Time to say Goodbye
Disclaimer: Yes we own no turtles; we own no karate type adolescent turtles today.
Chapter Two: Grieving
Sara entered the lair and was amazed at the silence of the place; there was no television or blaring music, no sounds of a work out coming from the dojo. If anything there was a deep and deafening silence that filled their home.
Sara headed into the living room and saw Karena sitting beside Raph, she was holding one of his hands in hers, but Raph seemed to be miles away by now. She winced inwardly as she saw the blank, stunned look in his eyes.
" Karena let me take over, I'm sure you have your own to see to" Sara remarked briskly as she strode forward, " Thanks for keeping him here."
" Ha, you know as well as I do he only stayed here because he couldn't leave Sara" Karena replied as she took a deep steadying breath, she sniffed a bit and dabbed at her reddened eyes with a tissue.
Still Karena rose and decided to check on the others, she had yet to see any of them emerge from Splinter's room, though with them all being ninja they could have slipped out silently and no one would know the difference, especially as she had been preoccupied with her brother in law.
So she headed down the hall towards Splinter's bedroom leaving Sara to deal with her own mate.
Sara, glanced tenderly at Raph, " Hard day at the office huh?" she murmured, " I feel for you Raph. I really do hon." She murmured tenderly.
Raph slowly raised his head he swallowed hard and gave her a blank look as if he didn't even know who she was. A sneer crossed his face and his hands clenched into tight fists.
Sara nodded as if she understood " You spent all your life protecting your family Raph. You would gladly give your life to save any one of them, but there was nothing you could do to save Splinter." She began softly.
He narrowed his eyes at her, his lip starting to curl slightly.
" You didn't fail Raph." Sara insisted gently.
" I couldn't stay…I couldn't …" Raph choked out.
" You cared for him, you loved him. The hardest thing to do is to be with one you love when they die" Sara stated as she reached out to rest one hand on Raph's leg the other hand reached for one of his. " You have never had to lose anyone you loved so much until now. As the executioner your anger and your desire to protect those you love assist you in doing the heinous task." Sara pointed out, " But to sit by and watch someone you care about pass from life to death, and know that there is nothing in the world you can do to prevent it is something else Raphael."
" The others could stay, even Mike" Raph muttered.
" That doesn't mean they loved him more or you loved him less" Sara insisted firmly as she reached out to touch her husband's face, " Splinter knew how you felt about him. He knew all of you loved him."
" If that was true he should have stayed," Raph snarled suddenly.
Sara shook her head " Is that what you wanted, seeing the once, proud noble person who was your father reduced to a skeleton of his former self? You wouldn't be that cruel to him, as to place your own needs above his?" Sara declared she smiled, " Look you aren't alone Raph. It hurts and it isn't easy but it will get better, I promise."
Raph glanced away as he pulled a sai from his belt, staring at the television, which was as blank and empty as his heart felt.
Sara sighed. " Don has enough to do without having to fix another television Raphael" She informed him, " Besides it won't make anything better and it won't change anything."
" What do you want, fer me ta count ma blessins?" Raph wondered.
" Well it might be better then damaging items, besides you are far too old to be having temper tantrums, even Kaida has out grown hers." Sara replied.
" Wait till her teens I'm sure they'll re-emerge" Raph retorted sharply. He positioned the weapon for throwing.
Sara shifted getting between the sai and the television "No!" she ordered. " If you want to fight or spar. Or throw things for the sake of working out that rage that is all fine but you are going set an example for your daughters." Sara commanded.
" All right" Raph relented reluctantly, as he tucked his sai away.
" Good, now lets go talk privately huh?" Sara coaxed hoping to get him away from any object he might want to destroy just for the simple sake of doing so.
Raph rose to his feet and took her hand, she smiled inwardly with relief, and then moving at the lightning quick speed the ninja were known for, Raph sent a sai flying into the television.
She gave her mate a hard stony stare, and forced herself to swallow the angry words that threatened to spew from her mouth, about his childish attitude and behaviour among other things. However she knew such words would not be well received, so instead she just smirked and asked, " Feel any better?" in a cynical tone.
Raph gave a tentative smile " Actually I do."
….
Karena tapped lightly on Splinter's door and heard a strange husky tone inform her to come in.
She slipped silently into the darkened room, noting that Don, Mike and Rama were no longer there, but Leo sat in the shadows of the room, only a single candle burned to cast a dim light, staring at the still form in the bed as if willing it to rise up and talk.
Karena gazed at the still, huddled form. The eyes were still open but there was no light in the cloudy orbs; that had once been dark. She reached her hand over and touched the eyes closing the lids, the body was still warm, but anything that was once, or might have been Splinter was now gone.
She recalled how Splinter had been when she had first seen him, wise and gentle, compassionate and just starting to slow down and show his age. The stroke had taken a great deal out of the ninja Master, he who had some problems recalling certain things due to senility, could no longer speak or think as he once had after the stroke. He hardly ate anything and his fur coat had grown thin and grey. There were great patches where there was no hair at all.
' For the first time in ages, he looks at peace' Karena mused softly, ' Now if only the rest of us can find the peace we need to move on.'
