A/N: Woo. Hm. Lots of stuff been going on, plus been in kind of a funk. Sorry about that, folks.

To answer a question I raised after the Shinsengumi episode, I was re-watching a few episodes from around the climax of the Alabasta arc several nights ago, mainly because Sanji vs. Mr. 2 is one of the best fights in the history of ever (second only maybe to Nami vs. Miss Doublefinger... maybe), and there is definitely a moment where Mr. 2 tries to stop Sanji by turning into Nami, and Sanji goes, "Hey, you have something on your left cheek!" and Mr. 2 goes, "Huh? What? I do? (Touch.)" and he turns back into himself (episode 116, chapter... I've no idea because I lost my scans). However, Sanji was analyzing Mr. 2 for a weakness, whereas when the Straw Hats originally met him before Vivi realized who he was, they wouldn't have had the need to do the same, so I can still see why they would have felt the need for the Xs on their arms. Everybody wins!

Also, in response to Merciful Sky's question: no. No, that's not wrong. At all.

XD

Anyway. I've actually got two OTHER episodes in the works right now (my attention span is about up to par with Luffy's), but, well. Kami-Ranma suggested a Law and Order type deal, but I've never actually watched the show. However, this weekend TV Land is having a marathon of Night Court, since the show is coming to the network. My sister and I used to watch this show when it was first on, but I haven't seen an episode in ages. As I'm watching, I'm struck by how strangely similar the individual personalities of the characters are to certain traits of individuals in the Straw Hat crew. So... I couldn't pass it up. (Court... law... it's essentially all the same, right?)

If you haven't seen the show but get TV Land, I'd suggest checking it out if you have the chance. A couple of the lines were taken directly from episodes that were on while I was putting this together in my brain; they don't belong to me either. I think it was mostly just the pickup lines. Oh, and the voiceover is actually more or less from SVU. Thanks again to the IMDb.

The title credit fully goes to Kami-Ranma. I had to keep it because it made me giggle like a mad schoolgirl.

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Voiceover: In the criminal justice system, pirate-based offenses are considered especially heinous. In the Grand Line, the dedicated attorneys who try these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Pirate Victims Unit. These are their stories.

(Cut to a small court room. Public Defender Nami Sullivan and Defendant Tony Tony Chopper sit behind one table, Assistant DA Sanji Fielding, making eyes at her, behind the other. Bailiff Robin Russell, Bailiff Zoro Shannon, and Court Clerk Usopp Robinson stand by the judge's bench, the first two in uniform.)

