Chapter 2: Meeting the Folks.

"Remember," Reg reiterated for the millionth time as they climbed up to the front porch of his childhood home. "We never have to talk to them again after this, so just grit your teeth and bear it. It'll all be over soon."

Elly laughed lightly. "Oh, Reg. Don't be so worried. I'm sure they'll be fine. Try to enjoy yourself. You don't see them very often."

Trying to take her advice, Reg took a very very very deep breath and opened the door. "I'm home!" he yelled, stepping into the living room and finding only Sloth (human name: Trisha). As Sloth was the closest thing to a mother figure he had, Reg was greatly relieved see her first.

"Wra- Reg! I haven't seen you in ages!"she admonished, giving him a comforting maternal hug as she did so. "You never even call, and suddenly, completely out of the blue, you're engaged! I couldn't believe it! Not my little Reggie!"

Feeling very loved, Reg disentangled himself and stepped back towards Elly. "Trish, I want you to meet my lovely fiancee, Elly. Elly, this is Trisha."

Reg, scrutinizing closely, barely caught the look of puzzled recognition that passed over Sloth's face. The next second it was gone, and she was greeting Elly like an old family friend.

"I can't tell you how glad I am to meet you! And to think he wasn't even going to introduce us! You're going to have to drag him out here more often. We miss him so much."

"I'll be sure to do that, ma'am," Elly promised.

"Please, call me Trish. You're family, after all." Sloth seemed to remember something, she turned to Reg again, "while I'm thinking of it, Boris wanted to see you about something."

Reg nodded and snuck off towards the kitchen, Elly in close pursuit.

-------

When the Sins first got their souls and moved on, Lust, Envy, and Sloth all tried their hand at making good ol' down home, wholesome meals. Every one of them folded quickly after discovering that chopping vegetables is much harder when your flesh doesn't regenerate itself instantly. As a result of their culinary escapades, all of them had heavily scarred fingers, and for the first few years, they survived primarily on pizza and Chinese take-out.

They probably would have all died of malnutrition if Gluttony hadn't learned how to cook.

It had long been Gluttony's (human name: Boris) dream to be able to cook, but he had never gotten far, because he kept eating the ingredients and equipment before he could assemble them into some type of meal. However, armed with a soul and a cookbook, he quickly became a master chef.

Gluttony never talked much, and certainly never posed a threat to young Wrath's mental well-being, and for that reason, he was easily Reg's favorite 'relative'.

When Elly and Reg entered the kitchen, Gluttony was stirring an excellent-looking white sauce and humming a song about vegetables to himself. Reg immediately ran up behind him and threw his arms around his neck. "Guess who?"

"Reg? Hey, I have a question for you. This girl isn't a vegetarian, is she?"

Elly, still standing in the background, and much amused that Reg was so happy to be home after all the fuss he had made, answered, "No, I'm not."

Gluttony spun around, looking both surprised and relieved. "Oh, good. There's chicken in the sauce... Reg said you liked Italian, so it's just pasta, nothing special..."

Reg prodded the back of his friend/relative's head playfully. "There you go with the modesty again. Nothing special. People pay twenty dollars for 'nothing special' like this at restaurants." He turned back to Elly. "This is our resident genius, Gl- Boris. Boris, may I introduce Elysia?"

Elly nodded a greeting, but Gluttony didn't seem to notice. Instead he motioned for her to grab a spoon from the counter, presumably so she could taste whatever was cooking. She didn't make it to the stove however. She had scarce picked up the spoon when a new (to her) face entered.

"Boris! She just gets here and you're already making her help out with the cooking? You should know better!" Lust hadn't aged much over the years, and Reg was inclined to believe she dyed her hair. But, it wasn't any of his business. She finished chiding Gluttony for attempted overworking of guests, then grabbed Reg and held him an arm's length away. "God, Reg, I can't get over how much you've grown! I remember when you weren't taller than Boris. And you look so skinny. You haven't been eating right, have you?" Lust (human name: Natasha) pinched his cheek and turned to the room's other occupant. "And you must be Elly." She elbowed Reg. "Well? Aren't you going to introduce us?"

"Elly, this is Natasha. Natasha, this is Elly."

Back in culinary action, Gluttony had turned off the stove. "Dinner's ready."

Immediately, Reg turned to get some plates and set the table, but Lust grabbed him again. "Don't worry about that! You come here once a year, if that, and you're not going to spend your visit setting the table. At least, not tonight. Tomorrow, we'll talk. No, you go and give Elly here the grand tour. And run up to that damn tower and tell Greg dinner's ready."

The house was an old Victorian with six bedrooms and a tower. Greed (human name: Greg) had isolated himself in his tower/bedroom/study and refused to come out except for meals a long time ago. When he was younger, it was Reg's favorite game to go up there and annoy him, which at one point led to a small-scale war in the household. He explained all this to Elly as they set off up the stairs.

---

But they never quite got to the top, because there was someone at the top already.

