Crawling

Rodney turned around, expecting Ignatius to shout some threat or another, but instead he could witness how the man inside the cell started talking softly, more to himself than to the scientist, "Rodney... there's nothing to forgive."

Realizing what was happening, Rodney closed the distance between himself and the cell, "Sheppard?"

But John kept staring at the floor and talked as if Rodney hadn't said a word, "None of it is your fault. Too bad you're not here. But I just have to say it... even if it is only an illusion."

Rodney quickly picked up on his talking and replied, "No! Major Sheppard, this is not an illusion! You're back home, you're in Atlantis!"

The Major looked up, straight at McKay, "They want to turn me Rodney..." And with a pitiful sigh he added, "...and you're not really here."

Rodney noticed that Sheppard's expression was one of a broken man, "Major, look at me! You're in Atlantis."

He made sure to stress on every word so Sheppard would know he was telling the truth. But all the man did, was ignore him like he really wasn't there but just a figment of the broken man's mind.

"I have tried, I'm still trying... I don't know how much longer my mind will hold. I don't want to give up."

"Then don't! You can come back. Just don't give up!"

"It really is a pity you aren't really here."

In some way Rodney felt kind of flattered Major Sheppard would picture him in a time of so much need. He thought that he was nothing more than a true pain-in-the-Major's-ass, who could do not much right just because he was a scientist.

Sometimes Sheppard would remind him of General O'Neill, but now he realized he wasn't just the geek on the team, he was a friend whose sixes would be covered in times of danger. And Rodney would definitely do the same, even if he considered himself not one of the bravest men on the expedition-team.

Rodney noticed the way Sheppard acted, he had returned to his silent and catatonic self, his gaze fixed on a non-existing point somewhere on the opposite wall. McKay decided it would be best to call it a day and leave the man to rest. He quickly excused himself and left the holding room.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

This whole situation he found himself in was far too quickly turning into an unending nightmare, in which he didn't even know who he was or if in fact he was the same person. John had somehow awoken to find that Kolya was playing twisted games with him and more so with his mind. He had woken up to see Rodney trying to question him. That is a nice way to dig out information; at least I said what I wanted to say.

For a brief moment he had seen himself in Atlantis, home. He was in the same cell they had used to keep their first captured Wraith, who he affectionately had named Steve. But he didn't care; none of it was real after all.

Not Ford or Teyla, not even that realistic version of Rodney. He couldn't deny however that seeing the scientist had sparked a memory inside his mind. It was a dream he had, in which he had wanted to kill Rodney, but he couldn't for the life of it remember whether he had been successful or not.

The more he glanced around his cell, the more he wished it was real. The more he looked at it, the more he wanted to believe. But ever since Kolya had changed his tactics, there was no way he was going to help that bastard hurting the people he cared about.

In an instant he knew what he had to do. He promised himself he would try everything in his might to break free, or just die trying anyway. If he were to die, he didn't care. All he wanted was just to be free. He wanted to be able to relax and to not think about all the nightmares that haunted him every time he dared to close his eyes.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Elizabeth was sitting on the edge of her bed, debating whether she was going to go to her office or not. She was feeling so tired, having slept very little the night before. And most importantly she didn't feel like discussing with anyone what had happened with John in his cell the day before.

He had spoken so harshly, so angry and with so much hatred... Elizabeth honestly didn't know if she was going to be able to talk with him again, in a civilized way anyway. But if there was no other option, she would do it. John was like family, just like the rest of the people in the city, and one does his very best when it comes to family or best friends.

But at this point, Elizabeth didn't know what to do since John wasn't responding to them. They didn't even know how to treat him. It was just a waiting game.

Deciding for the best to move, she shuffled towards the mirror and almost jumped back at what she saw. Elizabeth stared at her reflection where she could clearly see the marks John's nails had left. She quickly made a mental note to evade Carson Beckett as best as possible, in fact she would be happy if she could be completely invisible the rest of the day and not have to worry about anything.

With that thought in mind she walked to her door and opened it up to start her day in the city. She absentmindedly walked out and almost bumped into Lt. Ford, who looked exactly like how she was feeling, "Dr. Weir, I was looking for you."

Elizabeth frowned, "What's wrong?"

"We want to go to the Genii home world,"

Weir did a double take and had to suppress a hysterical giggle. Had her crew gone mad? "W-what?"

Ford didn't waver, "We go there, and demand to know what they have done to the Major."

It then hit Elizabeth like a ton of bricks. All the young Lieutenant wanted was his CO and friend back as he was before, "I don't think that is such a good idea."

Ford opened his mouth to say something harsh no doubt, but at the last minute changed his mind and went with, "We need to do something for him, and we can't just leave him locked up forever."

"I understand Lieutenant, but what guarantee can you give me that the moment you set foot on their planet they won't take you and your team and do the same thing they did to him, or worse kill you on sight. They have no need for question, Lieutenant."

