A/N: And it's that part of the show…where I give you a lame-o excuse for NOT UPDATING in…forever and a few days. This is called I go on vacation and don't bother to tell you all. But I went to Origins Gaming Convention in Columbus…so if any of you were there…I was playing LotR TMG and Live Action Roleplay Chess. If you saw me…muahaha. Anyway, here is chapter 7 of Orc Busters! Hooray. (Go Anachronism! If any of you know the game I'm referring to…)
Chapter Seven: A Really Bad Commercial
"Aragorn, are you done setting up that cable?" Boromir asks.
"You try setting this up!"
"Did you read the directions, dear?" Arwen asks, sitting on a barstool and sipping a martini (dry).
"I don't need directions," Aragorn says, standing up and striking a heroic pose, "I'm the King of Gondor and a Superbly Manly-Man."
"Say what?" Faramir asks.
"Uh…forget I said that. Here, Faramir, you're a book-learned sort, take these instructions and read them." Aragorn says.
"Why am I always the one who has to read instructions? No fair!" Faramir pouts. He finishes in about 3 minutes and walks over to Aragorn. "All righty, what's the problem?"
"Well, this cord doesn't go into the outlet it's supposed to."
"So, Aragorn, the plug doesn't go into the outlet?"
"I don't think the audience needs any further explanation of the obscene-ness of that last little statement, Faramir." Boromir says.
"Get your mind OUT of the GUTTER!" Faramir says, hitting Boromir with the instruction manual.
"Ow…"
"All right. So…this is cord A, and it should go into outlet A. Now, Aragorn, can you show me where you've been trying to put it?" Faramir says.
"Oooh, something else SICK. Cord A could be cord ARAGORN and outlet A could be outlet ARWEN and that's just wrong!" Boromir says.
"BOROMIR!" Arwen screams, throwing some pots and pans at Boromir.
"Sorry." Boromir mutters from under a pile of pots and pans.
"Man, Faramir, you don't have to treat me like I'm 3. Here, I was trying to put it there."
"Now, Aragorn, that's outlet B."
"Damn."
"So let's match the letters…"
A Few Minutes Later…
"There. Done."
"Wow, Aragorn, it only took you…30 minutes!" Boromir says loudly.
"Shut up, Boromir, your sarcasm is sickening."
"Where's Legolas?" Faramir asks.
"Uh…changing and getting us all our costumes." Aragorn says.
Arwen laughs, as does Faramir.
"I feel a conspiracy coming on…"
About 5 minutes later…
"I'm back!" Legolas sings out, waltzing down the stairs in a ridiculous Safari Outfit (khaki EVERYTHING).
"Holy—!"
"What, Aragorn?"
"You—look—huh?"
"Oh, honestly. Now, you two fine strapping gents go put these on," Legolas says, handing the boxes labeled Costumes to Aragorn and Boromir.
"Fine, fine, fine," They mutter, walking up the stairs to the bathrooms.
Later Still…
"No! I am not coming out and you cannot make me!" Aragorn screams.
"Yes we can…Aragorn, if you don't come out, I am never doing anything with you again!" Arwen says.
"You mean no more—"
"Yep."
"And no more—"
"Uh huh."
"Fine, fine, fine!" Aragorn says. He walks out, also in a ridiculously weird Safari Outfit.
"Ahahahahah!" Faramir laughs. "Man, that's rich…"
"Shut it."
"Where's Boromir?" Legolas asks.
"Uh…"
Faramir, Aragorn, Legolas and Arwen run over to where Boromir is. He is dressed like a Goth (Or a poser…) in a black trench coat, a black shirt, and a few chokers. And he's in tight leather pants.
"Oh my GAWD! What are you?" Aragorn asks.
"Uh…that's actually a good question."
"Here. Look. More directions." Faramir says, picking up a little booklet. Arwen casually sips her martini.
"Now, Boromir, apparently, you're a dysfunctional angry youth, troubled by Orcs and in need of help."
"Is that a direction book or a play script?"
"Why, it's a play script!"
"Wow. Is that our commercial manuscript-y thing?"
"Sure is, Boromir!" Faramir beams.
"Don't we need a director?" Aragorn asks.
"Yeah, that would be why Eowyn should be coming down here at any moment to direct."
A collective groan is heard from the men.
"Eowyn? Why her?" Boromir asks.
"Um…no one else was crazy enough to want to direct this." Aragorn says.
"Dangnabbit," Legolas says, sitting down.
Everyone waits for Eowyn to come. She finally comes.
"Like, hi everyone! Now I have big ideas for you all so just SIT DOWN, SHUT UP and LISTEN!" Eowyn says. "Any questions?"
Boromir, Faramir, Aragorn, and Legolas look at her with looks of terror on their faces.
"Good. Now, let's start filming this thing." Eowyn smiles. "POSITIONS!"
Aragorn, Legolas, and Faramir walk to their positions. Boromir shuffles over and sits down on a bench, trying to look dysfunctional, angry, and in need of help.
"And…ACTION!"
"AHHH! Ahem. Hey, all you…people out there!" Legolas smiles.
"Um…do you have Orc Problems? Or any trouble regarding Orcs?" Aragorn asks.
"Well, here's an…angry young person…"
"Hey, I have Orc Problems…" Boromir says.
"We figure, Boromir, otherwise why are you on this commercial?" Faramir asks.
"Because I got dragged into it…anyway, these Orcs are, like…terrorizing my city…and killing people I know…" Boromir says monotonously.
"Man, sounds like the Siege of Minas Tirith," Faramir mutters.
"Shut it. Anyway, yeah…so can you…help me?" Boromir growls.
"Of course!" Legolas beams.
"Oh, thanks!"
"Sure."
Boromir walks off screen.
"We at Orc Busters know that it's your livelihood that matters. So, we've taken it upon ourselves—" Faramir begins, but is cut off by Boromir, running back on stage.
"TO KICK SERIOUS ORC ASS!"
"Um…yeah, what he said." Aragorn smiles.
"So give us a call today! Our number is 1-800-123-4567. Who picked this number?" Faramir asks.
"I did," Legolas says sheepishly.
"Figures," Boromir mutters.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Legolas asks menacingly.
"Um…nothing," Boromir recovers.
"Well, guys, that was really great! We got through in, like…1 take!" Eowyn says.
"Yeah…"
"Why was Arwen here?" Aragorn asks.
"Because she's the only one who can convince you to wear a Safari Outfit."
"Good point."
A/N: Man, that took FOREVER to write. I am very very sorry. The whole flow of the chapter was lost...ugh. Anyway, hoped you liked it, look for chapter 8 soon.