Good Intentions

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Spoilers: Nothing that you can't read about on the 'net

Rating: T for language

Pairings: Well, I could tell you…but I won't.

Summary: She knew her friends only had good intentions, but why here? Why now.. And why him?

Notes: if my time frame is off (where it concerns real life events) play along.. It's for the story.

-x-

If misery loved company so much, why wasn't anyone else miserable? To Lita, it appeared, that everyone else around her was having a lovely time. Not that she would use that particular word to describe the party, but for posterity sake, it worked. She wouldn't say that everyone was enjoying the party…because not everyone was. On the other hand, not everyone was enjoying the party.. And of course, there were those in the gray area. Half way between a state of enjoyment and apathetic.

Perhaps, by the end of the night, Lita would achieve the state of indifferent.

Feeling nothing had to be better than feeling miserable. Comfortably numb, had a very nice ring to her ears. If she could reach that state, if only for this one night. One passing moment in the grand adventure of life. So was that really asking for too much? For people to back off and just leave her to her own devices? If she had been any other person, perhaps it wouldn't have been asking for too much. Her request, simple as it was, would have been granted.

Well meaning friends prevented her from reaching her goal. Damn it.

She didn't want to feel misery, anger or pain…didn't want to feel elation, pleasure or content. She didn't want to feel simple human emotions, didn't want to feel complex human emotions. Quite simply so, Lita didn't want to feel anything. To be in a state of being, where she could gain a semblance of living…without feeling. Which, despite what her friends thought, she had not achieved that yet. She could still feel pain, remorse, anger and regret. She remembered pleasure, elation and content. She was aware of her vulnerability.

And though she could blame others…at that moment, she had only herself to blame.

One night that had started, somewhat like this night, when she could have said no. But the circumstances were different tonight.

The surroundings, for one, not a hotel room but a nightclub. Still an establishment were one could lose themselves to the sweet poisons of alcohol…just with a little less privacy. Which might not be a bad thing.

Here, people might tell you to stop when they deemed your judgment impaired. To look out for you when you couldn't look out for yourself.

That had been the purpose behind tonight.. Her friends looking out for her interests she wasn't looking out for her best interests.. Or any interests for that matter.

These supposedly good intentions, however, were lost on someone like her. Another day and another time, it might have been necessary. To be the voice of reason when that voice had been lost. But tonight was different. Her friends, even with their good intent, could not look out for her best interests. If that happened, it would lead to further conflict. Conflict with her friends, conflict within herself.

In spite of what her friends thought, further conflict was something she wanted to avoid.

Conflict, like normalcy and annoying, another state of being.

Being tied in with feeling…and feeling was not something Lita wanted. She wanted to escape it, but at that moment, she could not. Feeling was escaping her, but well alive in those around her. And despite her protests, those around her wanted her to feel. Those around her, didn't understand that she was tired of feeling. Tired enough to let go…but not completely. Her friends, with their good intent, prevented her from letting go.

Damn their good intentions.. She wanted to let go. If only for this moment and if only for tonight.

But her friends, with their smiles, prevented her from her goal. Her friends who cared, when she was ready to give up. Had she been in a state where she wanted to feel…she would have welcomed their concern. Maybe she would have sought out their concern. But then, she thought, she would probably turn it away. Welcomed as it was unwelcome, needed but not entirely needed. The Devil did not need sympathy but she wasn't the Devil.

To some people perhaps she was, but even in that case- she did not need sympathy.

All she wanted and all she needed --at that moment-- was to let go. Everything else, she could deal with later. Contemplate it when she was in a more coherent state of mind. Reflect on it when the mirror wasn't quite as foggy. A different time and a different place. A time where she wasn't bombarded with her friends good intentions. A place where she wasn't surrounded by laughter.

-x-

"Now.. I know you aren't gonna sit there all night." Eddie raised an eyebrow at the redhead. "Come on mamacita, this is a party.. Get up, dance. Have a good time."

Lita rolled her eyes. "I'm well aware it's a party, Eddie. But that doesn't mean I have any obligation to get up from this couch."

Trish shook her head, "Eddie.. Just give it up. If she wants to be miserable, let her." With a smile to the redhead she added: "Dawn wants to see you, by the way."

"Of course she does," Lita replied blandly. "And just where is Dawn, hmm?"

"Over there with John, Stacy and Dave," the blonde Diva nodded to a spot on the dance floor. "It won't kill you to get off the couch, Li."

"No, but listening to this crap could be hazardous to everyone's health." Lita placed her drink on the table. "It's enough to drive someone insane."

Trish merely shook her head, grabbing the redhead by the hand. "Right about now.. You're enough to drive someone insane."

