July 18th, Thursday

Cute, wonderful, adorable things Remus did yesterday: 1,374; horrible, humiliating things he did yesterday:1; things that count: 1 (the bad one!)

This time it's final. I am never going to leave this room ever again! No matter how much I wanted to get out and enjoy my new freedom before, no matter how long Mum and Molly and the girls keep banging on my door pleading for me to open up, I won't. I can transfigure all the useless little décor stuff in my room into food and live off that for at least a year (even though transfigured food doesn't have any nutritional value, but at least that way I would lose some weight). And by that time hopefully the war will be over, Voldemort will be defeated, the Order will have no need for this place anymore, and Remus will have moved out and forgotten all about me. See? It's easy. The most brilliant plan I've ever made for my future, and the one involving the least embarrassment and humiliation. After all, no one cares how many things I knock over when I'm alone in my room, right?

Okay, maybe I should tell you what happened. Let's start with the good part, the memory of the other part is still too fresh, too painful to relive.

When I first stepped out of the house and deeply breathed in the wonderful, heavily polluted London air, I almost danced with joy. I forced myself not to, though, because I'm not sure if I can in these shoes. They were already hurting. Luckily, Remus called a cab, which took us to a small theatre in the city where we watched the production of "The Twelfth Night". I was actually a bit sceptical about that, because the last time I read Shakespeare in History of magic, it didn't really sound interesting. But once the play started, it was actually quite funny. And let me tell you, the old guy knows a lot about love! Seriously! And I just loved the way they talked… the sonnet rhythm, and all those big words… Actually, I really admire people who speak eloquently. Maybe that's why I'm attracted to Remus. I mean, apart from the beautiful eyes, the sweet charm and the killer body…

I should really go to the theatre more instead of just catching a movie.

Afterwards, we had dinner at this pretty little place looking out over the river, where all the bright lights of the city were reflected in the dark blue water, and our only source of light were the two candles on the table. It was soooo romantic (but still bearable, mind you!) I mean, if he had taken me to, say, a French Restaurant with someone playing the violin in the background, that might have been a tad too much. But this was just – perfect!

After dinner, neither of us wanted to go back to Grimmauld Place, because that would mean facing all the people from the "real world", not that dream-like state we were in right now. (Yep, that's how good it was.) So we decided to walk back.

On the way, we walked through a little park. Just as we were crossing the grass, the muggle sprinklers went on, spraying us with cold water. Remus made to run out of reach of the water, but I grabbed his hand and held him back.

"Come on, let's pretend it's warm summer rain and dance around in it!"

He looked at me a little sceptically, but I ignored him and just started twirling around in the refreshing shower. After all, it had been a very hot day, and the air was still warm. After a little while of jumping and twirling and laughing and general sprinkler craziness, we plopped down on our backs on the wet grass and just let the water spray our faces. It was magical! Wherever the light from the street lamps hit the fine sheen of water, little sparkling rainbows appeared, bathing the place in a surreal, soft light. I turned my head to Remus' side, and our gazes locked. Slowly, his face came closer, until…

A dog jumped between us, loudly barking and bearing his teeth threateningly. I jumped up and backed away, startled by the dog's sudden appearance and the fact that it was the size of a small pony. Then someone blew a whistle, and the dog turned and ran towards an elderly woman walking across the grass.

"I'm sorry, did he startle you? Kiki is completely harmless, he just wants to play." I ground my teeth, barely managing not to throttle that stupid person with the stupid dog who had ruined our perfect, wonderful, magical almost-kiss-moment! But Remus just smiled politely, reassuring the insolent person that we were fine, linked my arm through his and pulled me away.

The rest of the way we walked in silence.

By the time we had arrived back at Grimmauld Place and were standing in the hall being all silent and awkward, I realised he wouldn't take this any further, not today, and possibly never, if I didn't do anything. So I quickly stepped closer, stretched up to him and kissed him softly on the lips, lingering for a moment to give him an opportunity to deepen the kiss.

He didn't.

So, after that very humiliating rejection, there was only one thing left to do. I bolted.

I locked myself in my room, and that's where I still am, totally devastated.

I know I am too young to give up on men altogether already, but I just can't take it. I mean, sure, I'm a freak and a klutz and silly and childish and generally not the girl of every man's dreams. But I really thought he liked me. What am I doing wrong?

A/N: I did it! Finally I forced myself to write this chapter – and I got right back into the story again! The next chapter is already started.

Thanks so much to all of you for sending your suggestions.

hopeforthefuture: I just took your idea of a Shakespeare play – it's just so Remus. Thanks!

Moonlitesadness: It's funny that you suggested the thing with the fountain, because I had already planned the sprinkler scene. You're right: It is very Tonks!

Candi Tonks: Don't worry: Snape will notice their relationship soon enough – maybe he will even interfere! I don't think he's got a crush on her though. He just likes to annoy people.

Gutter and Grace and fairybells: I love Italy, too, but I just couldn't see them go there on their first date. But who knows, maybe they will end up there sometime? I'm sure they'd love the chocolate lasagna!

Piratess Satine: Well, you got your climax – just not with a kiss. But don't worry!