouts melodramatically.)
Donald: Hey, look at my impossibly long nose. You don't think that causes me angst?
Nina: Angst over weight is more valid. Maybe I should be anorexic? And then we could do a Very Special Episode about it.
Spencer: I think you're perfect the way you are, Miss Nina!
Nina: Oh, yeah! I'm already perfect. I forgot. Never mind.
Donald: Wait! What about the lesson, I ask again?
Ms. Smith: All right, class! (She rolls a TV from the back of the class in front of the desk, positioning it in the center so they can all see it.) Now, I know all of you are at a very awkward age, and you're going to have questions with regards to a lot of things about which you can't ask your parents. Hopefully this video will answer at least some of them. (She turns off the lights and then starts the video.)

(A few shots of the students as time passes. At first they look moderately interested, and then suddenly their eyes get big. Then, they're all leaning forward eagerly, especially Spencer. Finally, the video is over, and Ms. Smith turns the lights back on and moves the TV out of the way. Everyone is looking very much in awe about the information they have just received.)

Lewis: (Planting a fist in his other palm.) So that's how it works.
Donald: What, you didn't know before?
Spencer: Not even I knew all of that.
Nina: (She rolls her eyes; sarcastically.) That's surprising.
Spencer: Are you trying to say you knew that stuff already?
Nina: Most of it, yeah. (Spencer stares at her.) Stop that.
Spencer: Yes, Miss Nina.
Zack: Zzzzz...
Lewis: But there's one thing I don't understand.
Charlie: Only one?
Nina: That's impressive for you, Lewis.
Donald: What didn't you understand? I'll try to explain.
Spencer: Oh, like you're some big authority.
Donald: I know quite a bit about it, yeah! What's your question, Lewis?
Lewis: Well... I just don't understand how the cat is both alive and dead.
Donald: Oh, is that all? Well, you see, Schrödinger was speaking metaphorically. There is no cat.
Lewis: So is it like the spoon?
Donald: Not at all. Now, the purpose of Schrödinger's dead cat/alive cat theory is to show that the quantum mechanical theory is incomplete. Obviously, the cat is not both alive and dead, right? But since there are exactly equal probabilities of both outcomes, it, theoretically, is: 100 percent alive, 100 percent dead. It's a paradox, you see? It is representative of the decayed or undecayed nucleus that would either kill the cat or let it live. Just as the cat cannot exist in a state between dead and alive just because it is unobserved, the nucleus is either decayed or undecayed. Schrödinger was pointing out that there's nothing to describe the wavefunction collapse when the outcome becomes one or the other and not both.
Lewis: Ahh. I see!
Spencer: Liar.
Lewis: Now explain to me the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle!
Charlie: I thought you said there was only one thing you didn't understand?
Lewis: Did I? Oh, so I did. Well. I lied!
Donald: (Facepalm.) This detention session suddenly got a lot longer.

Voiceover: Next time, on Demerry: The Straw Hat Generation... a Very Special Episode: after trying to explain the many-worlds theory to Lewis, Donald contemplates suicide. This is an episode the whole family should watch together!

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A/N: You all thought that video was something else, didn't you? Tsk!

I studied quantum electrodynamics on my own for NaNo last November (I know, it's exactly as bad as it sounds). That stuff leaves a headache that does not go away. For me, understanding that sort of thing is like trying to get a grip on any icy ledge: it's possible, but almost the second you manage it, you lose it, and it's very hard to get back.

Did you catch the 4Kids shout-out? I don't watch One Piece on network TV, mainly because I can't remember to do so, but I've read a little bit about it. The aforementioned joke was in reference to what's probably my favorite edit. I love you, FCC! You make all kinds of sense!

Music... well, this one is very special to me. Even if I stray from them sometimes, I have always considered them my favorite band: Jets to Brazil. They have three albums out; I'd suggest starting at the oldest and working your way up.

That's all. More soon! ♥