Good Intentions
Disclaimer: Seriously, if I owned the mentioned characters would I be writing fan fiction about them? I didn't think so either.
Spoilers: Nothing that you can't read about on the 'net
Rating: T for language
Pairings: All clear!
Summary: She knew her friends only had good intentions, but why here? Why now.. And why him?
Notes: Well here it is folks, series end! I thank you all for sticking with me on this piece. Your feedback means a great deal to me, and I don't think I will ever be able to say that enough. So, with that said.. I give you one last big thank you from the bottom of my heart. On with the chapter!
Pertinent note- this chapter will be written slightly different.. Same sort of flow, just with a bit more dialogue.
-x-
The line separating fantasy and reality was starting to become hazy, the two realms becoming one at certain points in Lita's clouded mind. Perhaps that was because her mood was finally starting to lighten.. The proverbial weight lifted just slightly from her shoulders. Or perhaps, and more logically, it was because of the still free flowing alcohol. Lowered inhibitions somehow went hand in hand with a blurry mind.. One that was incapable of making conscious decisions. And had it been another night, the redhead wouldn't want things this way. She wouldn't ask for that next shot of chosen liquor thus she wouldn't add to the already thick fog of her jumbled mind. Tonight, however, it seemed okay.
Whether that was because she was with friends or because it was a celebration, she wasn't sure.
Nor was she in the state of coherency to decide and debate over a trivial matter like that. So, instead, she went with the flow.. Passed the bottle when it was deemed necessary and laughed along with the masses. And for the first time in a long time, the smile that alit her face- finally reached her eyes. Had she been aware of that, she would have realized it was another turning point.. Another step forward in this 'new beginning', another sentence in the next chapter in the never ending book of life. But she did not realize it, thus she could not make note of it. Those around her, however, did take note of it.. Those who had kept a watch over her. Some from a distance, safe within shadows and some who had dared to take a closer observation.
Regardless of where they had watched previously, the reactions were the same.
The Lita they had once known, was still alive beneath that shell. The walls she had built around herself, were slowly starting to crumble. Perhaps it would only be one brick at a time.. But some progress was better than no progress at all. They knew this and thus they accepted whatever progress they could get. And perhaps it was the free flowing alcohol that had lead to a slow chip in the wall.. That had allowed for some penetration to the invisible barriers. And maybe she would wake up the next morning, regretting the carefree actions of last night. Of course, that was presuming she would remember this night of drunken festivities. Or if any of them would remember this night, for that matter.
Some would remember everything while others would only remember bits and pieces.
Together they could piece together the blurry parts, re-tell the tale with as much gusto as they had creating it.
But not all stories were meant to be re-told. Some were too precious, while others were too sordid and marred.
The night that this story would create, fell somewhere between the two categories. But that would depend on who the storyteller was. By some accounts, this night could be viewed as one of excess and extremes. A night where the liquor flowed too freely. Where too much guard had been let down and conscious decisions had not been made. But on the other hand, it was a night for letting go.. And in order for that to happen, guard had to be let down. Even if it only meant letting go for this one night, stepping back from reality and into the realm of fantasy. Actions normally not taken, would be taken…the free flowing alcohol used as an excuse.
There always had to be some excuse to justify one's actions. Alcohol just happened to be the pick of the night.
-x-
"They look happy," she commented to the nearest body next to her. "Don't you think?"
"Happiness is relative," his reply rolled off surprisingly not slurred. "We can all say we're happy, even when we aren't."
She nodded, "How's life been treating you?"
He smiled wryly, "Some days you're at the top of the ladder and some days you're at the bottom of the pile."
"I meant in general.." An eyebrow raised, "Still searching for that pot of gold?"
"Are you still chasing dreams?"
"I'll take that as a yes."
His eyes focused solely on the pair in the distance, "I thought you were letting him go."
She swept her hair from her face, her reply coming simply. "I did let him go."
"Then what changed?" He tore his gaze away briefly, "Why do I see this look in your eyes--"
"Like the same look in your eyes?" She finished for him. "I did let him go.. But that doesn't mean that I still don't love him."
His eyes turned back to them, "I don't love her."
