Disclaimer - I own no rights to the trademarks or characters herein. I own no rights at all. Thank you.
Thomas Thurman – Glad you're still hanging on for the ride.
Princess Cornelia – I think this chapter is just as great as the last one. Then again, I'm kind of biased since I wrote it. You'll have to let me know if you agree.
A/N – We're back from commercials again. Just think of this as one of those hour-long specials.
Anyway…
THE MOSEBY APARTMENT
The door opens, and Raven Baxter and Chelsea Daniels enter.
Raven: Uncle Moseby!
Mr. Moseby: How nice to see you again, Miss Baxter!
They hug gently.
Raven: I want you to meet my best friend, Chelsea…
Chelsea: Hi, Mr. Moseby.
Raven: … And I brought you some of my dad's special recipe chicken soup.
Mr. Moseby: How delightful. You tell your father that if his Chill Grill doesn't work out, we could always use him as part of the Tipton's gourmet kitchen staff.
Raven hands Mr. Moseby the plastic container of soup. He looks at it.
Mr. Moseby: Now if only I had someone to warm it for me.
He looks at Raven and Chelsea. Raven looks at Chelsea. Chelsea looks at Raven. They finally look back at Mr. Moseby. He fakes a smile.
Mr. Moseby: I'll take care of it.
He slowly lifts himself up.
Mr. Moseby: I'll just hobble my crippled self over to my kitchen.
He looks at the girls again. They look back at him again. He finally groans and hobbles off.
Chelsea: He seems nice. How do you know him again?
Raven: Oh. He and my dad go way back.
Raven finds the stack of papers on the table.
Raven: Well, well, well. What have we got here?
Chelsea: Don't be nosy, Rae. I don't think he wants us looking through those.
Raven: Nosy? Why, Chels, have you ever known me to be nosy?
Chelsea just nods vigorously.
Raven: It looks like he's writing some kind of story.
She looks to the side and her face goes blank. She finally turns back to Chelsea.
Raven: Just had a vision. Uncle Moseby was looking at his story and he said it was terrible. But don't worry. I know how I can make it better.
THE TIPTON LOUNGE
Mr. Moseby is sitting in the audience watching the show. Chelsea steps out in a tiny black cocktail dress and does a sultry song and dance to "That Old Black Magic."
She steps off of the stage and walks to the bar. Mr. Moseby takes off his fedora and joins her.
Mr. Moseby: What's your cocktail?
Chelsea speaks in her melodramatic "soap opera" voice.
Chelsea: Carrot juice and tomato. Shaken, not stirred. And serve it in a dirty glass. Just not too dirty, 'cause that would be really gross.
The bartender hands her the drink and she begins to sip it.
Mr. Moseby: I'll take a root beer. And make it a double.
Chelsea turns to Mr. Moseby.
Chelsea: Poli vou frances?
Mr. Moseby: Oui, oui.
Chelsea: No. I don't have to. I haven't even finished this glass yet.
Mr. Moseby: I'll pay for the vegetable cocktail, Ms…?
Chelsea: You can just refer to me as the Mysterious Redheaded Woman.
Mr. Moseby: That's an awful mouthful, sister. You wanted to meet me here?
Chelsea: Yes, Mr. Private Detective. Of course.
Mr. Moseby: About what?
Chelsea's face goes blank.
Chelsea: I've forgotten.
In the background, Carey gets up on stage and starts singing "Fly Me to the Moon."
Mr. Moseby: About D. Ceased's murder, perhaps?
Chelsea (cracking up laughing): Oh, yeah!
She sobers up.
Chelsea: I don't know anything about that.
Mr. Moseby: Then why did you want me to meet you here?
Chelsea: Didn't I just tell you I've forgotten? Bartender! Another veggie cocktail, please!
The bartender slams the glass down on the bar. Mr. Moseby moves it before Chelsea can take it.
Mr. Moseby: I think you've already had enough.
Chelsea: Oh, yeah! Now I remember. I can't tell you anything about your case. But I know someone who can help you.
Mr. Moseby: Who?
Chelsea: Miss Tolulu.
Mr. Moseby: The creepy fortune teller down at the intersection of Extortion Road and Larceny Avenue?
Chelsea: Do you know of another Miss Tolulu? She's the best psychic I know.
She pauses.
Chelsea: Come to think of it, she's the only psychic I know.
Mr. Moseby puts his hat back on and takes Chelsea by the arm.
Mr. Moseby: What are we waiting for, then? Let's get going.
He walks her past the stage. Carey looks down at Mr. Moseby.
Carey: If you ever need me, Mr. Detective, just whistle. You do know how to whistle, don't you?
Chelsea: Yeah. Duh.
She tries to whistle. Her cheeks puff up and she blows air.
Carey: Never mind.
Mr. Moseby drags Chelsea away.
