A/N: Here it is, meethzoonk: Addams Family, One Piece style!

I kept getting the Addams Family mixed up with the Munsters in my head. Which is odd, as I'm fond of the Addams Family, but I've never really liked the Munsters. Which... may in and of itself be odd, as they have essentially the same concept. All though I do adore Fred Gwynne, rest his exceptionally tall soul.

PS: I haven't seen the films or the show in years. Which was part of the reason this was so hard to write XD

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Voiceover: They're creepy and they're kooky! Mysterious and spooky! They're all together ooky! The Straw Hat Family!

(Cut to the Addams'--sorry, the Straw Hats' living room, which just happens to look just like the Addams'. There's someone asleep on the couch, back to us, snoring. Robin enters, but her hair is longer than normal, and she's wearing Morticia's trademark black dress.)

Robin: (She puts her hands on her hips, looking around.) Hello? (She notices the figure on the couch, and takes a closer look.) Oh. It's you. Wake up. (She shakes him awake. The figure sits up--it's Zoro, but with black hair, a little mustache, which it took me four tries to spell properly, and a pinstriped suit.)
Zoro: Huh? Somebody better be getting killed, or I'll change that. (He focuses on Robin.) What the hell are you wearing?
Robin: I was about to ask you the same thing.
Zoro: (He looks down at himself.) Ack! I look like that stupid love cook.
Sanji: (He appears then, looking very Lurch.) You rang?
Zoro: No we didn't.
Sanji: Oh, okay then.
Zoro: ... What? That's it? Aren't you going to threaten to kick my ass or something?
Sanji: (He shrugs.) Do you want me to?
Nami: (She runs in with Luffy then; both of them are, yes, very Wednesday and Pugsley-ish.) Mother! Father! We've gotten into some appropriately macabre wacky mischief! Whatever will we do now!
Robin: I don't know, but I'm sure we'll come up with one of our trademark darkly comic solutions before long.
Zoro: (To Sanji.) Isn't this just like the western, only in a different setting?
Sanji: Would you say so?
Zoro: Uh, yeah... I just did.
Sanji: I see, Mr. Addams. (Zoro rolls his eyes and gives up. Just then, Usopp enters, his hair tucked up into a bright green bathing cap.)
Nami and Luffy: Uncle Fester! (They run to hug him.)
Usopp: Hi, kids!
Zoro: What the hell is that on your head?
Usopp: Huh? There's nothing on my head; I'm bald.
Zoro: What? That doesn't even remotely look like a bald head. Why is it green?
Usopp: It's just what wardrobe had lying around, I guess.
Zoro: But green? (Usopp shrugs. There is a pause. Finally, Zoro turns to Sanji.) What, you stupid cook? Just say it!
Sanji: What was that?
Zoro: I know you're thinking of some stupid crack right now. Like, "You would know a lot about how weird it is to have a green head, you shitty Marimo," or something. So just say it already!
Sanji: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Zoro: (He opens his mouth to reply, but suddenly there's a loud siren. He claps his hands over his ears.) What the hell is that?
Robin: Mail's in. (A little reindeer hoof comes running into the room then, à la Thing, carrying the mail. Upon seeing it, Nami breaks character, shrieking and jumping into Sanji's arms. Usopp shrieks and jumps into Zoro's, who rolls his eyes and drops him.)
Nami: I'm sorry, but what the hell.
Luffy: (He bends down to take the mail from the hoof.) Ooh! Chopper! I mean, Thing! That's so cool.
Nami: If by cool you mean creepy as all get-out--
Zoro: Did you just say "as all get-out"?
Nami: Oops. You said "western" before, I slipped.
Sanji: May I put you down now, Miss Addams?
Nami: Huh? Oh, yes. Go ahead, Lurch. (He does.)
Zoro: I don't believe what I am seeing.
Sanji: Is something the matter, Mr. Addams?
