A/N: Welcome to Chapter Four! I hope everyone liked the last chapter, and as promised, the reviews!
Trisher Nicole: Ooh. Sorry about your dad, if your diagnosis proves true. I'm friends with a pyro. He's weird. Glad you thought it was funny.
Eggo Waffles: Yeah, poor Faramir gets a break to muster up his courage. Yep, Boromir singing must be torture.
CapriceAnn Hedican-Kocur: I know. I loved Carl. And yep, the Moulin Rouge thing was kinda scary…shudder shudder. Glad you thought it was "really great".
Red-Devill5: Glad you liked it!
Legolasina: Yeah, I have a pet Balrog. It's from this game, and the figure is HUGE! So I call it Tiny. I hardly listen to any music beside rock, but I had that stupid unwell ness song in my head so I ran out and bought the CD and now, it won't leave my head.
ForeverFaramir: He's so irritable. He never leaves his little box. And when he does, it's only to burn the tree outside. Yeah, they seem like the Led-Zeppelin type of guys. Except Legolas, who totally screams Hillary Duff to me.
Lil Pippin Padfoot: Weird Legolas, messing up a damn good song. I suppose. Weirdo.
AJ James: Thank you, thank you. And Tiny likes you…I suppose.
Rachel 791: Yes, it's vicious. Haven't seen you in forever, poor Aragorn.
Alekey the Hobbitelf: Thanks for the theme song.
(CHAPTER TWO)BregoBeauty: Yep, Faramir's just not stable around those kinds of juices. Poor Faramir. Your friends are crazy. In a good way. I always try to own the Gondor stuff and then own all the expensive stuff. LotR Monopoly is COOL.
INMH: Legolas is a pansy. But you can worship the ground a pansy walks on. Even though it's kinda weird…
Anyone I missed in the last chapter: Thank you for your review!
(CHAPTER ONE)
BregoBeauty: Aragorn is a Childish Lunatic! Ahhh! Freaky!
Rachel 791: Glad you liked it.
Chapter Four: The Wonderful Wizard Gandalf!
In Aragorn's Impala (Again)
"Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the YELLOW BRICK ROAD!" Boromir sings, bouncing around in his seat.
"Boromir, why are you singing something from THE WIZARD OF OZ?" Legolas screams.
"Because we're off to see the wizard!" Boromir says.
"Oh, sweet lord." Faramir mutters.
They drive on for a while more, Boromir staring out the window and muttering songs from "The Wizard of Oz".
"BOROMIR! SHUT UP!" Aragorn says, pulling off the road. "EVERYONE OUT! NOW!"
Everyone gets out, looking rather scared.
"Now, this is what I want to happen. Faramir, you are driving. Legolas, you are passenger seat. Boromir you are back seat behind the driver. And I am back seat behind the passenger. No more SINGING, no more LAUGHING, no more TALKING unless I SAY SO. And we are listening to the CLASSICAL MUSIC STATION so NO ONE can sing along." Aragorn yells.
"Why is FARAMIR driving?" Boromir whines.
"Because I SAY SO!" Aragorn screams.
"Well, rarr!" Boromir says.
"Oh, come off it." Faramir says. He looks rather happy to be driving. I imagine no one ever let him drive the Family car.
Everyone climbs into the car again and start off down the road. Aragorn is holding a rolled up map and glaring at Legolas, who is fidgeting around in his seat.
"Aragorn?" Legolas whimpers.
"What?" Aragorn growls.
"I…I have to use the bathroom."
"ARGH!" Boromir, Faramir, and Aragorn growl.
"Does it look like there's a bathroom on this road?" Boromir says menacingly.
"N-n-no," Legolas mutters.
"So what do you want us to do? Watch you pee in a can?" Aragorn says. Faramir and Boromir look at him. "Hey! I had to do it in the wild!"
"Too Much INFORMATION, Aragorn! Well, what if we pull off and Legolas can go behind those bushes?" Faramir suggests.
"Ewww!" Legolas says. "What if someone sees?"
"Well, if that person is a teenaged girl, I doubt they'll mind. However, if it's someone like, I dunno, Elrond, I think he'd mind." Boromir says.
"Yeah. Ok, I'll go behind the bushes, but if you look, so help me, I'll skin you alive and chop off your child-bearing organs!" Legolas says, as Faramir pulls off the road.
Legolas runs out of the car and behind a grove of trees, where a group of Teenaged Legolas Fan Girls have been hiding, having overheard the whole conversation in the car.
"AHHHHHH!" Legolas screams, running out of the bushes and towards the car.
"Quick! Get in! We'll ditch him!" Boromir says.
"Noooo! Then we won't have cool costumes!" Aragorn says.
"DAMN THE COSTUMES!" Boromir screams. "LEGOLAS! YOUR FLY IS OPEN!"
"Did he say fly?"
"Who is he anyway? He's ugly!"
"So what? Legolas's FLY IS OPEN!" The mob of fan girls tackle Legolas. Aragorn runs in with a torch and they all disappear. Legolas is left on the ground in the fetal position, whimpering.
"Damn it, we could have ditched him." Boromir says.
"Oh, well, you can't always get what you want." Faramir says.
