A/N: Well, this is I – last chapter! It turned out to be a bit of a tear-jerker, but still, I had a lot of fun writing it.
A huge THANK YOU to Camille, my wonderful beta-reader, for her invaluable support, suggestions and second set of eyes which spotted all the mistakes that otherwise would have slipped through unnoticed.
And Thank You to all of you who took the time to comment on this story. I do appreciate all your reviews!
The armchair was a deep and cozy leather Lazy Boy set to a comfortable reclining position. Cam loved this armchair, but Hunter, who currently occupied it, looked more like he was strapped to a maniacal dentist's chair to receive an involuntary root canal without the benefits of painkillers. And from the look on the blond man's face Cam had the strong notion that his partner would probably prefer the root canal if given a choice.
Hunter was fidgety. It had struck him as odd that Sensei hadn't seemed particularly surprised to see them. That feeling turned into downright suspicion at the old teacher's lack of more than just a minimal amount of questions about his condition before he went to retrieve the potion for the inducement of the trance – which just happened to be at hand on Sensei's desk. Hunter cast Cam a pointed look; the samurai's face was carefully blank, but Hunter was pretty sure that an in-depth conversation between the two Watanabes had already taken place at one point, probably yesterday. Hunter was surprised to find that that didn't bother him; actually - now that he thought about it - Kanoi Watanabe was most likely the only other person apart from Cam he could see himself turn to for help.
Didn't mean he wasn't going to have a little chat with Cam later on, though.
A few steps away, Cam put some effort into putting an encouraging smile on his face, and he wasn't offended when Hunter didn't return it. The former Crimson Ranger's eyes were fixing on Sensei, who was just returning from his desk, a wooden bowl in his hands. He handed it to Hunter, but the Thunder ninja made no motion to drink. Instead, he fixed Kanoi with a penetrating look. "Sensei, I have one other favor to ask…"
But Kanoi was already holding up his hand. "Whatever is going to be said or heard from now on is going to stay in this room," he said reassuringly and Cam inclined his head in agreement. Hunter looked between his partner and his former mentor, then nodded solemnly and downed the potion in one deep swallow.
The effects were prompt; by the time Sensei had put the bowl away, Hunter's eyes were already glazing over. He leaned back into the recliner, his hands gripping the armrests. Suddenly, Sensei's voice floated to him from somewhere by his right shoulder.
"Now I want you to relax and just breathe, Hunter." The warm palm of a hand touched his forehead. "Your eyes, they are getting heavy..."
Cam's blurry face was the last thing Hunter saw before his eyelids closed.
Sensei leaned closer to the Thunder ninja, and Cam was overcome with a sense of déjà vu as he watched his father touch Hunter in the same places he had the Water ninja so many years ago, chanting mysterious ancient words in a soft, low voice.
It couldn't have been longer than two minutes before Sensei straightened up and removed his hands from Hunter's head and chest. He waited for a moment before he spoke.
"Hunter, can you hear me?"
"…Yes."
Hunter's eyes were moving behind his closed eyelids, but otherwise his body was completely still.
Sensei leaned forward once more. "You are now in a deep sleep, Hunter," he said, his voice quiet and calm. "You are comfortable and relaxed, utterly relaxed."
Hunter's only movement was the steady rise and fall of his chest. Cam shot his father a look, but Sensei was watching the blond Thunder ninja's face. "How are you feeling, Hunter?" he asked after a moment.
"Comfortable." Hunter's voice was even, tranquil.
"And?"
"Relaxed."
Sensei nodded, pleased. "Good. Now, your mind is going to go on a journey, but whatever you will encounter along the way, you will face it without fear, do you understand?"
Cam noted that his father's voice had taken on a slightly more commanding tone, and Hunter responded to it right away. "Yes."
Sensei looked up, making eye contact with Cam for the first time since the beginning of the session. The older man nodded briefly, giving his son a slight smile, and Cam felt some of the hidden tension leave his shoulders. Earlier on, in order to help his partner relax, he had taken pains to appear more confident than he actually felt about this entire procedure.
The old teacher turned back to his former student. "We are now making time move forward, Hunter. This does not surprise you; you will flow forward with me with ease." Sensei paused, probably to give Hunter a moment to adjust to what was going to happen next. "It is now four o'clock…five…six…" Slowly, Sensei took Hunter through the hours until he reached eleven o'clock.