Zoro: All right, that's it. He's not even Lurch. He's... he's Eeyore.
Robin: I didn't know you were a Winnie the Pooh fan, Mr. Addams.
Zoro: I'M NOT!
Robin: Or should I say "bubeleh"?
Zoro: (He blinks.) Suddenly, I'm overcome with the urge to-- (He starts kissing her up and down the arm.)
Sanji: Suddenly, I'm overcome with the urge to kick your ass! (He knocks Zoro across the room with a kick to the head.)
Zoro: (He stands up, rubbing his head where the impact was made.) That's it, dart board eyebrows, you're going down!
Nami: Why does it seem like a good portion of every episode is devoted to those two threatening to kill each other?
Usopp: It seems that way because it is that way.
Nami: Ah. Fair enough.
Chopper: (He comes running out just then.) Have you guys seen my--oh! There it is! (He points to his hoof, with which Luffy is happily playing.) Can I have that back?
Luffy: What? Oh. This? (He pouts.) But I was playing with it!
Chopper: But it's my hoof! (He waves around a hoofless stump.) See? Currently missing one hoof!
Luffy: But you look much cooler that way!
Chopper: Oh--! (He giggles and does his dance.) Shut up! Asshole! Just give it back! Don't tell me I look cool! Even if you say that, I won't believe you! Asshole!
Luffy: You're smiling.
Chopper: Asshole! Asshole!
Sanji: Wait a minute. (He holds out a hand to stop Zoro, then takes out a cigarette and lights it. After taking a long drag off of it, he points at Usopp.) What the hell is that on your head? I can understand that shitty Marimo, accident of birth and all, but why would anybody choose to look like that?
Zoro: You only just noticed that?
Usopp: I'm bald, got it? Bald!
Chopper: (He reattaches his hoof.) Ah! There we go.
Luffy: (He pouts more.) Aw. You took my toy.
Robin: Ah well, c'est la vie, right?
Zoro: (He perks up.) That's French! (He moves for Robin, but Sanji puts a hand on Zoro's forehead to stop him.)
Sanji: Just what do you think you're doing, bastard?
Zoro: (Struggling against Sanji's hand.) I can't help it!
Sanji: I know she's a beautiful lady, but if you try to force yourself on her again, I won't hold back.
Zoro: It's not my fault!
Sanji: How many times do you think I wish I could do the same? Ah, my love is an ocean, vast, deep, and Robin, dear Robin, she is adrift on a raft in it! But I, a gentleman, would never dream of taking advantage of her trust, for trust, like--
Zoro: Would you shut up!
Luffy: Oh, come on, Chopper! Give me back Thing!
Chopper: "Thing" is my hoof!
Luffy: I was playing with it first!
Chopper: I was born with it first!
Luffy: You're so mean!
Nami: (Sitting on the couch with Usopp.) Do they even need us anymore?
Usopp: Is this because we always come in last in popularity polls?
Nami: What's up with that, anyway? We are by far the coolest characters.
Usopp: I think it's because we don't kick as much ass.
Nami: The priorities of adolescent boys are seriously skewed.
Usopp: Seriously.

Voiceover: So get a witch's shawl on, a broomstick you can crawl on, we're gonna pay a call on, the Straw Hat Family!

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A/N: I was trying to think of a good color for Usopp's "bald" head. At first I thought blue, but I find blue to be exceptionally boring. And then I thought bright pink, but pink is just a hop, skip, and a jump away from some skin tones. So then I thought bright green. Which then made me think of Zoro. In case anyone wondered the thought process behind that.

Also, apparently there really was a television remake of the Addams Family. It only lasted one season, from 1998-1999. /sharing

I don't own the Addams Family, nor do I own Winnie the Pooh. And shut up, Zoro is totally a fan. He likes Piglet. He told me so. (Zoro: I did not!)

... But I might have to do Winnie the Pooh now. Damn. I'm getting ahead of myself.