Disclaimer : " And now, said professor MacGonnagle, we are going to learn a big principle in transfiguration: it is impossible to get the author of the story to be JKR, not to make him own any of the characters.

And the ministry of magic will condemn him if he makes money with that fanfiction, said Scrimgeour"

Author's note: Thank you so much for your reviews! I am happy you liked it. I promise you I'll keep doing it as long as I can.

Harry had a major shock seeing Snape coming in.

" I mean, he went on, the author could have some imagination: for example he could use big rocks, or…bigger rocks… I mean, like in the Road Runner & Wile Coyot TV show…"

At that very moment, an even bigger rock (okay, let's call it a meteor) got out of the Kuiper Bell by some inexplicable phenomenon and made its way toward Privet Drive.

" Don't you think I saw that coming? See? You have no imagination at all!

I would say the interest of an anvil is triple: it is heavy, it hurts, and it hurts badly…, said a voice under the anvils pile

And by the way, said Harry, I thought your favourite TV show was the Teletubbies, not the Road Runner.

What makes you think that?

I don't know, you told it in another fanfiction, so I guess it's true.

No it isn't!

So I guess you don't mind if I burn those, said Harrry showing the slipper.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! PLEAAAAAASE! I give you my wand!

Thank you, I had just forgotten how to take it from you.

Ten points from Griffyndor, I guess, for not knowing a basic…OOPS! I forgot they fired me totally unfairly.

Harry, said Lupin, you know it's Expelliarmus… Oh no!"

Lupin found himself surprised to have eight wands in his hands as everybody else was on the ground.

"I GOT THEM, said Snape. I got the teletubbies slippers! Well, Harry sorry I can't kill you tonight, goodbye…CRASH"

Harry bent toward the pile of anvils.

" Will you give me my apparition test if I get you out of here?

Okay, here you are, said the voice as a hand holding a paper was drawn out. Can you get me rid of those?

Certainly not!"

Everyone apparated away.

WARNING: The following scene is designed for the movie

Several hours later:

The pile of anvils is moving. An anvil falls. Suddenly a big black shape emerges but stays in the dark. You hear the tum tum tum tutu tum tutu tum thing.

A hooded wizard appears.

"Will you follow me?

SHHHH-HHHO. Yes, my master

Great let's get that Luke Sky…"

The author apologizes for having mistaken his Harry Potter and Star Wars notes and for having badly imitated the theme and Darth Vader's breath. It actually turned out the boring ministry woman died a few hours later. A pity Harry didn't think of making a Hoxcrux.

Anyway, at that moment, Harry was too busy undressing Ginny and…XXXXXXX-CENSORED-YOU ARE RATED kids , NOT adult-XXXXXXXX.

After that censored episode, Hermione burst into the room and said.

"Harry! MacGonnagle is here, she wants you right now"

He ran down the stairs and found the new Headmistress waiting.

" Harry, you should be expelled of Hogwarts!

What did I do?

Nothing, you were just supposed to tell me you wouldn't go back there.

Err…then…I don't care, because, I…err…didn't want to go back there anyway.

BUT YOU HAVE TO!

You told me to say that!

You still must go to Hogwarts!

Okay

You're not getting it Harry: you are supposed to bargain over the conditions of you returning.

But I want to go back!

You have to bargain! Say you want to be given your potion NEWT.

Okay, I won't come back unless I am given my potion NEWT.

Your potion NEWT? And what else? As long as Hogwarts will be, I shall never accept this! You will return to Hogwarts as you left last year, and consider us good if we give you your apparition licence.

But what should I say?

You bargain! Ask for something.

I don't care about the apparition licence, I already got one. I want…err…right to bring any stuff I will by at Fred and George's.

You know what? You should add full access to the restricted section of the library, Harry.

Okay then, I want Fred and George's stuff and the library restricted section.

I guess it's a deal."

After this Monthy Python-like bargain, Tonks came toward him:

" Harry! We think the unidentified Hoxcrux may figure in a book in the restricted section of Hogwarts library. However, you are NOT supposed to go there and we DO NOT want you to investigate that.

Okay, I see, said Harry, wondering why adults couldn't just solve their problems by themselves. Which books?

Well, you are allowed to look NEITHER into "Hoxcruxes, how to make them and how to destroy them" NOR into "All the stuff belonging to the four founders of Hogwarts".

Which page, for the second one?

Filch would be extremely disappointed if page 38 of the second book I've never heard about was torn out."

Harry ran upstairs to inform his friends. But when he entered the room, he saw nobody…