"Hunter, you are feeling tired, ready to go to bed. It's late and it has been a long, busy day. You are looking forward to getting some sleep." Sensei paused. "Are you tired, Hunter?"
"Yes. Long day."
"Good. You are in bed now and your body is relaxing. Sleep is coming over you and in a moment you will dream…"
At that Hunter's body tensed. Sensei immediately put a hand on his shoulder. "You will relax, Hunter. There is nothing to be afraid of. You will dream your usual dream, but this time it will be different, for there is nothing to fear. Do you understand?"
"…Yes." His voice was still strained, but his body adhered to Sensei's words and relaxed.
"Very well. You are now going to enter your dream." Kanoi's voice was so calm, it was beginning to have a hypnotic effect on Cam. He blinked a few times to shrug it off.
In the armchair, Hunter was still outwardly relaxed, but a few beads of perspiration had begun to gather along his temples.
"Look around you, Hunter," Sensei said. "Where are you? What do you see?"
Hunter's head turned slightly, yet his eyes remained closed. "The Thunder Academy, the training grounds."
"Are you alone?"
"No. Sensei Omino is here. He's holding my hand." Hunter's right hand twitched.
Sensei nodded to himself. "Who else is there with you?"
Hunter didn't respond right away. Instead he swallowed heavily.
"Hunter?"
"They are both here," he said haltingly. "He's kneeling in front of me, staring at me. I can't look away from his face. I hear her talking to me, but I can't look at her, can't look away from his face…"
A strange expression came over Sensei's face. "Who are they?"
Hunter's reply was barely a whisper in the silence of the room. "My parents."
Memories…
Cam expelled the breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. I knew it! The moment he spoke about a man's face and a woman's voice last night…
Hunter had once told him that the Bradleys, their adoptive parents, had died when he and Blake were still very young. It was most certainly the one most traumatic experience in Hunter's life; it made sense that they would be in the forefront of his recurring nightmare.
Cam's gaze darted between Hunter and Kanoi, but his father was totally focused on the object of his hypnosis.
"What is happening, Hunter?"
"They are dressed in their ninja suits, they are wearing their equipment belts and their weapons. They have bags over their shoulders." The Thunder ninja's respiration became more rapid. "They are going away, on a mission. Sensei is sending them somewhere."
Kanoi abruptly reached out and pulled a nearby footstool towards him. He sank down onto it with a mixture of understanding and distress contorting his features.
And then the truth hit Cam too, so suddenly and forcefully that he actually had to sit down as well. Sensei cast him a worried glance as he sank into the closest chair.
The Bradleys had both died while on a secret mission for the Thunder Academy. It was all so clear now…
"This is no dream, Dad," he whispered.
"No, Son. It isn't," Sensei agreed gravely.
Cam turned back to Hunter's strained face, stunned by the enormity of this sudden revelation; for the past fifteen or so years of his life, Hunter had relived the suppressed, real-life memories of his last moments with his parents through this dream.
The shudder that ran through Cam was icy.
"Dad…?"
Sensei looked up.
"Will he remember any of this once he wakes up?" Cam asked.
"This isn't your traditional hypnosis, Cam," Sensei replied. "He will remember everything he sees in his mind. That is part of the cure, after all. Everything he sees before him now is real to him, and everything he touches has substance to him."
Cam only nodded, his eyes never leaving Hunter's face.
Sensei interpreted Cam's gaze correctly. His son wanted to spare his partner any potential embarrassment. He gave a seemingly casual shrug. "As for whether he will remember anything he says or does from this point on…I don't know." His glance brushed Cam's. "But if he doesn't, I don't think it would be beneficial to tell him."
"Right." Cam gave his father a look of gratitude.
That settled, Sensei turned back to his patient. By now, Hunter's fingers were digging deeply into the leather of the armrests and the perspiration on his face had noticeably increased. "I want to go with them, but Sensei won't let go of my hand."
Cam cleared his throat, and when Kanoi looked at him he mouthed Blake.
"Is Blake there with you, Hunter?" Sensei asked.
Hunter shook his head in negation. "No. Mom put him down for a nap."
