Vulcan Shadows
By Estellio
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Spock goes missing and all evidence points to McCoy while he is following cryptic clues to find him. However, after discovering one of Spock's most shocking secrets will McCoy still be able to help or will he condemn his friend to death and commit professional suicide? First, do not harm.
A/N: Thanks for telling me where Sumoi was from, that's been driving me nuts for quite a while now. Thanks to all who reviewed andI hope you enjoy this chapter. It's a little bit...oh hell... who amI kiding. This is a VERY emotional Chapter with lots of arguments between V'au and McCoy and a conversation between Mini-V and Niara. The flash back is a lead up to the 'Christmas incident' which I'm pretty sureI mentioned earlier. There is no divide between old Enty and new Enty except for a short paragraph in italics. I don't know why I did it that way,I just did. Well, Enjoy and Review!
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The stars stretched on forever, far out of sight and mind as two amber eyes stared at them through watery veils.
"I thought I'd find you here." A voice from the darkness behind her said softly. V'au hadn't heard the doors opening…but she hadn't really been listening.
"Go away." She sounded like a petulant brat, she knew she did, but she didn't care.
"He doesn't mean it you know. He can't help the way he is." Nurse Niara said softly, sitting beside V'au.
"I said go away. I'm pretty sure I got the words right so why wont you go?" Liya put a hand on V'au shoulder but she jerked it away.
"V'au." She said softly. "V'au…look at me." She sat there looking at V'au for a long time. V'au's knees were tucked beneath her chin, her arms wrapped around her shins and her head buried into her thighs. She was looking out the gap between her legs at the stars below her through the glass of the observation lounge. The silence grew deafening but V'au wasn't going to be the first one to break it, she wouldn't let Liya win. If she wanted to wallow in her own self-pity then that was her decision.
"They're beautiful. Aren't they?" Liya said at last, looking out the curved glass to the stars.
"No." Snapped V'au from her human-ball.
"No? What makes you say that?"
"When I look out at them I feel like I'm trapped in a dark Tupperware box with tiny pin holes in it letting the light in." It started as a snort that progressed to a snicker, which soon, like a trickle of water leading to the break of a dam, ended up with Liya curled into a ball next to V'au, clutching her sides with laughter.
"A TUPPERWARE BOX!" She shrieked. "MY GOD I'VE HEARD THE UNIVERSE CALLED A LOT OF THINGS BUT A TUPPERWARE BOX! V'AU! YOU WEIRD LITTLE CHILD!" V'au turned away, pretending to still be sulking but Nurse Niara had that Eddie Murphy kind of laugh, when she laughed…you laughed and V'au just couldn't help herself. Try as she might, she couldn't stay in a bad mood and she ended up flat on her back, right next to Liya, laughing for all she was worth with tears of a different kind streaming down her face.
"I'm so sorry, I came here to console you…not to have a cackle. I'm so bad at this." She said, trying to wipe the tears form her eyes.
"I think that worked pretty well myself." V'au said sitting up. "I can't even remember what I was mad about." She sat up and looked out at the stars again. "My life is such a mess. I'm five and I already have enough problems to go on a talk show for life." At this Liya sniggered again.
"You know, for a five year old, you could join Mensa. I've heard adults make less sense that you do." V'au just shrugged.
"I don't understand it. Sometimes I just say things, I don't know where it comes from. You now…when I think…I don't hear what I speak. It's kinda strange. It's like I'm thinking a different language to what I'm speaking but if I try and speak it then…I don't know…I'm just so…alone" V'au hung her head, the last word coming out more of a whisper. Liya could hardly hear her. "I got nobody. No one wants me. A kid should have parents but mine are dead, I have no one tell me what to do, how to act, no one to tell me to look both ways when crossing the road or to go to bed…" She shook her head vigorously. "Everything I do is trial and error. I need someone to show me the way…but I got no one…I thought Spock would but." She curled back up into the human-ball position. "But no one wants me for long…"
"OH V'AU!" Liya pulled her into a tight hug. "That's not true at all. Don't say that, don't ever say that."
"But why wont he keep me. What did I do, tall me what's wrong with me and I'll change." Liya rocked her gently back and forth in her arms.
"Oh no V'au. It's not you, don't think that. Spock can't take you in, he just can't. He's got a career in Starfleet and no time for a family plus, he wouldn't know how to deal with an emotional child, he doesn't even know how to deal with his own emotions."
"My father didn't have time for a family. He had a career but he still had me, he still dealt with me." Liya stopped rocking her suddenly.
"V'au…do you remember your father?" V'au looked up at her.
"No, why?"
"V'au. You just said your father didn't have time for a family but he still had you…your memories…they're coming back!" V'au pulled away, studying her hands.
"But…I still can't remember anything. I don't know how I knew that about my father. I just…did."
"V'au. This is a good sign, if you remember who you are, where you're from…we'll be able to track down your real family." V'au face lit up but almost as soon as the elation came, it passed.
