Somewhere I belong.

Three days had passed since John had come back with Elizabeth. He had been moved back to the brig as soon as possible. Ford had been extra cautious, making the move as safe as he could. John had been hand-cuffed and had another pair of cuffs around his ankles, preventing any sort of escape. It had been swift and weird, because he had barely said a word and he hadn't fought or complaint about anything whatsoever. It had definitely been scary to see the Major like that.

Everyone had taken his behavior as weird and possibly fake, so they left him in the cell with no one feeling like visiting him any time soon, leaving him to himself. It was probably for the best to leave it like that for a couple of days, giving Atlantis the chance to return to a somewhat normal state of functioning.

If they were worried about John's mental state, they were even more worried about Elizabeth's physical and mental state. She had lapsed into a state of unconsciousness that had Carson on edge.

It took her a while but Elizabeth did finally wake up, though finding herself almost alone in the infirmary. There were others there with her, but none were awake. But not for long, Carson materialized by her side out of nowhere, startling her pretty good, asking her all sorts of questions, which she barely understood.

"Elizabeth, can you hear me?" Carson was pointing his penlight in her eyes, something she didn't seem to appreciate that much.

Elizabeth looked around confused and desperately tried to answer, but she couldn't. Her voice was barely audible and broken. Carson placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder, looking straight at her, "Stop, don't try to talk! Do you know why you're here, lass?"

Elizabeth blinked and then frowned, her mind drawing a blank as to the reason why she was in the infirmary. She shook her head lightly, causing Carson to frown lightly. "You don't remember?" Elizabeth's eyes darted wildly across the room as if looking for something and shook her head, yet again.

She could see Carson's mouth moving, and desperately tried to hear what he was saying but her mind was drifting into a black swirl and she knew no more. If it had been glorious oblivion, Elizabeth wouldn't have cared much she had lost touch with the conscious world, but to her own dismay her unconscious mind filled with images. The sound of a gun being fired ... Kolya and John talking ... John's eyes, murderous, and his hands in her neck... Elizabeth felt her life slipping away from her.

She had seen the change in his eyes, it had been sudden and strange. But Elizabeth knew no more, all that she knew was that his hands prevented her from breathing and that he was holding her down with every bit of strength he had.

But he had spoken with Kolya, and they had been on the Genii home world, and he hadn't allowed for any of the Genii to hurt her, while his hands were still in place, choking the life out of her.

John had been talking to Kolya and he had … killed him but at the same time Elizabeth saw John staring down in her dying eyes as she was pinned underneath his strong body. He was driven to kill and he would soon succeed.

Next thing she knew, she was screaming at the top of her lungs, fighting desperately for some air. Her eyes flew wide open and for a moment she was totally disorientated, until she found Rodney standing by her side, holding her down, fear clearly readable in his eyes. She tried to take a few deep breaths but failed miserably until Carson placed an oxygen mask over her nose and mouth. She could feel the much needed oxygen fill her lungs and relaxed back against the pillows, while Carson looked her over, checking her vitals and noting some things down on her chart. Not paying any attention to Beckett she turned her full attention on Rodney. "Where ... where is J-John?"

Rodney noticed her voice was barely louder than a whisper. He quickly exchanged looks with Carson before he replied, "He's back in the brig."

"I need ... to see him!" Elizabeth tried to get out of bed, ignoring all the wires and the IV-line, but Rodney firmly held her down. She immediately started struggling against his hold. All she wanted, was to see him and tell everyone what she knew, what she had seen.

"A little help here, please!" Rodney called for an extra pair of hands and was soon joined by Carson, who called a nurse over. The nurse picked up a syringe from a nearby table and injected it into the IV-line. Elizabeth kept struggling and fighting, until she felt how her entire body went limp. She whimpered softly as her world slowly turned into blackness once more.

Elizabeth had no idea how long she had been under thanks to the sedative, but when she woke up again she eased her mind to the waking world slowly, deliberately not warning anybody of her alertness to her surroundings. Her eyes moved around and she found Rodney sitting next to her bed, reading some paper. The moment he noticed she was awake, he put the paper away and got up. "Good morning!" He smiled. "How are you feeling?"

"How long since he took me?" Straight to the point.

Rodney crossed his arms over his chest and hesitated a little, "Five days."

"Where is he now?"

"He's in his cell. The order is to keep him there until we can figure out what happened and what to do with him now."