If you had napped too, you wouldn't have to go through all this now, Cam thought ruefully.
Hunter suddenly jerked. "No, wait, Dad, don't go!"
"No. Let them go," Sensei said.
Hunter's reaction was immediate, the fear in his voice loud and clear. "No! They'll die!"
Sensei exchanged a grave glance with Cam, then grasped Hunter's shoulder. "Yes, they will, Hunter," he said, brutally but necessarily honest. "But they will die after they have successfully completed their mission, thus bringing honor upon themselves as well as the Thunder Academy."
A tremulous sob erupted from Hunter's chest. "No. Please don't let them go!"
"They are aware of the risks, Hunter, they are ninjas," Sensei insisted. "You must make peace with their decision to carry out their mission."
"They can't just leave me here!"
Hunter's voice sounded so forlorn that Cam thrust his hands into his jeans pockets to keep from wrapping them around himself – or around his partner, for that matter. He understood the need for his father's honesty in order for Hunter to come to terms with his fear, but it was still incredibly hard having to listen to it.
By the armchair, Sensei was speaking calmly to Hunter. "There is no choice. This mission requires the expertise of both of them."
Hunter shook his head. "They'll die!" he repeated, sobs now wracking his whole frame. Suddenly – just like last night - his arm shot out, the fingers of his hand curling around empty air as if it were a lifeline. Which, in a sense, it was. Cam wondered which one of his parents Hunter was now holding on to in his mind. Crimson energy was once again crackling over the blond man's fist.
Sensei kept up his calm, yet authoritative voice. "Hunter, one day you will be a ninja as well, and so will Blake. And you too will be asked to go on important missions for your academy."
Cam realized with a start that his father was no longer talking to present-day Hunter, but to a frightened four-year old boy.
"I know that your parents' decision to leave you behind is difficult to comprehend, but one day, the day you will depart on your first mission, it will all become clear to you."
"I'll never see them again. Never!"
Cam's heart felt like it was being torn apart by the sound of sheer misery in Hunter's voice.
"You will not be alone," Sensei replied gently. "You will be looked after by Sensei Omino and the entire Thunder Academy. Your parents and their sacrifice will never be forgotten."
Hunter's outstretched arm quivered and the knuckles of his fist were bone-white from the imaginary death grip he had on his mom or dad.
"NO!"
"You must let them go," Sensei ordered him.
Hunter's face was as white as the knuckles of his fist. "Please..."
Kanoi was adamant. "They must carry out the task they were given. Ninja honor dictates it."
Hunter just sobbed, his arm frozen in mid-air.
Sensei kept pressing. "It is inevitable, Hunter. They have to go now. It's time to say goodbye."
Cam couldn't take much more of this. He shot from his chair and took two steps towards the armchair, but an intense glare from Kanoi stopped him dead in his tracks. Suddenly, Hunter's image became blurry and it wasn't until he felt wetness rolling down his cheeks that he realized he was crying silently.
Turning back to Hunter, Sensei raised his hand and stroked the young man's hair. "Open your hand, Hunter. Let them go," he said quietly.
Hunter let out a cry so tormented it sounded more primal than human, sending an icy tingle down Cam's spine. But slowly, his hand opened, the fingers stretching out, still reaching, but not grabbing anymore; Hunter was trying to prolong the imaginary contact for as long as possible, a precious half-second more. Then, abruptly, his hand dropped into his lap like a stone.
For a long moment, the silence in the room was absolute. Hunter was crumbled into the recliner, unmoving, the tear tracks on either side of his face shining wetly in the golden light of Sensei's desk lamp. He looked resigned, yet so utterly devastated that Cam had to look away to keep his own tears from flowing again. He could not keep the hoarse sob inside, though.
Sensei Watanabe looked at Cam out of the corner of his eye. His son's face was clouded with distress and his hands were balled into fists at his side. Kanoi found that this surprised him; he had expected Cam to become disturbed at the developments at some point, but now he could see that his son was taking Hunter's pain much harder than he had anticipated. Cam's need to envelope Hunter in a protective hug and to ease him out of his pain was as tangible to Sensei as if Cam had spoken this desire out loud. But his son also possessed the frame of mind to know that none of this was possible right now. Hunter had to fight this battle alone, with Cam being reduced to the near-unendurable role of helpless spectator. Nevertheless, there clearly was a storm of emotions brewing inside Cam and Kanoi's heart went out to him. Then Cam suddenly raised his eyes to meet his gaze, and the old teacher saw in them a pain he instantly recognized. It made his blood run cold, for it was the exact same kind of pain that still re-visited him occasionally on particularly dark and lonely nights.