"I feel so loved," Lita muttered under her breath. "But honestly, Trish…if you're so concerned about me having a good time. You'd turn this crap off."

Dawn shook her head, grasping the redhead's hand. "Li, honey…the music is house choice. None of us are in that D.J. booth, so…none of us can do a thing about it."

"Yeah.." John rolled his shoulders, the brown haired wrestler currently dancing with Stacy. "An' 'sides, what's so bad 'bout Eminem?"

Lita made a face, "It's not so much that it's Eminem… it's the name of the song."

"What's so bad about 'Ass Like That'?" Stacy shrugged, "It's just a song, Li.. Nothing that's harmful to your health."

Lita shook her head, "Never mind, okay?" She turned her attention instead to Dawn. "Trish said you needed to speak with me.."

The brunette grinned, "I think it's time for one of our heart to hearts." Her eyes took on a more serious glint, "It's been awhile."

"Not really, but.. I can see your point." Strands of rebellious hair were pushed back. "Is outside okay with you?"

"You read my mind," Dawn stated with a smile. "Come on.. Lets go catch up." she linked arms with Lita, the two then making their way outdoors as planned.

"What's this?" Lita smirked, the redheaded Diva leaning against the railing. "I'm surprised you didn't ask for backup or something.."

Dawn crossed her arms loosely over her chest. "What's happened to you? I mean, I see you standing there…but it's not you." Her nose wrinkled slightly, "Seriously Li.. What's going on?"

Lita ducked her head, hands jamming awkwardly into her pockets. "Nothing has changed Dawn. I can honestly tell you, since the last time we've seen each other.. Absolutely nothing has changed."

"That much is obvious," the brunette replied shortly. "But why hasn't anything changed? It's like you're just some shell--"

"Only a shell of what I used to be?" Lita finished dryly, hazel eyes guarded as she lifted her head. "Big deal, that's how it is.. I don't understand why you and Trish can't accept that."

Dawn raised an eyebrow, "Why we can't accept it? Lita, I don't understand how you can accept it." She frowned, "So you made a mistake, big deal.. So you've lost a boyfriend, big deal. Shit happens, move on."

Lita huffed, "Oh that's just the best advice I've heard all year, Dawn.. Really, thank you for that gem."

"It's only advice when it's meant to be taken.." Dawn shook her head, gingerly rubbing her temples. "And somehow, I don't see you taking it."

"Has it occurred to you or Trish, that maybe.. Just maybe, I don't want your advice?" Lita's hands flailed before her. "I am not a child, Dawn. I don't need you to 'mother' me."

"I'm not trying to, Lita." Dawn's tone took a harsh turn. "I'm trying to figure out, just what in the hell happened to one of my closest friends." She inclined her head, "Have you taken a good look in the mirror lately? Do you see what I see?"

The corners of Lita's mouth twitched. "Well, since I can't say 'Mirror, Mirror on the Wall- Dawn Marie please tell all'.." She swept her hair from her face, shoulders squaring then. "Tell me, Dawn.. Just what do you see?"

Dawn's eyes narrowed, "I see someone who used to know how to laugh. Someone who used to know how to cry." The brunette let out a huffy breath, "I see someone who used to know what it was like to be alive." Voice strained, she added: "I see someone who, at one point in time, knew what happiness was like."

The redhead balled her hands into fists, arms hanging limp at her sides. "If you think, that for one fucking minute, I forgot how to feel? You're wrong." Lita's jaw tightened. "I do know how to feel, I do know what it's like… and I'm sick of it." Her shoulders lifted marginally, "I am sick and tired of people telling me I need to just let go and live."

Dawn pinched the bridge of her nose, "Then why don't you do something about it. Prove us wrong, Lita. Show us you're still capable of living and we'll leave you the fuck alone."

Through the floor to ceiling window; Trish, Victoria, Stacy, Nidia and Lillian watched the scene playing outside. Granted yes, they couldn't hear the conversation from this vantage point.. But it was plain to see it was a heated argument. Despite the tense atmosphere surrounding the scene, it brought some relief to the observers. Relief, because, it was the first sign of life they had really seen from the redheaded Diva. She might be pissed off, but it was better than seeing her bland.

And at that point, they would take what they could get.

-x-

When Dawn walked back inside alone, it wasn't a big surprise. And when Lita brushed off anyone who approached her outside, it wasn't a big surprise. Things, perhaps, were back at square one where Lita was concerned.. But, instead of pushing her further into isolation; Dawn, Trish, Stacy, Nidia, Lillian and Victoria backed off. They knew, somehow, Lita would come to them…it would only be a matter of time. Time was the one thing that was stronger then them all.. Time, perhaps, the one thing they all feared. From the former Diva's to the Dr. of Thuganomics, the ring announcer to the third generation wrestler, the Diva trio inside to the Animal and from the very first Undisputed Heavyweight champion to the redheaded Diva standing outside. Time was no one's ally…except maybe that night.

