June 27th, Thursday

Men in bed: 0; hours spent in the garden: 7; hours spent eating: 3; hours being bored: 12; boxes of WWW assorted chocolates: 1 and a half; times transfiguring into some animal: 17;

Startling discoveries: 1

Wow! Made a startling discovery! I just opened my calendar to check on some birthdays when I saw Sirius' birthday and –year. I did a little math, and found out, that the father/daughterly relationship is definitely out of question for Remus and me. Brother/sister relationship's still possible. But what's also possible has nothing to do with family bonds. Not at all. I see, you get the picture.

Spent the day in the garden trying out the sweets from Fred and George. After a morning of reading in bed, I was so bored that I did a little dance every time a truffle turned out to be charmed and transfigured me in any way. Didn't see anything of Remus the whole day. Was a little sad about that. Am now lying in bed, tossing and turning, and definitely not hoping the door will open and Remus will walk in, announcing that he can't sleep. Ah, who am I kidding. I would so love to spend the night in his arms. Even the sound of it makes my heart melt.

Decided to get up and go outside into the garden to get some fresh air. When I stepped out, I was surprised to see that someone was already standing there. Molly was gazing up at the stars. I'd told her how to open the door, since Sirius' letter said I could also invite friends if I wanted to.

"Hey Molly, why are you still up?"

"I'm worried about Remus. According to Dumbledore, he went on a mission to talk to some werewolves in a colony up north. I owled Dumbledore, and he said it was alright if Remus hasn't returned yet, for these diplomatic missions sometimes take several days, but I'm still worried."

"I wonder why he didn't tell anyone here."

"You know him, Tonks, he never talks about anything, especially if it could worry people."

"Apparently it never occurred to him how not telling people anything could worry them just as much."

"He's just so bloody stubborn." I looked at her, dumbfounded. Molly cursing?

"You know, your children would've gotten soap in their mouths for saying that…"

"Well, sometimes a mother has to let off some steam. Everything around here would be much easier if we weren't so many Gryffindors."

"I'm sorry? What do you mean by that?"

"They're all so awfully brave and stubborn, proud and noble and stupid, rushing from one danger into the next without telling anyone anything, because they don't want to endanger the others. But they, being Gryffindors as well, immediately go after their friends and try to save them and end up getting hurt. It's a neverending circle. We're never going to achieve anything if we stay such an emotional bunch, rushing headfirst into dangerous situations. I don't want to blame everyone else but me, I know I'm just the same. Look at Severus, he's the only one who's able to stay cool. If we'd all stayed calm as he did last year when Harry had that vision of Sirius, maybe Sirius would still be alive and Harry wouldn't feel so guilty."

"You don't blame Harry for rushing to Sirius' help, do you?"

"No. He's still young, and doesn't know better. But we should, Tonks, we're the grown-ups, the examples… I'm proud of my children, proud that they're Gryffindors and brave and noble, but I don't want them to die because of that."

"They won't, Molly. They're also clever."

"But their bravery outweighs their wits by far. I'm already counting down to Ron's and Harry's birthday, for as soon as they're seventeen, they'll join the order. And after that, there's Ginny. Up until now, when I watched my other children grow up, Ginny and Ron were always in the back of my mind, reminding me that not all my children have grown up yet, that the babies are still there to watch over. But even Ginny, my sweet little girl, has gone through more than she should have at her age, and still hasn't given up. No, her stupid Gryffindor bravery has stayed, and as soon as she turns 17 she'll join the order, and I won't have a single minute in peace anymore. I'll spend my days at home in front of the family clock, praying that the fingers don't point to death or mortal peril. They're always so busy being brave and fighting for their ideals that they forget there are people worrying about them. They forget that their old mother is sitting at home and wants nothing more than for them to come home." Didn't know what to say to that. People seem to love to open up to me lately. Molly usually never talks about her own problems, she's always busy helping one or the other of her kids. Or someone from the order. In a way, she's the mother of the order. She's the one you go to when you're sick, or hungry, and probably when you've got a heartache, too.

"You know, from this point on, it's their decision what they want to make out of their lives. And that's good. You've always watched over them, encouraged them, and now they have to make the rest alone. But you've been a great mother, really. They're lucky to have you. We all are." I hugged her. I believe there are situations when a warm embrace can do more than all the words in the world.

"Thank you, Tonks. You know, everyone thinks you're clumsy and do all the wrong things at the wrong time, but they're wrong. When the right moment comes, you can do the right thing." That made me really proud and happy. We hugged again shortly and then went back in together. Went straight to bed and fell asleep within two minutes. I can continue worrying tomorrow.