July 3rd, Wednesday
Gravely injured friends falling through the front door: 0; hours spent listening to Remus': 0; new things I learnt about him: 0; bars of chocolate eaten out of pure boredom: 3 ¼.
My fabulous quality time with Remus started by not starting at all. That's right, he hasn't woken up yet. Spent the morning at his bedside, trying to gently wake him up using telepathy, but it didn't work. So around lunchtime I went down to see if Molly was there, but the whole house was completely abandoned. Seems as if everyone's out there doing important stuff while I'm stuck here with an injured, sleeping werewolf!
I so want to be out there right now. Things are heating up since Voldemort somehow manages to get his cronies out of Azkaban. The ministry officially acknowledged his return and announced the fight against him. Ministry officials are out on the streets handing out brochures, attracting people to join the voluntary relief troups, or become Aurors. They're also preaching "stick together, don't be afraid, trust each other…". Would be a hell of a lot more effective if they started actually using Voldemort's name. Shudder. Still have to force myself to use it, even more so in writing. But still they're right. The reason why Voldemort had so much power the last time (even if I wasa childwhen Harry defeated him) was that people didn't stick together. They'd gotten paranoid, suspecting everyone around them to be a spy and therefore not asking for help. We just need tohave the strength and courage to stand up to him and tell him: "You won't get us that easily, Voldemort. Not this time. Because we are not afraid to fight and die for what we believe in." Because that's what everyone in the order would say if they were to ever face him. And it's the right thing, the only thing to say. Freedom is worth fighting for, even if only a handful of people survive to live freely it was worth it. We have to fight for the future of our children. If I ever have any, that is. It's not as if I have a love life… My last boyfriend dumped me three years ago, saying I would work too much. At least that was a new excuse. Usually they dumped me saying it creeped them out to be with someone and not know how they looked. Which is complete rubbish. It's not as if I don't have a "natural" appearance. When I'm totally at ease, I usually go back to normal – or as normal as you can look with freakishly dark black eyes and hair.
Argh, thinking about my life like this makes me realize I'm really not satisfied. I should do something about that damn clumsiness and inability to maintain a deep, meaningful relationship. Meaning I need inner balance. I just don't know how. I read a book from Elizabelle Beauchamps once, a great witch who totally revolutionized the art of divination at the beginning of the last century. She said to regain inner balance you had to clean your aura. Searched for the book for quite some time until I found it in the bucket where we keep the old daily prophets in the living room. Apparently, clearing your aura isn't that difficult. You just have to take a bath with essential oils of myrtlap (urgh) and roses in a room facing north that is illuminated by lily-scented candles. To me it sounded a lot like this muggle wellness thing, and since I already want to try that out, I might as well clean my aura doing so. Which brings me to the problem how I get essential oils and scented candles without leaving the house and without knowing how to transfigure anything. Guess I have to wait till someone comes around and is willing to run to the drugstore and get me this wellness stuff. Spent the time waiting by reading on in the book. Couldn't help but get the impression that most of the things in the book are sentimental, esoteric bullshit. Great. Am turning into naïve new age person who believes in "How to…"-books. Oh honestly, how hard can it be to get a boyfriend and get over a little life crisis?
Made Emmeline, who arrived around five, buy me the candles and oil stuff anyway, since I was rather cold from sitting on the steps for hours.
Muggle wellness is great. Screw inner balance and clean auras, just get me some hot water, candles and butterbeer and everything looks much brighter.
After I came out of the bathtub all shrinky and crumply, snuck into Remus' room one last time. He was still asleep, but he definitely looked better by now. Placed a rose-scented candle into his room. Maybe it helps.
A/N: I know there's no Remus/Tonks interaction in here, but this fic is not only about Remus, but about all of Tonks' life and thoughts.Thanks for reading – and reviewing!
Nicky: Canon is what JKR wrote and said.