Disclaimer: I do not own anything you recognize. I do, however, own Katie. She is me. Kinda. Anyway, I own her. And you don't. I win! ^_^
A/N: Yeah, it's been done. I'm trying to make my story a little bit different than other people's, but I can't make any guarantees. I'm writing this because 1.) I'm bored and 2.) I've been reading other really good MST stories. Anyway, this is a Marauders-find-PoA fic. And screw FFN if they don't like it. I'll just put it up again as soon as I get uploading privileges back. Anyway, Katie is kind of based off of me, but not entirely. My name isn't Katie, for one thing. Oh, and yes, this fic got deleted once. I'm adding new format and putting it up again. If FFN doesn't like it up again... screw them. And I got a review (M not sure who it was from, I forgot) saying that Remus wouldn't know what a laptop was, they weren't invented yet. I overlooked that little detail. I'm only 13, I don't know about that. But I should've researched it more.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
One extremely hot day in July, James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were all sitting in James' room, complaining about how bored they were.
Sirius: I'm bored.
Everyone else: *glaring* We KNOW.
Sirius: I wanna DO something! I know! How 'bout we go tap-dance on a grand piano!
Everyone else: *looks at Sirius weirdly*
James: You don't know HOW to tap-dance, Padfoot.
Sirius: *sadly* Oh yeah. *cheering up* How about we…
While Sirius was busy spouting off strange, weird, crazy, inane things to do, the other three Marauders were busy looking at a blue, swirling thing that had suddenly appeared on the wall behind Sirius.
Remus: *interrupting Sirius* Uh, James? Did your room always have a blue, swirling thing on the wall behind Sirius?
James: Nope. Let's go see what it is!
The other Marauders agreed out of curiosity and sheer boredom. However, just as they stood up to walk to the wall, something came out of the blue, swirling thing. The something was a girl with long dark blond hair, green eyes, a tight dark red short-sleeved shirt that said "Abercrombie Sugar Fox" in sparkly white letters, jeans, and black high-heeled clog shoes on. She looked to be between 14 and 16 and was clutching five books and a briefcase-like thing. After looking around the room for a second, her eyes alighting on the boys, she grinned and walked over to them.
Girl: Hey!
James: Um… hi? Do we know you? Who are you? And why did you just come out of a blue, swirling vortex thingy on my bedroom wall?
Girl: My name is Katie. I was looking for you guys. I have some books I want you to read.
Remus: What books? And why exactly did you come out of a vortex thingy? Why not coming in through the door like a normal person? And what is that briefcase-like thing?
Katie: Jeez, not so many questions! You'll see what books. I think you'll find them… interesting… And I came out of the vortex because I felt like it. Bite me. And this is a laptop. It's a mini-computer, which is a... actually it's kinda hard to explain. You'll see what it does in a minute.
Peter: Why did you come looking for *us*? I mean, why are we so special?
Katie: *smirks* Well, I can come wherever I want, last time I checked, and you can't do anything to stop me. Nothing at all.
Sirius: Um… ok… That was random…
Katie: Look who's talking, Mr. Let's-do-random-inane-things-that-make-no-sense. And yes, I am random. If you've got a problem with that, too bad for you, 'cuz I'm not leaving. And I'm going to summon up Lily now, if you don't mind. Or if you do mind, it doesn't really matter.
James: Lily?! Lily EVANS?!
Katie: Yep. Do you have a problem with that?
James: Well, yes I do, actually. You can NOT summon Evans in here.
Katie: Oh, shut up. I know you really like Lily. A lot. As in, you love her. And I'll do what I bloody well please to, thank you very much. And just to make sure you don't interfere… *Katie gets out her laptop and opens a saved document and types 'The Marauders suddenly discover they can't move.'*
James: *paralyzed except for his mouth* Unparalyze me right now!
Katie: Nope.
Sirius: Pwease? Pwetty pwetty pwease?
Katie: Nope. However, I *may* release Remus and Peter because they are not begging. *glares at James and Sirius*
James: *glaring at Katie* Bitch.
Katie: *beaming* I know. Isn't it wonderful? I'm a Slytherin at heart, you know. Now, all of you shut up while I get Lils. *Katie types something on her computer and Lily Evans appears, looking slightly confused*
Lily: Wha-? How the hell did I end up in Potter's house? I was in my room reading one moment, and then the next I end up HERE!
Katie: Hi, I'm Katie. You're here because I brought you here.
Lily: Um… ok… you're weird, you know that?
Katie: *beaming again* I know I'm weird. I'm proud of it, too. And I can do anything to you guys that I want to, because I'm the Author and I'm going to be typing.
Everybody except Katie: *blinks* Um… if you say so…
Katie: I do. Now, I suppose, I'll unparalyze Remus and Peter. *she types some more on her laptop and Remus and Peter can move* Now can we get reading?
James: What about us?
Katie: What about you?
Lily: I'm not even gonna ask… ^_^;
Katie: Don't. Trust me. Anyway, d'ya wanna read? *gives Lily the PoA book*
Lily: *looks at the title and has a double take* Potter, do you have a Harry Potter in your family?
James: I don't think so. Katie, let me go!
Katie: *giggles* Fine. *she types more on the laptop and James and Sirius are free* Now, somebody, READ! I can't, I'm the Author and I'm going to be typing.
Lily: I'll read it. I have a question, though: why does it say it was published in 1999?
Katie: Erm… because it was?
Everybody except Katie: O_O
Chapter One: Owl Post
Harry Potter was a highly unusual boy in many ways.
James: How unusual can he get? We're all unusual. Sirius is, at least.
Sirius: Hey!
For one thing, he hated the summer holidays more than any other time of year.
Remus: Does that answer your question, James?
Sirius: Why would he hate the summer holidays? They're the best part of the year!
Lily: They can be bad if you spend it with bad people. Not fun, I tell you.
For another, he really wanted to do his homework
James: What? That kid wants to do his homework?
Peter: I'm scared.
Katie: Aw, Pete, don't be scared. He just happens to be a freak, that's all.
but was forced to do it in secret, in the dead of night.
James: WHO HAS BEEN BEING MEAN TO MY RELATIVE??? *growls*
And he also happened to be a wizard.
Sirius: That's not that strange. We're all wizards. Well, not Lily. Or Katie.
Lily: Glad you noticed that, Black. And it's strange if you live with Muggles, if you're a witch or a wizard.
It was nearly midnight, and he was lying on his stomach in bed, the blankets drawn right over his head like a tent, a flashlight
James/Sirius/Remus/Peter: What?
Katie: A Muggle light-emitting object.
in one hand and a large leather-bound book (A History of Magic by Bathilda Bagshot) propped open against the pillow. Harry moved the tip of his eagle-feather quill down the page, frowning as he looked for something that would help him write his essay, "Witch Burning in the Fourteenth Century Was Completely Pointless – discuss."
Remus: I remember that essay! I got an 'Outstanding' on it.
Sirius: You would.
The quill paused at the top of a likely-looking paragraph. Harry pushed his round glasses up the bridge of his nose, moved his flashlight closer to the book, and read:
Non-magic people (more commonly known as Muggles) were particularly afraid of magic in medieval times, but not very good at recognizing it. On the rare occasion that they did catch a real witch or wizard, burning had no effect whatsoever. The witch or wizard would perform a basic Flame Freezing Charm and then pretend to shriek with pain while enjoying a gentle, tickling sensation. Indeed, Wendelin the Weird enjoyed being burned so much that she allowed herself to be caught no less than forty-seven times in various disguises.
Katie: That sounds fun, actually.
Remus: Oh God, you sound like Sirius.
Sirius: And that's a bad thing?
Harry put his quill between his teeth and reached underneath his pillow for his ink bottle and a roll of parchment. Slowly and very carefully he unscrewed the ink bottle, dipped his quill into it, and began to write, pausing every now and then to listen, because if any of the Dursleys heard the scratching of his quill on their way to the bathroom, he'd probably find himself locked in the cupboard under the stairs for the rest of the summer.
Lily: Who would do that? Lock a child in a cupboard just because he had to do his homework? That's child abuse!
Katie: Get used to it, hun, it gets worse.
The Dursley family of number four, Privet Drive,
Sirius: Can we stalk them now? Please?
Lily: NO.
Sirius: Aww, why not?
Lily: One, because it's a stupid thing to do and two, because the Dursleys don't live there now, another family does.
Katie: Yeah. Listen to the voice of reason. *points to Lily*
was the reason that Harry never enjoyed his summer holidays.
Lily: See, I told you that they can be bad if you're with bad people.
Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia,
Lily: *paling* My sister's name is Petunia… and she's dating a guy named Vernon Dursley…
Sirius: *cracking up* Harry's last name is Potter…. And Petunia is his aunt…
James: *smacks Sirius upside the head*
Sirius: Ow! I was just stating the obvious! *pouts*
Lily: Ugh! I get married to that bullying toerag? Kill me now and spare me!
James: Hey!
and their son, Dudley,
Remus: Who the heck would name their kid Dudley?
Lily: Petunia would.
were Harry's only living relatives.
James/Lily: *gulp*
They were Muggles, and they had a very medieval attitude toward magic.