MISS TOLULU'S TENT
Chelsea leads the way into the tent. Mr. Moseby enters behind her. They find Raven in her full phony fortune teller garb.
Mr. Moseby: You're the creepy fortune teller?
Raven: Who you callin' creepy?
(Jamaican accent) I mean, sit down, chile. Let Miss Tolulu tell all.
She begins flipping over Tarot cards.
Raven: There is a woman involved. You are seeking her. You love this woman. And Babe Ruth will set a new record for Home Runs.
Mr. Moseby looks at her cards.
Mr. Moseby: That's a baseball card!
Raven: Yes, but what about dah utter t'ings?
Mr. Moseby: They're all wrong.
Raven: Oops. My bad. Just let me look into me crystal ball.
She looks at the ball on her table and sees Chelsea's reflection.
Raven: I see a mysterious redheaded woman.
Chelsea: Really? Where?
She spins around anxiously until she becomes dizzy and collapses. The force of her impact causes the crystal ball to roll off of the table. Chelsea stands up and trips over the crystal ball. Mr. Moseby catches her before she hits the ground.
Mr. Moseby: Miss Tolulu, this young lady told me you could help me. I'm trying to solve a murder and find a lost dog.
Raven: Really, now? Den I shall just have to concentrate.
She turns her head and her face goes blank. She turns back to Mr. Moseby and Chelsea.
Raven: I had a vision. The killer's name is…
THE MOSEBY APARTMENT
Mr. Moseby stands behind Raven and Chelsea.
Raven: Oh, girl, this is getting so good!
Mr. Moseby: It was, wasn't it?
Raven smiles nervously and puts the story back down.
She kisses Mr. Moseby on the cheek and she and Chelsea run off.
Mr. Moseby looks at the paper and frowns.
Mr. Moseby: This is terrible! Now how can I fix it?
He thinks for a moment.
MADAME BAXTER'S TENT
Raven's face goes blank again.
Raven: Oh, snap!
Raven falls to the table with a knife in her back.
Chelsea: Geez, Rae. Could you try to be a little more specific?
Mr. Moseby draws his squirt gun and opens the flap of the tent behind Raven's body. The coast is clear. He closes it back up and walks towards Chelsea. He then checks Raven's pulse.
Mr. Moseby: Poor fortune teller doll. I'll find out who did this. I swear on my mother's shoes.
The flap opens again and Maddie and London enter, dressed in frumpy men suits and wearing mustaches. They both flash badges.
London: Freeze, Buster!
Mr. Moseby: Moseby.
London: Whatever!
Maddie: I'm Inspector Fitzpatrick and this is Lieutenant Tipton. Homicide department.
London: How come you get to be Inspector and I have to be Lieutenant?
Maddie: Don't look at me! I'm not the one writing this chapter.
Mr. Moseby: I know you two flatfoots. You're crooked.
Maddie & London: Really?
The girls—ehr, police detectives—check each other's suits and neckties. London's clip-on comes off in Maddie's hand.
Mr. Moseby: What brings you two dirty cops here?
London: Dirt! Where?
Maddie (to London): I don't think that's what he means, lieutenant.
(to Moseby) We've been following you. We knew you were bound to lead us to something rotten. Who was this woman?
Mr. Moseby: You mean you don't know?
Maddie: Don't take that sassy tone with me, mister. We've already taken away your badge.
Chelsea: You mean you're not a cop? I feel so lied to.
Mr. Moseby: But you already knew that. You called me Mr. Private Investigator, remember?
Chelsea: Oh, yeah!
Maddie: Alright, Moseby. You're comin' down town with us.
London: Down town? Great. Think I could pick up a new pair of shoes?
Zack and Cody enter the tent in their mobster uniforms.
Cody: Not so fast.
Zack (to Maddie): Hey there, Sweet Thang!
Maddie: Zack, you do know I'm playing a boy right now?
Zack: You're not doing a very convincing job.
Cody: We need to have a talk with you, Moseby. You're taking a walk with us.
Mr. Moseby: What for?
Zack: 'Cause we're not old enough to drive.
Maddie: Fine. You're off the hook, for now.
The cops exit through the back flap. Zack and Cody escort Moseby out the front.
MOSEBY'S OFFICE
Mr. Moseby (narrating): The boys told me there boss wasn't happy. He wanted results, and he wanted them fast. I told them that these things needed time and a job like this couldn't be rushed. But all the same, I asked my secretary to hurry up.
Maddie: I got all that stuff you wanted, boss.
She hands the files over to Moseby.
Maddie: Anything important?
Mr. Moseby: We'll see, angel.
Maddie: By the way, that society dame was here to see you. Sounded anxious.
Mr. Moseby: And my squirt gun leaks. We all got problems.
He sits down and looks through the files Maddie gave him. Maddie blows a large bubble of gum and it explodes in her face.
A/N – And now we take another commercial break. See you again soon.