Now it was Elizabeth's turn to look stern, "I know that you want him back, but until you give me something more to work with, I'm not sending you anywhere in some false hope that it'll bring John back."

Ford felt like begging, "What are we supposed to do then? Talking no longer works since Doctor McKay made it worse yesterday. Not even Ignatius responds."

Elizabeth frowned, "Rodney did what? When?"

"Yesterday afternoon. It got really heated. Major Sheppard talked like himself for a bit..."

"What did he say?" Elizabeth cut him short.

"Nothing much, I don't even think he is aware of his surroundings."

Elizabeth was about to ask something else, when Carson appeared in the hallway. "Elizabeth, can I talk to you?"

Weir cringed, remembering her mental note. She glanced from Ford to Beckett and was about to respond to Carson when Ford started talking before her, "I should be going back to the holding room."

"Let me know if anything changes!"

Ford nodded and walked away.

"What can I do for you, Doctor?" Elizabeth asked sounding a lot more cheerful than she had intended to but she couldn't care much about it at the moment.

Carson's gaze immediately locked onto her face and he grabbed her chin to have a closer look at the scratches, "Major Sheppard did this?"

Elizabeth tried to break free from his grasp but he gave her his best Doctor-look. "You should have come to see me immediately instead of today."

She tried to dismiss the issue and shrugged, "It's nothing. I'll live."

Carson shook his head and gave Elizabeth a knowing look, "I talked to Rodney dear. Come on, walk with me!" Beckett left no room for argumentation and pulled the leader of Atlantis with him.

"I need to go to my office, Carson. Can we do this some other time?"

"Humor me."

Elizabeth sighed and decided for the best to follow Carson's lead.

Once in the infirmary Beckett ordered her to sit on one of the few chairs and to stay put. He took his time to treat the minor injuries, disinfecting them and applying a bit of antibiotic cream. The moment he was finished with his job, he took another chair and placed himself opposite Elizabeth, who hadn't yet said a word or had even winced when he knew he was touching a particular soar spot. "Well, I don't think it'll kill you. But next time I'd like you to come to me when it has happened, not the day after."

Elizabeth gave Carson a small smile, "It's good to know that some people still have their sense of humor."

"Somebody has to, with all that is happening around here."

Elizabeth knew she wasn't going to get away with a simple 'you'll live', she could feel his questions bubbling to the surface and quickly tried to change to subject away from her. "How's Rodney?"

Carson crossed his arms over his chest, "He's ok. He did some unauthorized things, but Rodney is a strong lad. He told me what happened between you and Major Sheppard."

Elizabeth nodded but said nothing. Carson decided to continue, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Elizabeth tried to dismiss him again and slowly shook her head, but seemed to change her mind at the very last minute or so Carson thought. "There's nothing to say really."

"Well, from what I heard, he saved the worst for you."

Elizabeth stared at the doctor and replied, "And what do I say to that, what do I do?"

Carson opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted when the infirmary doors opened and Dr. Heighmeyer came walking in. When she noticed Carson and Elizabeth, she smiled and moved into their direction, "It's good to see you both together. I need to talk to both of you about something."

Elizabeth looked at the resident psychologist and saw lines of worry edge around her eyes, "What's wrong?"

"I just saw the tape from yesterday and I think Major Sheppard has made some progress. When Rodney talked to him, he said some harsh things to Major Sheppard, and it surprisingly had a strong enough effect to make the Major surface again."

"How long?" Carson had a basic understanding of Heightmeyer's job and knew that progress was good. Even though the man had still a long way to go before returning to normal.

"Just a couple of minutes, but definitely longer. But from what I saw on the tape, Major Sheppard doesn't seem to grasp he's already turned. He spoke as if he was still undergoing the brainwashing. He believed Rodney to be nothing more than a figment of his imagination. He thought he was hallucinating."

Elizabeth frowned and felt anger rising in her chest. Why was she saying all those things, while she hadn't even took the time to go down there and see him face to face. "Have you talked to him yet?" The question had sounded more aggressive than Elizabeth had intended, but she didn't care.

Kate did noticed Dr. Weir's sudden change and answered calmly, "I will soon. For now he's not a threat to us but if something happens, I recommend the use of a stunner but only when it's absolutely necessary."

Elizabeth was confused, "Why?"

"I believe it was the stunner that started causing the separation of the personalities. If we use it again and again, I don't know if it'll make him improve and become John Sheppard or sink entirely into his Ignatius persona and make the damage worse."

Carson got up but stayed near his chair, "Can we do something for him?"

Kate's face turned grim, "I'm not sure; we should keep visiting and talking to him. But as you know, Ignatius is aware that we are talking to him as John. And judging by what I have seen on the tapes, he really doesn't like that. I'll be going by the holding room either tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. I believe that even as Ignatius, he has to have John's memories and thoughts. So I'm going to use that to my advantage."

Elizabeth really hoped that they would very soon find a way to help John, because if they didn't then she would have to make the most difficult decision she had yet to make ... she would have to decide John's fate and future, something she really didn't want to do.