Lily: Oooooooooo, yeah, they hate me for being a witch.
Harry's dead parents,
Everybody: O_O
James/Lily: DEAD?!
who had been a witch and a wizard themselves, were never mentioned under the Dursleys' roof.
James/Lily: Hmph.
Peter: You guys are really scaring me.
Katie: *typing furiously on the computer* You're not the only one, Petey.
Peter: Don't call me that.
For years, Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon had hoped that if they kept Harry as downtrodden as possible, they would be able to squash the magic out of him. To their fury, they had been unsuccessful.
Remus: Obviously. You can't "squash" the magic out of a magical person.
Lily: Oh, remind me to kill Petunia when I get back home.
These days they lived in terror of anyone finding out that Harry had spent most of the last two years at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The most they could do, however, was to lock away Harry's spellbooks, wand, cauldron, and broomstick at the start of the summer break, and forbid him to talk to the neighbors.
James: *sarcastically* Oh, that's nice.
This separation from his spellbooks had been a real problem for Harry, because his teachers at Hogwarts had given him a lot of holiday work.
Sirius: I can relate to that. I mean, McGonagall alone gave us *four* essays!
Lily: It's for your own good, you know.
Sirius: Shut up, bookworm.
One of the essays, a particularly nasty one about shrinking potions, was for Harry's least favorite teacher, Professor Snape,
James: HIM? Dumbledore must be off his rocker!
Sirius: He's practically a Death Eater, and he's only 16!
Lily: Oh, come on. He's not that bad.
who would be delighted to have an excuse to give Harry detention for a month.
Lily: Oh, he's gonna pay now.
Peter: *backs away slowly. yes, again.*
Harry had therefore seized his chance in the first week of the holidays. While Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia, and Dudley had gone out into the front garden to admire Uncle Vernon's new company car (in very loud voices, so that the rest of the street would notice it too), Harry had crept downstairs, picked the lock on the cupboard under the stairs, grabbed some of his books, and hidden them in his bedroom. As long as he didn't leave spots of ink on the sheets, the Dursleys need never now that he was studying magic by night. Sirius: Go Harry! Harry was particularly keen to avoid trouble with his aunt and uncle at the moment, as they were already in an especially bad mood with him, all because he'd received a telephone call from a fellow wizard one week into the school vacation.
Lily: That's not going to be good.
James: Why not? And what's a telephone?
Lily: Don't you pay attention in Muggle Studies?
James: *interrupting* Nope.
Lily: *continuing, rolling her eyes* A telephone is a Muggle communication device, and it's not good because Harry's friend is most likely a pureblood, otherwise Vernon wouldn't have gotten so pissed at Harry.
Ron Weasley, who was one of Harry's best friends at Hogwarts, came from a whole family of wizards.
Lily: I told you so.
James: Hmph. Shut it, Evans.
Katie: Honestly, you two are still on last name terms? You guys are gonna get married, and are still gonna be calling each other 'Potter' and 'Evans', even though Lily will be Lily Potter, not Lily Evans.
This meant that he knew a lot of things Harry didn't, but had never used a telephone before. Most unluckily, it had been Uncle Vernon who had answered the call.
Sirius: *wincing* That can't be good.
"Vernon Dursley speaking."
Harry, who happened to be in the room at the time, froze as he heard Ron's voice answer.
"HELLO? HELLO? CAN YOU HEAR ME? I – WANT – TO – TALK – TO – HARRY – POTTER!"
Lily: Uh-oh. You aren't supposed to shout on a phone.
Ron was yelling so loudly that Uncle Vernon jumped and held the receiver a foot away from his ear, staring at it with an expression of mingled fury and alarm.
"WHO IS THIS?" he roared in the direction of the mouthpiece. "WHO ARE YOU?"
"RON – WEASLEY!" Ron bellowed back, as though he and Uncle Vernon were speaking from opposite ends of a football field. "I'M – A – FRIEND – OF – HARRY'S – FROM – SCHOOL –"
Uncle Vernon's small eyes swiveled around to Harry, who was rooted to the spot.
"THERE IS NO HARRY POTTER HERE!" he roared, now holding the receiver at arm's length, as though frightened it might explode. "I DON'T KNOW WHAT SCHOOL YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT! NEVER CONTACT ME AGAIN! DON'T YOU COME NEAR MY FAMILY!"
And he threw the receiver back onto the telephone as if dropping a poisonous spider.
James: Why would you pick up a poisonous spider in the first place?
Katie: I wouldn't. I've got arachnophobia. And don't even THINK about it, Sirius.
Sirius: *dropping the spider* Awwwwwwwwwwww…
Katie: *typing on the computer* There, that should teach you. *smirks*
Remus: Sirius… she just turned you blue…
The fight that followed had been one of the worst ever.
"HOW DARE YOU GIVE THIS NUMBER TO PEOPLE LIKE – PEOPLE LIKE YOU!" Uncle Vernon had roared, spraying Harry with spit.
Peter: Ewwwwwwwwww…
James: Lily, how about I help you kill Petunia and Vernon?
Lily: Be my guest.
Ron obviously realized that he'd gotten Harry into trouble, because he hadn't called again. Harry's other best friend from Hogwarts, Hermione Granger, hadn't been in though either. Harry suspected the Ron had warned Hermione not to call, which was a pity, because Hermione, the cleverest witch in Harry's year, had Muggle parents, knew perfectly well how to use a telephone, and would probably have had enough sense not to say that she went to Hogwarts.
James: Well, it's nice to know that at least one of his friends has some common sense.
So Harry had had no word from any of his wizarding friends for five long weeks, and this summer was turning out to almost as bad as the last one. There was just one very small improvement – after swearing that he wouldn't use her to send letters to any of his friends, Harry had been allowed to let his owl, Hedwig, out at night. Uncle Vernon had given in because of all the racket Hedwig made if she was locked in her cage all the time.
Sirius: Katie, what happened last summer?
Katie: *throwing CoS at Sirius* Read the first couple of chapters of that.
Sirius: *groaning* Read? For fun?
Katie: Yes, for fun. Reading is a leisure activity. And remember, you're already bright blue, I wouldn't make it worse if I were you.
Harry finished writing about Wendelin the Weird and paused to listen again. The silence in the dark house was broken only by the distant, grunting snores of his enormous cousin, Dudley. It must be very late, Harry thought. His eyes were itching with tiredness. Perhaps he'd finish this essay tomorrow night…
Peter: Now we see a bit of James in him. Lily would never have stopped, no matter how late it was. Not in the summer, anyway.
He replaced the top of the ink bottle; pulled an old pillowcase from under his bed; put the flashlight, A History of Magic, his essay, quill, and ink inside it; got out of bed; and hid the lot under a loose floorboard under his bed.
Remus: Nice hiding place.
Then he stood up, stretched, and checked the time on the luminous alarm clock on his bedside table.
It was one o'clock in the morning. Harry's stomach gave a funny jolt. He had been thirteen years old, without realizing it, for a whole hour.
Sirius: How could anybody not know it was their birthday? I could never forget my birthday!
Lily: Maybe he has more important things on his mind, Black. Just because you spend your life on a permanent sugar high doesn't mean that everybody else has to get as hyper as you do.
Katie: It's bad to be on a permanent sugar high?
Yet another unusual thing about Harry was how little he looked forward to his birthdays.
Sirius: Your son is weird, Prongs. He doesn't look forward to his birthday?
Lily: Black, if you don't stop insulting Harry…
Katie: James, call off the wife, will ya?
James/Lily: SHUT UP!!!!!!!
He had never received a birthday card in his life. The Dursleys had completely ignored his last two birthdays, and he had no reason to suppose they would remember this one.
Lily: Oh, I am SO killing Petunia and Vernon when I see them next. Anybody care to join me?
Peter: *edges away*
James: Lily, you're scaring the kids.
Peter: Shut up.
Harry walked across the dark room, past Hedwig's large, empty cage, to the open window. He leaned on the sill, the cool night air pleasant on his face after a long time under the blankets. Hedwig had been absent for two nights now. Harry wasn't worried about her: she'd been gone this long before. But he hoped she'd be back soon – she was the only living creature in the house who didn't flinch at the sight of him.
Remus: Well, this is quite the cheerful book, huh?
James: They had better start treating him right. Or else.
Remus: James, what are you going to do to make them? You're going to be dead, remember?
James: Don't remind me...
Harry, though still rather small and skinny for his age, had grown a few inches over the last year. His jet-black hair, however, was just as it always had been – stubbornly untidy, whatever he did to it. The eyes behind his glasses were bright green, and on his forehead, clearly visible through his hair, was a thin scar, shaped like a bolt of lightning.
Sirius: If you needed any further proof that Harry is James and Lily's son, there it is. James' hair, Lily's eyes. Poor guy, he's cursed with that hair.
James: *whining* It's not my fault that my hair sticks up! Blame my dad!
Lily: Where'd he get that scar? You only get that if an evil, powerful curse touches you. He would have died if something that bad happened.
Peter: Where'd you learn that?
Lily: I read, Peter. Amazing, isn't it?