Leo turned to look at his wife he sighed a bit and shook his head. " I know I should be doing something but…"
" When you are ready Leo. I know he meant a great deal to you." Karena spoke in a low voice just above a whisper. " He was far more then a father, to all of you, for so many years, but I know you were extremely close to him."
" It couldn't be helped for years, I was trained by him to be the leader, to be jonin in his place. I learned to be a rock for my brothers, but I could tell him almost anything about my fears, my doubts. He was always able to help me. Now I am …" Leo paused and bowed his head, " Not exactly alone, I know I have my family, and thank gods I have you Karena" Leo continued, " But it has all changed now too."
Karena nodded agreement as she moved over to rest her hands on her husband's shoulders beginning to massage them " Before every one knew they had the old Jonin to help, even if his mind wasn't quite up to the task they still had him, they could believe life could go on like that. Now it is all in your hands Leo."
Leo gave a grim reflective smile " I don't know if I am up to it."
Karena nodded " Have faith in yourself Leo." She replied, " After all you have done the leading for years and haven't let any of your family down. He trained you too well, but there is one thing you need to do Leo."
Leo gave her a blank look not understanding her.
" You need to let yourself have release too, only by doing so can you then move on." Karena urged.
" I can't it's not there." Leo insisted.
" It is you just don't want to let it go, and you have to Leo." Karena corrected. She knew she might have to dredge it from him and if it became necessary she would, right now he was in shock. Still she decided to try for she felt it wasn't that far from the surface, she knew when her husband was holding back.
Also Karena was aware that Leo, her husband would not cry in front of his brothers, not yet for he had been taught to be strong for them, but she did not need his strength, at least not in this instance or in this way.
" What do you think, is your favourite memory of him?" She inquired sweetly, knowing such words would produce a flood of memories and that combined with the recent loss ought to be enough.
Leo looked towards her took a breath and he shook slightly, he swallowed hard.
" It's all right Leo, let it out. I know he told you all not to cry but some tears are allowed." Karena urged as she came around to hug her mate.
Leo slumped in her arms and let loose the tears he had been holding back as he almost crushed Karena up against him.
Karena did not protest his hold, only held him close and kissed him, murmuring gentle words of compassion and sincerity.
When Leo had cried himself out she smiled and gave her husband one last kiss, " You stay here until your ready. I'll make sure we have things organized."
Leo took her hand in his giving it a squeeze " Karena you have to do your own grieving, you knew him as well."
Karena sighed, " Not as well as any of you did. I'm hurting too but I hurt more for you, and your brothers." She replied honestly before slipping out the door.
Some time after Splinter's stroke, Leo had set up a plan to be put into effect, to move the entire family out to the farm, for burying the Master when the time came. Now that it had arrived all that was necessary was to make a few phone calls.
The small farm house would not hold the entire turtle family, not by any stretch of the imagination, but between the house, and the old barn their ought to be sufficient room for all of them to sleep, besides during the day the entire family spent as much time as possible outside.
…
Don stared at the blank computer screen, it was late at night and yet he could not go to bed, not yet his mind was still too full of thoughts of Splinter, his heart was still full of pain. He wasn't really concentrating on any work; his mind at the moment was useless, refusing to focus on anything but Splinter.
Jennifer had sent the few children who were awake off to the playground for a bit Abby who was by now twelve years old and nearing her thirteenth birthday all too quickly was not one to wake easily.
Jennifer was sure the child could sleep through a bomb going off.
She made some tea and headed towards the lab, where she and her husband spent a great deal of their time together working on computer programs, and discussing certain electronics.
She found Don, as she expected sitting in his computer chair twirling a pencil absently around his fingers.
She smiled tenderly as she thought of all he meant to her, and she sighed softly as she knew well the pain he was going through.
Don turned suddenly and gave an embarrassed quirk of a smile then ducked away as if not wanting to show his tear stained face, or wet bandanna, Jen found those things even more enduring.
Don was a very simple fellow, gentle and kind but so wise but a heart that was giving and fair. Yet she knew her husband could become angry or indignant, it just took a lot more to stir him up then it did Raph.
She walked over and offered him the tea " Care for some?"
" I guess, thanks." Don mumbled. " I know that it was for the best. I keep telling myself that but it doesn't seem to help."
" It will help eventually, because you know you are right. You know that Splinter is no longer hurting or suffering. You, as Splinter's doctor saw what it took from him, far more then the others did, except maybe for Leo." Jen quickly amended.
" I didn't want to see him like that Jen, but I didn't want to lose him either." Don choked up slightly and he glanced away as he fought for control, " I know it couldn't be both ways, but I wanted the chance to have it nonetheless."
" Right now that is how you feel and there is nothing wrong with it, but you can't divorce that logical part of you, the one that reminds you, that Splinter's passing was a blessing not a crime" Jen insisted. " That his death was freeing. He was old he lived his life; he enjoyed it and had so much. It was his time Don."
Don nodded he knew what his wife said was true, it echoed and resonated in him but still some part of him wanted to scream and reject it.