Bailiff Zoro Shannon: Court is now in session. The honorable Judge Luffy D. Stone now presiding. All rise! (They rise.)
Judge Luffy D. Stone: (He enters, wearing judge's robes and his hat, and takes his seat behind the bench.) Hey, what's everybody standing up for?
Bailiff Robin Russell: I believe they're standing for you, Your Honor.
Judge Luffy D. Stone: Oh! Why? They can sit, for all I care. (They do.)
Court Clerk Usopp Robinson: (Putting the legal papers on the bench in front of Luffy.) The first case is the People vs. Tony Tony Chopper. Apparently, Chopper tried to attack a town, but he claims he was just trying to have a conversation.
Public Defender Nami Sullivan: (Standing.) Your Honor, I would just first of all like to state that--er. (Luffy is shuffling a deck of cards and not paying attention. Nami twitches a little and approaches the bench, Sanji and Chopper getting up to follow.) Your Honor. (No response.) LUFFY! (She slams her hand on his bench.)
Judge Luffy D. Stone: (He jumps.) WHAT?
Public Defender Nami Sullivan: We're trying a case here!
Judge Luffy D. Stone: Trying a case of what? Hey, Zoro, pick a card. (He holds a few out to Zoro, who is napping where he stands.) Zoro...!
Assistant DA Sanji Fielding: Hey, Luffy, pay attention when Miss Nami is trying to speak to you!
Judge Luffy D. Stone: Oh? Did you say something? (Nami raises her fist, but Chopper changes into his man-beast form to hold her back.) Hey, Robin! Pick a card.
Bailiff Robin Russell: If you say so, Your Honor. (A hand sprouts from the bench and chooses a card. Robin looks at it, then looks expectantly at Luffy, who says nothing.) ...Well...?
Judge Luffy D. Stone: Well what?
Bailiff Robin Russell: Aren't you going to tell me what it is?
Judge Luffy D. Stone: Huh? You just looked at it; why do you need me to tell you?
Bailiff Robin Russell: You're supposed to know...
Judge Luffy D. Stone: How the hell should I know what that card is? You were the one that looked at it!
Bailiff Robin Russell: Then why did you have me pick it...?
Judge Luffy D. Stone: Seemed like the right thing to do at the time!
Assistant DA Sanji Fielding: (To Nami.) Hey, what do you say you and me blow this joint and I make you scream like a banshee? (There is a long silence as both of them realize what he said. Chopper has to hold Nami back even more now. Sanji, for his part, looks horrified.) I didn't mean to say that! It just came out! I swear!
Defendant Tony Tony Chopper: Nami! You're supposed to be the public defender! You can't defend the public if you beat them up!
Public Defender Nami Sullivan: I was thinking more "violent disembowelment."
Judge Luffy D. Stone: (Banging his gavel.) Order! Order in the court!
Court Clerk Usopp Robinson: I'll have a cheeseburger! (Laughs.) I'll... have... a cheeseburger. God I'm funny. (Luffy continues to bang his gavel.)
Assistant DA Sanji Fielding: Bang that gavel one more time and I'll shove it up your--
Judge Luffy D. Stone: You're just jealous because you don't have a gavel to bang.
Assistant DA Sanji Fielding: (He leers at Nami.) Are you kidding? I can think of a lot of things I'd much rather be banging. (Look of horror.) I swear! I didn't mean to say it! I swear!
Public Defender Nami Sullivan: I'll bang your head in!
Assistant DA Sanji Fielding: Sounds hot. AAH! SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN IT!
Bailiff Zoro Shannon: What the heck is all the noise?
Bailiff Robin Russell: We're trying a case. Or so I thought.
Bailiff Zoro Shannon: Trying to do what with it?
Bailiff Robin Russell: I... am not entirely sure, now that you ask.
Court Clerk Usopp Robinson: Come on, you guys, we have to finish this case by midnight.
Judge Luffy D. Stone: Why?
Court Clerk Usopp Robinson: Dunno. There was just often some wacky reason, sometimes involving nuns, why x many cases had to be tried before midnight.
Judge Luffy D. Stone: Well, that's... logical.
Bailiff Robin Russell: Not really...
Judge Luffy D. Stone: Okay. What's the matter at hand? (Looking at Chopper, who is back in his normal adorable form.) Are you a prostitute?
Defendant Tony Tony Chopper: Huh?
Judge Luffy D. Stone: A pimp, then?
Defendant Tony Tony Chopper: (Blinking.) Am I a pimp?
Court Clerk Usopp Robinson: I'm sure it depends on who you're asking.
Public Defender Nami Sullivan: None of the above, Your Honor. My client, Tony Tony Chopper, was trying to strike up a conversation with some townspeople, and they claimed he was trying to attack them. It's completely ludicrous, if you ask me.
Judge Luffy D. Stone: How could they possibly mistake him for an attacker?
Bailiff Robin Russell: Probably the same way you could mistake him for a prostitute.
Bailiff Zoro Shannon: You know, in some cultures, that sort of thing is accepted.
Bailiff Robin Russell: Bestiality?
Bailiff Zoro Shannon: Pedophilia... wait, he's an animal? (Pointing at Chopper.) I just thought he was really hairy... and had garish taste in head gear...
Public Defender Nami Sullivan: (Ignoring both Zoro and Robin entirely.) Exactly! I'd like to make a motion to have these charges dropped immediately.
Assistant DA Sanji Fielding: I'd like to see you make that motion, and a few others. GAH! I'M SORRY!
Judge Luffy D. Stone: Are any of the witnesses present in this courtroom?
Public Defender Nami Sullivan: (Trying to ignore Sanji, with great difficulty; looking a bit twitchy.) No, Your Honor. They got snowed in.
Judge Luffy D. Stone: (To Chopper.) And what do you have to say for yourself?
Defendant Tony Tony Chopper: I just wanted... a friend! (Sniffing adorably.)
Judge Luffy D. Stone: Hear that? A friend!
Defendant Tony Tony Chopper: (Bursting into sobs.) Someone who understands me!
Judge Luffy D. Stone: (Looking close to tears himself.) Understands!
Defendant Tony Tony Chopper: Someone with whom I can share my greatest joys and deepest fears!
Judge Luffy D. Stone: Share!
Defendant Tony Tony Chopper: Someone who won't shoot at me!
Judge Luffy D. Stone: Shoot! -- Wait, shoot?
Defendant Tony Tony Chopper: (Looking angry all of a sudden.) Someone who won't call me a monster! Someone who won't mock me mercilessly! Because when they do, I get really angry! And you won't like me when I'm angry! (Turning into his man-beast form.) CHOPPER SMASH!
Public Defender Nami Sullivan: Wait a minute. You really did attack them, didn't you?
Defendant Tony Tony Chopper: GOR!
Judge Luffy D. Stone: Well! I think the verdict in this case is obvious! Not guilty by reason of awesomeness!
Assistant DA Sanji Fielding: What! That doesn't even make any sense!
Judge Luffy D. Stone: Hello? Were you paying attention? That was fully awesome. Case dismissed! (Chopper goes on a rampage through the courthouse, smashing tables and such.)
Assistant DA Sanji Fielding: Oh, well. We finished before midnight, which means we still have time to do other things. (To Nami.) Me Tarzan, you lucky. (She lays him out in one punch, then stalks off.)
Bailiff Robin Russell: Ah, the American judiciary system at work. It's a beautiful thing, is it not?
Bailiff Zoro Shannon: Is bestiality accepted in some cultures? (He ponders this.)
Court Clerk Usopp Robinson: Okay... next case. The People vs. Buggy the Clown. Apparently, the consensus is that clowns are creepy as hell.
Judge Luffy D. Stone: Guilty as charged!
Court Clerk Usopp Robinson: Good, we don't have to bring him in then. Because otherwise, I would be having nightmares all night. (Small twitch.)

Voiceover: Another case, another victim's fears put to rest. It's all in a day's work for the elite squad known as... the Pirate Victims Unit.

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A/N: I've never had this satisfactorily explained to me: how, exactly, are clowns considered funny?