Of all the unusual things about Harry, this scar was the most extraordinary of all. It was not, as the Dursleys had pretended for ten years, a souvenir of the car crash that had killed Harry's parents,
James/Lily: Of course it wasn't! We did not bloody die in a bloody car crash!
Sirius/Remus/Peter: O_O um… *edges away slowly*
because Lily and James Potter had not died in a car crash.
James/Lily: That's right.
They had been murdered, murdered by the most feared Dark wizard for a hundred years, Lord Voldemort.
Lily: Meep? *jumps into James' lap*
James: I don't wanna die! And I'm not going to be killed by that bastard!
Lily: James! Language!
James: Sorry, mother.
Harry had escaped from the same attack with nothing more than a scar on his forehead, where Voldemort's curse, instead of killing him, had rebounded upon its originator. Barely alive, Voldemort had fled…
Sirius: Well, at least he defeated You-Know-Who…
Katie: *still typing fast on the computer* Call him Voldemort, Sirius. It's just a name. Honestly, in the Muggle world there are people who go around killing other people, like Osama Bin Laden, who planned an attack that killed over 5,000 people at one time, but we at least call him by his name, unlike you guys with Voldemort. (A/N: Can you guys tell I'm American?)
But Harry had come face-to-face with him at Hogwarts. Remembering their last meeting as he stood at the dark window, Harry had to admit he was lucky even to have reached his thirteenth birthday.
Lily: Why? Why is he lucky to have reached is thirteenth birthday? Who has been hurting my baby?
Everybody but James and Lily: Lily, stop it.
He scanned the starry sky for a sign of Hedwig, perhaps soaring back to him with a dead mouse dangling from her beak, expecting praise.
Peter: She expects praise for killing a mouse?
Sirius: Maybe we should feed Peter to the owl! (A/N: Yeah! Let's!)
Peter: *scowls* Very funny, Siri.
Gazing absently over the rooftops, it was a few seconds before Harry realized what he was seeing.
Silhouetted against the golden moon, and growing larger every moment, was a large, strangely lopsided creature, and it was flapping in Harry's direction. He stood quite still, watching it sink lower and lower. For a split second he hesitated, his hand on the window latch, wondering whether to slam it shut.
Sirius: Slam it shut! Shut the window!
But then the bizarre creature soared over one of the street lamps of Privet Drive, and Harry, realizing what it was, leapt aside.
Sirius: You should have shut the window! Through the window soared three owls, two of them holding up the third,
Sirius: Owls delivering an owl. I've never seen that before. How do three owls fit through one window?
which appeared to be unconscious.
Sirius: Who would send Harry a dead owl?
Remus: I don't think it's dead, Padfoot.
They landed with a soft flump on Harry's bed, and the middle owl, which was large and gray, keeled over and lay motionless.
Sirius: See? It's dead! It's motionless!
Remus: Maybe it's just old or something.
There was a large package tied to its legs.
Remus: See? It didn't start out unconscious. It was carrying a package.
Harry recognized the unconscious owl at once – his name was Errol, and he belonged to the Weasley family.
Sirius: Somebody sent him a dead owl?!
Remus: It isn't dead, Sirius!
Harry dashed to the bed, untied the cords around Errol's legs, took off the parcel, and then carried Errol to Hedwig's cage. Errol opened one bleary eye, gave a feeble hoot of thanks, and began to gulp some water.
Remus: Told you so.
Harry turned back to the remaining owls. One of them, the large snowy female, was his own Hedwig. She, too, was carrying a parcel and looked extremely pleased with herself. She gave Harry an affectionate nip with her beak as he removed her burden, then flew across the room to join Errol.
James: At least he has a nice owl. She seems to like him enough.
Katie: What I'll never get is why exactly it's a good thing if an owl bites you.
Harry didn't recognize the third owl, a handsome tawny one, but he knew at once where it had come from, because in addition to a third package, it was carrying a letter bearing the Hogwarts crest. When Harry relieved this owl of its burden, it ruffled its feathers importantly, stretched its wings, and took off through the window into the night.
Peter: I've never seen an owl act so important.
Remus: The Hogwarts owls act like that.
Harry sat down on his bed and grabbed Errol's package, ripped off the brown paper, and discovered a present wrapped in gold, and his first ever birthday card. Fingers trembling slightly, he opened the envelope. Two pieces of paper fell out – a letter and a newspaper clipping.
The clipping had clearly come out of the wizarding newspaper, the Daily Prophet, because the people in the black-and-white picture were moving. Harry picked up the clipping, smoothed it out, and read:
MINISTRY OF MAGIC EMPLOYEE
SCOOPS GRAND PRIZE
Arthur Weasley, Head of the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office at the Ministry of Magic, has won the annual Daily Prophet Grand Prize Galleon Draw.
A delighted Mr. Weasley told the Daily Prophet, "We will be spending the gold on a summer holiday in Egypt, where our eldest son, Bill, works as a curse breaker for Gringotts Wizarding Bank.
The Weasley family will be spending a month in Egypt, returning for the start of the new school year at Hogwarts, which five of the Weasley children currently attend.
Harry scanned the moving photograph and a grin spread across his face as he saw all nine of the Weasleys waving furiously at him, standing in front of a large pyramid. Plump little Mrs. Weasley; tall, balding Mr. Weasley; six sons; and one daughter, all (thought the black-and-white picture didn't show it) with flaming-red hair. Right in the middle of the picture was Ron, tall and gangling, with his pet rat, Scabbers, on his shoulder and his arm around his little sister, Ginny.
Harry couldn't think of anyone who deserved to win a large pile of gold more than the Weasleys, who were very nice and extremely poor.
Sirius: *looks offended* What about me? Don't I deserve to win a pile of gold?
Peter: I like Ron. He's got a pet rat.
Lily: I hate rats. Eugh.
Peter: *looks very offended* Excuse me? I can… I mean, I love rats.
Lily: *muttering* Weirdo.
He picked up Ron's letter and unfolded it.
Dear Harry,
Happy birthday!
Look, I'm really sorry about that telephone call. I hope the Muggles didn't give you a hard time. I asked Dad, and he reckons I shouldn't have shouted.
Lily: No kidding.
It's amazing here in Egypt. Bill's taken us around all the tombs and you wouldn't believe the curses those old Egyptian wizards put on them. Mum wouldn't let Ginny come in the last one. There were all these mutant skeletons in there, of Muggles who'd broken in and grown extra heads and stuff.
Sirius: Cool! I want to go in there!
Lily: You would, Black.
I couldn't believe it when Dad won the Daily Prophet Draw. Seven hundred galleons! Most of it's gone on this trip, but they're going to buy me a new wand for next year.
James: I wonder why he would need a new wand.
Peter: Maybe his broke?
James: Yeah, like yours did in first year?
Peter: It was an accident! I swear!
James: *laughing* Yeah. Sure.
Harry remembered only too well the occasion when Ron's old wand had snapped.
Peter: I told you so.
It had happened when the car the two of them had been flying to Hogwarts
Sirius: I wanna fly a car to Hogwarts! I wanna flying motorcycle!
Lily: Black, you're one weird person.
Katie: Nuh-uh, I'm the Resident Weirdo!
had crashed into a tree on the school grounds.
Remus: *smirks* Bet it was the Whomping Willow.
We'll be back about a week before term starts and we'll be going up to London to get my wand and our new books. Any chance of meeting you there?
Don't let the Muggles get you down!
Try and come to London,
Ron
P.S. Percy's Head Boy. He got the letter last week.
Harry glanced back at the photograph. Percy, who was in his seventh and final year at Hogwarts, was looking particularly smug.
James: *horrified* D'you think he actually wants to be Head Boy?
He had pinned his Head Boy badge to the fez perched jauntily on top of his neat hair, his horn-rimmed glasses flashing in the Egyptian sun.
Harry now turned to his present and unwrapped it. Inside was what looked like a miniature glass spinning top. There was another note from Ron beneath it.
Harry – this is a Pocket Sneakoscope. If there's someone untrustworthy around, it's supposed to light up and spin. Bill says it's rubbish sold for wizard tourists and isn't reliable, because it kept lighting up at dinner last night. But he didn't realize Fred and George had put beetles in his soup.
Bye – Ron
Sirius: Hey, that's something we've never done!
Lily: Sirius Lee Black! If you so much as think about putting beetles in my soup, there will be more than one murder on my hands – Petunia, Vernon, and you.
Sirius: Eep.
Harry put the Pocket Sneakoscope on his bedside table, where it stood quite still, balanced on its point,
Peter: Don't you think that it would spin with the Dursleys in the house?
reflecting the luminous hands of his clock. He looked at it happily for a few seconds, then picked up the parcel Hedwig had brought.
Inside this, too, there was a wrapped present, a card, and a letter, this time from Hermione.
Dear Harry,
Ron wrote to me and told me about his phone call to your Uncle Vernon. I do hope you're all right.
