Chapter 9: Dustin's Depressing Diagnosis

"So, how did you die, Adam, if you don't mind my asking?" asked Dustin. The group was now gathered around the parked hearse, watching the ongoing party in the graveyard.

Adam scratched his neck, feeling the odd welt that wound all the way around. "Apparently I was hanged...I think. I don't remember. I wish this thing would go away though."

"Could be worse," said Gus, pointing to the decapitated knight holding his head in his hand. He then went back to trying to feed Rolly a rotten apple core. "Eat the apple, pretty pony!"

"We found him lounging in the foyer," explained Phineas, who was lying on the roof of the hearse, using his bag as a pillow. "He didn't even know he was dead."

"I don't remember dying!" Adam cried. "I remember trying to get this rope off of a beam in the gallery, and then...then..." He furrowed his brow in concentration. "There was a dark figure, I think. And then...nothing."

"Hmm," Dustin commented thoughtfully, stirring a cup of tea.

"'Hmm' what?" asked Ezra with a cocked eyebrow. He was leaning against the side of the hearse, arms crossed.

"It's nothing, probably, I was just thinking...Nevermind. It's preposterous." He stared back down into his teacup.

"Spill it, limey!"

Dustin shot a glare at the bony ghost. "All right, Yank," he snarled. More politely and nervously to Adam, he said, "Your case just seems to fit a certain type of...circumstance. You didn't have any enemies, did you?"

After thinking it over, Adam shook his head. "Nah, everyone loved me at work."

The other four ghosts stared at him, eyebrows arched, but remained silent. Crickets chirped. Rolly snorted.

"Okay, I wasn't that popular, I admit. Harcourt's had a vendetta ever since I drove the wrecking crane home that one day. And Duncan... I don't know what his problem is. He's hated me ever since I--" His face suddenly went blank. Quietly and slowly, he confessed, "He's hated me ever since I started dating Clarisse."

With a sigh, Dustin put down his drink. "Well, that explains it. You don't remember dying and you didn't realize you were dead. Those are the signs of a murdered former mortal, I'm afraid. Sorry old chap." He offered him an apologetic smile.

"But Duncan wouldn't kill me!" Adam tried to laugh, but couldn't quite force it out. "He knows he wouldn't have had a chance with Clarisse. The man's twenty years older than her, for crying out loud! And he's an obnoxious control freak, so she ignored him. Plus, the man's so superstitious he nearly wets his pants if someone so much as mentions ghosts. He wouldn't set foot in the mansion no matter how much he liked her." He slouched back against a mausoleum and slowly slid down until his was sitting with his knees level to his chest. "Right?" he asked himself. He crossed his arms, placing them on his knees, and then put his head down. "Oh God, Clarisse!" Slowly his shoulders wracked with sobs.

Phineas and Ezra shot unsure looks to each other, not knowing what to do. "Expressing emotions" and "sensitivity" were quite foreign to them.

"No wonder you don't have girlfriends," Dustin muttered.

"Look, it's not like we don't care," hissed Ezra. "We've just never seen a man cry before...except for Gus. He cries all the time."

"The horsie's not eating the apple!" the short spook sobbed.

"I swear," the coachman groaned, rolling his eyes as he walked over to Adam. He then sat down next to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry I even brought it up."

Adam sniffed and looked up. Wiping away tears, he said quietly, "It's okay, don't worry about it." He stared down at his wedding band. "It's funny," he said without a trace of humor in his voice, " that whole ''till death' thing never quite hits you until you die. I didn't get to say 'I love you' one last time. She probably doesn't even realize I'm dead yet. She's probably grading papers, glancing at the clock occasionally, waiting for me to call and explain why I'm late."

"If it's any consolation, Adam, there are a lot of people here who were in a similar situation." Dustin cleaned his glasses on his coat. After putting them back he waited a few seconds. Then he loudly cleared his throat.

Adam stared at him in wide-eyed disbelief. "You were murdered? Why?"

The Englishman shrugged. "I don't know actually. I was just enjoying a Halloween tea party that Victoria was throwing in the cemetery. Next thing I know I'm hovering above this person lying on the ground who looks like me. The tea was contaminated, I later found out, with vast quantities of rat poison. Killed a few dozen guests. No one knows who did it or why they did." He scowled. "It makes me furious that so many innocent lives were taken. It was no accident, I assure you. Just as your death wasn't either."

Adam scowled. "She's never going to know what happened to me...unless I tell her." He smacked his forehead. "Duh! Why don't I just go home and explain everything?"

"'Cause you can't," Ezra spoke up. "None of us can leave. We're confined to the grounds."

Phineas nodded in agreement. "We couldn't tell you the number of times we've tried to hitchhike out of here."

