(A/N: I HAVE RETURNED! MUAHAHAHAHAHA! Just so we're clear, I do not abhor drug use (although I have several friends who are druggies)That clear? Good.Gotten quite a few hate e-mails bashing me pretty hard so I thought I'd straighten that out. Anyhoo, their's even more drug use and alcohol abuse in this chappie (for all you whiny lil'...no...no...won't say it) so read on.)
Ayaki stared at Kanna, still holding on to the ever present mirror, stared at her HARD. Kanna stared back, devoid of expression, and Ayaki asked Kagura (currently jumping up and down on the sofa), "Hey…is she always this…um…what's the word I'm thinkin' of…oh yeah! Boring?" "Yup! (boing!) Basic-(boing!)-ly! (boing!) Wow! (boing!) This (boing!) thing (boing!) is (boing!) great!" Kagura exclaimed. "Well, I can remedy that." Ayaki thought aloud, pushing the sofa out from under the Wind Witch, "Ayakkuuuuuunnnn!" she called as Kagura careened to the floor with a bang. "OWWIE!" Kagura sobbed.
"Awww…" some random voices said sympathetically.
"Whozzat?" Ayane called.
"The studio audience!" Ayato shouted back from his bedroom.
"Yeah they've been parked on our front lawn all week!" Ayaki replied calmly.
Ayane strolled into the room, casually walking over Kagura, breaking a few of her ribs in the process.
"Oo!" the Random Studio Audience inhaled sharply
"Wazzup, parental unit?" she asked, standing on Kagura as she whimpered in pain. "Ya see Deadpan here?" Ayaki asked, pointing to Kanna. "Mm-mm. Whaddabout her?" "Un-deadpan her. Make her a personality. You know what to do." Ayaki said as Ayane picked Kanna up by the back of her kimono and carried her into her bedroom, shutting the door behind her.
"Now I've had enough of your antics!" Naraku roared, grabbing the giggling man by the throat and lifting him into the air, "You are to return to the Feudal Era immediate-HEY! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME!" Jakotsu giggled hysterically from his lofty spot, watching the gnomes in women's lingerie dancing around the mighty hanyou's head and shoulders.
"Hahahahahahaha!" The Random Studio Audience laughed.
"Who the devil are you?" Naraku snapped.
Jakotsu just snickered some more.
Then, the Christina Aguilera monster popped her ugly head out of the monkey butt's chest, "Rrahrr!" she growled, baring her fangs. "WAA!" he squealed, trying to break free.
In his struggle, his hairpin flew free and into Naraku's robes, not unnoticed by our tripping transvestite. "SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNY!" he shouted, his arm disappearing down the front of Naraku's robes. "Wuh-whaddreyoudoing! STOPIT! KNOCKITOFFYOUPERV!" Naraku shrieked as Jakotsu's hands roamed wildly for the pin. "MY SHINY!" Jakotsu cried, doubling his efforts, ignoring Naraku as he started beating him on the shoulders, neck and head.
"HAHAHAHAHA! HEHEHEHEHAHAHA!" The Random Studio Audience hooted.
"IT'S NOT FUNNY! STOP THE LAUGHING! WHY DO IT?" Naraku shrieked.
Ayato entered the room and saw what was happening and even though he knew Jakotsu was high and didn't know any better, a twinge of jealously shot through his veins. He exited the room and returned, a piece of tinfoil in one hand and a flashlight in the other. Jakotsu had just reclaimed, "His Shiny" when he was distracted by a flash of light. He followed it to…"Oooo…shinier…" he gaped, dropping the pin down his kimono front and creeping forward as Ayato backed slowly out of the room, flashing the light every so often on the aluminum foil. Naraku sat up, tears in his eyes, and howl, "I FEEL SO VIOLATED!"
"Awww..." the Random Studio Audience cooed sympathetically.
"Shut it." Aykai said as she took out the garbage.
An hour later the door reopened and Kanna skipped (not a typo. SKIPPED!) out, a big smile plastered on her face, her hair in pigtails and a lollipop in her mouth. Ayane followed after, looking rather disgruntled. "Hey ma?" "Yeah?" "Gimme 55,000yen." Ayane said calmly, hand extended. "What? What for?" Ayaki demanded to know. "Because," Ayane glared at Kanna, "THAT lil' runt just drained me outta 68lbs. of sugar. That was over ¼ of my candy stockpile."