I'm on holiday on France at the moment and I didn't know how I was going to send this to you – what if they'd opened it at customs? – but then Hedwig turned up! I think she wanted to make sure you got something for your birthday for a change. I bought your present by owl-order; there was an advertisement in the Daily Prophet (I've been getting it delivered; it's so good to keep up with what's going on in the wizarding world). Did you see that picture of Ron and his family a week ago? I bet he's learning loads. I'm really jealous – the ancient Egyptian wizards were fascinating.
There's some interesting local history of witchcraft here, too. I've rewritten my whole History of Magic essay to include some of the things I've found out. I hope it's not too long – it's two rolls of parchment more than Professor Binns asked for.
James: Talk about an overachiever.
Lily: James Potter, just because you don't care about homework or grades, does not mean that other people do not care. She just doesn't want to get a bad grade.
James: Whatever, Lily.
Ron says he's going to be in London in the last week of the holidays. Can you make it? Will your aunt and uncle let you come? I really hope you can. If not, I'll see you on the Hogwarts Express on September first!
Love from Hermione
P.S. Ron says Percy's Head Boy. I'll bet Percy's really pleased. Ron doesn't seem to happy about it.
Harry laughed as he put Hermione's letter aside and picked up her present. It was very heavy. Knowing Hermione, he was sure it would be a large book full of very difficult spells
Sirius: Can you say, "Resident Bookworm"?
Lily/Katie: Since when is being a bookworm bad?
– but it wasn't. His heart gave a huge bound as he ripped back the paper and saw a sleek black leather case, with silver words stamped across it, reading Broomstick Servicing Kit.
James: *sniffles melodramatically, wiping away an imaginary tear* My son likes Quidditch and flying. I have taught him well.
"Wow, Hermione!" Harry whispered, unzipping the case to look inside.
There was a large jar of Fleetwood's High Finish Handle Polish, a pair of gleaming silver Tail-Twig Clippers, a tiny brass compass to clip on your broom for long journeys, and a Handbook of Do-It-Yourself Broomcare.
James: Not fair. I want one of those.
Apart from his friends, the thing that Harry missed most about Hogwarts was Quidditch,
James: See? He really is daddy's boy.
the most popular sport in the magical world
Katie: Not in America. Quodpot is much better.
James: Quidditch is.
Katie: Quodpot.
James: Quidditch.
Katie: Quodpot.
James: Quidditch.
Lily: Come on, break it up. All games on broomstick are awful.
James/Katie: Are not!
– highly dangerous, very exciting, and played on broomsticks. Harry happened to be a very good Quidditch player; he had been the youngest player in a century to be picked for one of the Hogwarts House teams.
Everybody except Katie: He got picked in first year?
Katie: Yep! ^_^
One of Harry's most prized possessions was his Nimbus Two Thousand racing broom.
Sirius: I want one of those!
Katie: It's not out yet, baka.
Lily: *laughing* I didn't know you knew Japanese!
Katie: I don't. I know *counts on her fingers* something like seven words in Japanese. Oh, and I can say 'My dog is very cute'. Je parle Français.
Lily: Erm… I don't.
Harry put the leather case aside and picked up his last parcel. He recognized the untidy scrawl on the brown paper at once: this was from Hagrid, the Hogwarts gamekeeper.
Lily: He's still the gamekeeper? He has to be, what, 63, 64 years old?
Katie: Yep, he's still there, and in top condition too.
He tore off the top layer of paper and glimpsed something green and leathery, but before he could unwrap it properly, the parcel gave a strange quiver, and whatever was inside it snapped loudly – as though it had jaws.
James: I thought we had cured Hagrid of the habit!
Sirius: Apparently not.
Harry froze. He knew that Hagrid would never send him anything dangerous on purpose, but then, Hagrid didn't have a normal person's view on what was dangerous. Hagrid had been known to befriend giant spiders, buy vicious, three headed dogs from men in pubs, and sneak illegal dragon eggs into his cabin.
Sirius: Sounds like Hagrid got the dragon he wanted, then.
Lily: I hope poor Harry didn't have to face any of those creatures!
Katie: Sorry to burst your bubble, Lils, but he had to face all three of them. Plus, in his next year, he has to face a fully-grown mother Hungarian Horntail in the Triwizard Tournament, in which he was entered without actually him entering, and he was the fourth champion in.
Lily: Um… right… he had to face dragons?
Harry poked the parcel nervously. It snapped loudly again. Harry reached for the lamp on his bedside table, gripped it firmly in one hand, and raised it over his head, ready to strike. Then he seized the rest of the wrapping paper in his other hand and pulled.
Sirius: Kinda stupid thing to do, huh?
And out fell – a book. Harry just had time to register its handsome green cover, emblazoned with the golden title The Monster Book of Monsters, before it flipped onto its edge and scuttled sideways along the bed like some weird crab.
James: Uh-oh.
"Uh-oh," Harry muttered.
Everybody but James: *gives James a weird look*
The book toppled off the bed with a loud clunk and shuffled rapidly across the room. Harry followed it stealthily. The book was hiding in the dark space under his desk. Praying that the Dursleys were still fast asleep, Harry got down on his hands and knees and reached toward it.
Katie: That's not a good place to have to get things out from. I know from experience, once I was pet-sitting my friend's guinea pig and it escaped. I happened to have the door out of the room closed, thank goodness, but it went under my desk. I managed to get bitten several times before actually catching it. (A/N: Sally, part of that is true… Nibbles did get away for about five seconds when I was holding him… and he did go under my desk… but I didn't get bitten or anything… and nobody was hurt…. Including Nibbles…)
"Ouch!"
Katie: Told you so.
The book snapped shut on his hand and then flapped past him, still scuttling on his covers. Harry scrambled around, threw himself forward, and managed to flatten it. Uncle Vernon gave a loud, sleepy grunt in the room next door.
Remus: Don't wake up, don't wake up!
Hedwig and Errol watched interestedly as Harry clamped the struggling book tightly in his arms, hurried to his chest of drawers, and pulled out a belt, which he buckled tightly around it.
Sirius: Well, that shows that he's able to think in a tight situation. Must have gotten that from Lily.
James: Hey!
The Monster Book shuddered angrily, but could no longer flap and snap, so Harry threw it down on the bed and reached for Hagrid's card.
Dear Harry,
Happy birthday!
Think you might find this useful for next year.
Won't say no more here. Tell you when I see you.
Hope the Muggles are treating you right.
All the best,
Hagrid
James: Kinda ominous that he gets sent a biting book and then told it'll be useful, isn't it?
It struck Harry as ominous that Hagrid thought a biting book would come in useful,
Everybody but James: *stares at James, then backs away slightly*
but he put Hagrid's card up next to Ron's and Hermione's, grinning more broadly than ever. Now there was only the letter from Hogwarts left.
Noticing it was rather thicker than usual,
Peter: Hey, third years are allowed to go to Hogsmeade!
Sirius: Oh yeah! I had forgotten!
Harry slit open the envelope, pulled out the first page of parchment within, and read:
Dear Mr. Potter,
Please note that the new school year will begin on September the first. The Hogwarts Express will leave from King's Cross station, platform nine and three-quarters, at eleven o'clock.
Third years are permitted to visit the village of Hogsmeade on certain weekends. Please give the enclosed permission form to your parent or guardian to sign.
A list of books for next year is enclosed.
Yours sincerely,
Professor M. McGonagall
Deputy Headmistress
Harry pulled out the Hogsmeade permission form and looked at it, no longer grinning.
Lily: No wonder the poor boy's not smiling, my bitch of a sister and the bastard of her husband would never sign that permission slip.
James: Language, Lily!
Lily: *jokingly* Shut the hell up, Potter.
It would be wonderful to visit Hogsmeade on weekends; he knew it was an entirely wizarding village, and he had never set foot there. But how on earth was he going to persuade Uncle Vernon or Aunt Petunia to sign the form?
Sirius: Threaten to Transfigure them if they don't!
James: Tie them up and force them to!
Katie: *looking at Lily* How do you stand them?
Lily: I don't.
He looked over at the alarm clock. It was now two o'clock in the morning.
Sirius: Your kid stays up late, James.
Lily: *clears thoat*
Sirius: And Lily.
Katie: Two in the morning? That's not late! I always stay up later than that. I feel sorry for you at Hogwarts, you can't stay up that long!
Deciding that he'd worry about the Hogsmeade form when he woke up, Harry got back into bed and reached up to cross off another day on the chart he'd made for himself, counting down the days left until his return to Hogwarts.
Sirius: He must be really desperate to get back to school. Normally, I'm counting down the days I have left so I can savor them.
Lily: Well, he lives with my bitch of a sister, what else can you expect?
Sirius: Oh yeah. I forgot.
Lily: *muttering* Baka.
Then he took off his glasses and lay down eyes open, facing his three birthday cards.
Lily: That's just plain evil! Only three birthday cards in his whole life?! I got more than that on my first birthday alone!
Extremely unusual though he was, at that moment Harry Potter felt just like everyone else – glad, for the first time in his life, that it was his birthday.
Lily: That's the end of the first chapter. That was… interesting…
Katie: Yeah. It's probably more fun for me to read than you, because I'm not finding out that I'm gonna die.
James: Well… yeah… probably…
Sirius: You know what I want to know? Where are Peter, Remus, and I? I mean, wouldn't we be, like, godfathers or something? Why is Harry living with Petunia and her family instead of us?