"No." Liya didn't hear her, she was already getting up. "NO!" V'au shouted again, her eyes on a spot on the far wall. "NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" She dissolved into tears.
"My mother…she was with me. It was cold, so very cold. She was crying, she didn't want me to see…they came and took her away…then…I can't remember! WHAT DID THEY DO! WHY CAN'T I REMEMBER?" Liya immediately enveloped her in her arms again.
"Shh. V'au, it's okay. You're safe now. These things take time. You'll remember in time." V'au was sobbing into the shiny blue material of her uniform and not really listening at all. They stayed that way for a long time, Liya holding V'au without saying a word because that was all V'au really needed. Someone to hold her. She didn't need words, or gestures…just someone she knew would be there while she sorted out the mess in her own time.
It took four hours, three minutes and thirteen seconds from the moment she and Spock fought to work it out.
"All I have is you and Spock…" She said weakly before stiffening. "That's it…THAT'S IT!" With a shriek that made Liya leap from where she was sitting V'au ran out of the observation lounge, laughing manically and shouting.
"THAT'S IT!"
"Oh…I have a bad feeling about this."
It was shortly after that, the nightmares started. The nightmares that woke her up screaming each night in a cold sweat until Niara came to sooth her back to sleep. It was mainly Niara, for a small while it was Spock, then Amanda, then her room mate in the VSA who didn't understand…until a doctor figured out what was wrong and prescribed her medication to stop the dreams. Medication she hadn't taken in a week causing the dreams to return and her to wake up screaming, her face plastered to a console and he back stiff from the slumped position.
She rubbed her neck sorely and looked around the small bridge of her ship, McCoy was nowhere to be seen so she got up and moved into the back room. She found him asleep against a large crate and from the way he was positioned, he'd have pins and needles in his legs and had probably fallen asleep while monitoring Vargo.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" She looked down at Doctor McCoy whose cloudy blue eyes were now open.
"What ever do you mean, Doctor?" She asked with mock formality, walking up to the white crackling screen. Inside, Vargo was still fastened to the wall by the large metal cuffs though her mid section was bandaged.
"You stabbed her." Spat McCoy, trying to get up, but as she had predicted, he had pins and needles and was finding standing difficult.
"I hadn't failed to notice the fact, Doctor, get to the point."
"What kind of a decent human being goes around stabbing people?" At this V'au chuckled.
"Oh Doctor, you forget yourself. I'm not human now, am I?"
"No one just goes around stabbing people."
"It's a dog eat dog world out there, people do just go around stabbing people, Doctor. Lucky for you, I know what I'm doing and I'm not in some mindless bloodlust unlike most of the galaxy."
"What are you on about?"
"What you fail to see Doctor, is that killing isn't a heinous crime, where I am from…it is an art. Doctor, I think you'll find I missed all vital organs. She was in no danger at all, except maybe a little blood loss but then again, that wasn't an issue. After all, you were standing right behind me. Ready to fix her up no matter what kind of scum she is. What's that line again…ah yes, first do no harm." McCoy flexed his left leg and glared at her.
"What kind of sadistic…"
"Doctor, I ask you not to sling around names, you don't know me. Not in the slightest."
"That much is clear, here I was thinking you were a nice young lady and you turn around and hold a scalpel to my throat and torture people."
"Torture? Torture! What do you know of torture, Doctor? Torture would be hanging someone on a wheel above a basin of water and turning it, holding their head beneath the water a little more each time, or hanging someone above a coal pit, inching them closer till the room starts to smell like burning meat and forcing someone else to watch it, powerless to help. She…she wasn't tortured, I bet you've got her doped up on enough morphine to tranq a Sehlat. What I did is called a scare tactic. If she thinks I'll stab her without any provocation then she'll fear me and be a lot more co-operative. I believe my methods to be a lot less cruel that some of the acts she's committed."
"Are you saying she held you over a fire pit?" V'au shook her head, turning away from the captive.
"No…she made me watch as a friend of mine was. She did, however, dunk me in water. Lucky for me Vulcan's were built with large lungs so I can hold my breath a long time." McCoy looked her up and down.
"My God…how…how did this happen to you? How did you go from the sweet little girl Spock described to…this?" V'au turned to him, raising an eyebrow and resembling Spock far more that she should have been able to.
"Alright, you want to hear my story? Fine, I'll tell you. But I think you're going to need this." She pulled out a handkerchief from her back pocket and tossed it to him. "Now listen up, Doc. I'm only going to say this once, hopefully it will give you an idea of the world we're about to enter…" She sat down heavily on the crate across from him, finding the sole of her boot suddenly very interesting.
"Well, as soon as we got to Starbase 11 Spock tried to shift me off him. So I was there for a while, in the processing office, but my constant badgering got him to change his mind and I spent nine years on Vulcan… After nine years I couldn't take it anymore. Had a nervous break down and stowed away on a cargo ship heading for Quebelis."
"He never told me what happened after he found you…I presumed ye had just had a fight or something and had not spoken since." McCoy said quietly, V'au just laughed and threw him an amused look.