She snorted incredulously, "Say that like you mean it and I might believe you."
"I don't," he repeated with more confidence. "I barely know her."
"You will in time," she reasoned logically. "And that's if you don't, already." At his dubious glance, she continued: "Even though you try to deny it, I can see it written on your face."
He rolled his eyes, "Yeah right. I told you already, I barely know her."
She crossed her arms over her chest, "You know her well enough to watch her.. To realize when it's okay to watch her openly and when it's okay to watch her when you think she isn't looking."
"That doesn't mean anything," hands threaded through his hair. "There are plenty of people who watch her."
"Maybe," she conceded with a slight shrug. "But you watch her enough to know her.. Learn what you already don't know." She smiled faintly, "That does amount to something, you know."
He shrugged indifferently, "It really doesn't matter.. And she doesn't have to know."
She shook her head, "It does matter, but it won't mean anything unless you do something about it." Her head inclined, "If you don't say something, then it won't matter."
"Actions speak louder than words."
"Only when you take the actions," she retorted calmly. "And from what I've seen, you've been all talk and no action."
Blue eyes turned back to the speaker, "Then what do you suggest I do? Make some sort of confession?"
Trish shook her head, "I can't tell you what you should and shouldn't do. All I can tell you, is that if you don't do anything? You'll regret it." She rose from the couch, blonde locks tossed over her shoulder. "Don't let life pass you by.. You only live once." Her hazel gaze fell back to the pair in the distance, "That's something I learned from her."
-x-
Lita wasn't quite sure when they left the club.. Nor could she clearly distinguish the bodies surrounding her in the limo. One form, though, was clear.. That of a blonde woman. A blonde woman who had been there for her, through all of the ups and downs. It was inadvertently, that Lita overheard Trish's whispered 'I love you' accompanied by tears. The blonde woman kissing the forehead of the receiver of those sentiments, before her eyes closed. And it was before Lita's eyes closed, before sleep overtook her.. That she was on the receiving end of whispered sentiments. Though she heard no words of love, she heard a voice tell her: she didn't have to be lonely.
The last coherent thought she had… she wished she could believe that.
Loneliness had become her companion.. Something that she shunned and welcomed. A double edged sword. . No pun intended.
She didn't want to be lonely, but she had learned to accept it.
Perhaps, however, things could be different. In time her outlook would change.. The walls she had created would come tumbling down. But, that was presuming there was someone willing to topple those walls.. Willing to break through the remaining barriers that surrounded a broken heart. A heart that had been broken, at her own hands, into pieces that were spread.. Some never to be found. In time, she knew, things would start to make sense again.. The fog would be lifted from the mirror…and perhaps, she wouldn't hate her reflection.
In time, she would laugh and cry again. In time she would love and be loved.
Time heals all wounds, they say.
Even the ones that are self inflicted.
Her own wounds heal and the wounds she had caused would heal.. Eventually. She didn't know when the healing process would take place.. Or perhaps, it was already taking place. Lita wasn't in the exact state of mind to determine that, yet. In the morning, maybe, she could start thinking things over…forming a plan of some sort to piece her life back together. But for now she was content, walking the line between fantasy and reality. She hadn't achieved her desired state of numb, but she had at least achieved a state out of indifference.
That had to count for something, didn't it?
-x-
It took some careful co-ordination on the parts of those who were awake and not so drunk to get the ones who were asleep or painfully drunk out of the limo. The additional problem of who's keycard belonged to which sleeping body complicated the extraction process. Eventually, however, all bodies were taken to one of two hotel suites. It made the most sense for those who had to carry or assist the drunk and sleepy. For people like Trish, not painfully drunk but sleepy.. She was taken to the hotel suite on the right hand side of the hallway; deposited on the sleeper sofa. And for people like Lita, awake but not painfully drunk, she was taken to the hotel suite on the left hand side of the hallway.. The redhead sinking down into the carpeting of the hallway before she moved another inch.
"Did you have to stop here?" He didn't mean to sound agitated, but it was getting late. "If you're going to just--"
"Shut up please," she drew her knees to her chest. "I have a headache and you aren't making it much better."