Katie: All of you have good excuses… well… Sirius does, at least…
Sirius: What is it?
Katie: Nope, not telling you.
Sirius: Why not?
Katie: Because I say so. I've got to go now, I'll be back tomorrow at the same time, savvy? Tomorrow I have the whole day open after then, so we can read more than one chapter. *she packs up the books and laptop and opens up another blue, swirling vortex and jumps through it, singing "Imma gonna mail myself to you"*
Everybody Else: O_O Erm…
Sirius: What was she singing?
Lily: I don't know. Why don't we get lunch?
James: OK. *calls down* Mum, we want lunch! And we have another guest!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A/N: Whew, d'ya know how hard it is to go thorough the whole 21-in-MSWord thing and insert HTML? My arm is tired. So, anyway, review!
A/N: Yeah, it's been done. I'm trying to make my story a little bit different than other people's, but I can't make any guarantees. I'm writing this because 1.) I'm bored and 2.) I've been reading other really good MST stories. Anyway, this is a Marauders-find-PoA fic. And screw FFN if they don't like it. I'll just put it up again as soon as I get uploading privileges back. Anyway, Katie is kind of based off of me, but not entirely. My name isn't Katie, for one thing. Oh, and yes, this fic got deleted once. I'm adding new format and putting it up again. If FFN doesn't like it up again... screw them. And I got a review (M not sure who it was from, I forgot) saying that Remus wouldn't know what a laptop was, they weren't invented yet. I overlooked that little detail. I'm only 13, I don't know about that. But I should've researched it more.
Sirius: I'm bored.
Everyone else: *glaring* We KNOW.
Sirius: I wanna DO something! I know! How 'bout we go tap-dance on a grand piano!
Everyone else: *looks at Sirius weirdly*
James: You don't know HOW to tap-dance, Padfoot.
Sirius: *sadly* Oh yeah. *cheering up* How about we…
While Sirius was busy spouting off strange, weird, crazy, inane things to do, the other three Marauders were busy looking at a blue, swirling thing that had suddenly appeared on the wall behind Sirius.
Remus: *interrupting Sirius* Uh, James? Did your room always have a blue, swirling thing on the wall behind Sirius?
James: Nope. Let's go see what it is!
The other Marauders agreed out of curiosity and sheer boredom. However, just as they stood up to walk to the wall, something came out of the blue, swirling thing. The something was a girl with long dark blond hair, green eyes, a tight dark red short-sleeved shirt that said "Abercrombie Sugar Fox" in sparkly white letters, jeans, and black high-heeled clog shoes on. She looked to be between 14 and 16 and was clutching five books and a briefcase-like thing. After looking around the room for a second, her eyes alighting on the boys, she grinned and walked over to them.
Girl: Hey!
James: Um… hi? Do we know you? Who are you? And why did you just come out of a blue, swirling vortex thingy on my bedroom wall?
Girl: My name is Katie. I was looking for you guys. I have some books I want you to read.
Remus: What books? And why exactly did you come out of a vortex thingy? Why not coming in through the door like a normal person? And what is that briefcase-like thing?
Katie: Jeez, not so many questions! You'll see what books. I think you'll find them… interesting… And I came out of the vortex because I felt like it. Bite me. And this is a laptop. It's a mini-computer, which is a... actually it's kinda hard to explain. You'll see what it does in a minute.
Peter: Why did you come looking for *us*? I mean, why are we so special?
Katie: *smirks* Well, I can come wherever I want, last time I checked, and you can't do anything to stop me. Nothing at all.
Sirius: Um… ok… That was random…
Katie: Look who's talking, Mr. Let's-do-random-inane-things-that-make-no-sense. And yes, I am random. If you've got a problem with that, too bad for you, 'cuz I'm not leaving. And I'm going to summon up Lily now, if you don't mind. Or if you do mind, it doesn't really matter.
James: Lily?! Lily EVANS?!
Katie: Yep. Do you have a problem with that?
James: Well, yes I do, actually. You can NOT summon Evans in here.
Katie: Oh, shut up. I know you really like Lily. A lot. As in, you love her. And I'll do what I bloody well please to, thank you very much. And just to make sure you don't interfere… *Katie gets out her laptop and opens a saved document and types 'The Marauders suddenly discover they can't move.'*
James: *paralyzed except for his mouth* Unparalyze me right now!
Katie: Nope.
Sirius: Pwease? Pwetty pwetty pwease?
Katie: Nope. However, I *may* release Remus and Peter because they are not begging. *glares at James and Sirius*
James: *glaring at Katie* Bitch.
Katie: *beaming* I know. Isn't it wonderful? I'm a Slytherin at heart, you know. Now, all of you shut up while I get Lils. *Katie types something on her computer and Lily Evans appears, looking slightly confused*
Lily: Wha-? How the hell did I end up in Potter's house? I was in my room reading one moment, and then the next I end up HERE!
Katie: Hi, I'm Katie. You're here because I brought you here.
Lily: Um… ok… you're weird, you know that?
Katie: *beaming again* I know I'm weird. I'm proud of it, too. And I can do anything to you guys that I want to, because I'm the Author and I'm going to be typing.
Everybody except Katie: *blinks* Um… if you say so…
Katie: I do. Now, I suppose, I'll unparalyze Remus and Peter. *she types some more on her laptop and Remus and Peter can move* Now can we get reading?
James: What about us?
Katie: What about you?
Lily: I'm not even gonna ask… ^_^;
Katie: Don't. Trust me. Anyway, d'ya wanna read? *gives Lily the PoA book*
Lily: *looks at the title and has a double take* Potter, do you have a Harry Potter in your family?
James: I don't think so. Katie, let me go!
Katie: *giggles* Fine. *she types more on the laptop and James and Sirius are free* Now, somebody, READ! I can't, I'm the Author and I'm going to be typing.
Lily: I'll read it. I have a question, though: why does it say it was published in 1999?
Katie: Erm… because it was?
Everybody except Katie: O_O
Chapter One: Owl Post
Harry Potter was a highly unusual boy in many ways.
James: How unusual can he get? We're all unusual. Sirius is, at least.
Sirius: Hey!
For one thing, he hated the summer holidays more than any other time of year.
Remus: Does that answer your question, James?
Sirius: Why would he hate the summer holidays? They're the best part of the year!
Lily: They can be bad if you spend it with bad people. Not fun, I tell you.
For another, he really wanted to do his homework
James: What? That kid wants to do his homework?
Peter: I'm scared.
Katie: Aw, Pete, don't be scared. He just happens to be a freak, that's all.
but was forced to do it in secret, in the dead of night.
James: WHO HAS BEEN BEING MEAN TO MY RELATIVE??? *growls*
And he also happened to be a wizard.
Sirius: That's not that strange. We're all wizards. Well, not Lily. Or Katie.
Lily: Glad you noticed that, Black. And it's strange if you live with Muggles, if you're a witch or a wizard.
It was nearly midnight, and he was lying on his stomach in bed, the blankets drawn right over his head like a tent, a flashlight
James/Sirius/Remus/Peter: What?
Katie: A Muggle light-emitting object.
in one hand and a large leather-bound book (A History of Magic by Bathilda Bagshot) propped open against the pillow. Harry moved the tip of his eagle-feather quill down the page, frowning as he looked for something that would help him write his essay, "Witch Burning in the Fourteenth Century Was Completely Pointless – discuss."
Remus: I remember that essay! I got an 'Outstanding' on it.
Sirius: You would.
The quill paused at the top of a likely-looking paragraph. Harry pushed his round glasses up the bridge of his nose, moved his flashlight closer to the book, and read:
Non-magic people (more commonly known as Muggles) were particularly afraid of magic in medieval times, but not very good at recognizing it. On the rare occasion that they did catch a real witch or wizard, burning had no effect whatsoever. The witch or wizard would perform a basic Flame Freezing Charm and then pretend to shriek with pain while enjoying a gentle, tickling sensation. Indeed, Wendelin the Weird enjoyed being burned so much that she allowed herself to be caught no less than forty-seven times in various disguises.
Katie: That sounds fun, actually.
Remus: Oh God, you sound like Sirius.
Sirius: And that's a bad thing?
Harry put his quill between his teeth and reached underneath his pillow for his ink bottle and a roll of parchment. Slowly and very carefully he unscrewed the ink bottle, dipped his quill into it, and began to write, pausing every now and then to listen, because if any of the Dursleys heard the scratching of his quill on their way to the bathroom, he'd probably find himself locked in the cupboard under the stairs for the rest of the summer.
Lily: Who would do that? Lock a child in a cupboard just because he had to do his homework? That's child abuse!
Katie: Get used to it, hun, it gets worse.
The Dursley family of number four, Privet Drive,
Sirius: Can we stalk them now? Please?
Lily: NO.
Sirius: Aww, why not?
Lily: One, because it's a stupid thing to do and two, because the Dursleys don't live there now, another family does.
Katie: Yeah. Listen to the voice of reason. *points to Lily*
was the reason that Harry never enjoyed his summer holidays.