Miko.
He should have known; should have guessed that this whole experience would throw Cam into an unwanted voyage down a twenty-some year old road of grief and anguish for the mother he barely remembered and who had died way too soon. Guilt tore at Kanoi's heart and he silently chastised himself for exposing Cam to this old wound, unintentional as it had been. Clearly, a talk with Cam was in order, but it had to wait until the more pressing business at hand was settled. So Sensei Watanabe tore his gaze from his son's moist eyes and returned his attention to the suddenly inanimate figure in the armchair.
He touched Hunter's cheek. "They will always love you, Hunter, and their legacy will live on in you and Blake. Their spirits will be watching over you. And one day you will see them again."
Cam risked a quick look at Hunter's face to judge whether this reference to the incident in the Cave of Souls from a year ago had any effect on the Thunder ninja, who, in his mind, was still a young boy right now. But Hunter just sat with his head hanging low, the lashes of his closed eyelids still shimmering with his last few unshed tears.
"You have someone to take care of now, Hunter. You must be strong for Blake's sake." Sensei's voice was rough with emotion. Cam transferred his gaze to his father, and in the old man's eyes he saw such compassion for Hunter's pain that for a moment he didn't know which one of the two men he wanted to hug first.
He sat back down on the footstool instead. He felt drained just from the task of watching this horribly emotional spectacle. How must his dad be feeling - and Hunter?
Sensei had sat back down on the chair next to the recliner as well.
"Well done, Hunter. You have overcome the worst of your dream. Now you can finally heal."
Sensei took a deep breath and held it while he placed the palm of his hand onto the center of Hunter's chest. He fixed him with a look of intense concentration, then slowly expelled the air from his lungs – and Hunter relaxed. His balled fists opened and the hunch in his shoulders straightened out. It was as if Sensei's calming energy had transferred into him through the touch.
"Let's leave the past where it belongs – in the past," Kanoi said quietly. "Now that these memories have been freed from the depths of your mind, you will no longer have use for them in the form of dreams. Thus you will dream no more, because now you can remember instead."
Sensei was still looking at Hunter, but his next words were directed at Cam. "I believe he is ready to return to us now."
With the back of his hand, Cam quickly wiped at his eyes. No need for Hunter to see just how much of an emotional wringer the past thirty minutes had been for him.
"Cam?"
Cam turned to find his father now gazing at him. "Will you join me for tea tomorrow? I think we should speak...of your mother."
Cam swallowed, but nodded resolutely. "I would like that, Dad."
Kanoi gave him a small smile before he turned back to Hunter. He kept his hand on the blond man's chest. "It's time to return to the present, Hunter. You will travel beyond the dream now, back to reality. I will show you the way. Just breathe with me."
Hunter did, and for the next few minutes, Sensei guided him through the maze of his unconsciousness with a steady voice that alternated between directions in English and low chants in the oddly familiar, yet indecipherable ancient language Cam recognized from his memory all these years ago.
It took a few more moments, but then Hunter's eyes fluttered open.
Cam started; his partner's usually brilliant blue eyes were dull, the good-natured twinkle replaced by a soul-crushing pain. Cam swallowed hard. He had kept up the small hope that his dad was wrong and maybe Hunter wouldn't remember what had happened in the last half hour, after all. But one look into those agonized blue orbs shattered that hope.
Hunter remembered. He remembered everything.
Sensei gently squeezed the blond man's shoulder. "Welcome back, Hunter."
Hunter merely blinked a few times, slowly raised a hand and wiped his eyes.
No one spoke. There was nothing to say, nothing that could possibly take away the pain that was now permanently uprooted from Hunter's subconscious mind.
Hunter slowly shifted his position until he was poised at the edge of the armchair, but he looked so shaken-up and unsteady that it seemed unlikely the former Crimson Ranger could stand up on his own. He drew a ragged breath and slowly looked up into sensei Watanabe's face, pained azure boring into compassionate brown.
