A/N: Agh. For some reason, I kept getting writer's block. This is the first vignette that I actually started writing as something else, gave up, and had to think up a new idea. I think it's just because my mind has been on other things for the last few days. Fear not; I have no real life! I will keep plugging away at this until I've exhausted all my options.

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Voiceover: In a magical land far, far away, we're going to find that dreams really do come true, and happily ever after is closer than you think!

(Cut to a grassy green area in front of a magical-looking forest. Besides the trees, the only thing of note around is a large tower. Aside from a window near the top, there doesn't seem to be a way to get in or out of the tower. From out of the forest meanders a horse, upon whose back is Zoro, who is dressed rather poncily, with pantaloons and white gloves.)

Zoro: Ahh, man... where am I?
Nami: (She appears at the window, looking down expectantly.) Is that my prince come to res--oh. It's just you.
Zoro: (He peers up at her.) What the hell are you doing up there?
Nami: I don't know the exact story, but I think it involved witches and possibly a midget?
Zoro: What?
Nami: Like I said, I don't know.
Zoro: Well, whatever; just come down. (He climbs off his horse.)
Nami: If I could, don't you think I would?
Zoro: Is there any way I could possibly help you?
Nami: Absolutely not. Whoever rescues me is supposed to be my true love.
Zoro: Ooh, forget about it, then.
Nami: (She throws a shoe out the window; it hits him squarely in the head.) Thanks a lot, jerk!
Zoro: Ow! You said it yourself!
Nami: It's okay when I say it!
Sanji: (He gallops in on his own horse, shouting. He is dressed elegantly as well, all though no pantaloons or gloves.) Ah! Miss Nami! I came as quickly as I could! I am here to rescue you, your own Mr. Prince! (He jumps off his horse.)
Nami: Ahh, jeez, are these my only two choices?
Sanji: Miss Nami! Please, jump into my arms; I will catch you! I will assure no harm comes to you, even at the risk of my own life!
Nami: No thanks, I like it up here!
Sanji: Then I'll come up to you!
Nami: No, that's okay! I wouldn't want you to bother!
Sanji: It's no bother!
Nami: No, really, I--hey, look! It's Usopp! (She points. Sure enough, Usopp toddles over to them, stiffly.)
Zoro: Where'd you come from?
Usopp: I dunno...
Sanji: Are you okay? Your performance is a little wooden today.
Usopp: I just... wish I could be a real boy!
Zoro: ... Huh?
Usopp: Huh?
Zoro: You said something about being a "real boy"?
Usopp: Ah! That. It's nothing. (His nose grows an inch.)
Sanji: ACK! What the hell is wrong with your face?
Usopp: Why must you judge? I am just the way God made me!
Zoro: I think he means how your nose just grew on its own.
Usopp: Oh, that. Well, you see, I was in this mortal combat with a witch, and I was kicking her ass, and then she cast this spell on my nose just before I beat her, so it just grows randomly. I don't know. (His nose grows three more inches.)
Nami: Liar! It grows when you tell a lie, doesn't it?
Usopp: ... No. (It grows another inch.) ... Yes. (No reaction.)
Zoro: What makes it go back to normal? Or, well, the way it usually is, anyway. Coffee? Cold showers?
Usopp: Those are ways to get rid of a hangover, and they don't work on that, either. No, much like a hangover, the only thing that gets rid of this is time.
Sanji: Why doesn't it shrink every time you tell the truth? I mean, not that that would necessarily do you any good.
Usopp: Hey.
Sanji: And... now that I get a better look, I wasn't kidding about being wooden, was I? (He raps his knuckles on Usopp's shoulder; it makes a sharp knocking sound, like a door.)
Nami: Oh, great. He's a freaking puppet.
Usopp: Hey! I got no strings to hold me down! Why are you up in a tower?
Zoro: (Offhandedly.) Something about a midget.
Usopp: Huh?
Zoro: Anyway, I wonder where Luffy and Robin and Chopper are? These pantaloons are itchy.
Sanji: Yeah, and they give you little girly legs.
Zoro: What was that, magic eyebrows?
Sanji: Why do you always have to bring my eyebrows into it, you shitty Marimo?
Zoro: Because your mom asked me not to bring her into it anymore.
Usopp: Ooh! I can't believe he went there!
Sanji: What--? You don't even know my mom!
Zoro: I'm sure she'd tell a different story!
Sanji: Why you--that's it, I'm kicking your ass.
Zoro: That's funny, it doesn't feel like I'm getting my ass kicked.
Sanji: That's because I haven't started yet.
Zoro: Oh? I couldn't tell. I'll just be over here taking a nap; wake me up when you get serious.
Nami: My princes... (Robin, also dressed like she stepped out of a fairy tale, emerges from the woods just then, carrying a frog.) Oh! Robin! (Zoro and Sanji stop bickering to look.)
Sanji: Ah! Dear Robin, I see you found us dinner! It's a little small to feed all of us, though...
Robin: I'm afraid this frog isn't meant to be eaten, Master Cook. You see, it's actually Master Doctor.
Zoro: Oh--Chopper! How did that happen?
Chopper: Rumble Ball accident...
Zoro: Ah, well. Man, these things are driving me crazy. (He pulls off one of his gloves, then leans against the tower with his hand while he goes to pull the other one off with his teeth. However, the second he touches the tower, it turns to solid gold.)