He shook his head, "Well I can't exactly let you sit out here, you know. It's not safe."
She snorted softly, "I'll be fine on my own, thanks. I don't need anyone to take care of me."
"You don't need anyone to take care of you? Or you don't want anyone to take care of you?"
"Either or.."
He raised an eyebrow, "There is a difference.. Saying you don't need anyone to take care of you, means people might leave you alone. Saying you don't want--"
She regarded him coolly, "Didn't I ask you to shut up? I do recall saying please, you know.. The supposed magic word."
"Come on," he hooked his arms under hers. "I don't feel like standing here, so you're not sitting here."
"I already told you, I don't need anyone to take care of me." She continued to protest as he 'helped' her to her feet. "Why can't you just leave me alone?"
He shrugged, "Because no one else is awake."
She rolled her eyes, "So? Why don't you leave me alone and go to sleep."
"Who would you talk to then?" His hands drew back from her elbows, lingering long enough to leave a fleeting touch. "You don't look very tired to me."
"I thought I'd try the mirror again." Her arms wrapped around herself in a protective manner, she taking a step back. "It's become a habit of mine.. Maybe tonight it won't be so painful."
He inclined his head, "You can talk to me.."
She shook her head, "I appreciate it, but no thanks."
"Why do you always shut people out?"
"Why are you asking so many questions?"
He smirked slightly, "For the record.. I've only asked five. " Arms crossed over his chest, "If you can answer one of them, I'll leave you alone."
She let out an agitated sigh, "Have it your way then." The wall supported most of her weight, "Which question do you want answered?"
"Why are you always shutting people out?" He mirrored her stance, keeping some space between them. "I mean, tonight has been one of the few times I've seen you this…free."
"The less people I let in, the less people I hurt." Her head ducked, red locks curtaining her face. "The less people that get close to me, the less people I have to lose."
His head shook, an eyebrow raising at the Diva beside him. "That won't always happen.. You can't base the future on the past."
Her head raised, a defiant glint in her hazel eyes. "But there's always a chance that it will happen. And the best way to learn, is from the past."
"I always thought you were about living for the moment." He tried to keep the disappointment from his voice. "What happened to you?"
"Times change, people change." She replied mechanically, her form slumping further against the wall. "It's as simple as that."
He moved so he was standing in front of her, "So who's to say things won't change again? For the better, this time."
She eyed him carefully, slumping further until she was sitting on the floor. "I never said that couldn't happen."
"You don't have to be lonely."
"Maybe I want to be."
A finger hooked under her chin, "I don't believe you."
She held his unwavering gaze, "I never asked you to."
Lita shied away from his touch, the blue eyed man taking the hint soon enough.
"I don't need your help." She rested her cheek on her knees, averting her eyes from him. "I didn't ask for your help."
"I'm not offering any help." He moved again, so he was sitting next to her. "I doubt you'd take it anyway."
She snorted in disbelief, "Then why are you still out here, huh? Why couldn't you just leave me alone?"
He shrugged, though she couldn't see it. "Because I wanted to be.. And I couldn't leave you alone, this time."
"This time," she echoed quietly. "Have you been stalking me or something?"
"Or something," he replied with a hint of amusement. "I know you don't appreciate people watching your every move."
She laughed dryly. "Then I sure picked the wrong profession, didn't I? In the public eye.. Under the microscope. On display for the world to watch and criticize." A heavy sigh escaped her, "I'm tired of being watched."
He eyed her curiously, "Tired of being watched or tired of being criticized?"
"They seem to go hand in hand, lately." She rested her chin on her knees. "Like people are just waiting for me to make another mistake."
"That isn't the case with everyone." He told her truthfully, eyes gazing forwards. "You probably just don't notice."
She glanced sideways a moment, "Probably not.." Hazel eyes held blue, "It's hard to notice things, when life becomes one big blur."
He almost smiled, "Then take a step back." This time he did smile. "Start living again.. Like you used to."
"I forgot how."
"I'll help you remember."
"I didn't ask for your help," she reminded him tersely. "I don't need your help."
"I'm offering it anyway," he shrugged his shoulders. "On your terms, not mine."
