July 11th, Thursday
Things I had to talk about in the morning which you should never talk about in the morning: 2; starling discoveries: 3; times I cursed myself for starting a friendship with the girls: countless
The day started peaceful enough, with me sleeping until eleven, but that's it. No more peace and quiet for Nymphadora Tonks, never, ever again! You know, about two weeks ago I was desperately hoping for some distraction. I didn't say anything about utter chaos.
Right in the middle of a rather nice dream that involved me, Remus and a bowl of mousse au chocolat, the girls decided to wake me up to ask me some very urgent questions.
"Tonks? Are you awake?" I didn't deign answer them. So they just went on.
"You've had sex, right?" Tried not answering again. Didn't work.
"To-onks, come on! We need to know, it's urgent!" Managed to sit up, though only under great physical pain.
"Are you planning on seducing your boyfriends after lunch?" They looked at me confusedly and shook their heads.
"Then why the hell is it urgent?" Ginny plopped down on my bed, narrowly missing my left foot.
"You know, we were talking about it, and we were wondering, and so we thought we asked someone. And then we had to find someone who's female and out of puberty, but not mom's generation, so we thought of you.
"I'm flattered."
"Really?"
"No. I'm tired. I don't want to talk to you about sex. I haven't had sex for one and a half year, and it's been even longer since I've been in a relationship. I try avoiding the topic whenever it comes up in conversation or pops into my mind, and so far, I've been quite successful."
"So you're saying you've been repressing the fact that you're a twenty-seven-year-old witch with no love life whatsoever?" I threw a pillow at Hermione.
"You're a cruel, sadistic person."
"But why? Why don't you have a love life?" I groaned and buried my head in the mattress.
"One topic at a time. You have to decide girls, either it'll be my non-existent love life or sex in general."
"Your love life. When was your last relationship?"
"My last relationship ended about four years ago. After that, I occasionally met a guy from work…"
"Just for shagging?"
"We usually had dinner before, but basically, yes. We liked each other, and the sex was great, but there weren't really any romantic feelings involved. We both knew that was only a waiting room relationship – until someone better came along. For him, that someone came one and a half years ago. And that's it – end of the story. I decided then and there I wouldn't have any relationship until I meet the One."
"And now you've met him!"
"Excuse me?" Ginny bobbed up and down on the bed excitedly.
"Remus, of course. You're in love with him, and now you can get together and get married and have children and be happy." I stared at her incredibly.
"I'm sorry, are you really the same sixteen-year-old Ginny who wanted to talk about sex? Because this sounds more like the fairytale fantasy of a six-year-old." But deep down, I'm still six myself. I started imagining the fairytale Ginny had described. It would be nice, I guess. No more guys from work, no more "shag for dinner"-deals, no more waiting room relationships…
"Okay, I think if we start dragging Remus in here, too, that'll be three topics, and that's definitely too much for one single morning."
"But they're all connected." Of course, Hermione, the logical one, had already found a system.
"It's obvious. You had no love life, but that's over now that Remus is in the picture. And once that works out, you're going to have sex. And – tadaaaa- all the topics covered." I nodded weakly.
"Great. I'm impressed."
"So, how is it?"
"What?"
"Sex!"
"Honestly, are we still not finished?" The girls grinned and said in unison:
"Nope!"
"Well, I guess there are two ways. The first one is what I described as waiting room relationships. It's great sex, but it's not something very emotional. It's more like a very enjoyable pastime. The second one, the one I decided should be the only way, is when you're in love. When you're totally head over heels and walking on a pink cloud all day, because it finally worked out and you kissed or he asked you out, and then you put on your most sexy dress because you know, tonight it's going to happen. And when it's really the one you want it to be with, it doesn't matter where you are, or if there are any candles to create a flattering light. You don't care if the zip of your dress gets stuck or if he accidentally breaks your bra clasp, the anxiousness overshadows everything. And then it's not just your bodies meeting, but you open up towards each other completely, and you just know he feels just as high as you do." The girls had dreamy expressions, probably resembling mine at the moment.
"And you know it's gonna last forever." Ginny whispered. I smiled.
"No, you don't know that yet. You believe it in this moment, because you want to. But you really know when you catch him watching you, or sometime later when you notice he arranges his shoes the same way you do, or on the day he knows how you like your breakfast eggs and surprises you with your favourite breakfast in bed, or when his friends begin to remember your name. Those are the moments when you start to consider eternity and the little suburban house with the front yard."
"You're a very poetic person."
"You know, no one's ever talked about it like that before."
"Yes, with Parvati and Lavender or Pansy Parkinson bragging about her weekend, it always sounds like something every girl our age has to do."
"And when mum talks about it, she says it all technically, and starts with bees and birds until you stop her from making a fool of herself by telling her you already know everything, even though you still have questions, but your face is already threatening to explode. And then she's sort of relieved and tells you to wait until you're ready and to come to her for contraceptive potions once that happens."
"Well, you know, I think mothers are the wisest persons on earth, and everything they say is true, just because they've been through it already. I can just repeat: Wait until you're convinced you're ready and that you love and trust the boy. Don't do it because some girls are waving their asses around to make the boys drool and tell you you have to do it. That's rubbish. I had my first time well out of Hogwarts with a wonderful man, and it was just right."
"Thanks, Tonks. You know, it was great talking to you."
"Yes, you really helped."
After they'd left, I sank back and let out a deep sigh. Oh my god. How do you tell teenaged girls about the wonderfulness of sex without having them get pregnant before they even quit school? I think I can now say I'm officially prepared to be mother to a sixteen-year-old. And I think Molly would be proud of me.
Even though the rest of the day was rather boring (the girls were out visiting town with Charlie and Remus never left his room), I still came to some very interesting conclusions.
1.) I have no love life whatsoever
2.) Absolutely need to change that. When I told the girls about sex and love, I realised how much I missed having someone beside me
3.) I still believe in happily ever after. That'squite shocking for a 27 year old witch who would speak of herself as a rather pragmatic person.