Chapter 1
"I feel awkward," Obi-Wan said.
"Why?" Qui-Gon asked his companion, managing to look both amused and affronted.
The two Jedi, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon, stood in the brightly lit corridor of the ship that would carry them home. It had been generously donated by the Queen in thanks for their aid in the liberation of her planet. It was new and sleek and not at all like the archaic transport vessels the Jedi usually had to gain passage on.
The hull vibrated slightly around them as the magnificently crafted ship took to the air, battling gravity and pushing its way through the atmosphere.
"Five years is a long time," Obi-Wan reminded his old master, leaning back on the smooth bulkhead.
"Is this the place to discuss this?" Qui-Gon gently chided, glancing meaningfully at a crewman who walked passed them, plainly curious as to why two of the ship's honoured passengers were standing, talking in the corridor.
"There is a nine year old boy sitting in your quarters, Qui-Gon, and forgive me but I'd rather a total stranger who we'll likely never see again overhear us than you new padawan." Obi-Wan had not meant to take his frustrations out on his master and immediately apologised, "Qui-Gon, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"
"No, you're right, Anakin does not need to hear this." Qui-Gon paused, thinking how best to proceed. "Let's at least find a quiet corner to sit in."
As they walked, Qui-Gon glanced over to Obi-Wan regularly, seeing the changes in the man he had once loved, still loved. The Jedi master was beginning to see just how complicated his life had become.
The two Jedi found one of the crew's break rooms unoccupied. The room was small, but not uncomfortable. Cushioned benches lined the walls with sofas and tables clustered near to create comfortable socialising areas. They helped themselves to the provided tea and settled themselves at one of the corner tables.
They stared at each other.
"Now I feel awkward."
Obi-Wan smiled. It was a look Qui-Gon had not seen for far too long. He smiled too, feeling some of his own anxiety leave him.
"I missed you," Qui-Gon began. "I knew that I would, but when I read of your death I felt a kind of despair I had hoped never to feel again," the Jedi master tried to explain and then cursed himself when he realised what he had just said; he did not want to make Obi-Wan feel guilty.
"I'm sorry."
Qui-Gon cringed a little to hear the remorse in Obi-Wan's voice. Countless times he had imagined this moment and now that it had arrived he found himself messing it up with his ill chosen words.
"It wasn't your fault," Qui-Gon easily reassured him. "You were only doing your duty; I've never been prouder. And the despair, it only lasted a moment."
Hurt flashed across Obi-Wan's face and once again the master cursed himself and his hasty words.
"I knew you weren't dead," he hastened to add; hoping that Obi-Wan would understand and forgive a foolish old man.
"What do we do now?" Obi-Wan asked, still as blunt as he had been when he had still been an apprentice. Qui-Gon remembered that he had despaired at Obi-Wan's diplomatic tact and while the young man had learnt, he had not conformed. Qui-Gon thought his padawan's life now much better suited Obi-Wan's temperament. He did not think that was by accident.
"We are Jedi," he finally answered. "We follow the Force."
"When I was young that never offered me much comfort," Obi-Wan confided quietly as he idly played with granules of sweetener that had been spilt on the table, but had not been cleaned away properly. "After the last five years it means much more than it used to."
"You have changed a great deal," Qui-Gon stated, studying the other man and seeing the difference while seeing all the similarities.
"Yes."
"While staying the same," Qui-Gon added.
"I've missed that." Obi-Wan smiled and looked up from the table top to look his old master in the eyes.
"What?"
"Your cryptic words."
"You had Yoda," Qui-Gon retorted.
"Different sort of cryptic."
"Different sort of… Obi-Wan!"
"Yes, Qui-Gon?" Obi-Wan had not had much practice with his innocent look since leaving his master, but he recreated it perfectly now nonetheless.
"That look hasn't worked since you were fourteen and I caught you with Reef."
Obi-Wan smiled and once again Qui-Gon saw the boy he had known in the man sat before him. The master was again stuck with remorse, but this time for more than ill chosen words.
"I'm sorry, Obi-Wan."