Lily: See, I told you that they can be bad if you're with bad people.
Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia,
Lily: *paling* My sister's name is Petunia… and she's dating a guy named Vernon Dursley…
Sirius: *cracking up* Harry's last name is Potter…. And Petunia is his aunt…
James: *smacks Sirius upside the head*
Sirius: Ow! I was just stating the obvious! *pouts*
Lily: Ugh! I get married to that bullying toerag? Kill me now and spare me!
James: Hey!
and their son, Dudley,
Remus: Who the heck would name their kid Dudley?
Lily: Petunia would.
were Harry's only living relatives.
James/Lily: *gulp*
They were Muggles, and they had a very medieval attitude toward magic.
Lily: Oooooooooo, yeah, they hate me for being a witch.
Harry's dead parents,
Everybody: O_O
James/Lily: DEAD?!
who had been a witch and a wizard themselves, were never mentioned under the Dursleys' roof.
James/Lily: Hmph.
Peter: You guys are really scaring me.
Katie: *typing furiously on the computer* You're not the only one, Petey.
Peter: Don't call me that.
For years, Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon had hoped that if they kept Harry as downtrodden as possible, they would be able to squash the magic out of him. To their fury, they had been unsuccessful.
Remus: Obviously. You can't "squash" the magic out of a magical person.
Lily: Oh, remind me to kill Petunia when I get back home.
These days they lived in terror of anyone finding out that Harry had spent most of the last two years at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The most they could do, however, was to lock away Harry's spellbooks, wand, cauldron, and broomstick at the start of the summer break, and forbid him to talk to the neighbors.
James: *sarcastically* Oh, that's nice.
This separation from his spellbooks had been a real problem for Harry, because his teachers at Hogwarts had given him a lot of holiday work.
Sirius: I can relate to that. I mean, McGonagall alone gave us *four* essays!
Lily: It's for your own good, you know.
Sirius: Shut up, bookworm.
One of the essays, a particularly nasty one about shrinking potions, was for Harry's least favorite teacher, Professor Snape,
James: HIM? Dumbledore must be off his rocker!
Sirius: He's practically a Death Eater, and he's only 16!
Lily: Oh, come on. He's not that bad.
who would be delighted to have an excuse to give Harry detention for a month.
Lily: Oh, he's gonna pay now.
Peter: *backs away slowly. yes, again.*
Harry had therefore seized his chance in the first week of the holidays. While Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia, and Dudley had gone out into the front garden to admire Uncle Vernon's new company car (in very loud voices, so that the rest of the street would notice it too), Harry had crept downstairs, picked the lock on the cupboard under the stairs, grabbed some of his books, and hidden them in his bedroom. As long as he didn't leave spots of ink on the sheets, the Dursleys need never now that he was studying magic by night. Sirius: Go Harry! Harry was particularly keen to avoid trouble with his aunt and uncle at the moment, as they were already in an especially bad mood with him, all because he'd received a telephone call from a fellow wizard one week into the school vacation.
Lily: That's not going to be good.
James: Why not? And what's a telephone?
Lily: Don't you pay attention in Muggle Studies?
James: *interrupting* Nope.
Lily: *continuing, rolling her eyes* A telephone is a Muggle communication device, and it's not good because Harry's friend is most likely a pureblood, otherwise Vernon wouldn't have gotten so pissed at Harry.
Ron Weasley, who was one of Harry's best friends at Hogwarts, came from a whole family of wizards.
Lily: I told you so.
James: Hmph. Shut it, Evans.
Katie: Honestly, you two are still on last name terms? You guys are gonna get married, and are still gonna be calling each other 'Potter' and 'Evans', even though Lily will be Lily Potter, not Lily Evans.
This meant that he knew a lot of things Harry didn't, but had never used a telephone before. Most unluckily, it had been Uncle Vernon who had answered the call.
Sirius: *wincing* That can't be good.
"Vernon Dursley speaking."
Harry, who happened to be in the room at the time, froze as he heard Ron's voice answer.
"HELLO? HELLO? CAN YOU HEAR ME? I – WANT – TO – TALK – TO – HARRY – POTTER!"
Lily: Uh-oh. You aren't supposed to shout on a phone.
Ron was yelling so loudly that Uncle Vernon jumped and held the receiver a foot away from his ear, staring at it with an expression of mingled fury and alarm.
"WHO IS THIS?" he roared in the direction of the mouthpiece. "WHO ARE YOU?"
"RON – WEASLEY!" Ron bellowed back, as though he and Uncle Vernon were speaking from opposite ends of a football field. "I'M – A – FRIEND – OF – HARRY'S – FROM – SCHOOL –"
Uncle Vernon's small eyes swiveled around to Harry, who was rooted to the spot.
"THERE IS NO HARRY POTTER HERE!" he roared, now holding the receiver at arm's length, as though frightened it might explode. "I DON'T KNOW WHAT SCHOOL YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT! NEVER CONTACT ME AGAIN! DON'T YOU COME NEAR MY FAMILY!"
And he threw the receiver back onto the telephone as if dropping a poisonous spider.
James: Why would you pick up a poisonous spider in the first place?
Katie: I wouldn't. I've got arachnophobia. And don't even THINK about it, Sirius.
Sirius: *dropping the spider* Awwwwwwwwwwww…
Katie: *typing on the computer* There, that should teach you. *smirks*
Remus: Sirius… she just turned you blue…
The fight that followed had been one of the worst ever.
"HOW DARE YOU GIVE THIS NUMBER TO PEOPLE LIKE – PEOPLE LIKE YOU!" Uncle Vernon had roared, spraying Harry with spit.
Peter: Ewwwwwwwwww…
James: Lily, how about I help you kill Petunia and Vernon?
Lily: Be my guest.
Ron obviously realized that he'd gotten Harry into trouble, because he hadn't called again. Harry's other best friend from Hogwarts, Hermione Granger, hadn't been in though either. Harry suspected the Ron had warned Hermione not to call, which was a pity, because Hermione, the cleverest witch in Harry's year, had Muggle parents, knew perfectly well how to use a telephone, and would probably have had enough sense not to say that she went to Hogwarts.
James: Well, it's nice to know that at least one of his friends has some common sense.
So Harry had had no word from any of his wizarding friends for five long weeks, and this summer was turning out to almost as bad as the last one. There was just one very small improvement – after swearing that he wouldn't use her to send letters to any of his friends, Harry had been allowed to let his owl, Hedwig, out at night. Uncle Vernon had given in because of all the racket Hedwig made if she was locked in her cage all the time.
Sirius: Katie, what happened last summer?
Katie: *throwing CoS at Sirius* Read the first couple of chapters of that.
Sirius: *groaning* Read? For fun?
Katie: Yes, for fun. Reading is a leisure activity. And remember, you're already bright blue, I wouldn't make it worse if I were you.
Harry finished writing about Wendelin the Weird and paused to listen again. The silence in the dark house was broken only by the distant, grunting snores of his enormous cousin, Dudley. It must be very late, Harry thought. His eyes were itching with tiredness. Perhaps he'd finish this essay tomorrow night…
Peter: Now we see a bit of James in him. Lily would never have stopped, no matter how late it was. Not in the summer, anyway.
He replaced the top of the ink bottle; pulled an old pillowcase from under his bed; put the flashlight, A History of Magic, his essay, quill, and ink inside it; got out of bed; and hid the lot under a loose floorboard under his bed.
Remus: Nice hiding place.
Then he stood up, stretched, and checked the time on the luminous alarm clock on his bedside table.
It was one o'clock in the morning. Harry's stomach gave a funny jolt. He had been thirteen years old, without realizing it, for a whole hour.
Sirius: How could anybody not know it was their birthday? I could never forget my birthday!
Lily: Maybe he has more important things on his mind, Black. Just because you spend your life on a permanent sugar high doesn't mean that everybody else has to get as hyper as you do.
Katie: It's bad to be on a permanent sugar high?
Yet another unusual thing about Harry was how little he looked forward to his birthdays.
Sirius: Your son is weird, Prongs. He doesn't look forward to his birthday?
Lily: Black, if you don't stop insulting Harry…
Katie: James, call off the wife, will ya?
James/Lily: SHUT UP!!!!!!!
He had never received a birthday card in his life. The Dursleys had completely ignored his last two birthdays, and he had no reason to suppose they would remember this one.
Lily: Oh, I am SO killing Petunia and Vernon when I see them next. Anybody care to join me?
Peter: *edges away*
James: Lily, you're scaring the kids.
Peter: Shut up.
Harry walked across the dark room, past Hedwig's large, empty cage, to the open window. He leaned on the sill, the cool night air pleasant on his face after a long time under the blankets. Hedwig had been absent for two nights now. Harry wasn't worried about her: she'd been gone this long before. But he hoped she'd be back soon – she was the only living creature in the house who didn't flinch at the sight of him.
Remus: Well, this is quite the cheerful book, huh?
James: They had better start treating him right. Or else.
Remus: James, what are you going to do to make them? You're going to be dead, remember?
James: Don't remind me...
