Zomg Loz killed Kadaj.jpg
by Wusai
Author's Notes: So yeah. This idea just came to me in a cutesy little plot bunny. Enjoy.
The sky was just about as blue as it could get without becoming a shade of highlighter. A few puffy white clouds drifted by lazily; a breeze ruffled through Yazoo's long, silver hair. He idly browsed through the pictures on his cell phone as he sat on a grassy hill, waiting for the others. He glanced at the hundreds of pictures, passed one, then browsed back and looked at the picture.
He smiled a small smile at the memory.
-:-
Kadaj, Yazoo, and Loz were strolling through Edge. Yazoo and Loz looked at the dusty windows of the shops, bored, as Kadaj muttered in the background.
"Why don't any of these shops have Materia Pro-G shampoo? That's the only one that can make my hair look all perfect and nice. I'm almost out! And then I'll have to run around with frizzy hair! And people won't be intimidated by me!"
Loz coughed softly. Apparently, Kadaj did not realize that he was thinking aloud. Kadaj turned and glared at Loz.
"Are you laughing at me?" he said coolly, masking the venom in his voice. He smiled when Loz shook his head 'no.' "That's right." He turned and resumed looking at the shopping windows, then paused and took out his water bottle and took a quick drink, then put it back into his coat. Loz looked at his little brother, then noticed that some of his hair was sticking up in the back, almost like a cowlick. He snickered, then hurridly covered his mouth to try to muffle it when Kadaj spun around. For whatever odd reason, a faint blush colored his cheeks. Kadaj's eyes narrowed even more than they were before, something that few can pull off correctly and still look intimidating (many just look as if they need a strong pair of eyeglasses).
"You wanna mess?" Kadaj screamed, and Loz blinked, startled by the sudden change in personality. He caught a whiff of something strong on Kadaj's breath. He looked up over Kadaj's shoulder and saw Yazoo smiling mischeviously, holding up a small bottle labeled 'VODKA'. He pointed with his other hand to the small lump in Kadaj's coat, where he had concealed his bottle of water, as he strongly believed that he would not be as intimidating had his opponent or victim seen a bottle of Materiahead water, from the purest snow of the purest mountains, with its mascot of a giant happy face. And he honestly believed that he would be much less intimidating if he stopped during the middle of a battle to drink some water.
Kadaj lurched precariously at Loz, swung at him, and stumbled when Loz easily dodged the blow, an amused look on his face. Kadaj ran into a little boy, then righted himself; the boy fell and scraped his knee, and started crying.
"Hush!" said his mother, who'd turned back to see what the commotion was about. "Big boys don't cry."
"But mom," said the boy, "I'm not a big boy! I'm still only six!"
Loz froze. Mom, the boy had called her. She was his mother. His mother . . . Suddenly, he found the tears pouring down his face as he remembered their mission, and as he felt the pangs in his heart, the urgency of his need to meet Mother, an urgency akin to the desperate need to find a bathroom nearby when one's bladder is stretched to the limit. He sobbed openly as Yazoo rolled his eyes as he hoisted Kadaj back up to a standing position.
"M-o-o-o-m!" whined the boy, tugging at her sleeve and pointing at Loz. "How come he gets to cry?"
The boy's mom looked coldly at Loz. She turned her nose up to the air and held the boy's hand. "Come on, Jason. We shouldn't stay here with these bad people. They obviously have problems. Look at them: they look only twenty, yet they have gray hair already! And that big, blubbering man is obviously gay."
"Mommy? What's 'gay'?"
"'Gay'," said the mom as they walked away, "is when two men make God cry."
"So how come God gets to cry?"
"Shh. Hurry up. You're too slow."
Kadaj looked up at Loz. "Shut up, ya damn hooker," he grumbled, words slurred. "I hate it when ya cry."
Loz sniffled.
"Hooker," Kadaj repeated seriously for emphasis. Yazoo had an expression on his face as if he were trying very, very hard not to laugh.
Loz sniffled again as a couple more tears rolled down his cheeks.
"Hooker!" Kadaj screamed. He broke away from Yazoo and lunged at Loz, who dodged again. This time, Kadaj fell flat on his face. Yazoo snorted and took a couple steps back. He whipped out his cell phone and took a picture.
-:-
Yazoo grinned.
"Zomg Loz killed Kadaj.jpg," he read aloud.
"What?"
Yazoo turned. "Hey, Loz. Where's Kadaj?"
"He's coming now."
And sure enough, Kadaj appeared over the curve of the hill. He frowned when he saw Yazoo sitting, and Loz just standing there. He sighed.
"Come on. We have no time to waste. We have to find Mother," Kadaj said simply.
"Mother . . . " Loz sighed, eyes shining.
"Don't you dare start crying," Kadaj growled.
"Yeah, you hooker," Yazoo said, smiling.
— fin —
Author's Notes: Comments and constructive criticism are always welcome, especially about the characterization and the plot (or lack thereof). Thanks for reading!