A/N: Again, this wasn't a request, but I had half of it sitting on my hard drive so I decided to finish it. (It's the one I started writing before... um, the fairy tale one, I think?)

I never watched this sort of show when I was young. I watched stuff like Power Rangers and Sailor Moon and Gumby. Gumby 0wn'd. I think. I was young a long time ago. OH I'M SO OLD.

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Voiceover: Hi, kids! It's that time again, yes, that time: time for Chopper and Friends!

(Cut to a set decorated with rainbows, cushions that look like clouds, sparkles, unicorns, and so forth. Chopper, looking especially adorable, trots out.)

Chopper: Welcome to Chopper and Friends! My friends aren't here yet, but they won't mind if we start without them. Today's special topic is dreams. We all have them; it's what helps us get through each day!
Luffy: (Offstage.) Chopper!
Chopper: Ah! They're here. Come on out, guys, don't be shy! (The other six crew members come running out, but with one minor difference: they all seem to be around the age of seven (the anachronism, she is tasty).)
Nami: You started without us!
Chopper: I was just telling everyone how--
Sanji: Yeah, you were just trying to get more lines than us, you sh--
Chopper: S-Sanji! Language!
Sanji: Since when has that ever mattered to me? (Pause.) Have you gotten taller?
Zoro: No, we've just shrunk.
Luffy: Why are we tiny?
Robin: Tiny things are inherently more adorable.
Luffy: But, I mean... is this a flashback?
Robin: Doubtful. We wouldn't all be here if that were the case, would we? Besides, Master Doctor seems to be normal.
Chopper: As normal as a half-man, half-blue-nosed-reindeer can be, anyway!
Usopp: Now is not the time, Chopper.
Chopper: Sorry.
Nami: (Stepping forward suddenly.) My name is Nami! My birthday is July 3! I love money and tangerines, and my dream is to use my navigation skills to draw a map of the world!
Zoro: What are you talking about...?
Chopper: That's an amazing dream, Nami!
Nami: (She gives a little girl giggle.) Yes! Bellemère always said I could do anything I put my mind to.
Chopper: Hooray! Thank you for sharing, Nami. Who's next?
Sanji: Like I'd want to--
Nami: Aw, come on, guys!
Sanji: (His hand shoots up.) Sanji! March 2! I love cooking and ladies! My dream is to find All Blue, the legendary sea that contains every kind of fish from all over the world in it!
Zoro: That is, without a doubt, the stupidest dream I've ever heard. By the way.
Sanji: Why you--!
Chopper: Now, now, Zoro. You shouldn't judge other people's dreams. At least tell us what yours is.
Zoro: What?
Chopper: Come on. Just follow the format of the others.
Zoro: ... (He sighs heavily.) Roronoa Zoro. November 11. Drinking and sleeping, not necessarily in that order. To become the greatest swordsman in the world.
Chopper: WHOA! He's right, Sanji; his dream kicks your dream's ass!
Sanji: I'll show you a thing or two about ass kicking--!
Chopper: Anyway, who's next?
Usopp: I'll go! My name is Usopp, I was born on April 1, I love inventing things and telling stories--
Zoro: --by which you mean lying--
Usopp: (Ignoring him.) --and my dream is to become a great warrior of the seas, just like my dad!
Chopper: (Wiping away a a tear.) That's such a beautiful dream!
Usopp: You think so? (Blinking back tears himself.) My mom died, you know.
Chopper: (Getting even more misty-eyed.) R-really?
Usopp: Yeah! And I tried to tell her there were pirates coming, that my dad was coming back, to cheer her up, but she died, and I just never stopped lying like that! I just want everyone to be happy, you know?
Chopper: (Bursting into tears.) That's the most selfless thing I've ever heard!
Usopp: (Also.) Don't you think so! I think so too! (They fall against each other, sobbing.)
Luffy: (He had gone off to play with the stuffed unicorns, and just now notices what's going on.) ... Huh? Why are they crying?
Robin: Shh, Master Captain--they're having a "moment."
Luffy: Ahh.
Zoro: I really didn't think things could get any dumber, but I was wrong. I'm going to go take a nap. (He settles on one of the cushions to do just that, and is out almost instantly.)
Nami: Anyway! Why don't we keep going? Right? Robin?
Robin: Well, I suppose. Name: Nico Robin, birthday: February 6. I come from a family of archaeologists, and it's my dream to find the true history.
Sanji: What does that mean, anyway?
Robin: To give more information would be a spoiler.
Nami: (Coughing as a way of interrupting.) Anyway! Yay! Luffy?
Luffy: What?
Nami: Aren't you going to share your dream with us?
Luffy: ... Haven't I already? Many times?
Nami: Just do it, okay?
Luffy: (Jumping up.) Yes! My name is Monkey D. Luffy, and I am the--
Nami: No, no, no. Haven't you been paying attention? You have to tell us about yourself first. For example, my birthday is July 3 and I love money and tangerines!
Luffy: Ah! My birthday is May 5, and I love meat and my hat, but for different reasons! I am the man--well, boy, I guess--who will become the pirate king!
Nami: Very good. Is that everyone?
Chopper: (He sniffs, wiping his eyes.) That can't be everyone; we still have too much time left. (He squints at the cue cards.) Oh, that's right! We still haven't heard from our special guest! (Beat.) Special guest? What special guest?
Porche: (From offstage.) Oh! Choppy!
Chopper: AAH! NO! (He runs to hide behind the sleeping Zoro, but he does so, in typical Chopper fashion, backwards.)
Porche: (She comes running out.) Oh no! Where did my Choppy go? I thought I saw him a minute ago.
Usopp and Nami: She... doesn't see him...
Porche: (To Luffy.) Little boy, have you seen Choppy?
Usopp and Nami: She... doesn't recognize us...
Luffy: Huh? Why the hell would I tell you?
Porche: (She looks very affronted.) Ah! I never!
Sanji: Ah! Dear Porche! Would you like me to fix you something? Perhaps a drink, or some mini sausages?
Luffy: Ooh! I want some sausages!
Sanji: I wasn't asking you.
Porche: You remind me of this cook I met once... oh! There's Choppy! Choppy!
Chopper: AAH! Save me, Robin!
Porche: (She stops, looking a little confused.) Robin...?
Nami: Do you think she's figured it out?
Usopp: No, watch.
Porche: That's a nice name! Anyway, come here, Choppy!
Nami: (She facepalms.) Gotcha.
Usopp: There's one thing I don't understand about all this, though.
Nami: Only one thing...?
Usopp: I honestly don't understand how they decide what's a spoiler and what's not. I mean, Porche comes into the story awfully late, right?
Nami: Right.
Usopp: And I distinctly remember Robin trying to mention something that happened before her appearance in the musical episode.
Nami: You could tell what she was going to say...?
Usopp: But that was a spoiler! So now I just don't understand.
Nami: It is not for us to understand, grasshopper. All the world's a stage, all the men and women merely players... or something.
Usopp: That was deep.
Nami: Shakespeare.
Porche: (Chasing Chopper around the stage.) Choppy! Come back!
Chopper: WHYYY!
Usopp: Well, I guess in the end I'm just grateful for the fact that I'm not cute and fuzzy. (Nami nods her assent.)

