July 8th, Monday

Startling experiences: 1 (honestly, you don't even have to leave this house to have loads of strange things happen to you); startling discoveries: 1; great talks I had with the girls: countless

Whoa! Woke up very early this morning from a very weird dream. It was … well, it's a little difficult to say, since I'm really embarrassed, but… well, I sort of had a naughty dream. About Remus. There, I said it. It wasn't really naughty, just a little. It included only some snogging and indications on what was to come and then it went dark, sort of like they do in the movies, where you know they're going to get it on now, but you only see the snogging. It was … nice.

Okay, actually, it was so hot, I blushed to the roots and had to flee the kitchen when Remus came down this morning. Oh my God, this is so sad. I'm so obviously love-life-less that I start having fantasies about other order members who are ten years older and loads smarter than me and just happen to be stuck in the same house at the same time. Well, one order member. (Thank God! If it were several, that would only make things more complicated.)

He wouldn't even begin to think about me that way in ten years! He's so sophisticated, and smart, and funny, and gentle, and he's got so much experience with life. What would he want with a stupid little girl like me?

Amdepressed.

Not even Remus managed to get me out of my depression, although he tried. He made a delicious lunch, invited me to play chess with him and finally got someone to bring us ice-cream. It helped only a little, but every time he smiled at me or did something sweet, it was so cute it nearly ripped my heart out. Being in love sucks.

Since when am I in love?

Later

I just figured, I'm probably not in love. I only said that this morning, when I was still tired and confused from the dream. I'm just overreacting because I'm trapped in this stupid house with nothing to do and Remus as my only company. You start thinking too much about people when you see them all the time. Yes. That's what it is. I'm bored. Not in love. That would have been ridiculous, anyway. I haven't been in love for like four years. Or more. I don't think that last affair even counts as love.

Finally, the children have arrived, and I can have a long, nice chat with the girls and let them take my mind off Remus, my situation or love. Maybe we can have someone buy us sweets and rent some videos, and then we can make a pyjama party. I think I just saw a spell to conjure a muggle television set in one of those new transfiguration books. Yes. That'll be perfect. And Remus will be banned.

No thinking of Remus tonight!

… accidentally shouted that out loud, and then sat in frightened stupor for several minutes, hoping he hadn't heard me. He hasn't. Thank God.

I think the children have arrived. I can hear people in the hall. Again, thank God!