Nami: (Berry signs appear in her eyes.) Oh--! MY PRINCE! Put your gloves back on and catch me; I'm jumping down!
Zoro: (He looks at his hands, confused.) The hell?
Nami: My prince! Hello!
Zoro: Shut up; I'm not going to catch you.
Sanji: You bastard! If Miss Nami asks you to catch her, no matter the reason, you catch her without question! (Zoro jerks forward, making as if to touch Sanji with his bare hand, but Sanji lurches back out of his reach.) Don't touch me with those, you shitty Marimo!
Zoro: Why not? Nami would love you a lot more if you were solid gold.
Sanji: (Briefly, he considers this, but then dismisses it.) Don't be stupid! If I were a statue, I couldn't cook for her or wait on her or protect her!
Zoro: Besides, I can't imagine you'd want me to catch her, or did you miss the part about how it's only supposed to be her true love?
Sanji: What? You better not catch her, you shitty bastard. I'll do it and I don't need your help!
Chopper: Um... Robin... I have a favor to ask. If you don't want to do it, that's okay.
Robin: What is it, Master Doctor?
Chopper: Well... I read about a case similar to mine in a book once, and the cure was... well... (He whispers it in her ear.)
Robin: Oh! Of course, Master Doctor. (She raises him up to face level and plants a small kiss on his froggy lips. Instantly, there is a puff of smoke, and suddenly, normal, adorable Chopper is standing before her.)
Chopper: It worked! (He blushes deeply.)
Robin: (She gives him a smile.) I'm glad, Master Doctor.
Sanji: Oh--! Robin! Dear Robin! I've been feeling a little froggy myself lately! Ribbit! Ribbit!
Zoro: (He sighs heavily; under his breath.) You really are an idiot, aren't you? (Suddenly, Luffy comes ambling out of the woods.) Hey--where have you been?
Luffy: (He shrugs.) Spinning gold for some king or something.
Nami: You can spin gold! Luffy! Luffy, will you do me a favor?
Luffy: Huh? Nami, why are you in a big gold tower?
Nami: That doesn't matter! I'm going to jump down and you catch me, okay?
Luffy: Sure! (Nami gets ready to jump. Sanji, however, nails Luffy with a kick to the face.)
Sanji: Over my dead body!
Luffy: What'd you do that for! (He gets ready to punch Sanji.)
Sanji: Miss Nami is only supposed to be rescued by her true love, idiot! And that isn't you!
Luffy: ... Oh. I didn't know. He's got me there, Nami!
Usopp: You know, I can spin straw into gold. (His nose grows another inch. He hangs his head.) ... No I can't.
Nami: Stay out of this, Sanji!
Sanji: Miss Nami--!
Luffy: (He points skyward suddenly.) That's a funny-looking bird. (Everyone else looks where he's pointing.)
Sanji: Idiot, that's not a bird! It's a dragon!
Luffy: (He squints.) I don't see it.
Sanji: There's a big difference between the two!
Robin: He's right, Master Captain. That does indeed appear to be a dragon.
Zoro: Oh! Well, I'll just--hey, where the hell are my swords?
Sanji: That's what you get for needing a weapon besides your own body.
Usopp: You know, you've never noticed before when your swords were gone. That's pretty out-of-character for you.
Zoro: Well, I barely even get the chance to say what I'm thinking, don't I?
Sanji: No, you just barely think.
Robin: The dragon's coming this way. (It lands in front of them with a crash. Special Effects wets themselves.)
Chopper: A dragon! (He hides himself behind Usopp, who is already hiding himself behind Robin.)
Usopp: (He peeks out from behind Robin.) You don't know who you're dealing with, Mr. Dragon! You should just get lost right now!
Dragon: GOR! (He looks at Usopp, who whimpers and ducks back behind his shield.)
Luffy: Don't worry, leave this one to me. G--
Zoro: Don't bother. (He sighs heavily, walking past Luffy, and puts a hand on the dragon. It instantly turns to solid gold.)
Luffy: Why'd you do that? It was totally my turn.
Nami: (She shrieks with delight, pointing at the dragon.) Ah! That one! I call it! It's mine! Get your hands off it; I call dibs!
Sanji: This is so unfair. I'm not a shitty frog, I can't turn crap to gold... All I've got is this stupid rock. (He pulls it out of his pocket and looks at it.)
Robin: Oh--! Could that be? A philosopher's stone?
Sanji: What do I care about some shitty rock?
Usopp: No, don't you see? With a philosopher's stone, you can turn--
Sanji: I really don't care. Here, you can have it. (He shoves it at Usopp, then walks off in a huff. Testy, testy!)
Chopper: Robin, is a philosopher's stone what I think it is?
Robin: Yes. Not only can it grant the user immortality, but it can also turn anything to gold.
Usopp: You know, I made a philosopher's stone once. (His nose grows two more inches.)

Voiceover: Next time: Chopper turns back into a frog, causing some problems in his relationship with Robin. Nami tries to win the attention of Luffy or Zoro, whoever caves first. Usopp is determined to become a real boy.

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A/N: I make no secret of the fact that I 'ship Robin and Chopper (or "Robber," as I call them); have you seen episode 131 (all though I 'shipped them before that; I was totally a pioneer)? Robin and Chopper, man. Robin and Chopper all the freaking way.

Music: Bif Naked! GO! ♥