Elizabeth noticed Carson coming up to them, arriving mid-conversation. She turned back at Rodney, ignoring Beckett completely, a pleading look in her eyes, she hoped would do the trick. "You have to let him go, Rodney."

Carson and Rodney exchanged worried looks, "I don't think that's a good idea, love," Carson replied to her plea. "We have no idea what his mental state is at this very moment and the most qualified doctor who could tell us that is lying right next to you."

Elizabeth blinked and turned to her right side, seeing Dr. Kate Heightmeyer sound asleep. She had no idea how the doctor had gotten injured but she was pretty sure John was more than likely involved with it. Her eyes darted back to the two men. "No, you don't understand, he's back! John is back!"

Seeing both men didn't seem to be interested whether John was back or if they were still dealing with Ignatius, she decided to make her next move and threw her blankets back in order to swing her legs over the edge of the bed. But Carson anticipated the move and placed a gentle but demanding hand on Elizabeth's shoulder easing her back down and pulling the blankets back up. She resisted, pushed a little more and moved as if to stand up.

"What makes you think that?" Rodney decided for the best to show a little interest in what Elizabeth was claiming to know.

Elizabeth gave up and fell back against the pillow, staring at Rodney, "Please Rodney, talk to him. Believe me, he's back…." another thought popped into her mind and again she wanted to get out. "I need to see him."

Carson pushed her back down, glaring at her and almost threatening to sedate her again. "No, you need to rest."

"But I..." she winced as her brain had just found out how to turn the pain back on, and realized a little bit more rest couldn't hurt at all. She did, however, look back at Rodney, making sure he was going to see John. "Please talk to him! You'll see, he's really back."

Rodney only nodded and stepped aside to let Carson do a few last check-ups, as they noticed she was already dozing off again.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Later that day Rodney decided to give Elizabeth's plea a try, so he made his way down to the brig. A place that was now so full of bad memories that most people didn't really feel like going down there any time soon.

As Rodney walked into the room he noticed John sitting on the floor in the middle of his cell, staring off at some invisible spot on the wall opposite him. There was no longer a cot inside the cell, having broken his last one. And just for security reasons they had only given him a small mattress to lie on. Rodney started with a simple hello, but John didn't say anything nor did he look up to acknowledge McKay's presence. "I just came by to see how you were doing." Rodney bit his lip, still waiting for a response of sorts. "And to tell you that Elizabeth is going to be just fine."

At that, John slowly turned his attention on Rodney, letting his last statement sink in while he released a slow breath. "I thought I killed her."

"You nearly did." McKay took a chair and sat himself down in front of John. "Why did you take her?"

"I had to prove something." His voice monotonous.

Rodney glared, "Prove something? Right. So what should I call you now, Sheppard or Ignatius?"

This time it was John's turn to glare, unwillingly showing emotion in his eyes. "I am nobody. I am no longer the person you knew."

Rodney blinked, looking slightly confused, "What do you mean?"

"I don't care what you are planning on doing with me. I deserve worse than whatever it will be, but I can assure you that you will never, ever, see Ignatius again."

Rodney doubted that for a moment, since Ignatius had fooled them before. "What happened on the Genii home world?"

"I killed him."

"Who?"

"Kolya."

"Why?" Rodney couldn't resist to feel a bit relieved, knowing the man they all hated so much had finally been put down. But he couldn't help either to wonder what had caused his death.

"Because he is the reason I'm a monster."

Rodney remained silent, hearing John talk with such hatred, "It's not your fault; Major, nothing you have done is your fault. If we should be pointing fingers, it should be at us. We should have gone back to that planet for you. We could have done it and we didn't. So don't make yourself a martyr because we were the ones who left you behind. We left a man behind, you."

John looked back at Rodney, "I already told you once ... it was never your fault."

"Not yours either."

John turned back at staring to the imaginary spot on the wall, "I will pay for my crimes."

"You already did," Rodney shook his head lightly, knowing he was talking to a wall. John was beating himself up mentally.

McKay remained seated, watching John closely as he stared. He had decided it couldn't hurt to tell the Major what had happened while he had been gone and how everybody was dealing with the situation. He knew that Sheppard was actually listening since he could once in while see a flicker of recognition in the man's eyes.

But none of it would make a difference in the end, since John knew that all those that had gotten hurt were Ignatius' victims and at the time it was in fact him who had done the hurting. It had been his body that had attacked those people. Essentially it had been him, and not someone else.