"Reg? Is that you?" asked a husky, but effeminate voice that was all too familiar to Reg. It would have been fine with him if he had gone the rest of his life without ever seeing Envy again. Reg closed his eyes and listened to the footsteps getting louder. Who was he kidding? Envy had shown up to Reg's graduation in that outfit. Not Lust nor high water was going to force him into clothes made of actual cloth.

"Hello? Earth to Reg?" It barely registered that he had remembered to call him Reg. He didn't open his eyes. Deep down, and much as he hated to admit it, he was still a confused little kid who was scared to death of Envy.

Elly tapped his shoulder. "Reg, darling?" Reg didn't respond. "Ok, I'll just have to introduce myself then." Reg didn't respond to this, either. "Hello. I'm Elly, and this is my pet catatonic, Reg. If he ever speaks again, we're getting married."

"Great to meet you, Elly. I'm Constantine. Connie for short."

Reg winced. The worst argument he had ever had with Envy had been over that name.

"You can have any name you want! Don't pick Constance!" (This is a flashback for those of you who are confused)

"Constantine. And it is the name I want."

"Why can't you pick something... I dunno... NORMAL?"

"Boring, you mean? Like Reg?"

"That's exactly what I mean!"

"You know what your problem is, Wrath? You try to hard to be human."

"YOU DON'T TRY HARD ENOUGH!"

Elly's laughter brought Reg back to the present. He opened his eyes.

And glomped Envy out of sheer relief.

He was wearing PANTS! Black pants and a muscle shirt too baggy to be disturbing. He had even, miracle of miracles, taken off that ridiculous headband and used it to tie back his hair into a decidedly ugly ponytail. Of course, he was still pretty frightening, but that was just the way he was. Tasteful clothing was not going to change that.

"You have no idea how much this means to me, Envy," Reg whispered.

"Don't thank me just yet. You haven't seen what I'm wearing tomorrow," teased Envy as one of his hairs worked itself free from his headband/scrunchie with a 'sproing'. Reg just squeezed harder. Envy fidgeted a little. Reg had NEVER hugged him, and that had been just fine with both of them. "Reg? Could you let go?" If anything, Reg's grip got harder.

Sighing, Envy resorted to his favorite Reg-removing maneuver. He kicked the young man really hard in the shin.

"OW!"

"I told you to get off me," Envy remarked casually as Reg doubled up in pain on the floor. Nobody could kick quite like Envy.

---

All the way up to the tower, Elly kept teasing him about how stressed he'd been over this visit. She loved all of them, they would have to visit them a lot more often, etc. Reg felt like he was going to throw up. Plus his shin hurt.

Pounding on the door to the tower didn't have much effect on Greed; it never did. "Greg! Open up!"

Sounds of someone scrambling around frantically, then a window opening, came from inside. In an instant, Reg realized his mistake. Calling him Greg was code for 'the police are here'. Reg began pounding more frantically. "It's Reg! I need to talk to you!"

There was a pause in the noise. "Oh no. What'd he do this time?"

"No! It's me! Reg! I'm getting married!"

Silence from inside. Reg groaned as he kicked the door in. "Wait here, Elly. I don't want him to like, attack you."

He found Greed clinging to the gutter with a knife clutched between his teeth. He refused to climb back into the room, so Reg took the knife from his teeth and leaned out the window to talk. "Greed, it's ok. The cops aren't here. We just have company, that's all."

"Who the hell are you? How do you know who I am?"

Reg checked over his shoulder to make sure Elly wasn't in earshot, then whispered, "I'm Wrath? I used to live here?"

"Ah, nice try! Wrath's a little kid!"

Reg buried his head in his hands. "No, Greed. I'm grown up now." It was only to be expected. Greed hadn't taken a good look at him since Reg was in sixth grade. It was normal for Greed to come downstairs after everybody was done eating, grab a plate, and run back up to the tower. Gluttony did not object to this. "Lust told you I was going to be here."

"Oh, yeah. She might have mentioned something... Envy needed to borrow some clothes or something... But you still haven't told me who you are."

"I have to told you! I'm Wrath! Come on, Greed, try and remember! I graduated five years ago!"

"That's right... you did, didn't you? What are you doing back?"

"I'm getting married."

"Married?" There was a brief pause while Greed readjusted his grip on the gutter. "You're getting married? To who?"

"Her name's Elysia. I met her at college. I'm visiting with her... Didn't Lust say anything to you? About how we're all going by our human names and everything?"

"Um... I dunno. I don't listen."

Reg gave up. "Well, if you want to meet her, we're all eating dinner."

"Yeah, Wrath, be a good kid and bring me up a plate. Lust said something about the police coming by today."

"No, Greed. She said my girlfriend and I were coming today. We're all going by our human names."

"You have a girlfriend?"

A steam gasket in Reg's brain blew. "Never mind. Just come down to dinner before it gets cold, ok?" There was a three second pause, which was apparently how long it took Greed's lone functioning brain cell to forget everything that had happened in the past year.

"Wrath? I thought you were in college. Did you drop out?"

Reg didn't answer. He headed back down the stairs to where Elly was undoubtably starving. On second thought, she didn't need to meet Greed.