"Th..." When his voice failed him, he cleared his throat, then tried again. "Thank you, Sensei."
Kanoi patted his knee affectionately. "I think you'll sleep well tonight."
Epilogue…The trek back to Cam's room was very slow and conducted in complete silence. Once inside, Hunter fell heavily onto the bed and simply lay there, unmoving, staring into space.
Cam sensed that this was not the time to initiate a talk. Hunter was still alarmingly pale and his breath was coming in ragged puffs as if the short walk from Sensei's quarters had depleted the last of his energy.
So Cam moved around his room, busying himself with little things to give his partner the time and relative privacy he undoubtedly needed right now. He had just sat down to unlace his sneakers when Hunter started to speak.
"I can't believe it was them all these times and I never realized it," he said, his monotone voice only underscoring his mental exhaustion.
Cam stepped out of his shoes, then moved across the room to the bed and began to take off his partner's boots. "You probably did while dreaming, but every time you woke up your subconscious mind just blocked it out." While talking, he continued to undress Hunter, taking off his socks, jeans and finally his crimson shirt. Hunter let him. There was nothing sexually suggestive behind what Cam was doing; he was simply helping his emotionally and physically worn-out boyfriend get comfortable for bed.
"But…why?" came the close-eyed query.
Cam shrugged. "Maybe that was just your way of dealing with the trauma. After their deaths…you had to be strong for Blake, remember? You couldn't afford to fall apart, so you probably never let yourself grieve properly for them."
To Cam's surprise, a tiny smile came to the corners of Hunter's mouth. "I wouldn't have pegged you as a psychiatrist," he said, opening his eyes. "I thought you studied Computer Technology in college."
"That's not psychiatry, just logical deductions," Cam replied. "Besides, if someone I care about has a problem, especially something as profound as yours, I want to get to the bottom of it." Cam draped Hunter's clothes over a chair, then went on to undress himself. When he was down to boxer shorts and undershirt, he climbed into bed, pulling his reversible green/crimson comforter over them both.
If Hunter had deemed the conversation to be over right now, Cam would have been perfectly happy to go to sleep without any more comments and for a few minutes it seemed that that was exactly what was happening – but then Hunter suddenly spoke again.
"Remember when you asked Blake whether he knew why the dream always occurred at the same dates every year?"
"Uh..hu," was all Cam said.
"Well, the date does have significance," Hunter admitted and Cam noticed a faint guilty undertone in his partner's voice.
"Go on."
"It happens every year," Hunter began. "...on the anniversary of our parents' deaths."
Cam turned his head, looking at Hunter incredulously. "And Blake never made the connection?"
Hunter held his gaze. "He doesn't know," he said simply.
"Doesn't know what?" the samurai asked somewhat dumbly.
"The date. He never knew exactly when our parents were killed." The Thunder ninja paused. "I myself didn't find out the actual date until I was around ten, after I finally coaxed it out of Sensei Omino."
"And you never told Blake about it." There was only the slightest trace of displeasure in Cam's voice.
Hunter was quiet for a while, his eyes fixed on a spot on the ceiling. "I simply couldn't risk it. After I made the connection between the date and my dream, I was afraid of telling him. I mean…" He finally looked at Cam. "What if he had developed the same symptoms? You've seen how bad it is. I couldn't let him go through the same shit. Besides, who would wake us both up, then?"
Cam was about to argue that Blake might have been just fine, but he also saw the logic in Hunter's reasoning; big brother protecting little brother, simple as that. "I understand."
Hunter gave Cam a shadow of a smile.
The samurai reached out, tracing his blond partner's jaw line with one finger while he spoke. "You told me once that Blake was barely three when your adoptive parents died. And you two are, what...a little over a year apart?" At Hunter's nod, he continued, "So he was pretty much still a baby whereas you, at four years old, probably already acquired a somewhat advanced recollective ability. But with the trauma of your parents' deaths you repressed these memories. And sometime over the years, those memories came back in form of The Dream," he concluded.
Hunter nodded thoughtfully, then let out a sigh. "Man, this is going to be one heck of a phone call to Blake tomorrow."
"Will you tell him…everything?" Cam inquired, remembering Hunter's anxiety about possible repercussions for his little bro. But Hunter simply nodded again.