"What for?"
"For pushing you away."
"That was along time ago, and much has happened since." Obi-Wan leant forward and took Qui-Gon's hands in his own, also feeling regret for lost time. "Five years have passed and I still love you. I came back because I was called, but I revealed myself because I hoped that, maybe, you felt the same as I."
Qui-Gon was momentarily unable to speak. They had not said the words aloud to each other until now, not said I love you and mean it the way Obi-Wan meant now. Bitter regret swamped Qui-Gon's mind and he felt Obi-Wan's grasp tighten on his hands as the younger Jedi waited for his response.
"I do." He said the words then too, "I love you, Obi-Wan, more than life."
"That's all I need know, Qui-Gon, the rest can wait until later." He kissed their joined hands. "I pledge myself to you."
"And I myself to you," Qui-Gon answered Obi-Wan's oath with his own.
They were silent as they grasped each other's hands, cherishing this first moment as the first step towards completing their soulbond. And while Qui-Gon would have gladly dwelled in that moment and countless more like it, he knew that they could not and finally he was forced to speak the words that played on his mind.
"How does this affect your duties as the Warrior?"
"Or Anakin?" Obi-Wan asked right back, showing Qui-Gon that he was not the only one with concerns.
"I guess it doesn't," Obi-Wan answered for them both. "You are Anakin's master and I am your…"
"Lover?" Qui-Gon grinned at his companion whose hands he still held.
"Soulmate," Obi-Wan offered.
Qui-Gon's smile did not diminish to hear the shyly spoken word.
"We should speak to Anakin."
"As you say," Obi-Wan said by way of agreement, as he pulled his hands free from Qui-Gon's grip and stood to leave.
Qui-Gon rose also, happy for now with the settlement they had reached. It would not be that simple, he was not deluded into believing it would be so, and he was sure that Obi-Wan, too, knew that there would be more to discuss. But for now they left the break room and went to Qui-Gon and Anakin's cabin, where the young apprentice sat waiting for his master.
Across the galaxy another Jedi sat reading her mail. She had been away on a long, tiring mission to one of the rim worlds. She scanned through much of what awaited for her in her inbox until she came across a general announcement,
To all,
It is with great joy that the Council can report that Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi, reported missing five years ago and believed dead, has been found alive and well. Due to security issues, more cannot be made public to all.
May the Force be with you.
Master Mace Windu.
Knight Bant sat back in her chair, stunned. Her dear friend was alive. She knew that there would be others as surprised and as happy as she at the news. Reef and Garen to name but two. As she thought on those who would celebrate Obi-Wan's return, her musings inevitably turned to Master Jinn. She prayed to the Force that finally her friend and his master would be able to act on their love and bond, she prayed five years was not too long to be apart from someone, and she prayed for a happy ending.
"Anakin?"
"Master Qui-Gon," Anakin said as he sprang to his feet as his new master entered their shared cabin, his enthusiasm, however, was curtailed when he saw the young knight enter the cabin behind Qui-Gon.
"Knight Kenobi," he said formally, still unsure of the knight and how his presence would affect his future as a Jedi or as Master Jinn's apprentice.
"You need not fear me, Padawan Skywalker."
"I don't fear you," Anakin told him boldly. "Jedi don't feel fear."
"Jedi may not, Anakin, but nine year old boys far from home and away from their mothers do."
Anakin studied Obi-Wan Kenobi and for a moment felt his fear bubble up into terror. This man was dangerous, he had seen straight through him to his carefully concealed fears but more than that his was a killer and assassin when needed. Anakin looked at the man dressed as a Jedi knight and remembered he was also a protector of the innocent. His fear abated.
"I don't fear you," he said again, this time with more truth.
"Anakin," Qui-Gon interrupted, "We came to speak with you of your future among the Jedi."
"The Council said I would be an apprentice, your apprentice." Anakin's fear rose again, but it was a different fear, fear and being parted from his dream before he had even had a chance.
"Of course, Anakin," Qui-Gon reassured the distraught boy, "but there is more to discuss."
