(A/N: YO! I'm BAAAAAAAACK! In this chapter...NOPE! Not givin' away nothin! HEE HEE! OOOO! How I love the power! Read on!)
Naraku was pissed. Verrrrrrry pissed. In fact , let me put his pissed off-ed-ness into terms you can understand: he was like a PMS-ing sixteen year-old who just ran out of tampons, can't find any Midol, while men are in the room, making fun of her weight and there's a world wide chocolate and potato chip shortage: THAT'S how pissed he is.
It had been over a month since he had last seen the Shichinintai and he had had enough.
"Kagura! Kanna!" he called angrily. The two detachments appeared at his side. "Kanna! Show me the Shichinintai." he snarled. Kanna's mirror glowed and an image appeared. "Wuh-WHAT THE--!" Naraku sputtered as Kagura shrieked with laughter.
Bankotsu was in a sparkly pink dress, his hair was in ringlets and a tiara was on his head. In his hand was Banryuu and he was dancing around in a circle on his tiptoes, singing, "I'm a pretty princess!" Jakotsu was sobbing with joy, "I HAVE---HAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIR!" he smooshed his nose in the long black locks and sobbed hysterically. Renkotsu rocked back and forth, looking very disturbed, "She's gonna get me….she's gonna get me...Britney Spears…gonna get me…" Ginkotsu was wearing a flower circlet on his head and a another around his neck, his eyes were happy horseshoes and he was surrounded by little baby animals, "Gesh! Geshgesh…Gesh!" Suikotsu was eating a great deal of a substance Naraku had never seen before then three voices, two female, one male sang loudly, "I scream! You scream!" then Suikotsu joined them, "WE ALL SCREAM FOR ICE CREAM! YAHAHAHAHA!"
A woman with short bright red hair appeared, followed by a girl of sixteen with long reddish-brown tresses and a boy of sixteen with shoulder length crimson locks, obviously the girl's twin. Naraku had seen enough and told Kanna so. Kagura was on the floor, writhing with laughter, when Naraku lifted her up with a tentacle and said coolly, "You and Kanna shall accompany me to retrieve our wayward men." Kagura sighed, "Yes, Naraku…sama." Kanna merely nodded.
Kikyo was walking along, her usual stoic expression, the soul collectors in tow, when she noticed the dark miasma. "Naraku? He's on the move! But why?" she wondered, rushing after him.
Naraku, Kagura and Kanna stopped in front of the dry well, Kikyo hot on their heels. "Their energy disappears here." he mused, "In we go." leaping into the well.
Kikyo leapt in after them without a moments hesitation.
"Huh? What are you doing here, you creepy bitch?" Kagura cried as the vortex formed around them. "Following you." Kikyo snapped, "What are you doing here?" "Retrieving the Shichinintai." Naraku said coolly as the vortex disappeared and they landed with a crash, tangling up with one another.
Ayane, Ayaki and Ayato dropped the paint ball guns they had modified to shoot jelly and stared into space. "Did you just feel that?" Ayane inquired her brother. "Yeah. Dark and cold. Complete blackness." He responded. "Totally devoid of light." Ayaki said. There was a silence. "MORE PEOPLE TO TORTURE! YAYSIES!" they squealed. "I'll go greet our 'guests'." Ayane said, grabbing a bucket of glue and a bag of feathers.
"Move your elbow!" That's my foot!" "…" "Don't touch there!" "PERV!" (SMAK!) "OWWIES!" "Why, hello there!" Ayane called, gazing down into the well, "What brings you on this fine day to my humble well house?" "…what…are you talking about?" Kagura said scathingly. "Are you going to stand there all day or get us out?" Kikyo growled. "Hmm…wow! That does sound like an idea! Watching you squirm like this makes for great entertainment! Thanks for the suggestion, lady!" Ayane grinned, cupping her chin in her hand. Naraku's jaw dropped, "Listen you…do you have any idea who I am?" A thoughtful look came over her face, "Hmmm…an idiot? A jerk? An egotistical psychopath? A moron? A jackass? Stop me if I get close." Kagura was howling with laughter, a tiny smile flitted across Kanna's lips and Naraku was red with anger, "Nuh-NO! I am the GREAT, AND POWERFUL NARAKU! FEARED BY HUMAN AND DEMON! TREMBLE BEFO-" "Yeah, yeah, yeah." She said dismissively, "You wanna know true fear?" Ayane asked, "Well then…here's a picture of Rosie O'Donnell NAKED!" she fipped the pic right in front of Naraku's nose, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGH! MY EYES!" he screamed. "Heh heh heh!" she snickered, putting the picture away. "Are you going…to help us out of your well?" Kanna asked softly, as Naraku sobbed into Kagura's front, who tried desperately to claw his face off. Ayane cocked her head to the side, deliberating. "If you ask me nicely." she said finally. "Please?" Kagura and Kikyo chorused lamely. "Okie doke!" Ayane smiled brightly, hooking her legs on the lip of the well and swinging herself upside-down. She grabbed Kikyo and Kagura by the wrists and told Kanna to grab on to her neck.
After swinging them up and out she gazed down at the hysterical hanyou grinning wickedly. "What about Naraku?" Kanna asked quietly. Ayane opened the bucket of glue and untied the bag of feathers. She dumped the container over his skull, ultimately dropping it on over his head, which snapped him out of his stupor. He roared up at her angrily only to be showered with feathers, which entered his mouth. "Don't worry, tightwad! I'll help you out later!" Kikyo and Kagura were doubled over with laughter and Kanna smiled again.
They traipsed through the yard passed a pen that held a single lamb. "Who is that?" Kikyo asked, looking over the lamb carefully, knowing that something wasn't right about it. "Oh! That's Captain Happy! He's an evil, psychotic killer!" Ayane said cheerfully. "He doesn't look like much from here." Kikyo said, looking the dyslexic lamb over. "Ooooo…you shouldn't oughten of said thaaaaaaaaaaat…" Ayane said, backing away from the pen, pushing Kagura and Kanna back. The lamb turned its black gaze on Kikyo, there was a loud, long scream that was suddenly cut off. "Wuh-whoa…" Kagura said, "That was…disgusting!" "Don't worry." Ayane said calmly, "She'll come out the other end eventually."
"Hello-oo?" Naraku called, "I'm still down here! Huh? Who are you?" "Heh! That's for me ta know, and mehbeh for you ta find out!" Ayato cackled, a bag of tapeworms behind his back.
(A/N: Hehehe! Yup! Clay Pot, Windy Britches, Farty Pants and Blank Slate Torturin' Time! Remember to keep those ideas comin'! Tune in next Chapter and R&R PEEPS! I'm outtie yo!)