"Yeah. He deserves to know everything after all this time. He'll probably be mad at me for withholding the date from him, but I'll just throw it back at him for never having figured it out himself." He grinned weakly, then suddenly scooted closer to Cam and the two young men fitted themselves together comfortably, Hunter spooned up against Cam, back to belly. Cam put his arm around Hunter's slim waist and waited, sensing that his lover had not yet finished speaking. He was right.
"I don't remember if I ever cried for them when I was little," came Hunter's voice after a moment. "Like you said, I had Blake to take care of, after all. And when I got older, the memory had receded to a point where it was just a dull ache, not sharp enough to cry anymore." Hunter paused. "But now that has all changed. The wound's ripped open again..." He shook his head, and the sorrow in his voice made Cam ache for him.
I know how you feel, believe me. But instead, Cam said, "You know,you can cry now, if you feel the need to. I've got a shoulder right here for you."
Hunter suddenly moved, turned to face Cam and a grateful half-smile crossed his face. "Yeah, I know. I appreciate the offer, Cam, and if I feel the urge coming on, I might just take you up on it." He shook his head. "I just can't cry on command."
They hugged, and Cam held on tight for a moment, cherishing his partner's warm presence. But when they broke apart, Hunter's gaze was solemn. Full of love and gratitude, but solemn.
"Cam, what you and your dad did for me today…that isn't something that I can just brush off with a thank you and move on. You freed me from something that's been crippling me my entire life. Problem is, I don't know what to do to repay you for this. For standing by me through this, no matter how bad it got."
"It wasn't…" Cam interjected, but Hunter wasn't deterred.
"Don't even try to play it down. I've seen your face, Cam. I know it was bad." The samurai opened his mouth for anther protest, but Hunter wasn't having it. "You were crying. Your eyes were red."
Cam blinked. Damn. "I was…" Hunter's intense gaze choked off the rest of Cam's words. He cleared his throat. "It was…tough," was all he admitted.
"So you can imagine why I wanted to shield Blake from even the potential of developing the same nightmares," Hunter said solemnly. He propped himself up on his elbow, thought for a moment, then continued, "I don't want to blow my own horn or anything, but I know I'm the stronger half of the Bradley brothers; I can deal with this much better. I might be brooding and anti-social, but I'm stronger.
"Oh yeah, and gay," he added.
"And what does that have to do with anything?" Cam said, brows furrowing.
"You'd be surprised at how many people see that as the ultimate character flaw."
Cam merely snorted. "Well, I always thought you being gay was definitely one of your better attributes. For all I know, that's probably part of the reason why you're a stronger person. And as for anyone who's got a problem with who you are – who we are - I say screw them!"
Hunter's eyebrows rose in surprise at Cam's choice of words, and the corners of his mouth flicked upward.
"You know what? You're damn right." He almost said 'straight', but since they were half-naked in bed together, it didn't seem to be the appropriate word for that particular situation.
Hunter pulled Cam tightly against him for a kiss that came close to draining the samurai of just about all the air he had in his lungs before he let him go again. Two azure eyes fixed on him. "Let's not just have sex tonight; let's make love," Hunter whispered, giving Cam no time to respond before his mouth clamped over the samurai's again.
Gradually, hands, lips and tongues began to explore already familiar contours, touching, caressing. Cam looked into Hunter's eyes, and it was the old Hunter he knew and loved who was looking back at him. And Cam smiled at the knowledge that this time his partner would remain who he was indefinitely.
There would be no more annual recurrences of The Dream. The time for nightmares was over. Only good dreams awaited them in the future. Cam pulled the blond head down for another kiss.
Afterwards, they lay together, limbs entangled, fingers interlaced, closer in body and mind than they had ever thought possible. With his lover's head on his chest, Cam could feel Hunter's heart beat as he ran his hand through those dirty-blond strands. He was teetering precariously on the edge of sleep when Hunter's voice suddenly drifted up to him.
"I think your dad might be right. I think I'll sleep well tonight."
THE END
A/N: I hope you enjoyed this story!
Now - Camille and I have co-authored a PRTimeForce/NinjaStorm story that we'll begin posting on the weekend, so please keep an eyeout for "TimeStorm". The link to the story is on my bio. Check it out!