Harry, though still rather small and skinny for his age, had grown a few inches over the last year. His jet-black hair, however, was just as it always had been – stubbornly untidy, whatever he did to it. The eyes behind his glasses were bright green, and on his forehead, clearly visible through his hair, was a thin scar, shaped like a bolt of lightning.
Sirius: If you needed any further proof that Harry is James and Lily's son, there it is. James' hair, Lily's eyes. Poor guy, he's cursed with that hair.
James: *whining* It's not my fault that my hair sticks up! Blame my dad!
Lily: Where'd he get that scar? You only get that if an evil, powerful curse touches you. He would have died if something that bad happened.
Peter: Where'd you learn that?
Lily: I read, Peter. Amazing, isn't it?
Of all the unusual things about Harry, this scar was the most extraordinary of all. It was not, as the Dursleys had pretended for ten years, a souvenir of the car crash that had killed Harry's parents,
James/Lily: Of course it wasn't! We did not bloody die in a bloody car crash!
Sirius/Remus/Peter: O_O um… *edges away slowly*
because Lily and James Potter had not died in a car crash.
James/Lily: That's right.
They had been murdered, murdered by the most feared Dark wizard for a hundred years, Lord Voldemort.
Lily: Meep? *jumps into James' lap*
James: I don't wanna die! And I'm not going to be killed by that bastard!
Lily: James! Language!
James: Sorry, mother.
Harry had escaped from the same attack with nothing more than a scar on his forehead, where Voldemort's curse, instead of killing him, had rebounded upon its originator. Barely alive, Voldemort had fled…
Sirius: Well, at least he defeated You-Know-Who…
Katie: *still typing fast on the computer* Call him Voldemort, Sirius. It's just a name. Honestly, in the Muggle world there are people who go around killing other people, like Osama Bin Laden, who planned an attack that killed over 5,000 people at one time, but we at least call him by his name, unlike you guys with Voldemort. (A/N: Can you guys tell I'm American?)
But Harry had come face-to-face with him at Hogwarts. Remembering their last meeting as he stood at the dark window, Harry had to admit he was lucky even to have reached his thirteenth birthday.
Lily: Why? Why is he lucky to have reached is thirteenth birthday? Who has been hurting my baby?
Everybody but James and Lily: Lily, stop it.
He scanned the starry sky for a sign of Hedwig, perhaps soaring back to him with a dead mouse dangling from her beak, expecting praise.
Peter: She expects praise for killing a mouse?
Sirius: Maybe we should feed Peter to the owl! (A/N: Yeah! Let's!)
Peter: *scowls* Very funny, Siri.
Gazing absently over the rooftops, it was a few seconds before Harry realized what he was seeing.
Silhouetted against the golden moon, and growing larger every moment, was a large, strangely lopsided creature, and it was flapping in Harry's direction. He stood quite still, watching it sink lower and lower. For a split second he hesitated, his hand on the window latch, wondering whether to slam it shut.
Sirius: Slam it shut! Shut the window!
But then the bizarre creature soared over one of the street lamps of Privet Drive, and Harry, realizing what it was, leapt aside.
Sirius: You should have shut the window! Through the window soared three owls, two of them holding up the third,
Sirius: Owls delivering an owl. I've never seen that before. How do three owls fit through one window?
which appeared to be unconscious.
Sirius: Who would send Harry a dead owl?
Remus: I don't think it's dead, Padfoot.
They landed with a soft flump on Harry's bed, and the middle owl, which was large and gray, keeled over and lay motionless.
Sirius: See? It's dead! It's motionless!
Remus: Maybe it's just old or something.
There was a large package tied to its legs.
Remus: See? It didn't start out unconscious. It was carrying a package.
Harry recognized the unconscious owl at once – his name was Errol, and he belonged to the Weasley family.
Sirius: Somebody sent him a dead owl?!
Remus: It isn't dead, Sirius!
Harry dashed to the bed, untied the cords around Errol's legs, took off the parcel, and then carried Errol to Hedwig's cage. Errol opened one bleary eye, gave a feeble hoot of thanks, and began to gulp some water.
Remus: Told you so.
Harry turned back to the remaining owls. One of them, the large snowy female, was his own Hedwig. She, too, was carrying a parcel and looked extremely pleased with herself. She gave Harry an affectionate nip with her beak as he removed her burden, then flew across the room to join Errol.
James: At least he has a nice owl. She seems to like him enough.
Katie: What I'll never get is why exactly it's a good thing if an owl bites you.
Harry didn't recognize the third owl, a handsome tawny one, but he knew at once where it had come from, because in addition to a third package, it was carrying a letter bearing the Hogwarts crest. When Harry relieved this owl of its burden, it ruffled its feathers importantly, stretched its wings, and took off through the window into the night.
Peter: I've never seen an owl act so important.
Remus: The Hogwarts owls act like that.
Harry sat down on his bed and grabbed Errol's package, ripped off the brown paper, and discovered a present wrapped in gold, and his first ever birthday card. Fingers trembling slightly, he opened the envelope. Two pieces of paper fell out – a letter and a newspaper clipping.
The clipping had clearly come out of the wizarding newspaper, the Daily Prophet, because the people in the black-and-white picture were moving. Harry picked up the clipping, smoothed it out, and read:
SCOOPS GRAND PRIZE
Arthur Weasley, Head of the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office at the Ministry of Magic, has won the annual Daily Prophet Grand Prize Galleon Draw.
A delighted Mr. Weasley told the Daily Prophet, "We will be spending the gold on a summer holiday in Egypt, where our eldest son, Bill, works as a curse breaker for Gringotts Wizarding Bank.
The Weasley family will be spending a month in Egypt, returning for the start of the new school year at Hogwarts, which five of the Weasley children currently attend.
Harry scanned the moving photograph and a grin spread across his face as he saw all nine of the Weasleys waving furiously at him, standing in front of a large pyramid. Plump little Mrs. Weasley; tall, balding Mr. Weasley; six sons; and one daughter, all (thought the black-and-white picture didn't show it) with flaming-red hair. Right in the middle of the picture was Ron, tall and gangling, with his pet rat, Scabbers, on his shoulder and his arm around his little sister, Ginny.
Harry couldn't think of anyone who deserved to win a large pile of gold more than the Weasleys, who were very nice and extremely poor.
Sirius: *looks offended* What about me? Don't I deserve to win a pile of gold?
Peter: I like Ron. He's got a pet rat.
Lily: I hate rats. Eugh.
Peter: *looks very offended* Excuse me? I can… I mean, I love rats.
Lily: *muttering* Weirdo.
He picked up Ron's letter and unfolded it.
Happy birthday!
Look, I'm really sorry about that telephone call. I hope the Muggles didn't give you a hard time. I asked Dad, and he reckons I shouldn't have shouted.
Lily: No kidding.
Lily: You would, Black.
James: I wonder why he would need a new wand.
Peter: Maybe his broke?
James: Yeah, like yours did in first year?
Peter: It was an accident! I swear!
James: *laughing* Yeah. Sure.
Harry remembered only too well the occasion when Ron's old wand had snapped.
Peter: I told you so.
It had happened when the car the two of them had been flying to Hogwarts
Sirius: I wanna fly a car to Hogwarts! I wanna flying motorcycle!
Lily: Black, you're one weird person.
Katie: Nuh-uh, I'm the Resident Weirdo!
had crashed into a tree on the school grounds.
Remus: *smirks* Bet it was the Whomping Willow.
Don't let the Muggles get you down!
Try and come to London,
Ron
P.S. Percy's Head Boy. He got the letter last week.
James: *horrified* D'you think he actually wants to be Head Boy?
He had pinned his Head Boy badge to the fez perched jauntily on top of his neat hair, his horn-rimmed glasses flashing in the Egyptian sun.
Harry now turned to his present and unwrapped it. Inside was what looked like a miniature glass spinning top. There was another note from Ron beneath it.
Bye – Ron
Lily: Sirius Lee Black! If you so much as think about putting beetles in my soup, there will be more than one murder on my hands – Petunia, Vernon, and you.
Sirius: Eep.
Harry put the Pocket Sneakoscope on his bedside table, where it stood quite still, balanced on its point,
Peter: Don't you think that it would spin with the Dursleys in the house?
reflecting the luminous hands of his clock. He looked at it happily for a few seconds, then picked up the parcel Hedwig had brought.
Inside this, too, there was a wrapped present, a card, and a letter, this time from Hermione.
Ron wrote to me and told me about his phone call to your Uncle Vernon. I do hope you're all right.
I'm on holiday on France at the moment and I didn't know how I was going to send this to you – what if they'd opened it at customs? – but then Hedwig turned up! I think she wanted to make sure you got something for your birthday for a change. I bought your present by owl-order; there was an advertisement in the Daily Prophet (I've been getting it delivered; it's so good to keep up with what's going on in the wizarding world). Did you see that picture of Ron and his family a week ago? I bet he's learning loads. I'm really jealous – the ancient Egyptian wizards were fascinating.
There's some interesting local history of witchcraft here, too. I've rewritten my whole History of Magic essay to include some of the things I've found out. I hope it's not too long – it's two rolls of parchment more than Professor Binns asked for.
James: Talk about an overachiever.