As Qui-Gon calmed the boy and quieted his natural fears, Obi-Wan studied the child.
Danger, his senses screamed at him. Yes, he saw, this one would be a handful; he did seem too old to train, but must be trained nevertheless. There was arrogance in the boy, and pride, only seeds now, but Obi-Wan wondered about the future and their growth into something more, something bigger and far more dangerous.
'Qui-Gon is a good master; he will help the boy with his flaws.'
Danger, repeated though his mind, drowning out Obi-Wan's reasoned thoughts.
The Chosen One: a tempting target for the Sith.
Danger, echoed in his ears.
And something else, half-formed in the darkness of the future.
"Obi-Wan."
"Yes, Master?" Obi-Wan distractedly answered, not really hearing the voice calling his name. Time spiralled around him, he saw shadows and darkness, he looked at his two companions and saw death.
"Obi-Wan?" the voice calling him was concerned now.
Obi-Wan sucked in air though his mouth, gasping, stunned by the Darkness of the vision and the threatened future.
"No!" It could not be allowed.
"Obi-Wan?" Someone was gripping his arm.
"Forgive me, both of you," the knight managed to wheeze out, anchoring himself to the sensation of Qui-Gon's touch, not daring to look the older Jedi in the eye. "My mind wandered."
"What did you see?"
Obi-Wan did look at his master then and saw his concern and behind him he could see Anakin's curious face. He stared at them a moment, seeing death in their faces again.
"Nothing," he lied, pulling desperately away from the vision and Qui-Gon's touch. "A future prevented." Obi-Wan remembered the vision he had had on Naboo of a world where Qui-Gon and been slain by the Sith and where the Darkness had followed.
"Anakin and I were discussing your future with us." Qui-Gon told him. "I told him you would be a presence in his life, but would leave, on occasion."
"Yes," was all Obi-Wan could manage.
"You may go to Obi-Wan with any problems you have, Anakin." Qui-Gon told the boy, trying to finish the talk they had started, while all the time worrying over what had caused Obi-Wan to become so pale. "I am your Master and he is my Bondmate."
"Master Obi-Wan…"
"Don't call me that," Obi-Wan interrupted harshly, still disorientated by the vision of an alternative universe where he had guided Anakin Skywalker to knighthood. "Forgive me, Anakin. You have caught me at my worst. Please, call me Obi-Wan, all my friends do and I hope you and I will be friends."
"I hope that, too."
Obi-Wan smiled warmly at the boy.
"Qui-Gon, I will leave you now to talk with you apprentice." All Obi-Wan could think of was his need to escape and to distance himself from visions centred on the Chosen One. "I must go; I need to meditate." With those words the knight all but fled the cabin.
"Is he alright?" Anakin asked.
"Yes, I'll explain later. Now though, we have things to talk about. Come, sit with me on the floor and I'll give you your first lesson on meditation."
The cabin was, like the rest of the ship, compact, but comfortable. There was room enough for both Jedi to sit together on the floor. Qui-Gon, mindful of his age, was glad of the plush carpet that cushioned his knees. They sat together, facing each other, in the centre of the cabin.
"Close your eyes," Qui-Gon told Anakin, who obeyed. "The Council has given me permission to initiate a training bond. This may feel a little strange."
Qui-Gon entered the boy's mind smoothly and sought out the memories already joining them; he drew threads from each and weaved them into a single strand. A giggle distracted him from his task.
"I'm sorry, Anakin, I have not done this in a long time," he explained his clumsiness, continuing with constructing the bond, but trying harder not to 'tickle' Anakin's mind with his presence.
"Since Obi-Wan?"
"Hmm?" Qui-Gon beginning the delicate task of joining the two ends of the bond together, had not heard Anakin's question.
"You haven't formed a bond since Obi-Wan?"
"No, our bond formed naturally." Through the partially formed bond, Qui-Gon felt the boy's sudden uncertainty.
"Should our bond have formed like that?" Anakin asked, almost brokenly.
"No," Qui-Gon smiled in memory. "There was nothing about our partnership that was… normal."
