June 26th, Wednesday

Hours spent crying: ½; startling discoveries: 0 (yay, finally a day in peace); meals that stayed in my stomach: 1 (big improvement); friends I scared away by getting too personal: 0; wonderful hours passed in Sirius' secret garden: 5;

This is gonna be my day. Only improvements, had solid food for the first time in four days and did nothing stupid. Very innocently got up, had breakfast with the others (nice porridge slime that actually tasted better than it looked; apparently it helped the Weasley children through every stomachache they ever had) and then started looking for Sirius' heirloom. Spent hours knocking conjured up flowers into the wall. Also spent four flowers until I finally touched a small rose embroidered in the tapestry beside Sirius' bed with my fifth and already pretty crumpled gardenia. The tapestry changed into a wooden door tat led to a garden – and what a beautiful one. It was a bit savage, just like Sirius, but only in the back corners. The time I spent exploring it was the half hour I cried, by the way. I had to. It resembled Sirius' character in so many ways. He had already taken care of most of it. Apparently, this had been what he had occupied himself with in the long boring hours he spent trapped in this house. The garden is charmed to replay the weather outside, and it was so warm that I spontaneously changed into my bathing suit and conjured up a deckchair. First decent sunbath in months. Sirius, I love what you left me. (Though I'd love it even more if you'd have given it to me personally and were now sitting here beside me in your Hawaii shorts and black sunglasses.) I guess you can't have everything. Was just dosing off when I heard someone come out (or in?) behind me. It was Remus. I happily told him what Sirius had left me and showed him around, but when we came to a spot of lupines in the back of the garden, he stuttered something about having to leave on order business and rushed back into the house. Went back inside to get me something to drink and a book, and then settled for some comfortable reading and tanning again. After a while remembered that I don't actually have to tan, I just have to think about tan skin and I'll look like four weeks Mallorca, but still it is great. Went down to get me some dinner, where I met Molly. Invited her to join me in my personal solarium, and we talked and tanned for the next hour until Molly had to be off again. All in all, was a great day. Stayed out until it was almost dark, then conjured away my deckchair and went to bed.

Later:

Woke up to the sound of my door creaking. Grabbed my wand and was ready to shoot a spell at the intruder, when I heard someone whisper:

"Nymphadora, are you still up?"

"Not exactly Remus, but now I am. What's the matter?"

"I can't sleep." Now he very much resembled a little boy with nightmares, so I tried that guess.

"Did you have a nightmare?" He sounded surprised.

"No, I just couldn't sleep. I wanted to talk to you."

"About what?"

"About Sirius, of course. You told me to open up, so I'll try that now." Cast a lighting charm and guided him over to sit on my bed, then turned off the light again and he began to speak. Apparently he found it easier to speak with the lights off, too. He told me things about his condition this last year that really frightened me, for example about the first full moon after Sirius' death and how he'd briefly considered not taking his wolfsbane potion and then going to kill Bella in his wolf form. When he got to the thing that I'd already so kindly pointed out, which would be him being all alone now, his voice cracked. I didn't get it at first, but then I understood that he must be crying.

"Remus, are you all right?" He didn't respond, only let out a low whimper, so I searched for him in the dark and pulled him into my arms. He cried into my shoulder for what seemed like hours, and I was both amazed at how many tears a single person could shed and at the fact that he wanted to shed them on my nightgown. I pulled him nearer and settled in a more comfortable position, and he cried on for a long time, until he was finally too tired to shed any more tears.

"May I sleep in your room?" He asked shyly.

"Of course." Lifted the bedcovers for him to crawl in. He hesitated a moment before he shrugged and laid down beside me. Quickly remembered locking the door in case Molly would come in to bring me breakfast the next morning. We lay there in awkward silence, until I figured that now I had a man in my bed for the first time in ages might as well make the best of it. No, not what you think! Just snuggled a bit closer and placed my head on his chest. He put an arm around me, pulled me to him and gave me a kiss on the head.

"Thanks." While I had been very tired just a minute ago, was now tingling all over and not at all tired anymore, whereas Remus fell asleep within minutes. Listened to his steady breathing for a while until I finally fell asleep. Felt still not tired, but warm and safe and cozy. Figured I really need a boyfriend.