It's her fault I think about her constantly. It's her fault I dream about her, asleep or wide awake. It's her fault I fell for her, because I know in real life, she's just a filthy little Mudblood.
It's her fault because she's so fucking beautiful.
Every night, I toss and turn in my bed waiting for sleep to overcome me, but it never does. I think of her instead. I want to touch her. I want to kiss her. I want her to love me. I want so much, and it kills me, because she is the one thing in life I can never have.
My God, I want to tell her how I feel, I really do. But I know what would happen. She'd laugh at me. She'd tell everybody and they'd join in.
Or she wouldn't believe me and just stalk off, which would be even worse, because that would mean she doubted me.
Every day, I stare at her flawless face, longing to touch it, longing to hold it in my hands….and sometimes, she looks up and sees me staring. Her eyes hold some emotion I can't completely grasp, and it just takes every ounce of willpower in me to not look back and let my guard down. I always have to force myself to look away, because I'm afraid she'll find out everything I'm trying to hide. She might discover what I feel for her. There are so many emotions.
Longing…love…passion…sadness, and most of all, regret.
Regret that I never told her how I feel.
Regret that it's far too late now.
Regret that there is no hope of her loving me back.
Regret that now, she's with Potter.
And it kills me, because I know, that maybe, just maybe…I would have had a chance before.
And maybe the fault isn't hers, but mine.
And now…it's too late and I have lost.