Aragorn drags Legolas over to the car, stuffs him in the passenger seat, gets in, and yells at Faramir to get going.
They drive on in silence, broken by Boromir's growling stomach.
"ARGH! PULL UP TO THE NEXT MCDONALDS!" Aragorn yells.
"But we're in the middle of nowhere!" Faramir says.
"STEP ON IT!"
They cruise down the street, and soon they see a McDonalds. Legolas screams, jumps out of the car just as they pull into the lot and runs into the restroom. Everyone else runs into McDonalds and gets 2 Big Macs with extra large fries and an extra large soda. Legolas skips back towards the car, smiling.
"Are you all better, now, Madame Prince?" Boromir asks.
"Don't aggravate him, he'll just beat the shit out of you again," Faramir says.
"Grr…" Legolas says, giving Boromir the Look of Death.
"Ok, everyone in the car," Aragorn sighs.
They drive off, as Aragorn pulls out a laptop and puts in a DVD.
"Watcha watching?" Boromir asks.
"Don't Say A Word." Aragorn mutters.
"Ok, I'll shut up, once you tell me the name of the movie!" Boromir says.
"Don't Say A Word." Aragorn repeats.
"Ok, ok, what's the movie?"
"DAMN IT, BOROMIR, THE MOVIE'S CALLED DON'T SAY A WORD!" Aragorn screams.
"Ok, ok, don't have a cow," Boromir says.
"Hey, Boromir, that chap looks just like you!" Aragorn says.
"What, the one that kidnapped that girl?"
"Yeah, he kinda did!"
"Sounded like you, too." Legolas says.
"Oh, sure," Boromir scoffs.
They drive on in silence and pull up at the Senior Wizard's Retirement Home (SWRH). They walk in, meeting Grima behind the desk.
"Uh, yeah Janie, hold on, I have a client," He says into the phone, then turns to Aragorn and friends. "Hello?"
"Yeah, can we see Gandalf?"
"Uh, Gandalf…he's in the poker room." Grima says. "That way."
"Thanks!"
Aragorn, Boromir, Faramir, and Legolas run down the hall to the poker room.
In the Poker Room…"Deal me in," Gandalf says.
"You got it!" Says Radagast, acting as dealer.
"You're going down, old Greybeard." The Mouth of Sauron says.
"Shut up."
Radagast deals the cards and everyone playing (The Mouth of Sauron, Gandalf, and Saruman) look over their cards.
"Damn, I fold," Saruman mutters.
"Hmm…I'll anti." The Mouth of Sauron says.
"I'll anti, too." Gandalf says.
"2 cards," TMS (Mouth of Sauron) says.
"3." Gandalf says.
Radagast deals the cards as Saruman pouts.
"Show your cards," Radagast says.
"Straight in diamonds!" TMS says.
"A ROYAL FLUSH!" Gandalf screams.
"He counted cards!" Saruman moans.
"Ahahahah! I WIN! I WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!" Gandalf screams, dancing the Gandalf Victory Dance around the room and running into Legolas, who falls over.
"Sorry, Legolas." Gandalf mutters as TMS, Saruman, and Radagast chuckle.
"Freakin' clumsy old fart…." Legolas mutters. Aragorn elbows him in the ribs. "Oww!"
"Hey, Gandy, are you interested in working again?" Aragorn asks.
"I just retired!"
"So? You miss Magic and all that crap, don't you?" Aragorn asks.
"Yeah, a bit."
"And you miss saving helpless unconscious steward's sons, don't you?" Faramir asks.
"Well, a bit…"
"And you miss battling balrogs in underground lakes and castles, don't you?" Boromir asks.
"Yeah, but…"
"Well? You want to join Orc Busters?" Aragorn asks.
"Uh…sure." Gandalf says.
"Cool. You get to be in charge of magic stuff, like killing our enemies with your blinding Gandalf Flash Light!" Legolas says.
"Huh?"
"You know, when you saved my and the boys on the retreat from Osgiliath." Faramir says.
"You had to RETREAT from OSGILIATH?" Boromir asks.
"Yeah," Faramir mutters.
"HAHAHAHAHA! That's funny." Boromir says.
"Whatever, you freaking loser." Faramir mutters.
"Ignore them. Anyway, you kind of sit around sharpening up you magical skill things and then when we need you, you can apparate in and then disapparate out!" Legolas says.
"Apparate? Doesn't Harry Potter have claims to that?" Aragorn asks.
"Damn that spoiled snotty British Wiz Kid!" Gandalf says.
"Uh…"
"So, it's a yes?"
"Yes."
"Great! We'll call you with the details." Aragorn says. Legolas gets Boromir and Faramir to stop punching each other and they pull into Aragorn's car and drive off to recruit…Denethor.
A/N: This chapter was HARD to write, damn it! I couldn't think of anything! Gah. But to clarify, I don't hate Harry Potter; he's rather cool. So, yeah, drop a review, all flames go to my pet Balrog.
Oh, yes...Don't Say a Word is a movie about something, but Sean Bean is in it. It was on NBC earlier, and today is Sean Bean's Birthday! So it's like getting a present from him on his birthday (makes no sense!)! Anyway, Happy Birthday Sean Bean!