He reached out and took her hand, saying nothing and yet everything as he looked into her dark brown eyes. Don was grateful that he had her, it wasn't the first time he had appreciated having Jen in his life, and most definitely it wouldn't be the last. However it was a strong reminder of all she had come to mean to him at this time.
Mostly, Don knew that he didn't have to be alone now. That knowledge now was the greatest, most valuable thing for him.
He smiled " Our meeting was truly serendipitous."
Jen smiled lightly in return, " That was truly lucky for both of us."
….
Mike, Cathy and Rama had all decided tospend time in the playground where the children had gathered after being woken up.None of them were too surprised to see most of the children's sleep had been disturbed by one means or another. Children, especially young ones were highly perceptive to moods and changes in their world, and these children were of course all ninja or ninja in training, which meant their senses, were probably a little more in tune then normal. Though they were also aware that a few might have been woken up by their siblings.
Tiffany, Leo's youngest at five years was busy playing Tyler.
Kaida, Raph's youngest sat whispering with Jacob Don and Jennifer's youngest, and her sparring partner in the dojo. They were the same age though Kaida was older then Jacob by about six months.
Aiden leaned in the doorway of the playground an indifferent look on the boy's face " What does it matter, so what the Master is gone, isn't it better that way?"
Mike turned and glared hard at the boy " Look Aiden I know you didn't care for Splinter calling you Leo all the time but show some respect" Mike growled. " It wasn't exactly, like he did it to tick you off. Besides your father won't be interested in having any of your attitude boy, so curb it at least until after the funeral."
Aiden smirked a bit " Oh come on Uncle Mike, you won't do anything about it."
" Don't count on it boy" Mike warned sharply.
Aiden was about to say something but Rama walked towards him " If you do not wish to respect the Master's memory at least honour and respect those who do Aiden. I am sure Kaliann would not want to hear you speak that way of the Master."
Aiden bowed his head his shoulders slumped "Yeah, guess I better go talk to sis." He muttered.
" It would be nice Aiden." Rama agreed.
" Your wrong about one thing though Ramiela. My dad is the Master now and I guess that means you are full chunin huh?" Aiden asked.
Rama nodded " Yes, you are right," she smirked a little, " It also means you and Kaliann must truly start working on your studies to be my second" she announced.
Aiden blanched a bit and scooted away.
Jacob looked up " Sensei Ramiela is, he really gone?" the boy wondered, he had a very human look to him, dark skin, dark hair and eyes of a human, a full human face, but he still had a shell like the rest of the hybrid children.
Rama sighed, " I'm afraid he is. But I am sure if he were here he would say that, he would never truly leave us. For we are a part of him and long as we remember him we will never truly forget him." She choked out as a single tear trickled down her cheek.
She glanced up to see her step mom talking quietly with Mike and the two of them leaving, she knew that Cathy would help her dad get over the newfound ache in his heart.
She looked at the children " Come now it is very early in the morning and I think we all could use some sleep."
Rama sniffed a bit wishing for a moment to be with Devon, to find comfort and assurance in his arms, just as she knew her father and Uncles were turning to their wives in their time of hurt.
She longed to be with Devon, but she knew her family needed her right now, so she couldn't leave. Still perhaps when this was all over she could escape to the freedom of Devon's world where she could relax and enjoy her life for a time.
She could show Devon how to teleport and then they could often be together, right now with so much topsy turvy in her world she needed to know that something would work out the way it should.
So her thoughts and mind was on Devon, if only so she wouldn't have to think of what she had lost here and now.
TBC
Lunar Ninja: I said I posses I didn't say I owned. Perhaps it is the other way around and they possess me. We all have a little bad guy in all of us, that is how we can torture the good guys so. A gratitude for your insight.
Chibi Rose Angel: Ah well maybe another time I will have you crying after all the angst roller coaster isn't over yet. A gratitude for your insight.
Gemdrive: For someone who is speechless you at least are not at a loss for words. Thanks ever so much for your kind words. Seem you remember how to review remarkably well. A gratitude for your insight.
Reinbeauchaser: Wow! A novel of a review that one. It is one thing killing someone who has tried to hurt those you love, it is another to do nothing while one you love passes. I have heard many stories of people who have passed moments after seeing someone they wished to see, as if they hold out for that one thing. As for Karena her confidence comes from the fact she knows Raph won't hurt her, he has far too much respect for her. Yes I did shed a few tears in writing it. A gratitude for your insight.
Jessiy: Yes it will be hard on the family. I refuse to tell who the second one is or how it happens. It would spoil all my fun! A gratitude for your insight.
Digimon Girl: Glad to hear you enjoyed it so. A gratitude for your insight.
Pretender Fanatic: Moving moments like plot bunnies need to be caught while you can, otherwise they get away. Having wives and children are going help the boys to some extent. A gratitude for your insight.
Rat Queen Valarian: You know your movies well. I have heard rumours there will be a new turtle movie in 2007 or something like that. A gratitude for your insight.
Lenni: Oh thank you! I haven't been called evil for a long time. I won't say it is Raph, but on the other hand I won't say that it isn't Raph. Only time will tell. A gratitude for your insight.