Voiceover: Next time, on Chopper and Friends, our special topic is national conflicts! Zoro and Nami argue about Ireland VS. Northern Ireland. Will Chopper be able to help them resolve their conflict through the unifying power of the central white stripe? Stay tuned to find out!

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A/N: Since I figure this is as good a time as any: well. I decide what's considered spoilers pretty much the same way Luffy does; I just decide. I think I mostly go by K-F releases, since I would wager a guess that they're the source of MOST people's One Piece. In case anybody (besides, apparently, Usopp and Nami) actually wondered. I'm going to assume that most people reading this are at least through Alabasta, given the fact that I've included Robin, and the fact that Luffy is worth 100,000,000 (at least I think I've mentioned that, but if I haven't, it was coming anyway). If not... you were probably spoiled with regards to those things long before I came along. And even if I do consider something a spoiler, sometimes I can't help dropping hints in regards to it anyway. I'll say something, and then I'll be like, "WAIT. NO." And I'll have to go back and censor it. And so on.

The appearance of Porche in this chapter (and the mention of Foxy and Enel in another, and possibly other things I've forgotten) would suggest that I am going against my own policy. However, there's nothing particularly spoiler-ish about these characters aside from the fact that they exist at all, so I guess it's no big deal. I LOVE YOU, FOXY. Even if you and Porche did want to break up my OTP.

I've been wanting to include a reference to Zoro/Ireland vs. Nami/Northern Ireland for ages. Don't ask why. I just did. And now here we are.