"You are correct in one assumption, Spock has not spoken to me since I left the Enterprise all those years ago."
"But you lived with him on Vulcan, didn't you?" She shook her head.
"Oh no, not at all. I saw Spock at three-year intervals for a matter of days and he didn't speak to me during that time. That was why I had to go, there was no life for me there."
"Well, gosh darn it. I know Spock comes across as one cold son of a gun but that's just not something he'd do."
"That's something that Spock wouldn't do now. He's…changed. I can't put my finger on it but he's changed…to be honest…it's like he's a whole new person. Emotions were to be despised, feared, suppressed. Then he went through this…epiphany and suddenly he's Mister…well…he's Mister Spock but new, improved and lemon scented."
"That still doesn't explain how you ended up here, like this." She sat back against the wall, turning her head to look at him.
"Oh, I left out the best part, didn't I. Well, I stowed away on a cargo ship and unfortunately for me that ship was attacked by pirates and I was kidnapped. I spent a year with them, learning to be scum before they tried to sell me. I escaped and found my self on a distant, cold, ruthless planetoid where I had to steal to live and learn the tricks of the trade. Cruising the bars for drunks who wouldn't notice that their wallet was missing… All my clothes came from people who didn't need them anymore…and the dead needed no clothes." She shook her head a moment, remembering the bad times before she shook her head and ploughed on, still studying the sole of her boot. "Then, one night, while I was cruising the bars I tried to lift someone's wallet…a Klingon names Bak'lar. Evil son of a Targ caught me and began to beat me, make me an example. He was going to cut off my hand when someone shot him and grabbed me. The next thing I knew I was on a ship and being speeded out of there at Warp Nine! The person who saved me was called Sariel, she was a Bounty Hunter who was collecting on Bak'lak, she took me with her so that the other Klingon's wouldn't tear me apart. She's always had a soft spot for kids and apparently she had seen me earlier in the bar and had watched me for days. She saw the potential Spock was never around to see and gave me the affection which I craved like a drowning man does air." She picked off a bit of rubber from her shoe and threw it away convulsively before relaxing back against the wall. "I spent two years in their base, the Bounty Hunters there taught me everything I needed to know. Naul took me under his wing, taught me how to fight, nothing fancy, just the real nitty gritty dirty street style. He taught me how to fire a gun and to use knives and staffs. Picking locks, short out circuitry, use all the equipment really and to become good at blending into the shadows. I became nothing but a deadly shadow, fingers as light as air, hands as quick as an asp…and twice as deadly. I became something dark and turgid. A shell of my former self with my conscience gibbering in a corner…then Therris came along and I changed." She got up suddenly and left, walking out of the room and into the bridge.
"I want you wake her up. We're going to arrive in Arkhengrad in about eight hours and I want to be prepared. This ends now, I'm not going to bring any more grief to anyone by dragging this out. I plan on having you back to your ship by tomorrow." McCoy was silent for a moment.
"What you told Jim…about being a body guard…and being there to protect some guy…It was all lies, wasn't it?" She moved back into the doorway.
"Sort of, yeah."
"Then why were you at the Starbase?" She turned away.
"To kill Spock, if you must know."
"What?" She shook her head.
"I didn't know it was him, Doc, so don't give me that look. It was my last job. I was going to retire tomorrow. Settle down, get married, raise a family…But the guy who Spock was supposed to be, put that in jeopardy. He had to be taken out of the picture. After I rescue Spock I plan on finishing the job and retiring. We've got a nice little plot picked out in the outer territories. We've even got the plans for the house drawn up and I'm going to see a doctor about gene therapy so we can have kids. It was supposed to be a fresh start…but here I am. Right back at the beginning." With a loud sigh she turned away. "Wake her up, McCoy. Let's get this over with…By the way. I think you better leave again."
"No." He snapped, moving between V'au and the cell.
"Doctor, please."
"I said no, dammit. I'm not going to have you throwing another hissy fit and carving her up again."
"Oh come on, I hardly carved her up. Doctor, I won't stab her again, okay? Like I said, that was just a scare tactic. I knew you'd knit her up. Now if she thinks I want to kill her and the only reason she's alive is because of you, then she is going to fear me, right? Take you out of the equation leaving only me and that's going to be…"
"Pretty darn scary."
"The point of scare tactics. I'm not going to kill her, in fact, I plan on throwing her over to the authorities in Arkhengrad once we get there but I need information. Doctor, surely you understand the need for heavy-handed tactics. The longer we wait, the lower the chance of rescuing Spock gets. Now wake her up!" McCoy toyed with the hypo in his hand for a moment before getting up and putting it next to her throat.
"You'll need to give it a minute." V'au nodded and jerked her thumb to the door, signalling him to leave. McCoy stalled a moment, looking between them.
Less than four hours ago he was going over a medical stock take, getting ready to finish up for the day…now he was leaving a homicidal nurse and a Vulcan assassin in a room together to torture the other for information.
He hated it, God knows he did…but if he ever wanted to see Spock alive again…it had to be done.