"I'm afraid they're right," Dustin agreed. "For once."

"Say," Adam looked around. "Why are there so many ghosts here, anyway? The place is packed. These people couldn't have lived here at the same time, there's not enough room!"

"We've got some theories," Ezra glowered, surprisingly dark. "But no one'll listen to us."

"It's because we're crazy!" Gus grinned.

"No, not everyone lived here at the same time," Phineas told Adam, using a tone similar to Clarisse when she was trying to teach a class. "But," here he faltered, "it seems like everyone who lived here or stayed at the mansion for a while died...unexpectedly...in a bizarre way."

"It all started after she showed up," added Ezra, still scowling. "And until now, it stopped after she was put away."

"Who?" Adam asked.

"Leota," growled Gus. "She brought ghosts here!"

"And made more when she couldn't summon them," added Phineas.

"She's doing something evil!" Gus hissed. He was suddenly thoughtful. "Of course, this is all speculation."

Dustin was quiet. "You don't think," he asked meekly, "that she was the one who killed me?"

"I'm positive," Ezra replied. "After we died, we were dragged back here. We watched person after person kick the bucket. And we've heard some odd things from the other ghosts."

"Like what?" Adam asked.

Before Ezra could start on another tangent, he was interrupted as a dainty, ethereal girl skipped up the path, singing an eerie tune. Her long brown hair and white skirt swung from side to side as she bounded along. Bright green eyes seemed to glow in the moonlight. Adam noticed that the prank-playing trio was silent, and shot him and Dustin looks to be the same.

The girl stopped in front of them, hands behind her back, swaying forward and backward slightly as she balanced from her toes to her heels. She was the perfect picture of a child's innocence; maybe that was why she creeped Adam out so much.

Dustin didn't get the same feeling of fear Adam did, nor did he catch the glares from the hitchhikers. With a friendly smile, he sat up on one knee to be eye level with the child. "Hello, there! What is a pretty little girl like you doing out in a scary place like this?"

"I'm looking for my daddy."

"Would you like us to help you?" He ignored the protests from Ezra, Phineas, and Gus behind him.

"Ye..." She quickly shut her mouth. Silently, she turned and looked at Adam. Her eyes seemed to glaze over and then glow brighter for a split second. Adam felt sick. "No...thank you," she said, her voice suddenly sharp and deeper. "I'll find him myself." She flashed a grin, turned on her heel, and began skipping away.

"I have just met a child of the corn," whispered Adam. "Who was that?"

"That," said Phineas, "was Little Leota, Leota's daughter. She's a sweet kid, but, man, is she creepy."

"Did you see that thing her eyes did?" squeaked Dustin as he stood up.

"Something's not right about her," muttered Ezra. "She definitely didn't sound like herself there for a second." He frowned thoughtfully, chin in his hand, fingers drumming the side of his cheek.

"I hate to change the subject here," Adam broke the silence, "but there's still the matter of me being dead and my wife not knowing, and me possibly having been murdered."

The others stared at him. "And...?" asked Ezra.

"Well, I would like to see justice served, here! I mean, someone will come back, right? To look for me? There's probably some legal reason they have to. So, we should compile evidence, proving my death was no accident! We show them when they come back!"

"Question," Phineas held up one hand. "Then what do you do when they run screaming at the sight of dead you floating around? It's not exactly fool-proof."

"Are you sure you're crazy?" asked Adam. "You sound pretty sane to me."

"I bet I could stuff ten poodles in my hat," Phineas mumbled thoughtfully.

"That shut me up."

"Perhaps, gentlemen, if Adam's coworkers do indeed come by the mansion," Dustin said, "conveniently laying things out for them to easily find may be a better solution than just, say, appearing and scaring the bejeezus out of them."

Suddenly filled with new vigor, Adam sprinted back towards the huge house.

"Where are you going?" demanded Ezra.

"I'm going to search for clues, anything that proves Duncan killed me!"

"The kids not exactly the brightest bulb in the shed." Gus tugged on his beard thoughtfully.

"Right," Ezra grumbled. "Better make sure he doesn't do something stupid." He and his two friends followed.

Dustin lingered behind, not knowing if he should follow Adam--certainly those bumbling idiots couldn't be of much help-- help Little Leota look for her father--the poor child looked sick-- or... He squinted into the distance. Then he took off his glasses, cleaned them on his duster, put them back on, and then squinted into the distance again. Two people were walking into the graveyard. One was a ghost and the other was very much alive.

What if that's Adam's wife? he thought. What if she did come looking for him? Cupping his hands around his mouth, he called, "Adam!" But he and his new friends had already vanished. Shaking his head, he started to jog over to the duo passing through the cemetery gates.