"Hahahahaha!" The Random Studio Audience giggled.
"Aren't they gone yet?" Ayane groaned.
"Nope." Ayaki sighed.
Grumbling loudly, Ayaki forked over the money, which Ayane promptly shoved into her boot. Taking Kanna by the leash that had found its way around her neck, she brought her into a room that had two lifesize dummies of Barney and Tinky-Winkie. "Alright Kanna." Ayane began, "Remember what we went over." She released the leash and Kanna went ape on the dummies until all that was left of them was some fluff and shreds of fabric on the floor as well as some tufts in her mouth. Reattaching the leash, Ayane patted Kanna on the head, "Good girl!" she said, "Here! Have a treat!" she tossed the shade a Rolo.
"WAHAHAHAHAHA!" The Random Studio Audience cackled.
"Hey! Ya don't shuddap, I'll feed ya ta Captain Happy." Ayane snarled.
"Now, then…wanna test your new found knowledge out on Kiki-ho?" she asked and an evil look crossed Kanna's face as she snickered and nodded.
Kikyo had only dried out to the level of Play-doh and so therefore, was quite pliable. Kanna scampered into the bathroom, giggling hysterically, "Hellooooo Kikyo!" she chirped, eying the clayball priestess with ideas flying through her mind. "Wuh-why are you looking at me like that?" Kikyo stammered as Kanna drove her arms up to her elbows in Kikyo's doughy form, laughing uncontrollably as the priestess screamed. "AAAAAAAAUGH! STOP IT! KANNA! NO! BAD GIRL! BAD!" Kikyo shrieked as the girl molded her into the shape of a boat, crushed her down, then shaped her into a pig.
Bankotsu waltzed into the room, where Naraku had just finished drying his tears. "Maybe I'll have better luck with-" he never got to finish the thought because Bankotsu ran up and stole his baboon fur.
"I feel pretty! Oh so pretty! I feel pretty and witty and gay! I feel pretty and…lah-dee-lah-dee-lah-dee-day! LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA--LALA!" Bankotsu sang, horrifically, eardrum-shatteringly, window pane splinteringly off key, spinning on his tip-toes. He rubbed the pelt against his face, "AHHHHHH! Oh GOD! This fur is SOOOOOOOOO SOFT! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHH!" "GIVE THAT BACK!" Naraku screamed. "NEVER!" he shouted, running out side, Naraku on his heels.
Ayane snickered when Naraku ran past, chasing Bankotsu, who was cackling manically, dressed in the hanyou's fur.
"HAHAHAHAHA!" The Random Studio Audience laughed.
"Bite me." Ayane growled, flipping them the bird.
Suikotsu had been drinking since noon, so he was as drunk as a skunk. He stumbled into the bathroom, hearing childish giggles and womanly screams.
"SUIKOTSU! HELP ME!" Kikyo shouted, currently being molded into a bunny by Kanna, who waved at Suikotsu and chirruped, "Hiya mister man!" Suikotsu staggered next to Kanna and looked down at the formless mass that was once the priestess. "Suikotsu…please?" she begged as he started poking her with his claws. "Ya wanna try?" Kanna asked bouncily, "It's funnnnn!" nodding drunkenly, the two began work on a Kiki-ho castle while she screamed, "I'VE BEEN BETRAYED AGAIN! YOU BITCH! I HATE YOU! WAAAAAAAAH!"
"Awwww…" the Random Studio Audience said sympathetically.
"Why won't you die?" Ayane hissed.
Ginkotsu was enjoying some private time with his animal friends. It was peaceful. Quiet.
Not for long.
"GET BACK HERE!" Naraku's scream shattered the calm and a weight came crashing down on his back. His cannons started going off and crazed laughter rose and fell behind him. "G-gesh?" he whimpered, more than a little scared. He recognized that laugh. It was Bankotsu.
"DIE, OH ATTEMPTED STEALER OF MY FLUFF!" he cackled, firing at the former owner of the baboon pelt. "It's MINE YOU IDIOT! GIMME!" Naraku cried as Bankotsu made a direct hit sending him into the sky. But Bankotsu wasn't finished there. Oh no! He noticed a movement out of the corner of his eye, "YOU!" "Huh? What is it deary?" a random old woman asked. "YOU SHAN'T TOUCH MY FLUFF OF POWER, WRINKLED FIEND!" he aimed and fired. "YAAAAAAAIiiiii…" she became a tiny peck and disappeared over an office building. Another movement. It was a school bus, filled with chipper scholars, fresh from a hard day of school. "EVIL BEAST! AWAY FROM MY FLUFF!" he shot off another round. It was dead on and the children sat in the crater, blinking in disbelief. Another twitch…from below! He took aim…AND FIRED AT HIS FEET!