It was difficult to explain to another exactly all that lay between himself and Obi-Wan, especially to one who had not even been an outside observer.
"There," he finally said, withdrawing from the boy's mind. "Our bond has begun; in time it will strengthen."
He felt Anakin poke none-too-gently at his end of the new bond.
"Careful, Anakin, it is still fragile."
"Yes, Master." Anakin continued to investigate the bond, but more lightly. "Will you tell me more about how Obi-Wan became your apprentice?"
"I shall, if you wish, but Anakin, there is no reason to fear or compare yourself to him. Each Jedi partnership is as different and individual as the Jedi that make it up. That difference does not make it better or worse." Qui-Gon looked at his new apprentice to make sure he understood.
"Yes, Master."
"Now, do you still want to know more about Obi-Wan's apprenticeship?"
"Maybe later," Anakin relpied. As Qui-Gon had suspected, it was Anakin's fear that prompted him to ask about Obi-Wan. "What about now though?"
"Now?"
"With Obi-Wan?"
"Ah, well at least you will have this much in common with Obi-Wan." The boy looked puzzled. "Both your apprenticeships are unusual."
Qui-Gon paused a moment to collect his thoughts and think on how best to explain to his new padawan the current situation.
"You understand about Obi-Wan's secret?"
A brief nod was his answer.
"And that you must tell no one?"
"I understand."
"I knew you would, as for the rest…" Once again Qui-Gon stopped, unsure how to tell his nine year old apprentice about Obi-Wan. "Obi-Wan and I…"
"You love him."
"Yes." He could not deny it, not anymore.
"And he loves you."
"Yes."
"Seems pretty simple to me," Anakin told him, not seeing why Qui-Gon should have any difficulty explaining.
'Oh, to be young again,' Qui-Gon thought. He envied the simplicity that youthful eyes gave to any circumstances and appreciated Master Yoda's joy at teaching the children at the Temple; the ancient master loved to be reminded of what it was like to see though innocent eyes.
"Yes, Anakin, that part is simple. Obi-Wan has been away five years, he's returned and we hope to reconcile, but this will not interfere with your training."
"Yes, Master." The boy seemed amused.
'You're surprised by that because?' Obi-Wan's voice asked within the privacy of his mind.
'Go away, Obi-Wan.'
Laughter followed, but he felt Obi-Wan withdraw some nonetheless.
"It's time for you to sleep, Anakin," Qui-Gon told his padawan, standing slowly, stretching out stiff muscles and joints.
"Aren't you going after Obi-Wan?" the boy remained on the floor, clearly surprised that his master was not going after the knight.
"He'll come back when he's ready."
Anakin did not appear to like this answer and frowned.
"You do not seek out the Warrior, Anakin."
"Yes, Master, but you do go after the one you love."
That, at least, was mostly true and sometimes the lines between the relationships would blur, but Qui-Gon knew that it had been the Warrior that fled, not his lover.
"Not this time," was all he said as he helped the boy up and hurried him into the fresher to prepare for bed.
Obi-Wan withdrew from Qui-Gon's mind and returned to his wanderings. He felt out of place and constrained. Being a Jedi knight again was going to be difficult, he knew; he had spent so long away, hiding from them while being their Shadow that he was not sure if he would be able to interact with them as a normal Jedi.
Obi-Wan did not sleep that night, nor the next. In fact, he stayed away from the other passengers and crew as much as possible on the journey home. Qui-Gon had a sense of him so he knew that the younger man had not jumped ship, but after their boarding and initial conversation, the Jedi Master did not seen his lost apprentice.
Obi-Wan, for his part, was trying to reconcile the two parts of his personality; Knight and Warrior. Shadows and deceit were no longer his constant companion; they were allies, but sometimes he would be able to step out from them and into the Light of the Jedi and the love of Qui-Gon Jinn.
'This is going to take some getting used to,' Obi-Wan thought as he felt the ship drop out of hyperspace that signalled their arrival. He knew that his time for hiding from his bondmate was over.