Lily: James Potter, just because you don't care about homework or grades, does not mean that other people do not care. She just doesn't want to get a bad grade.
James: Whatever, Lily.
Love from Hermione
P.S. Ron says Percy's Head Boy. I'll bet Percy's really pleased. Ron doesn't seem to happy about it.
Sirius: Can you say, "Resident Bookworm"?
Lily/Katie: Since when is being a bookworm bad?
– but it wasn't. His heart gave a huge bound as he ripped back the paper and saw a sleek black leather case, with silver words stamped across it, reading Broomstick Servicing Kit.
James: *sniffles melodramatically, wiping away an imaginary tear* My son likes Quidditch and flying. I have taught him well.
"Wow, Hermione!" Harry whispered, unzipping the case to look inside.
There was a large jar of Fleetwood's High Finish Handle Polish, a pair of gleaming silver Tail-Twig Clippers, a tiny brass compass to clip on your broom for long journeys, and a Handbook of Do-It-Yourself Broomcare.
James: Not fair. I want one of those.
Apart from his friends, the thing that Harry missed most about Hogwarts was Quidditch,
James: See? He really is daddy's boy.
the most popular sport in the magical world
Katie: Not in America. Quodpot is much better.
James: Quidditch is.
Katie: Quodpot.
James: Quidditch.
Katie: Quodpot.
James: Quidditch.
Lily: Come on, break it up. All games on broomstick are awful.
James/Katie: Are not!
– highly dangerous, very exciting, and played on broomsticks. Harry happened to be a very good Quidditch player; he had been the youngest player in a century to be picked for one of the Hogwarts House teams.
Everybody except Katie: He got picked in first year?
Katie: Yep! ^_^
One of Harry's most prized possessions was his Nimbus Two Thousand racing broom.
Sirius: I want one of those!
Katie: It's not out yet, baka.
Lily: *laughing* I didn't know you knew Japanese!
Katie: I don't. I know *counts on her fingers* something like seven words in Japanese. Oh, and I can say 'My dog is very cute'. Je parle Français.
Lily: Erm… I don't.
Harry put the leather case aside and picked up his last parcel. He recognized the untidy scrawl on the brown paper at once: this was from Hagrid, the Hogwarts gamekeeper.
Lily: He's still the gamekeeper? He has to be, what, 63, 64 years old?
Katie: Yep, he's still there, and in top condition too.
He tore off the top layer of paper and glimpsed something green and leathery, but before he could unwrap it properly, the parcel gave a strange quiver, and whatever was inside it snapped loudly – as though it had jaws.
James: I thought we had cured Hagrid of the habit!
Sirius: Apparently not.
Harry froze. He knew that Hagrid would never send him anything dangerous on purpose, but then, Hagrid didn't have a normal person's view on what was dangerous. Hagrid had been known to befriend giant spiders, buy vicious, three headed dogs from men in pubs, and sneak illegal dragon eggs into his cabin.
Sirius: Sounds like Hagrid got the dragon he wanted, then.
Lily: I hope poor Harry didn't have to face any of those creatures!
Katie: Sorry to burst your bubble, Lils, but he had to face all three of them. Plus, in his next year, he has to face a fully-grown mother Hungarian Horntail in the Triwizard Tournament, in which he was entered without actually him entering, and he was the fourth champion in.
Lily: Um… right… he had to face dragons?
Harry poked the parcel nervously. It snapped loudly again. Harry reached for the lamp on his bedside table, gripped it firmly in one hand, and raised it over his head, ready to strike. Then he seized the rest of the wrapping paper in his other hand and pulled.
Sirius: Kinda stupid thing to do, huh?
And out fell – a book. Harry just had time to register its handsome green cover, emblazoned with the golden title The Monster Book of Monsters, before it flipped onto its edge and scuttled sideways along the bed like some weird crab.
James: Uh-oh.
"Uh-oh," Harry muttered.
Everybody but James: *gives James a weird look*
The book toppled off the bed with a loud clunk and shuffled rapidly across the room. Harry followed it stealthily. The book was hiding in the dark space under his desk. Praying that the Dursleys were still fast asleep, Harry got down on his hands and knees and reached toward it.
Katie: That's not a good place to have to get things out from. I know from experience, once I was pet-sitting my friend's guinea pig and it escaped. I happened to have the door out of the room closed, thank goodness, but it went under my desk. I managed to get bitten several times before actually catching it. (A/N: Sally, part of that is true… Nibbles did get away for about five seconds when I was holding him… and he did go under my desk… but I didn't get bitten or anything… and nobody was hurt…. Including Nibbles…)
"Ouch!"
Katie: Told you so.
The book snapped shut on his hand and then flapped past him, still scuttling on his covers. Harry scrambled around, threw himself forward, and managed to flatten it. Uncle Vernon gave a loud, sleepy grunt in the room next door.
Remus: Don't wake up, don't wake up!
Hedwig and Errol watched interestedly as Harry clamped the struggling book tightly in his arms, hurried to his chest of drawers, and pulled out a belt, which he buckled tightly around it.
Sirius: Well, that shows that he's able to think in a tight situation. Must have gotten that from Lily.
James: Hey!
The Monster Book shuddered angrily, but could no longer flap and snap, so Harry threw it down on the bed and reached for Hagrid's card.
Happy birthday!
Think you might find this useful for next year.
Won't say no more here. Tell you when I see you.
Hope the Muggles are treating you right.
All the best,
Hagrid
James: Kinda ominous that he gets sent a biting book and then told it'll be useful, isn't it?
It struck Harry as ominous that Hagrid thought a biting book would come in useful,
Everybody but James: *stares at James, then backs away slightly*
but he put Hagrid's card up next to Ron's and Hermione's, grinning more broadly than ever. Now there was only the letter from Hogwarts left.
Noticing it was rather thicker than usual,
Peter: Hey, third years are allowed to go to Hogsmeade!
Sirius: Oh yeah! I had forgotten!
Harry slit open the envelope, pulled out the first page of parchment within, and read:
Please note that the new school year will begin on September the first. The Hogwarts Express will leave from King's Cross station, platform nine and three-quarters, at eleven o'clock.
Third years are permitted to visit the village of Hogsmeade on certain weekends. Please give the enclosed permission form to your parent or guardian to sign.
A list of books for next year is enclosed.
Yours sincerely,
Professor M. McGonagall
Deputy Headmistress
Harry pulled out the Hogsmeade permission form and looked at it, no longer grinning.
Lily: No wonder the poor boy's not smiling, my bitch of a sister and the bastard of her husband would never sign that permission slip.
James: Language, Lily!
Lily: *jokingly* Shut the hell up, Potter.
It would be wonderful to visit Hogsmeade on weekends; he knew it was an entirely wizarding village, and he had never set foot there. But how on earth was he going to persuade Uncle Vernon or Aunt Petunia to sign the form?
Sirius: Threaten to Transfigure them if they don't!
James: Tie them up and force them to!
Katie: *looking at Lily* How do you stand them?
Lily: I don't.
He looked over at the alarm clock. It was now two o'clock in the morning.
Sirius: Your kid stays up late, James.
Lily: *clears thoat*
Sirius: And Lily.
Katie: Two in the morning? That's not late! I always stay up later than that. I feel sorry for you at Hogwarts, you can't stay up that long!
Deciding that he'd worry about the Hogsmeade form when he woke up, Harry got back into bed and reached up to cross off another day on the chart he'd made for himself, counting down the days left until his return to Hogwarts.
Sirius: He must be really desperate to get back to school. Normally, I'm counting down the days I have left so I can savor them.
Lily: Well, he lives with my bitch of a sister, what else can you expect?
Sirius: Oh yeah. I forgot.
Lily: *muttering* Baka.
Then he took off his glasses and lay down eyes open, facing his three birthday cards.
Lily: That's just plain evil! Only three birthday cards in his whole life?! I got more than that on my first birthday alone!
Extremely unusual though he was, at that moment Harry Potter felt just like everyone else – glad, for the first time in his life, that it was his birthday.
Lily: That's the end of the first chapter. That was… interesting…
Katie: Yeah. It's probably more fun for me to read than you, because I'm not finding out that I'm gonna die.
James: Well… yeah… probably…
Sirius: You know what I want to know? Where are Peter, Remus, and I? I mean, wouldn't we be, like, godfathers or something? Why is Harry living with Petunia and her family instead of us?
Katie: All of you have good excuses… well… Sirius does, at least…
Sirius: What is it?
Katie: Nope, not telling you.
Sirius: Why not?
Katie: Because I say so. I've got to go now, I'll be back tomorrow at the same time, savvy? Tomorrow I have the whole day open after then, so we can read more than one chapter. *she packs up the books and laptop and opens up another blue, swirling vortex and jumps through it, singing "Imma gonna mail myself to you"*
Everybody Else: O_O Erm…
Sirius: What was she singing?
Lily: I don't know. Why don't we get lunch?
James: OK. *calls down* Mum, we want lunch! And we have another guest!
A/N: Whew, d'ya know how hard it is to go thorough the whole 21-in-MSWord thing and insert HTML? My arm is tired. So, anyway, review!