"So.." Chris drew the word out, glancing between Trish and Dawn. "Is she just going to stay out there while the rest of us enjoy the party?"

Trish snorted, blonde locks tossed over her shoulder with a flourish. "Unless you feel like extracting her from that spot? I'd say she is.."

Christian raised an eyebrow from his spot between the two. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"No," Victoria admitted honestly, the raven haired woman currently perched on the arm of the couch. "But, what else can we do?"

Dawn nodded from her spot across from the couch. "The way I see it, we've done all that we can. Honestly, her being here…even if she really didn't have a choice…that's enough for me."

Dave sent a questioning look to the occupants of the couch. "And her standing out there accomplishes what exactly?" He rubbed his forearm, confusion etched on his features. "I thought the main purpose of you girls dragging her here was so she would have a good time."

Victoria shook her head, "Dave.. Honey, you stick to kicking ass in the ring.. Leave the women's logic to us."

Dawn rolled her eyes, "What she means is…yes, part of the purpose of dragging her here was so she would have a good time." The pregnant brunette shrugged, "Obviously that isn't happening.. But we did achieve another purpose."

John huffed, the West Newbury native leaning against the other arm of the couch. "Well if your purpose was to piss her off? You done that.. Shit, that girl almost took my head off earlier."

Trish patted his arm, "Don't take it personally, John.. She's been volatile for weeks now. Today was probably her boiling point though.."

The WWE Champion raised an eyebrow, "An' knowin' this information.. You dragged her ass here anyway? What set her off?"

Victoria let out a patient sigh, "We were all joking around in the locker room.. Like we usually do. I think it was either Maria or Christy who said something about how hard it was…being a Diva."

"To make a long story short," Trish flicked away a piece of lint from John's pants. "Li snapped.. She told them they didn't know a damn thing about how hard it was."

"Which they don't really," Dawn pointed out in Lita's defense. "I'm not saying it's right that she took out her frustration on them but.."

Lillian cleared her throat, the blonde woman seated comfortably on Chris' lap. "When you think about what Lita has gone through.. First the injuries and then well.."

"We know that Lil, but.." The Canadian Diva expelled a short sigh. "She can't keep using that as an excuse for not living."

Randy shook his head, the St. Louis resident between Dave and Dawn. "I don't think she's using that as an excuse, Trish. I mean, you can't sit here and tell me that, when you couldn't wrestle.. You weren't feeling frustrated."

The blonde Diva nodded, "I was feeling frustrated.. I wanted to be in the ring and backstage. It's where I belong."

Randy made an open gesture with his hands, "Then think about how she might feel. Just managing to get that momentum going and it's gone. And not just once, but twice. Sure, one factor was personal and at her own hands.. But it still happened and it apparently had the same effect."

Trish shrugged, "I understand what you're trying to say, Randy.. But, it's killing me seeing her like this. In the years I've known her? I have never seen her exactly like this." She threaded a hand through her hair, "It's like she's going through all the motions of being alive, but she's not alive."

"I might be out of line here, but uh.. Why don't you just let her alone?" Dave rolled his shoulders, glancing idly outside before he turned his attention back. "From the short time I have known Lita and from what I've heard of her? She's always bounced back.. So why should this time be any different?"

Rey nodded, the cruiserweight sharing wall space with Nidia and Eddie. "Li knows that we're here for her, but until she comes to us for help? We shouldn't offer it because we can't expect for her to do that."

"But--"

"Mamacita," Eddie sent Dawn a look, "I know you're worried about Li-Li.. Hell, we all are. But you have to let her be. Trying to force her to come out of that shell? That's only gonna push her further inside."

"I know that," Dawn sighed, twirling a strand of hair around her index finger. "And call me selfish, but I just want her back.."

Christian nodded, "Just give her some more time." With a smirk, he added: "And back off.. I know that's gonna be hard for you two," a pointed look to Trish and Dawn, "But it's what she needs."

At that, both Trish and Dawn silently nodded their consent. Both women knew the risks they had taken by bringing Lita here. They knew there would be a chance that she would get hostile and that she would do her best to isolate herself. Despite that, they wanted to believe it would change.. That she would at least let one wall down. That she would, at least, let them see what she was trying so hard to keep inside. And as they drifted from their spots to the dance floor, eyes lingered to the outside. One person, though, opted not to join the others. Instead, that brave soul, made his way outside.

Dawn and Trish watched on, both wondering if he could do what they could not.