She eyed him cautiously, "What do you mean by that?"
A hand reached out, fingertips just brushing her cheek. "When you need me, I'll be here."
"You don't have to do that," she buried her face in her hands. "I don't want you to do that.."
"What if I want to?" He pried her hands away. "Then what?"
She sucked in a sharp breath, the look in his eyes.. So open and honest.. "Why?" Her tone was almost accusing. "Why are you doing this, when you don't have to?"
He blinked, "Why does it really matter? I told you already, I want to do this."
"Everyone always has a reason," she turned her gaze away from him, "there's always a catch."
"There is no catch," he waited until her eyes met his, "why can't you believe me?"
She shook her head, her gaze turning away once more. "I'd only hurt you.. And you barely know me."
He cupped her cheek in his hand, turning her face towards his. "You won't find out, unless you take a chance." A strand of red hair was caught between his fingertips, "Are you willing to take it?"
"I'm damaged," she stated in a last ditch effort. "Broken, probably beyond repair."
"That doesn't answer my question," unconsciously, he licked his lips. "So, what do you say?"
She tried to smile, but came up short. "I say you're crazy.."
He smiled crookedly, "You still haven't answered my question."
"You've reached your limit.." Her eyes closed purposefully, though she could still feel his burning gaze. "I'm under no obligation to answer your question."
"You're right.. You don't have to answer my question." Boldly, he kissed the corner of her mouth. "But I have all night to wait for an answer."
-x-
Lita opened her eyes with a start, hazel orbs meeting blue. Her forehead etched in confusion, the redheaded Diva trying to decipher the clear cut honesty, the uncharacteristic warmth and the multitude of other emotions that cerulean gaze held. Her mouth suddenly felt dry, her throat parched. In the span of five seconds, he had rendered her speechless, with a kiss that wasn't quite a kiss. She squeezed her eyes shut, hands flying to her face, attempting to block out the voices ringing in her mind. The insults from the fans, words of encouragement from her friends…and him telling her, she didn't have to be lonely. Things were less complicated before he had told her that. Before had renewed some of the hope that she had lost. Damn him. She counted to ten, backwards in her mind, releasing another breath before her eyes opened once more.
"Why did you do that?"
"Because I wanted to."
She smiled half heartedly, "You deserve better.. Someone who isn't me."
He smiled fully, "I know what I want.."
"I'll only end up hurting you."
"Then it's a risk, I take."
Her eyes closed again, "Why?"
His mouth lingered near her ear, "Because I love you."
"You can't possibly mean that."
"But, I do."
Her fingertips just grazed his cheek. "You deserve someone who can make you happy.. I can't do that, right now."
He shook his head, "I already told you, I know what I want.. And you deserve to be happy, too."
"I still need time.."
"Then let me help you.."
"I don't--"
"Let me love you."
"You can't--"
"But, I do."
He held her questioning gaze, the pad of his thumb brushing against her jaw line. His eyes tried to tell her, convince her that, what he was saying was true.
"I've forgotten so much.."
"I'll help you remember."
An arm wrapped around her shoulders, drawing her closer still to his form. A kiss was pressed to her forehead.
She leaned into his one armed embrace, "Help me remember… don't let me forget."
He squeezed her shoulder, "I can do that."
Lita pulled away just enough, eyeing him curiously. "Do you think we can make this work?"
Randy nodded with his usual self assurance, "Of course we can make this work."
She cupped his face with her hand, the corners of her mouth lifting into a tiny smile. He ran his free hand through her hair, the distance between them growing smaller by the second. His lips met hers, hesitantly at first, her hands soon clasping at the back of his neck. The door across from them opened, Trish standing in the doorway a moment. A soft smile alit her face, strong arms banding around her waist from behind. John whispered 'I love you' before they stepped back into the hotel suite.
Her friend's good intentions, had lead Lita to this moment.. Before she had cursed them.. Now, she could thank them.
-FIN-
So, in all honesty.. I was undecided pretty much up until the last paragraph there. I'm sorry if I disappointed anyone with the ending, but if you don't like the outcome, just switch around the names. I thank you in advance if you leave a review!