Old Kai: "Wake up you lazy Saiyans! This is no time to sleep in!"
Edd: "Sleep in? It's not even 4:00."
Eddy sat up; eyes still closed, and began walking as if he was in his house, turning on corners. Eddy opened his eyes and glanced at everyone he passed. He stopped by the Supreme Kai and elder Kai.
Eddy: "Hey granddad. Stop for a visit? Hey, I thought you saw a plastic surgeon for that face?"
Old Kai: "I BEG YOUR PARDON!"
Eddy: "Hi Mom, what's for breakfast?"
Kibitoshin: "Um, we don't often get food here."
Eddy continued to walk straight off a cliff.
Eddy: "I'll just skip it then. I'm going out with the guys, see ya. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"
As soon as he walked off the edge, he opened and closed an invisible door, and fell into a large pond.
Old Kai: "Did I perhaps mention that Saiyans aren't the smartest bunch either?"
They walked around to the pond that Eddy had fallen into. Eddy was upside down with his face stuck in the mud. Ed pulled him up effortlessly. Eddy had a bemused, vacant look on his face.
Ed: "Ooh, ooh! I've seen this before Double D!"
Edd: "Yes you have Ed, he's passed out."
Ed: "Then I will pass him in! Go long Double D!"
Ed flew into the air and tossed Eddy at the ground. Edd ran around in frantic circles trying to catch Eddy.
Edd: "That's not quite what I meant Ed! Oh dear, oh dear!"
Just then the elder Kai lost patients and yelled at the top of his lungs.
Old Kai: "ARE WE FINISHED HERE! YOU SAIYANS NEVER TAKE ANYTHING SERIOUSLY! IF I HADN'T INTERVENED, YOU'D BE AT THIS FOR HOURS ON END!"
Edd and Ed stopped in their tracks. Eddy, (still unconscious) fell to the floor and made a 5 foot wide crater where he landed.
Edd: "Heavens!"
Ed: "Nice lungs there comrade!"
Eddy: "What happened?"
Eddy had awoken from his forty winks.
Old Kai: "Now if you're all through fooling around, it's time for us to explain the provisions to crush Max Payne."
Kibitoshin: "Do you remember me telling you that Payne has gained the ability of Super Saiyan? Well, Payne has much more skill in fighting than you do, not to mention his devastating level of power. Therefore, it is vital that you too become Super Saiyans so that he doesn't have a chance. But even with extraordinary power, there is always a great threat to your efforts. I've seen people facing adversaries nearly ten times stronger than themselves and come out victorious. Usually it is cunning and not brute strength that will win the day. The warrior Goku, an ancestor of yours, fought the monster Omega Shenron on Earth. He was several times stronger than Goku, and he was as clever as they come. Goku didn't beat him by weakening him and blasting him to oblivion with one last punch. He had to call on the power of his spirit bomb technique to defeat Omega Shenron, even when he was at full strength. Even when someone is weakened to the point of death, they are capable of turning the tables in their favor. Max Payne is a maniac, but he is also very clever. Showing him mercy will only be giving him time to think of a plan that could end it all. Payne will not hesitate to destroy the entire planet in one blast if he feels that you are too strong for him. This is a common trump card. He would know that he couldn't win, so he would rather keep his pride and make sure that if he can't win, neither will anyone else.
The Kibitoshin's speech had ended, and the Ed's had hung on to his words.
Kibitoshin: "Now, to wake up the power of Super Saiyan, you must train to extreme extents, to the point that you're emotions confuse and disturb you. That is the path I know, but it is up to you to actually perform the task. I have thought of a decent training exercise that just might do the trick. Do you see that moon up there? The blue one at the very top?"
Everyone looked up at a sky blue moon hovering among the other small moons orbiting the planet.
Kibitoshin: "That moon is very special. We use it to train only the most necessary of warriors. It is made entirely of tonnine, the heaviest substance in the known Universe. The planet is only the size of a large house, but its gravity could flatten diamonds in a matter of minutes. You must go there and resist the planets gravity. I warn you, you will not be capable of escape until you reach the level of Super Saiyan. Until then, you will be trapped. At your strength, you would never be able to come back. If you are ready to begin, then fly up to the planet and land there. Try everything you can to escape. Because you do not need food or water, you can stay as long as necessary to complete your training. Remember that blasting the planet will not do you any good. The planets weight will cause it to reform after it has exploded, and you will not have time to escape before its whole again."
Old Kai: "I think they get the picture. Now get up there and don't pull a muscle. That'll ruin everything."
Ed: "I am a flying Gila monster from Vega seven!"
Ed flew straight at the planet. Edd and Eddy followed.
Edd: "Ed wait, for us!"
Old Kai: "Are you sure these are the best you could find? Don't seem too bright to me."
Kibitoshin: "There's no time left. There are plenty of above normal humans we could use, but not one can stand toe to toe with a Super Saiyan, even with decades of training. They're our last hope."
As soon as Ed got within 300 yards of the planet, he began to nosedive at mach 4.
Ed: "Ha heh ha!"
The others couldn't stop before they were pulled in too.
Edd: "OH MY!"
Eddy: "WHAT THE!"
All three of them hit the planet so hard that it dented, but it reformed into a perfect sphere as if it were made of impenetrable Jell-O.
Edd: "WAHAHEE!"
Ed: "YAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"
Eddy: "(dazed, and absent minded) Hey Double D, my life's flashing before my eyes and I can't change the channel. Can you find the remote?"
Edd: "(Straining) The gravity of this moon must be equivalent to our entire solar system combined!"
Ed: "I can't feel my legs Double D."
Eddy: "How the heck are we gonna move!"
Edd: "We'll just take it one step at a time, let's try getting up."
The Ed's worked on standing for three long hours, and at last stood firmly on the hard earth. Then they begin trying to jump, continually falling.
Eddy: "It's hopeless! We're never getting outta here!"
Edd: "Let's try energy, we may not destroy the planet, but we might be able to ride the beams out of the gravity field."
They all fired their beams at full strength at the moon. The beams all put holes in the planetoid, like the holes in Swiss cheese. They all flew upward ten feet, and remained at a standstill on their beams. Then the planet reformed again, and they all fell like lead weights to the floor.
Eddy: "Any more bright ideas Rembrandt?"
Edd: "If we continue on this way, we might gain the strength to escape. Be patient Eddy this can work."
The Ed's persisted at this process without relent. For hours they continue, leaving scars and bruises all over their bodies. They tired and worn, but they don't stop. Another day passed.
The Ed's all began thinking of their homes, friends (though not many), family, and the fair town of Peach Creek, blasted to oblivion in their minds. But they felt like avenging them all was just out of their reach, taunting them like a heavily desired object on a string held by a man older than them, but younger than a high school senior.
Edd: "All those people, harmless citizens that he has slain!"
Eddy: "That guy blew up banks, with money, and he didn't even take it! HE BLEW IT UP!"
Ed: "MY MONSTER TV STATION BLEW TO SMITHEREENS HE DID!"
Electricity flowed through the air, and the Ed's angry and focused began to stare purposely at the floor, arms at their sides. The Kai's on the sacred planet looked with eagerness.
Old Kai: "What are they doing? Have they given up?"
Kibitoshin: "No, this is it! They've been pushed to the edge!"
There is silence for five more seconds.
Ed, Edd n' Eddy: "HaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
The moon beneath them exploded completely, and this time, it was gone for good. Though mostly bald, great tendrils of yellow hair sprouted from their heads, while their eyes burned solid turquoise. The Ed's had done it…
Edd: "Payne, we swear you'll pay for every soul you've claimed…"