July 23rd, Tuesday

Time spent back at work: 2 hours (after that, my boss sent me back home saying it was "impossible to work with me"); hours spent mulling over Remus: about 50; hours spent being happy: 0; boxes of chocolate: 15; bottles of butterbeer: 12

Keep in mind that this is the sum of 3 days though. Otherwise I'd look like a really unhappy, chocolate-addicted alcoholic.

Though, thinking about it, I am a really unhappy, chocolate-addicted alcoholic. And guess who is to blame?

Today, I broke down. I woke up with the same crappy "life stinks"-feeling I've had for the past three days, preparing to go downstairs to get some coffee and maybe a hearty breakfast to throw up again like I did yesterday and the day before that.

But then, all of a sudden, I felt heartily sick of all this misery. I mean, seriously, I should be really happy: I'm a young woman in her best years, finally able to pursue my career again, and I've just given my heart to a man who I know is worth it. Everything could be perfect if it weren't for the stupid git rejecting me. And I know he feels something for me. There's absolutely no reason why we shouldn't at least try it. It's not as if we have a lot to lose.

By now, I'd thought myself into a rather furious mental state, meaning I was so angry that I just walked over to his room, still in the long silk nightdress my mum gave me for my birthday, and barged in without knocking. He was sitting at his desk, his back turned to the door and me, apparently working. I couldn't care less if he was busy developing a counter curse for Avada Kedavra.

"Remus, we need to talk." He swung around on his floating chair (the result of Ron and Harry's practicing for Charms) and smiled politely.

"I don't see the need to talk about anything, but if you just want to generally talk about the world or the Order or lunch today…"

"No, I mean we need to talk about why you're avoiding me. Why you take me out on a date and almost kiss me, just to reject me shortly afterwards and tell me what we have is only friendship. And maybe you don't want or need to talk about that, but I do. Because for the past two days, I barely left my room, and when I turned up at work, they sent me straight back home. I want to hear why you don't want me, and only if I can accept your reasons will I be able to move on and go back to my normal life again. I promise you, you won't ever have to talk to me again, and I will forget about everything that happened. But before that, you have to give me a reason to give up on you."

"Nymph, I really don't think you want to hear this."

"But I do. I want to hear it, and I want to hear it from you, now." He sighed, and then he turned away from me, burying his face in his hands.

"As… tempting as a relationship or whatever with you might be – and believe me, it is – there are just too many things standing in the way. First of all, I'm a werewolf. None of my relationships so far had a future because of that. I mean, I turn into a monster once a month, I'm a social outlaw and feared by the general public, and I can't get a job. I couldn't give a woman anything, let alone feed a family. Second, I am ten years older than you. You could do much better. There are loads of fine young men out there who would kill to date you, and none of them is a monster or has such a complicated history as I do. And what do you think the others would say? Your parents, who can still remember the times Sirius and I dropped by and you used to show us your dolls? They would think it's sick! Or Molly Weasley, who tried to set you up with Charlie ever since you first joined the order? Also, there's a war going on around us, and I've already got too many weaknesses without another loved one to worry about."

"I don't care about all that. I love you. Now deal with it."

I stomped out and slammed the door behind me. Seconds later, I was pacing in my room throwing things at the wall, the door burst open and Remus stormed in.

"What is the matter with you? 'I love you, now deal with it?' Who says that? Why am I supposed to deal with your feelings? I mean, how am I supposed to deal with it? Have you gone completely mad?"

"Yes, I have! I've never really been a sane person, I'm totally mad about you, and at the moment, I'm just really, really mad. I'm sick of your excuses, and your worries, and that you've tried to avoid me for the past few days and made me really miserable. I'm mad that I couldn't stop thinking about you for the last three weeks, because you're everything I could ever want, which you are obviously not thinking of me. I'm mad at the way my stomach flutters every time you smile at me, and I'm mad that you've got so much control over me!"

"I'm sorry. I don't know… it's just…there's so much stuff standing in the way of this…"

"Can't you just put all that stuff away for a moment and think about what you want? Just not be sensible and careful and diplomatic for a moment, and just let your feelings decide? You don't always have to be so guarded, you know."

He looked at me, and I had to concentrate really hard not to get sucked into the depths of his eyes again. Apart from that, he didn't seem to do anything else, but he must have stepped closer without me even noticing, because all of a sudden, he was very close. So close that he had placed a hand on my right hip, which sent warmth through my entire body.

"When you put it like this…"

His face was slowly coming closer. I could feel his breath tickling my cheek and smell a hint of cologne and tea. His eyes were boring into mine, searching for my very soul and at the same time showing his own. I couldn't bring myself to close my eyes, instead I kept sinking into those grey depths the colour of the sea just before a storm, while his grip on my waist tightened and his lips brushed over mine…

The door banged open and Severus Snape rushed in, demanding to see something or other and painfully disrupting our closeness – we jumped apart. Still, he had already seen it, and a sneer was creeping onto his face.

"As moving as this tender little moment of closeness might have been, I have to talk to Remus immediately. Maybe you could do something else in the meantime, Nymphadora – like waking Mrs Black or dropping some cups in the kitchen, or some of your other frequent pastimes."

Now this is it. I don't care what a powerful wizard Severus is, or what a great potions master, or how bloody experienced in the dark arts – as soon as this war is over, he's in for it.

Remus still managed to stay polite.

"Could this wait for a minute, Severus? We're kind of in the middle of a conversation."

Snivellus sneered. "Oh really? I'm sorry, I didn't realise that…" That's when I snapped.

"Stop that stupid sneering, keep your stupid, long nose out of our business, and get out!" He just mouthed wordlessly, before he turned around and left, closing the door behind him. Remus shot me a weird glance.

"Your people skills really amaze me every time." I didn't get a word of his praise, because I was so busy staring at his lips and wondering why on earth I still hadn't kissed him.

"Just shut up!" That said, I yanked his head down, and finally covered his lips with mine. After a way too short while, I had to come up for air again, but Remus seemed kind of unable to let go of me. Instead, he kept planting delicious, tiny little kisses on my temples, forehead, cheeks, slowly wandering down to my neck. That's when something occurred to me.

"And just what did you mean when you told Snivellus this would only be a minute? You better work on your time judgement, Mister, because you won't get out of this room before tomorrow!" Remus (to my slight dismay), lifted his head from my collarbone, looked me in the eye, and replied: "Fine by me," before crashing his lips down on my mouth again.

After that, we didn't really talk a lot...

A/N: I'd actually planned to make Tonks suffer a bit more, but I just couldn't do it.

I realize HBP makes my story canon, but now my time frame is wrong. But I don't mind that – I've finally managed to finish this story! Actually, I think I'm going to miss the characters a little. So I've already started planning a story in which we can see how their relationship develops. I'm not sure if I will actually ever write (or post) that story though, because at the moment, it's really out of canon (stupid HBP wrecking all my plans!). So, we'll see.

I'm also working on a Lily/James story, but I don't think it is ready to be posted yet.

Thank you all for sticking with me throughout the story, and for your very sweet, creative and encouraging reviews.

Love, Phoebedreams

Crash Kivicus: It would be really great if you could beta-read my stories. I'm not sure how that works though, because I never had a beta before. And it would be interesting to see a guy's point of view.