"Wow! Hi birdies!…my fluffy!"
"Hehehehe!" The Random Studio Audience snickered.
"…why are you still here?" Ayato asked, walking past with some fresh hickies on his neck and Jakotsu in his arms.
Kanna had become bored and had wandered off, tossing her mirror in the air, then got an idea. She ran over to Kagura and started beating her over the head with a frying pan, "PLAY WITH ME! PLAY WITH ME! PLAY WITH MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Kaguya grabbed her wrist and tossed the pan aside, dizzily, hitting a Random Studio Audience Member
"OWUCH!" The Random Studio Audience Member cried.
"You okay?" Another Random Studio Audience Member asked.
"Y-yeah. I think so." The First Random Studio Audience Member whimpered.
"Damn…" Ayane growled, snapping her fingers in disappointment, walking out of the room grumbling under her breath.
"Now what's the magic word?" she said chidingly. "Ummm…asparagus?" Kanna asked innocently. "Try again." Kagura said. "Okay, fine. P-p-puh-puhleeze?" Kanna forced out. "Alright. Whaddya wanna play?" Kagura asked. "FRISBEE!" Kanna squealed hurling her mirror across the room. It smashed into a wall, shattering into pieces. Kanna stared at the pieces of the broken mirror and began to wail, "WWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUGH!" It was a high pitched banshee shriek and she began hopping up and down, "NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO! MAKE IT BETTER! NOWNOWNOW!" she screamed, running around in circles. She ran up Kagura and started pulling her hair out of it's bun, "FIXITFIXITFIXITFIXIT!" In a great deal of pain, Kagura ran into a wall, knocking both of them unconscious.
"Oooo…" the Random Studio Audience inhaled sharply, wincing in pain.
"Go away." Ayane growled.
"Hmm…Renrin's been awful quiet." Ayaki mused, "I wonder what he's up to." She checked around and finally found him curled up in the T.V., sucking his thumb. The show in question was My Little Pony and he was following along intently. "NO! Don't go in there, Firefly! Applejack told you not too! It's the Forest of the Forbidden!" He began to cry as Firefly was kidnapped and got hurt. He cheered as she was rescued by her friends, learned a lesson, then he sang the My Little Pony theme song, "My Little Pony! My Little Pony! Isn't the world a lovely place? My Little Pony! My Little Pony! Everywhere you go, a smiling face! Running and skipping, merrily tripping! Watching the morning unfold! My Little Pony! My Little Pony! What does the future hold?" Ayaki backed away, feeling more than a little afraid.
"Brrrrr…" The Random Studio Audience shivered.
"WOULD YOU PUT A LID ON IT!" Ayane shrieked, stamping her foot.
Suikotsu had gotten bored with playing with Kikyo (and her howling was making his head ring) he stumbled into the kitchen, where Ayane was eating Cheetos, and gazed into the pantry. He looked around furtively, then snatched up something and grabbed Ayane by the wirst, sending her Cheetos flying. "GOGOGO!" he screamed. "Wha"? she asked, through a mouthful of unchewed food. "GOGO! I'VE GOT PRETZELS! GOGOGOGOGO!" he yelled, waving the bag. "Dude…you're a doctor…hgk…" she attempted to hold back a snicker.
"Oooo…." The Random Studio Audience gasped.
"What the deuce?" Ayane gaped, "Oh, that's it." She ran and grabbed her naginata, "GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE BEFORE I RUN YA THRU!"
The Random Studio Audience screamed and scattered to the forewinds.
(A/N: Woot! Sorry it took so long! Remember, you have a torture method you want implemented on Claypot, Feather Brain, Fish Eyes, Monkey butt or the Shichinin-dopes, do not hesitate to send it in! I will be sure to work it in! And for those of you who wanted Ja and Ya together, you wish it, I dish it! R&R PEEPS! REMEMBER TO FEED YOUR AUTHORESS! I'M OUTTIE YO!)