WHEN I LEFT
There was a battle with myself,
a battle I was destined not to win.
When I left, that's all it was. Just leaving. Getting away. And staying away.
When I left, I was mad at Umbridge. I was mad at the world in general. I was even kind of mad at my brother because he was wearing my underwear. But I was never mad at her. Never.
She probably thought that I was though. She probably thought it was because of the pumpkin juice she accidentally spilled on me at dinner the night before. Probably, because that's the type of person she was, always blaming things on herself, even when it was the farthest thing from the truth.
Oh, if only she knew. If only she knew how much I would have loved to pull her up onto my broom with me, having her press her athletic body to mine as we swept out of the castle. How much I would have loved to look back and see her smiling, her white teeth contrasting dramatically with her dark skin. To see her hair flapping in the wind.
The sad thing is, I don't know why I didn't do that. Why didn't I take her with me? Momentary lapse of judgment, I guess. I was just too caught up in the moment. And I forgot. Yeah, that's it.
No, that's bloody bullshit. I didn't forget. Never once did my mind wander from thoughts of her. The whole time, I was thinking, "Go get her, take her with you". But the whole time, I didn't do it. And why didn't I? Well, prepare. Because the reason's bloody stupid.
I was arguing with myself. Should I take her? Should I not? And then, I presented arguments for both. My argument for why I shouldn't, you ask? Because I kept thinking, Her future is here at Hogwarts.
It's true, George and I had no reason for staying at Hogwarts. We knew what we were going to do for the rest of out lives and we were cocky enough gits to know that it would work. Open a joke shop, make lots of money, buy nice clothes, get a gorgeous girl, have a perfect life. Sounds great, right? Right. And it is great. Except when you get to the part about the gorgeous girl. Because I had my gorgeous girl and I left her.
But I kept telling myself that she had to stay, because she needed the schooling to do whatever she wanted to do, be a Healer, I suppose. I told myself that one day, after everything worked itself out and Umbridge was gone, I'd come back and get her. Sweep her off her feet and kiss her lips and tell her that I love her.
But I didn't. I just headed out of the castle doors, my brother with me and our futures ahead of us. And at the last minute, I changed my mind and took a look at her, at what I was leaving.
She wasn't watching. She had turned around and was walking away.
And I knew she didn't care.